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Old 04-03-2016, 02:35 AM
redtop43 redtop43 is offline
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I am blissfully new to all this, and have a broad-based question. I hope this is the right place. I'm well aware the specifics may vary from one jurisdiction to another; in this case it involves Nevada.

This involves a friend, let's call her Lexi. She is charged with 4 violent felonies and 3 non-violent. She seems to have some hope of acquittal on the violent. She has no prior record. At the moment she has no job, no money, everything she owns was stolen. She has a sibling in Nevada with whom she has a tenuous relationship, divorced parents who live out of state,and possibly me.

Question 1: Is it true that if she is convicted, there would be a period prior to sentencing in which her attorney could make the best case for probation or house arrest as opposed to incarceration?

Question 2: Assume the court would be otherwise disposed to one of those. What does she have to demonstrate? I assume she has to do more than say "Well I can sleep on a park bench and panhandle." What if she doesn't have a job, and obviously finding one with a felony conviction could be a challenge. What if she doesn't have a place to live?

Let me spell it out in a bit more detail. I'm her ex-boyfriend, but she decided that she liked drugs more than me, and she and her new boyfriend were arrested on kidnapping, robbery, conspiracy, and using stolen credit cards. I don't know the details but she claims that the guy committed the actual crime and she just used the credit cards. I'm not sure how re-involved I want to get here. I don't live in Nevada. Her family doesn't have much money but I do. But I'm not going to support her unless we live together, and it would be difficult for me to move to Nevada.

So might a court say she can have probation or house arrest only if she shows she has a place to live that they deem acceptable? What about a job? Do you have to have a job to get probation? Or do they give you probation but expect you to bust your ass to find a job, any job, even if you're washing dishes or stocking shelves 3rd shift at Walmart?

Is it a reasonable scenario that Lexi will have to come to her parents or to me or maybe to some other friend (except most of her other friends have convictions themselves) and find someone who can provide her with an acceptable plan, or she'll stay in jail?

Any advice/comments/perspectives would be appreciated.
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Old 04-03-2016, 06:13 AM
CenTexLyn CenTexLyn is offline
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These are questions best addressed by her attorney since they will know the general tenor of the jurisdiction. However, in a general sense, plenty of people get probation who are unemployed. But with no fixed address, I don't envision the Court being willing to extend probation, so she needs to figure out where she might want to call home for the next several years (any move would have to be approved by the supervising entity).

Oh, and if she was present during any of the incidents where the cards were taken, she WON'T want to be in front of a jury...and with the volume of conduct, I would also NOT envision a jury being willing to grant probation. I am guessing any decent plea is going to be available only if she steps to the plea trough very quickly and rolls on the co-defendant...of course, this presumes the co-defendant has not already done the same.
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Old 04-03-2016, 01:45 PM
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These are questions best addressed by her attorney since they will know the general tenor of the jurisdiction. However, in a general sense, plenty of people get probation who are unemployed. But with no fixed address, I don't envision the Court being willing to extend probation, so she needs to figure out where she might want to call home for the next several years (any move would have to be approved by the supervising entity).

Oh, and if she was present during any of the incidents where the cards were taken, she WON'T want to be in front of a jury...and with the volume of conduct, I would also NOT envision a jury being willing to grant probation. I am guessing any decent plea is going to be available only if she steps to the plea trough very quickly and rolls on the co-defendant...of course, this presumes the co-defendant has not already done the same.
Is probation up to a jury? I thought it was up to the judge.

So far the DA is not offering any kind of plea. The charges are kidnapping with a deadly weapon, conspiracy to commit kidnapping, robbery with a deadly weapon, conspiracy to commit robbery, possession of a stolen credit card, and two counts (three for the co-defendant) of using a stolen credit card. I suspect the DA has not offered a plea, and this is pure speculation on my part, because (a) they don't like people robbing tourists in Las Vegas and scaring off other tourists, and (b) they probably believe, and are probably right, that this wasn't the only crime they committed.

I am quite on the fence about whether to involve myself at all, beyond a few bucks for commissary. What my question really comes down to is something like this:

She has no money or job or anything. I may be her only legitimate way to have a place to live. I assume a court is only going to grant probation if she can make an affirmative case that she has a real support system. I'm well-off, a lot older, never had anything worse than a speeding ticket. I have her father totally on my side, but he doesn't have any money.

