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  #1  
Old 06-15-2009, 01:41 PM
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Default A big thank you to the mom's here

I haven't posted much but I have read a lot. Your words of wisdom and advice are amazing. I'm grateful for PTO, I don't feel as alone knowing there is a place for all of us to share our experiences and feelings.

Thank you all for sharing so openly, I appreciate it.
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Old 06-15-2009, 01:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ARoman View Post
I haven't posted much but I have read a lot. Your words of wisdom and advice are amazing. I'm grateful for PTO, I don't feel as alone knowing there is a place for all of us to share our experiences and feelings.

Thank you all for sharing so openly, I appreciate it.
Your welcome. We are pleased to know that there are things that we have said that have touched you, helped you, guided you and shown you that you are not alone. This is a gift that PTO has given all of us, the ability to share our experiences, knowledge, feelings and all of this without being judged. What a wonderful feeling
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Old 06-15-2009, 03:23 PM
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ARoman, I know exactly what you mean. I dont know what I would do with out all my sisters here. Hugs, Joni
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Old 06-15-2009, 03:47 PM
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We would all be nut bags if we didn't have all our support that we have found here. Go on admit it, the rest of yas. Who would be a nut bag without PWCIP? Me would!
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Old 06-15-2009, 03:55 PM
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My family doesn't quite understand why I'm such a mess over my son's situation. My brother and my father in particular. I don't think anyone can truly understand unless you are the parent.

We are just in the beginning stages of my son's case. It's interesting to read your stories and the progress you have made from the complete heartbreak, into acceptance and staying strong through a long ordeal.

You all give me hope that someday I will get there too.
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Old 06-15-2009, 04:37 PM
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Originally Posted by ARoman View Post
My family doesn't quite understand why I'm such a mess over my son's situation. My brother and my father in particular. I don't think anyone can truly understand unless you are the parent.

We are just in the beginning stages of my son's case. It's interesting to read your stories and the progress you have made from the complete heartbreak, into acceptance and staying strong through a long ordeal.

You all give me hope that someday I will get there too.
Your right no one other than a PWCIP can really understand it all the same way. People will try and that is great but you just wont get the same support that you will get here. (Well, at least I dont) Without my sister/friends here on PTO honestly I dont know where I would be and my journey with my sons has just begun less than 6 months ago with my oldest and less than 2 with my youngest. We have ALONG way to go but I know that we will make it through all of the ups and downs that are ahead of us because I have these fabulous women (and men) here on this site. I come here daily .. this is my therapy, my solice from everything going on in my life and I can honestly say that I am okay.
I know that all of the precious angels are watching over our children everyday in everyway.
God Bless all of our children. God Bless all of YOU.

Remember....
We have all been dealt this lousy "Hand" but we have to "Play it to win it" "Are you in" I AM
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Old 06-15-2009, 04:45 PM
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My son's name is Steven, I like your username!! I'm amazed at how strong you are, every post I read that you have written is so positive. I'm trying my best to stay on the positive side of the street, some days are easier than others. Whenever a court date is on the horizon, I start freaking out again (next court date is the 25th and I already have anxiety pounding out of my chest).

I keep saying the serenity prayer and right now focusing on "the wisdom to know the difference" because unfortunately, I'm a bit of a control freak and I think that things should go the way I want them to (if only!!!!).
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Old 06-15-2009, 04:49 PM
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Being here on pto has helped me to put a smile on my face. Knowing your not the only one helps so much . Knowing ppl are experiencing the same as you, telling you its ok to cry and its ok to laugh and just supporting you in everyway. I finally feel like I can make some sense of things. Remember we will always be here for you. Soon you will have all the experiences we have to help the next person that needs you. Take Care...Hugs
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Old 06-15-2009, 06:38 PM
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This is a long hard road we are traveling. We are all doing the best we can. We get by with a little help from our friends, our friends, yes that is what I feel about each of you. You are my friends, that's what my family calls you all. When I first started posting they would say, " How do they know"? Now they say well what did your friends say. I depend on this site for all my information about the prison system and how to just get by. As you can see my time is getting short, I never though I would get here...because of you I have, Big hugs and may we all find a little peace each day.
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Old 06-15-2009, 06:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ARoman View Post
My son's name is Steven, I like your username!! I'm amazed at how strong you are, every post I read that you have written is so positive. I'm trying my best to stay on the positive side of the street, some days are easier than others. Whenever a court date is on the horizon, I start freaking out again (next court date is the 25th and I already have anxiety pounding out of my chest).

