Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > LOVING A... > Loving a Lifer
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Loving a Lifer For those whose loved one is serving a life sentence.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #76  
Old 10-29-2017, 08:05 PM
sylvia glenn sylvia glenn is offline
Banned
 

Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: alberta canada and cali
Posts: 124
Thanks: 33
Thanked 12 Times in 11 Posts
Default

mine is lwop too well he has 102 years
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #77  
Old 11-17-2017, 05:13 PM
Kirin's Avatar
Kirin Kirin is offline
Coopers disciple
 

Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Germany
Posts: 298
Thanks: 10
Thanked 162 Times in 101 Posts
Default

Life without parole, 12 years down, he's 34 now. Breaks my heart to see youth going to waste like this. Recently transferred to the USP Lewisburg cadre.
Reply With Quote
  #78  
Old 11-17-2017, 10:16 PM
bobby's wife bobby's wife is offline
Banned
 

Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: 2000 miles away
Posts: 9
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Default

my husband has 76 years to life
Reply With Quote
  #79  
Old 11-22-2017, 02:23 PM
Jazzie-ben Jazzie-ben is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: surrey UK
Posts: 7
Thanks: 1
Thanked 10 Times in 4 Posts
Default

omg!! How do you all cope? How do your loved ones cope? It's totally barbaric, inhuman let alone degrading to them and their families. I sit here across the pond in the UK thinking I have a bad deal as I and my family are not coping with my sons behaviour since he's been released, and suddenly I get jolted back to reality and realise how fortunate I really am.

What support do you all get, after all it's the end of your life as you new it. It's incomprehensible to me, maybe if I had come on this site when my son was still in prison I may have handled things differently instead of giving the big 'woe is me'. Whether you are all coping or not you are all to be admired as you all have had no choice in the hand that's been dealt to you.

I often read the posts on here. You are all special people and offer each other immense support even though your world has fallen apart.

I see you all heart felt love and huge hugs
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Jazzie-ben For This Useful Post:
maytayah (03-10-2018), Sarianna (03-11-2018), smiles844 (12-21-2017), The_Real_Hmm (04-09-2018)
  #80  
Old 03-10-2018, 01:56 PM
Tinker8ell55's Avatar
Tinker8ell55 Tinker8ell55 is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Lancashire England
Posts: 80
Thanks: 254
Thanked 39 Times in 20 Posts
Default

My Lo is LWOP on 3 strikes in Washington he has served 14 years
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Tinker8ell55 For This Useful Post:
Sarianna (03-11-2018)
  #81  
Old 04-24-2018, 05:48 AM
thundercat500's Avatar
thundercat500 thundercat500 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: North Carolina, USA
Posts: 25
Thanks: 0
Thanked 7 Times in 6 Posts
Default

my husband was just convicted and the only sentence is life w/o parole. it is like he died but he's not. how do you cope?
Reply With Quote
  #82  
Old 04-24-2018, 01:26 PM
smiles844 smiles844 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Pennsylvania, USA
Posts: 267
Thanks: 111
Thanked 208 Times in 131 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by thundercat500 View Post
my husband was just convicted and the only sentence is life w/o parole. it is like he died but he's not. how do you cope?
I'm so sorry-can not imagine what you must be feeling. It is so difficult-everything changes-as you said it's like he died but he didn't. Take it one day at a time. There are a lot of threads here in loving a lifer and elsewhere on PT to give you more ideas of how to cope. Ultimately, you'll need to find what works for you and keep positive supports around to carry you through.
Reply With Quote
  #83  
Old 04-24-2018, 01:39 PM
thundercat500's Avatar
thundercat500 thundercat500 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: North Carolina, USA
Posts: 25
Thanks: 0
Thanked 7 Times in 6 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by smiles844 View Post
I'm so sorry-can not imagine what you must be feeling. It is so difficult-everything changes-as you said it's like he died but he didn't. Take it one day at a time. There are a lot of threads here in loving a lifer and elsewhere on PT to give you more ideas of how to cope. Ultimately, you'll need to find what works for you and keep positive supports around to carry you through.
Thank you for your support. i have a couple of friends of my husband that know about it and i can talk to them and i have a family member too. i also talked to a counselor. it all helps.
Reply With Quote
  #84  
Old 04-24-2018, 07:24 PM
yourself yourself is offline
attorney
 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: around
Posts: 11,884
Thanks: 4,260
Thanked 21,543 Times in 7,530 Posts
Default

Check https://www.theotherdeathpenalty.org
This is advocacy for those serving LWOP. They are seeking changes to the law so that everybody has a chance at parole.

Shane is doing LWOP in TN for a murder, attempt murder, and kidnap. He was 22 at the time and is now in his 30's. He stayed with me for much of a year after his father's suicide as his mother could not cope. My memories of him are as a gawky 13 year old with a good heart who made sure every kid could participate in neighborhood games. He refereed conflicts among other kids as they sought him out for his fairness. I was a friend of the family since he was about 10 but lost touch just before he went to college. Total shock when he did his crime, but in retrospect it was predictable.