So - ignoring the obviously possibility/likelihood that she'll say anything she has to, true or not, I'm wondering if it is a reasonable scenario for me to say "Lexi, I will get us an apartment, I'll pay the bills, I'll bring one of my cars, but you have to live you life my way - clean, sober, faithful to me. First time you fuck up, I'm outta here and you can explain to your probation officer that you don't have money to pay your bills anymore."

I'm trying to understand what potential leverage I have with her, and when it kicks in.
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Old 04-03-2016, 05:03 PM
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Is probation up to a jury? I thought it was up to the judge.
Much depends on the jurisdiction...but in many of them, as long as the defendant has no prior felony history, they are eligible for jury-imposed community supervision (probation). Similarly, if one elects to be punished by the bench, then it would be the judge making the decision.

With the litany of charges she is facing, it is not realistic to hold out hope for community supervision. Could it happen? Sure. But especially given that this was in a tourist mecca, I simply would not expect it with that list...

You have ZERO leverage with her. If she isn't ready to get straight, then she is going to fail on probation. Meanwhile, you have to hope you are not further victimized by her later actions...if you give her a vehicle to drive, expect that you may not ever see it again. Just hope that she isn't involved in something that leaves you liable...
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Old 04-03-2016, 07:20 AM
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Until her case is actually finalized, and she is sentenced, speculating about what she will receive will just be a guess. I agree that her lawyer, who will be trying to get her the best possible outcome, will provide her with the most educated answers, including her chances to win at trial. Her lawyer will know the evidence the state has against her from "discovery", and how it will probably be perceived by a jury. Using the stolen cards once? (on video) or 100 times?, are not the same thing.

She should consult with her lawyer, and you will eventually know if your situation can help her, or not.

All you both can do is be patient until her case is finalized.
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Old 04-03-2016, 07:23 AM
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All of the logistics aside are you ready for the emotional roller coaster you are about to embark on with her? Is she still using, I would start there, it doesn't sound like she is having any accountability to the crimes, She didn't know where those credit cards came from? Please think long and hard about this, addicts as a rule are manipulative as hall, you seem to be her only shot, she will tell you anything. Get her into a good rehab and see what happens when she is clean for a bit, I mean like a few months not weeks, it takes out brains awhile to heal and start functioning even remotely normal. In the end only you can decide what is best for YOU!!
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Old 04-03-2016, 01:50 PM
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All of the logistics aside are you ready for the emotional roller coaster you are about to embark on with her? Is she still using, I would start there, it doesn't sound like she is having any accountability to the crimes, She didn't know where those credit cards came from? Please think long and hard about this, addicts as a rule are manipulative as hall, you seem to be her only shot, she will tell you anything. Get her into a good rehab and see what happens when she is clean for a bit, I mean like a few months not weeks, it takes out brains awhile to heal and start functioning even remotely normal. In the end only you can decide what is best for YOU!!
Been on an emotional roller coaster for the whole relationship.

She's in jail (bail is way too high for her family to pay and I'm not paying, I couldn't afford it either anyway) and will have been for 3 months as of the trial date. She didn't even contact me for almost a month after the arrest.

She hasn't denied knowing the credit cards were stolen. She just denies stealing them.
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Old 04-03-2016, 02:44 PM
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I think that if you are even considering getting back with this woman, you might as well wait until she is in a position to accept you for yourself and not just because she is stuck with very few options. Obviously, by the time you can be sure she's OK, you may already have moved on. Things happen, and she was the one to initially break up.

However, since you seem to care about her, you might as well provide just enough help to give her a chance to get back on her feet. Since she has parents, she may have to move with them. If you are willing and able, maybe you could pay, but only temporarily, for something like a little money for her parents (they may have some extra expenses), for rehab, for some kind of half-way house, if it is charging rent, for rehab, or for the cheapest kind of housing that exists (I used to live in a basement, rat-infested tiny room with a shared bathroom). If so, give her a few months before you cut her off. Many people found themselves on the street and did not even have that much. Let her earn and appreciate whatever standard of living she'll eventually be able to achieve if she tries hard instead of just setting her up in a comfortable apartment with a guy she chose to leave (you). You could, for example, pay for something like the bedding she's supposed to bring to certain half-way housing or a very modest set of basic objects for her home (pots and pans, plates, bed, etc.).

Now, of course, if you could find her a job, that would be a different matter. Of course that's something you may want to do. But again, she may not appreciate it if it is just offered to her before she tries unsuccessfully to get a job.
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Old 04-03-2016, 04:20 PM
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The judge decides the sentence, but only after she either pleads guilty, with or without a plea agreement, or she is found guilty after a trial. Some defendants opt for a jury trial, others for a trial by only a judge, but she won't be sentenced to anything without first being adjudicated "guilty".

Plea bargains can be offered at any time, changed repeatedly, or never offered at all. That is all up to the prosecutor. The answers won't come until it is the right time.

Leverage? I guess you could get her to sign a contract to follow your house rules or risk eviction, but following any rules will be 100% up to her once she is released from jail, or from prison. You will be taking a risk, but only you can decide if it is one you are willing to take.
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Old 04-03-2016, 10:35 PM
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I was actually very surprised that community supervision could even be an option at this point. I just didn't want to be the one to say it, especially since I'm not really qualified to judge the likelihood of that happening.

If you can do something for her out of the kindness of your heart and for old times' sake, that's highly commendable. And if, in some remote future, she will have proven that she is a highly reliable person, it is up to you whether to give her another chance or not. However, it is much better to let her fight for a place in the society and economy, even if that means a very modest job and apartment or room, than to put her in a position to fight you and possibly be controlled by your "leverage".

Her boss will have leverage because s/he will pay her. Her landlord or property manager will have leverage because of the lease terms and the possibility of eviction. Any utilities she has to pay for can be shut off for non-payment. That's all the leverage you need. Once she proves herself capable of handling such responsibilities by herself and keeps doing it for a while, she may have what it takes to deal with a relationship, too. If you can wait or happen to be single by then, that's when moving together could make sense.
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Old 04-04-2016, 06:04 AM
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I was actually very surprised that community supervision could even be an option at this point. I just didn't want to be the one to say it, especially since I'm not really qualified to judge the likelihood of that happening.
Statutes obviously vary, but (as an example) we can defer the adjudication on the aggravated offenses here while straight probation is not an option in most such offenses. From a supervision standpoint, there is no difference in a decade of supervision on a deferred versus a decade of straight probation. Many jurisdictions have similar sentencing options.

Her boss will have leverage because s/he will pay her. Her landlord or property manager will have leverage because of the lease terms and the possibility of eviction. Any utilities she has to pay for can be shut off for non-payment. That's all the leverage you need. Once she proves herself capable of handling such responsibilities by herself and keeps doing it for a while, she may have what it takes to deal with a relationship, too. If you can wait or happen to be single by then, that's when moving together could make sense.[/quote]

Except that OP is paying the bills...so an eviction does not hurt "Lexi." Non-payment of bills does not hurt her either...inconvenience, yes...but it won't stain HER credit report like the eviction and non-payment will HIS report. This is part of what I mean by looking at EVERYTHING and considering worst-case scenarios. I've been where OP is with respect to putting someone up...it did not work well because the individual was not ready to quit doing dope. It cost me two vehicles...one that they totaled and one that they took.
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Old 04-04-2016, 07:17 AM
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My idea was that, of course, he should not actually move with her, rent an apartment for her himself, buy a car for her but in his name (or any car she would be able to use, if he doesn't want it totaled) or otherwise formally involve his own name and credit history. Not until she becomes independent and apparently reliable for a long time, anyway.
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Old 04-04-2016, 09:42 AM
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OK this is going to sound like a stupid question, but...

I was certainly not raised rich, but my family was always financially disciplined and I learned that and never lacked for money proportional to my needs.

In our former situation, the apartment was in my ex's name, co-signed by her mother. The money for the down payment on the car was raised from a number of people; I contributed a little. (It was originally supposed to be titled in Lexi's name but co-owned and used by her brother.) I paid the car note and insurance, and covered many of her bills. So I was not at risk on the apartment or the car.

I have never lived paycheck to paycheck, let alone having nothing - which is what she has. How do you start from almost zero? I guess that someone can give you a couple hundred and you can go to a thrift store and buy enough clothes to get buy and one decent outfit at Walmart for interviews. But where do you live? How do you get even a cheap apartment if you don't have a few hundred dollars and no credit? You don't have a job and you have a felony conviction, how do you get income?

Let me get personal here. I put up with a lot of crap in the relationship. I'm sure most people reading this thread put up with a lot in dealing with the offender in their life, especially if they were a drug user. For a long time I felt emotionally unable to get out. (This is not the first time I've stayed in a bad relationship too long. Or the second, or the third.) Right now I am strong enough to move on and won't commit again to Lexi until I'm reasonably confident things will be different. It doesn't hurt me that much to send her books and commissary and to try to help her feel a little stable and normal until trial. Lexi isn't in denial about her charges, but maybe a little about post-conviction reality. She seems to think she might just walk out of court ("Jury just found you guilty, sentenced to time served plus probation, go home and call your probation officer on Monday") and one of her main concerns seems to be that if she's on probation she won't be able to drink or smoke weed. She seems to feel that somehow she'll return to the "middle class" life she had when we were together, with a decent apartment in a gated community and a car and knowing she'll always have groceries and cigarettes and vodka.

So how do you start from zero, even if you understand you have to take two steps back in your lifestyle? I guess people do it, but how?
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Old 04-04-2016, 10:49 AM
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It depends on what is available locally. It may also take more than actually zero. The problem is that if you are willing to do something like paying the deposit, she may spend the money on something else, if you simply give it to her. From your description, one solution may be to go through her parents, if they are more trustworthy.

My parents "kicked me out", but they actually gave me two weeks to find a place to live. The substandard housing I found was advertised in the newspaper and, from my parents' phone line, I just called and made an appointment. I had the money (it was very cheap, paid by the month without a lease and there was no deposit). I called Bell to get a residential phone line (they asked for a deposit, I think something like $150). To be honest, I got cable TV, too, but something basic (I think I talked my way out of having to pay a deposit). I was allowed to take the contents of my room and a few things my parents gave me. I applied for welfare. Later, I became a student.

I kept applying for jobs until I found something. It wasn't good but the schedule was flexible and they probably weren't really screening employees or were not picky. It may not even be an option nowadays because many people order online. It was a call center taking orders for a pizza franchise. My more serious employment came when I had a degree. I just found some small private business that was not part of some large organization. It was also a long time ago, and in Canada, so I did not have to pass a drug test and maybe they didn't do a criminal background check. I did have a printed resume, like most job applicants, and my previous job, as it was, had lasted for several years. So did my housing situation, and I was dressed in a skirt suit even though I had rats at home.
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Old 04-04-2016, 11:57 AM
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Redtop43
Your love and care for her sounds like it's from a point of pity, which is never where one wants as the foundation in a loving committed relationship. Her love for you is based on your stability and goodness. Sadly, most girls who are troubled souls are powerfully attracted to the 'bad boys,' who give them excitement. I'd venture to say she's very attractive and charming and you're attracted to her carefree vivacious appeal. Just bear in mind, world history proves it so, this antagonist type easily bores with a mundane, organized, successful, happy life and the man who offers it.
She's poison and the love you offer can't save, control or keep her.

From a mom of 5 grown sons
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Old 04-04-2016, 12:29 PM
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Redtop43,
I am a retired Parole Supervisor with 30+ years in IDOC and have a Bachelors with majors in psychology / sociology.

I have seen parents, husbands, wives, boyfriends and girlfriends try to use "leverage" to get their loved ones to refrain from drug use and criminal activity....basically get their lives together with very little success.

What typically happens is that the loved one immediately resents the person applying the leverage...kind of the borrower is slave to the lender line of thinking just before foreclosure. You cannot force someone to live by your ideals and expect to have a loving relationship as a result of applying "leverage".

A positive relationship is based on mutual trust and respect without leverage.

Trying to rekindle relationship that has failed has a very slim chance for success....especially if one person has all the leverage and the other has none! IMPO

Lastly, you stated that you have been through several bad relationships in which you stayed to long....I would recommend that you read up on codependency and reevaluate your true motivation for wanting to leverage Lexi.
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Old 04-04-2016, 12:54 PM
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The fact is that "a mundane, organized, successful, happy life" really is boring, especially if the success is relatively modest. However, one tends to get some appreciation for it, at least for a while, if one has to fight and work in order to get it. When it is provided by others or easy to get, many an individual just takes it for granted. That's part of the reason she should better earn everything through her own efforts, even if a little help, perhaps similar to what my parents did for me, is provided.

Although, legally, you don't even owe her that much, I think that the right thing to do would be to try to help her get a roof over her head (at her expense, although maybe with some help to get started), even under very modest circumstances but, if possible, without the rats, and a job that pays enough to afford that place. If and when she gets something better, let her earn it.

That way, she will have what it takes to start a new life and she won't live on a park bench in the meantime. She may or may not acquire the motivation to work hard for a better future or even to support her modest lifestyle, but that will be on her. Give her only one chance and if you pay the deposit or something, make sure you are not actually on the lease or otherwise under any obligation to pay for anything or fix any damage.
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Old 04-04-2016, 02:58 PM
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I am starting at zero. Drugs took it all, my kids, my husband, and my house. Well almost zero, I have a car and that has made all the difference in the world really. I stayed at shelters, I jitneyed for money while I was in IOP, I do have an education and was fairly normal for a long time and that also goes a long way, I know how to act! After a few months I was employable, I did my tax return and got my refund, I found a landlord that does not do credit or background checks. There was some luck involved and a lot of patience. It can be done if you work hard and DO NOT GIVE UP!! My husband comes home on the 21st and my kids come over whenever they want, We should be given custody back at the end of the month as long as I or he do not mess up. I don't ever ever want to live that way again. No one enabled me or helped me in my first months alone and I think that made all the difference I did this myself!!
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Old 04-05-2016, 09:16 AM
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I didn't know how to drive. As a matter of fact, I still don't, although I took a driving course and passed the written exam. But I see what you mean.

I don't think it is necessary to start at zero. I started slightly above. What matters is that, according to the individual, the situation is bad enough to require action. For sure it's not that lousy room that would have kept me from trying to get a job. For someone who used to live in a gated community, something barely above zero may still look like reaching rock bottom.

However, what I find concerning is that Lexi is even considering the possibility of drinking and using drugs and how frustrating it is when she is not allowed to (IMHO, a small price to pay for avoiding prison for something serious and that was related to drug use). Someone who may need to start at zero or almost would think of how to afford rent and still be able to afford food. If there is any money left over, it may be a good idea to save it for some lean months when one cannot work enough hours. Then, one may need things like proper clothes and things for the house. If the initial housing is a dump, one may think of moving out. Over-the-counter medication can be expensive and prescription medication is not always an option (not provided, choosing not to see the doctor for minor things, etc.). There may be insurance fees to pay, car expenses (I didn't have those but I had other transportation expenses). You get the idea.

Recreational substances, even those that are legal, are really at the bottom of the list, at least for a while. Those that are illegal may cause extra legal problems or job loss (or even prevent one from getting a job, if there is drug testing or the individual is obviously using). They are not a priority.
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Old 04-05-2016, 02:10 PM
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If her main concern is drinking and smoking pot, she isn't interested in defeating her addiction to drugs, and is looking forward to when she can use them again. Most non addicts would be much more worried about a long prison sentence, and what they could do to earn an honest living once they are released. Many addicts dream about their next high, so be sure to consider her feelings about drugs before you commit to continuing your relationship with her.
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Old 04-06-2016, 10:59 PM
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Okay, we're all avoiding one of the major aspects of this case - the drug addiction. What's she doing about her drug addiction?

It's easy to stay clean in prison. In the world?

If she has any chance at probation or house arrest or something, then she has to balance the harm she did with the good she's doing, the harm that would be done by putting her away. Right now, there's a ton of weight on the "throw her in prison" side seeing as she's an addict, preying upon tourist to get her fix, unemployed, homeless, and what else have I missed? If she has a chance (doubtful) at probation or house arrest, she's gotta start stepping up.

So she's homeless - why? Is she incapable of using a shelter because of drug use? All it takes is being sober when you're there. If she can't do that, then she needs to get herself into a rehab, start going to meetings, and doing whatever she can so that she can go to a shelter and use its services as well as its beds. She's not going to be able to do much of anything if she's only getting high, using any and all money she has and can get to get high - she's not going to get probation or house arrest if she's unable to control herself. It's really that simple - if she can't even stay clean and sober, there's pretty much no way that she's going to get house arrest or probation.

Listen, anything she does to balance out the bad she's done with the good she's capable of is a good thing. Even if she's giving a period of years in prison, these things will help her gain parole - working, sobriety, showing she's able to care for herself by using shelters and shelter programs to get on her feet, get a PO Box, apply for services, do Job Corps or an employment program, etc, etc, etc. Any skills she gains will be skills she keeps and skills she'll be able to show the parole board as skills she'll use to get a job when she gets out.

Does she even have a shot at probation or house arrest? Ask her lawyer. But, if she's doing nothing, even in jail (there are AA and NA meetings there, plus other things she can take advantage of), then she has no chance.
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Old 04-10-2016, 12:04 PM
southernsarah southernsarah is offline
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Am I the only one who saw the OP's statement that Lexi's biggest concern is that she won't be able to smoke weed or drink on probation??
To the OP: Run, don't walk... RUN to the nearest exit.
We lived in Las Vegas for a year and if she is in LV they have a large homeless population that is on probation. They are required to call in every day and provide their approximate location for the evening, but they do not refuse homeless convicted defendants probation.
Nevada doesn't play. And with the charges she faces I seriously doubt she is going to walk out of there without doing some time first.
But OP, seriously, if this girl is already concerned about smoking weed and drinking, instead of committing to sobriety, you are setting yourself up for a heartache. You will be a crash pad.. she will make drug friends and you will find she is using you for a place to stay and cash to spend with her buddies. You say you are much older and you want her to have conditions ..one of them being live with you and be faithful.
It sounds like you want to take her current situation and use it to blackmail her into coming back to you... because she either does that or goes to prison. (Which she will probably be doing anyway)
This is not going to end well. If she only comes back to you for a free ride, and she wants to smoke weed and drink, you are crazy if you even consider helping her beyond the occasional commissary gift.
Sorry to be so blunt... but I want you to REALLY consider your own motives here.. and to understand you will end up in a mess if you rescue her at this point.
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Old 04-15-2016, 06:17 AM
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Originally Posted by southernsarah View Post
Am I the only one who saw the OP's statement that Lexi's biggest concern is that she won't be able to smoke weed or drink on probation?? ...
...But OP, seriously, if this girl is already concerned about smoking weed and drinking, instead of committing to sobriety, you are setting yourself up for a heartache...
I noticed it too and this statement says a lot about what her commitment would be to living a drug free life and more so living a crime free life. If she is willing to break rules of "probation" (if she even gets that) this is not telling you much of what she will do to help herself; that is the key here, she needs to want to help herself.

If you have to talk about "leverage", then right there this is telling me that she does not have the proper mind-set to begin with. She should want to do what is right, not do it because of leverage.
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Old 04-10-2016, 01:49 PM
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It's possible that I gave a misimpression of something.

When I talked to Lexi early on, she said that probation in Nevada was very demanding and she would almost rather be in jail. I later talked to her father, and he said that Lexi's brother had been frustrated by being on probation and unable to use alcohol or marijuana. So I may be reading too much into Lexi's original comment. She has said to me "When this is over, I will never break another law more serious than a traffic ticket." A good sign I guess; hopefully that includes pot in states where it's not legal.

However, I've written to her (haven't mailed the letter yet) and said "What are you doing about your addiction issues? Are you doing everything possible? I don't know what programs are available in jail, but most jails have them, are you using them? You don't owe it to me to use them. All you owe to me is to tell me what you're doing, because if you're not then we can't be together." I said the same thing to her about other things, like telling her "When you're released, you don't have to give me the passcode to your phone, I just won't be with you if you don't."
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Old 04-10-2016, 06:03 PM
southernsarah southernsarah is offline
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It's possible that I gave a misimpression of something.

When I talked to Lexi early on, she said that probation in Nevada was very demanding and she would almost rather be in jail. I later talked to her father, and he said that Lexi's brother had been frustrated by being on probation and unable to use alcohol or marijuana. So I may be reading too much into Lexi's original comment. She has said to me "When this is over, I will never break another law more serious than a traffic ticket." A good sign I guess; hopefully that includes pot in states where it's not legal.

However, I've written to her (haven't mailed the letter yet) and said "What are you doing about your addiction issues? Are you doing everything possible? I don't know what programs are available in jail, but most jails have them, are you using them? You don't owe it to me to use them. All you owe to me is to tell me what you're doing, because if you're not then we can't be together." I said the same thing to her about other things, like telling her "When you're released, you don't have to give me the passcode to your phone, I just won't be with you if you don't."
It depends on the probation officer. My son had a very rough one who delighted in calling him names, threatening to violate him for asking questions about what he was and was not allowed to do etc. He was a total jerk. My son has had other probation officers who were very professional and good at their jobs. It all depends on who your girl gets and also how willing she is to not test the limits.
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