I keep saying the serenity prayer and right now focusing on "the wisdom to know the difference" because unfortunately, I'm a bit of a control freak and I think that things should go the way I want them to (if only!!!!).
I have to give the credit for my positive attitude to many different people and factors. #1 Higher Powers #2 My Dad (Rest in Peace) #3 My sons (both of whom are incarcerated) #4 My PWCIP/PTO Family.
The life that I have lived in a short period of time (44 years) has taught me that "What doesn't kill us really does make us stronger" what we go through in our lives really does make us who we are and every single thing that we live through makes up a "piece" of us. We decide what we do with these lessons in life. Either we "Give up" or Keep on Keepin' on. I choose the latter. There is no way in hell that I am giving up. Im not taking medication, Im not going to pay someone to tell me the things about MY life that I already know are screwed up. I just choose to pick up the pieces and grab some super glue and fix it myself & if it can't be fixed.. I move on. Dont get me wrong I mean geez I am not hearltess I hurt and cry like crazy sometimes too what mother with her only 2 children in prison wouldn't? I had all of the "What if's" and guilty feelings when I first came to this fabulous site but after a short period of time and listening to the wonderful people here I was able to see that it wasn't my fault. I already knew this but we all have those feelings and I saw that through all of the posts that I read here.
If I can give you one piece of advice right now to help you at all let it be this... allow yourself to let go of that control. I know it is SO HARD when it comes to our kids especially but unfortunately this is the one time that you just dont have ANY control and the faster you let go of that the "easier" this will be on you. I've heard it said here may many times "Let go and Let God" try it
Many many {{{{{Hugs}}}}} to you!!!!
We are all here for you anytime.. for anything!!!!
P.S Steven is a great name!!
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Old 06-15-2009, 07:59 PM
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So well said.

I dont think I could have made it through without this site, With the kind beings that walked a smillar road with me. Holding me up if I fell,, Standing by me when I leaned to far. I ditto all said.
We will make it through this and be better because of it.
Your right Missingsteven.. It is our Choice.
I choose to live, to laugh, to love. To know my son will return home better because I humbly requested the control of someone, way better than myself.. I now, show FaItH!!!!
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Old 06-15-2009, 08:11 PM
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If I can give you one piece of advice right now to help you at all let it be this... allow yourself to let go of that control. I know it is SO HARD when it comes to our kids especially but unfortunately this is the one time that you just dont have ANY control and the faster you let go of that the "easier" this will be on you. I've heard it said here may many times "Let go and Let God" [quote missingsteven]

So well said missingsteven, I was always the fixer, and made the boo-boo's go away. The reality of prison smacks you straight in the face when it says: " mom, you can't fix this one" And I let go and let God. I gave it all to Him and received more peace and strength that I thought possible, God poured it all over me. It didn't change the circumstances, but it didn't allow the circumstances to control me.
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Old 06-16-2009, 10:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ARoman View Post
My family doesn't quite understand why I'm such a mess over my son's situation. My brother and my father in particular. I don't think anyone can truly understand unless you are the parent.

We are just in the beginning stages of my son's case. It's interesting to read your stories and the progress you have made from the complete heartbreak, into acceptance and staying strong through a long ordeal.

You all give me hope that someday I will get there too.
You will Hun. The beginning stage, I'm sure you know by now, is the worst. You think it is the end of the world. You grieve as though a death in the family has occurred. As far as your son is concerned...it hasn't. You can't eat, you can't sleep. I wish I could just push a 'fast forward' button for all our moms that are going through what you are now. We have all been there. Thank goodness for my gals here that had gone before me in this journey and took me by the hand. I had never even been on a computer before, and this is the first place I feel God lead me. I really do. Leaning on someone that has walked in your shoes, and cried your same tears to then be able to hold out their hand to you is an awesome growth. I joked earlier about being a nutbag before PWCIP. It really wasn't a joke. Thanks to my gals, especially my sweet D'gal, <dutchgirl> who was there for me from day one, I can hold my hand out to you, and do my best to help you through this time. I felt the same way you do now. "I want to be where they are, someday" I'm there, I made it, you will too. Don't be afraid to vent or cry or relate your latest fear. We are here, we have all been there, and we have big ol' shoulders for you.

I have to apologize to you, when I saw your user name earlier, I thought you were one of our old friends. I didn't realize you were a new mom. We had a mom here that had 'roman' somewhere in her user name, and I just thought she had come back to say hello. I would not have joked and been so glib had I realized.
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Old 06-16-2009, 01:42 PM
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Wendy, no problem about the joking, I didn't take it as anything other than what it was. I feel like I'm a nutbag lately, so I get it! I'm so out of it that I fell down the stairs last week and bruised my bum pretty good, "normal" people don't do that!

oh and congrats on learning how to use the computer, I'm glad you did!