Now, he's made a life inside. He has friends, work, and stuff he's working on. Sadly, there's a sense of permanence in prison that he lacked and craved on the outside. It's just terrible that he's never going to have a chance to create a life on the outside. TN, you know. Barring a SCOTUS finding that all LWOP sentences are unconstitutional, both going forward and retroactively, he will live his entire life inside.
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to yourself For This Useful Post:
chosenmemories (02-04-2019), fbopnomore (04-25-2018), Nomes (06-24-2018), smiles844 (04-25-2018), Taliba00 (08-04-2018)
  #85  
Old 05-28-2018, 09:28 PM
Peaches2u Peaches2u is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: May 2018
Location: Florida, usa
Posts: 1
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default Lifer in new jersey

Is there anyone with a loved one at new jersey state prison?
Reply With Quote
  #86  
Old 07-29-2018, 07:56 PM
MrsEnemii2b MrsEnemii2b is offline
Account Closed
 

Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 63
Thanks: 78
Thanked 46 Times in 30 Posts
Default

Yes my Boyfriend is LWOP he is currently at cci Tehachapi 20+ years in
Reply With Quote
  #87  
Old 08-02-2018, 07:48 PM
RaeLR RaeLR is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 16
Thanks: 26
Thanked 79 Times in 11 Posts
Default Hanging in there

My man will never get out unless the laws change. It is very, very difficult to love someone in this situation but it can be done. You need to be very independent about handling your business because he can't help you beyond empowering you with morale support and love. Focus on what is good and make it better. i look for every creative way I can to expand our relationship and my lifer is spoiled rotten! No matter how bad my day is, his is worse, which makes it tough to complain, but problems out here are still problems. I discipline my emotions because I have to cope with the fact that he will never be coming home. Yet, his presence lives with me. I am getting involved in prison reform because it is one way i can help change things. Own your life and love your man
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to RaeLR For This Useful Post:
canttouchthis (09-04-2018), Hoosier girl (02-05-2019), Taliba00 (08-04-2018), Yvettee805 (09-02-2018)
  #88  
Old 01-28-2019, 04:35 PM
jdousay09 jdousay09 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: CA
Posts: 5
Thanks: 3
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Default

My step-son got 8 Life Sentences after taking it to trial. There was 0 evidence and was completely based on hearsay. He would not take a plea deal for something he didnt do. He just arrived at Graceville CF in Florida after 2 years in county fighting his case. I am completely new to PTO so please bear with me.
Reply With Quote
  #89  
Old 01-29-2019, 10:26 AM
Sarianna's Avatar
Sarianna Sarianna is offline
Midnight Sun Moderator

PTO Site Moderator 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Swinging from the chandelier
Posts: 2,953
Thanks: 15,112
Thanked 3,985 Times in 1,768 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by jdousay09 View Post
My step-son got 8 Life Sentences after taking it to trial. There was 0 evidence and was completely based on hearsay. He would not take a plea deal for something he didnt do. He just arrived at Graceville CF in Florida after 2 years in county fighting his case. I am completely new to PTO so please bear with me.
Welcome to Prison Talk - I am glad you found us and decided to join, although I am very sorry for what your family is going through

You might find our forum Parents With Children In Prison also helpful....Sometimes it brings comfort knowing there are others in the same position. Sending you strength!
__________________

Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Sarianna For This Useful Post:
jdousay09 (01-29-2019)
  #90  
Old 01-29-2019, 10:33 AM
fbopnomore fbopnomore is online now
Site Moderator

PTO Site Moderator Staff Superstar Winner 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 27,884
Thanks: 43,492
Thanked 20,944 Times in 12,162 Posts
Default

Welcome to Prison Talk. I'm sorry for what happened and hope your step-son has a better result from the appeals courts.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #91  
Old 01-29-2019, 11:00 AM
jdousay09 jdousay09 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: CA
Posts: 5
Thanks: 3
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Default

Thanks! Us too! I have no idea what we can do to help him. We cant afford much. We are barely holding our own head above the water. We have 8 other kids and 7 grandkids we are trying help support. Ontop of his 3 children we now take care of. Its rough but hopefully things will settle down soon and we can all adjust to our new normal.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to jdousay09 For This Useful Post:
fbopnomore (01-31-2019)
  #92  
Old 02-11-2019, 12:13 AM
InLuvWithALifer's Avatar
InLuvWithALifer InLuvWithALifer is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: NY, USA
Posts: 117
Thanks: 10
Thanked 57 Times in 39 Posts
Default