The grief does feel like grieving a death. I cry spontaneously when I think about my son because my heart aches for him to come home.

You all are so inspiring, I'm so happy I found this place.
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Old 06-16-2009, 02:59 PM
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We are happy you found us too. Not being able to put one foot in front of the other is par for the course at this point. It really does bite. Please know, once the stress of sentencing is over, and you both know what's in store for you, it gets better. I promise. You will get into a routine with your lad, regarding phone, $$, packages if he is able to receive them, letters. It becomes your 'new normal' < I swear, I'm going to patent that line> Everything is a bit more doable when you get into a routine. We all love and need a routine, and like it or not...we get one. Once he is at his home facility, you will start looking forward to his calls, as opposed to looking back...it's always face forward from here on out.

You said 'bum' Are you a fellow Brit?
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Old 06-16-2009, 03:08 PM
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While we are here ladies. I remember now. Has anyone heard from Romanakins?
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Old 06-16-2009, 04:59 PM
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Nah, I'm not British, I just didn't know if I could write a$$ on here.

Sentencing, eerrrr, I'm scared to death about all that. I'm not happy about the plea negotiations so far. I don't understand why the DA is going so hard against my son, he didn't hurt anyone and yet they are threatening to tack on enhancements if we don't plea out. So far they've offered 9 years, which is INSANE. My son has never been in trouble before, yet I see pleas coming out of the same courtroom, with the same DA for lesser time and harder crimes.

I wish I had a magic wand.
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Old 06-16-2009, 07:53 PM
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It always sounds so much worse when the bargaining begins..As for the DA...that's their job. There will be something in the middle. Mine was up for 25 got 5, just an example. Others fared better.
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Old 06-16-2009, 08:11 PM
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Well, that's good news! I've also read some sentencing horror stories on here as well.

Today I pulled up all the plea bargains that were in the "court tracker" for the local paper that took place in the same court. It made me so mad to hear about others with priors who stabbed or shot at others who received less time than what was offered to my son.

California has "gun enhancement" and "gang enhancement" laws. And even though my son is not a gang member they are threatening to charge him with those enhancements. My son was living with me in Colorado, attending college, doing quite well before all this happened.

Okay, I'm babbling now .............. I tend to do that sometimes.
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Old 06-16-2009, 08:36 PM
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Babble away, we are all guilty of that. You answered your own question by looking all that up. It's not over and done with. All the offers aren't on the table yet. He has no priors or affiliations. My son didn't either, but his crime while under the influence was a violent one. After all is said and done, WE consider ourselves lucky getting 5. Your boy will be alright, really he will. You just have to remember that it isn't the end of the world, even if that's how you feel right now. We can and DO do this. We are the mothers of children in prison and we stay strong for our naughty boys.
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Old 07-06-2009, 08:22 PM
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I was just skimming the first page of new posts, I have a lot to catch up on and there seems to be quite a few new parents among us. I wish that wasn't the case.

My husband and I drove to California a couple of weeks ago, we got to visit with my son a couple of times, the second visit they gave me almost an hour, I guess they weren't paying attention, so lucky me!

We did receive some good news regarding his case and now we are hoping the pieces will fall into place and keeping our fingers crossed that my son will be home before Christmas.

I hope all is well with everyone, I have quite a bit of reading to do around her to get caught up.

Peace and love!
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Old 07-06-2009, 08:26 PM
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It will be ok...Im glad you found us but sorry you have a need to be here. As we travel this journey together remember you are not alone!
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Old 07-07-2009, 06:16 AM
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Quote:
So well said missingsteven, I was always the fixer, and made the boo-boo's go away. The reality of prison smacks you straight in the face when it says: " mom, you can't fix this one"
This really hit home. The day my son was sentenced, we had all kinds of family here to go with him so we had to take multiple cars. As my son was getting ready to go, I had to leave the room because I was falling apart. He followed me into the kitchen and told me not to cry. I asked him how I could not cry, it was my job to "fix it and make it better" and I couldn't fix this. He put his arms around and told me "No, Mom, this one I have to fix and make better. I did it and now I have to make it right." That was when I knew that no matter what happened, we'd make it through this.

I still have my control days. Right now he seems to be stuck at Canaan USP waiting to move on to Loretto FCI and I just want to scream at someone "GET HIM OUT OF THERE!!". But for the most part, I've turned it over to a higher power and my son to make sure he's ok.

~M
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