Fiance of a lifer. I know it sounds odd but we are MWI. I DIDN'T go in to the pen pal "relationship" intending to fall in love but K is so damn sexy, sweet, funny, caring, just...so amazing. I couldn't be more fortunate than to know he is mine. I am in NY, he is in C.A. I am truly blessed, we get conjugal visits! ❤
Reply With Quote
  #93  
Old Yesterday, 05:46 PM
forsaflower forsaflower is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Texas, US
Posts: 5
Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
Default

A friend from HS was just convicted of Murder and received Life without Parole. He is in his late 30's and we have been friends for almost 20 years. While he was still in county it was easy for me to think, oh I will write to him and eventually he will be out. Now I have had to wrap my head around the fact that I have a permanent penpal. I couldn't bring myself to stop writing him or being supportive. Regardless of what he has done, I can't throw him away. He isn't involved in drugs, never has been, He was convicted because he made a stupid choice. Granted it was a HUGE stupid choice but still....He's has paid dearly for this choice. His marriage is destroyed, he won't be able to watch his kids grow up, he lost his career, he lost his freedom, and he lost most of his friends. I am very aware that because of his actions that another family is grieving the loss of a loved one. It's been difficult for me to wrap my head around it. My husband has been gracious in allowing me to write him and has been supportive as well.
We are very early on in his sentence...but I figure I've been friends with him for 20 years, and seen him through deployments and so I can continue to be friends with him through this.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to forsaflower For This Useful Post:
KiwiPP (Yesterday)
  #94  
Old Yesterday, 06:48 PM
KiwiPP KiwiPP is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 131
Thanks: 426
Thanked 181 Times in 81 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by forsaflower View Post
A friend from HS was just convicted of Murder and received Life without Parole. He is in his late 30's and we have been friends for almost 20 years. While he was still in county it was easy for me to think, oh I will write to him and eventually he will be out. Now I have had to wrap my head around the fact that I have a permanent penpal. I couldn't bring myself to stop writing him or being supportive. Regardless of what he has done, I can't throw him away. He isn't involved in drugs, never has been, He was convicted because he made a stupid choice. Granted it was a HUGE stupid choice but still....He's has paid dearly for this choice. His marriage is destroyed, he won't be able to watch his kids grow up, he lost his career, he lost his freedom, and he lost most of his friends. I am very aware that because of his actions that another family is grieving the loss of a loved one. It's been difficult for me to wrap my head around it. My husband has been gracious in allowing me to write him and has been supportive as well.
We are very early on in his sentence...but I figure I've been friends with him for 20 years, and seen him through deployments and so I can continue to be friends with him through this.
So sorry to hear this. You’re an amazing friend for sticking by him, it will mean the world to him. Reading between the lines a bit but you mentioned deployment... so he’s a vet with likely PTSD?
Reply With Quote
  #95  
Old Yesterday, 06:49 PM
KiwiPP KiwiPP is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 131
Thanks: 426
Thanked 181 Times in 81 Posts
Default

My man was sentenced to LWOP at 16. That will change one day (positive thinking)
Reply With Quote
  #96  
Old Yesterday, 07:17 PM
forsaflower forsaflower is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Texas, US
Posts: 5
Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
Default

While he has not ever admitted to PTSD, etc I suspect that may be the case. I feel for him, as I know what it's like coming back from deployment not the same.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KiwiPP View Post
So sorry to hear this. You’re an amazing friend for sticking by him, it will mean the world to him. Reading between the lines a bit but you mentioned deployment... so he’s a vet with likely PTSD?
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to forsaflower For This Useful Post:
KiwiPP (Yesterday)
  #97  
Old Yesterday, 08:46 PM
KiwiPP KiwiPP is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 131
Thanks: 426
Thanked 181 Times in 81 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by forsaflower View Post
While he has not ever admitted to PTSD, etc I suspect that may be the case. I feel for him, as I know what it's like coming back from deployment not the same.
Yea super common from deployment hey. I remember reading somewhere that it was being argued vets with PTSD shouldn’t receive such harsh sentences. Who knows, laws change all the time, he might get a parole date one day.
Reply With Quote
  #98  
Old Yesterday, 10:15 PM
forsaflower forsaflower is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Texas, US
Posts: 5
Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
Default

That is always a possibility. I am trying to remain positive but realistic that it may not happen or may not happen for a long, long time.


[/b]
Quote:
Originally Posted by KiwiPP View Post
Yea super common from deployment hey. I remember reading somewhere that it was being argued vets with PTSD shouldn’t receive such harsh sentences. Who knows, laws change all the time, he might get a parole date one day.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to forsaflower For This Useful Post:
KiwiPP (Yesterday)
  #99  
Old Yesterday, 10:44 PM
Ladybug98 Ladybug98 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Newman,ca
Posts: 12
Thanks: 0
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
Default

My bf is on deathrow & been down 9yrs. He was just a friend but I fell for him. I pray he will be able to see his freedom & be with his kids but he has capital murder so I know the only 2 outcomes. He dies of natural causes or by the state. But no matter what i love him & everybody deserves a second chance
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:18 AM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics