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  #51  
Old 02-11-2019, 10:35 AM
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What fantastic news all the around!

Goldens are my favorite breed too, but because I foster abused dogs I now only have Pits - too damaged to be adoptable.

I cannot explain how your post lifted a heavy weight from my heart! I am thrilled for you and your brother in my hero.

What a nice way to begin my day.
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  #52  
Old 02-11-2019, 11:20 AM
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Thanks guys. Just got back from taking James for his walk, he had a good swim in the sea and he’s sleeping it off right now. I got him a new collar with a little bone dangling from it. I also got a card for my brother to say thank you, he cried again when I gave it to him, it’s weird seeing him cry as it’s usually me doing the crying. I’ve had to tell him to stop saying he’s sorry for not being able to protect me from those boys, it’s hurting me to see him so upset. It was my fault and nobody else’s.

I have to admit I’m a bit scared about starting one on one therapy and also going to the behavioural support group. I’m not sure I’m going to be able to tell a group of other teenagers what happened to me, but I don’t want to lie either. It will be bad enough admitting I got locked up in prison.
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  #53  
Old 02-11-2019, 01:14 PM
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Your brother will come to terms with things in his own time. I know you sort of see him as Superman (easy to do with older brothers), but he’s human just like you. You both sound incredibly close, so it’s natural for him to be hurting after finding out such an awful thing happened to you that he was powerless to stop. Be kind to him, you can both support each other.

You said it’s your fault and nobody else’s. It is absolutely NOT your fault, the only people to blame are those boys in prison. They made an active choice to do what they did to you, it didn’t happen by accident. I’m very glad you had the courage to have those important tests, it’s very easy to bury your head in the sand about things like that. I’ll be praying they all come back negative.

Regarding telling your behavioural support group everything, you don’t have to, that’s what your one on one therapy is for. When you’re ready you’ll probably have to give your peers at least some background though (about being in prison and your liking for fisticuffs), so they can support you (that’s what a peer support group is all about). Remeber, all the young men and women there will be there because they are having similar behavioural issues to yourself, so each one will have their own story to tell and I doubt they will judge you for your past.
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  #54  
Old 02-12-2019, 04:06 AM
Danny3001 Danny3001 is offline
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I slept quite well last night, it’s the first night I’ve slept more than a few hours since I was released. I think my dog helped me sleep. I also downloaded some background noise as well (I like the rain one), which helped because I don’t like it when it’s quiet.
I did have a night terror and my brother had to come to my room again though. I don’t know where he gets his patience from because I must have woken him up (not on purpose) every night since I’ve been home. He even slept on my floor for the first week after I got out!
I also gave him permission to tell his wife what’s going on because she’s been asking him what’s wrong and I don’t think he likes lying to her. She actually gave me a hug when she saw me, which doesn’t seem like much, but considering she’s a bit scared of me it was quite a big thing.

I’ve just taken James for his morning walk and I walked part of the way with the kids and their mum on their way to school. I offered to collect them from school this evening, but understandably she wasn’t keen as it’s not as though I’m the most responsible person around, but she said James and I can go with her. I’ve got time on my hands because my GP signed me off work for a couple of weeks and she has emailed my PO to let him know, I’ve just got to go and see him later on to discuss. I’m hoping she hasn’t told him why though.
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  #55  
Old 02-12-2019, 04:04 PM
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I’m glad you slept a bit better last night. Your night terrors will subside as you begin to unpack things over time. At the moment they are your brain’s way of processing what happened to you. That was good of your brother to sleep on your floor when you first got out, I hate sleeping on the floor, reminds me too much of paper thin prison mattresses! At least you never have to sleep on one of those again with one of those scratchy blankets.

Why don’t you ask your brother’s wife if you and your dog can walk with them to school every morning? It might allow you both to get to know each other and demonstrate that you are more than the Danny who likes to get into random fights and smash things up.

I hope things went well with your probation officer, I’m sure he’s very pleased that you’re getting some help now. Although I do think he should’ve recognised this and maybe referred you somewhere himself.

Keep us updated.
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  #56  
Old 02-12-2019, 06:45 PM
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All good stuff. Im so happy you're getting help. Slow and steady wins the race. Glad you like rain sounds. A good thunder storm helps me sleep very well.

Next, find some books to read. Self help or stuff for fun. Keep your mind actively involved and distracted at times. Mental chatter is the worst. Plus, if you get bored it'll give you something to do.
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  #57  
Old 02-13-2019, 06:59 AM
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I went to my first group this morning, it was actually at my old school so I already knew a couple of people. It felt weird being the only one not in school uniform. I kept my mouth shut for most of it, apart from a quick introduction to explain where I’d been the past year. They were talking about things called impulse control and sensation seeking.

Afterwards one of the boys caught up with me as I was walking out and wanted to know everything about prison. He kept saying how cool it was that I’d been inside and told me about all the stuff he’s done and gotten away with. He said he was skipping French class and asked me hang out with him at the seafront, so I went with him. He seems like a nice guy, but he spent a lot of time bragging about stuff he’s done, although I’m not sure he’s telling the truth though. It was nice to be around somebody who doesn’t judge me. Maybe we’ll be friends.
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  #58  
Old 02-13-2019, 07:19 AM
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**Maybe we’ll be friends.**
Bad idea.
For one thing if he gets caught doing something wrong, and you're his friend, he will either drag you down with or you will be blamed as well
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  #59  
Old 02-13-2019, 07:49 AM
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Uh oh, Danny, this boy sounds like BAD news. I understand you are probably desperate for some friendship, but I don’t think this boy wants to be a true friend. It’s a bit of a warning sign that he thinks prison is ‘cool’, you know yourself it is certainly not cool. Also, if he is truly committed to the group then he wouldn’t be bragging about doing bad things, whether he’s exaggerating or not.

Sidewalker is right, if you’re with him while he’s up to something and you both get caught he might get a slap on the wrist, but with your history it could be much worse for you. You should understand that, at the moment, you might be a bit vulnerable to negstive outside influences, so think very carefully about whom you associate with.

Avoid this boy like the plague. I know from bitter experience what choosing the wrong friends can lead to. You’ve already got your two best mates (your brother and your dog). We are here for you too
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  #60  
Old 02-13-2019, 10:10 AM
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This makes my hairs stand up on end. Kid thinks trouble is fun and excited. Not a good combination. It should actually irritate you that he thinks this way. Or hopefully in time it will.

You know the outcomes of prison. You know it is not cool. You are looking for those who have encountered hardships, but want the straight life. Not going to cut class etc. Like minded individuals. You will find them.
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  #61  
Old 02-13-2019, 11:25 AM
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If your new friend continues on his current path, my guess is that he will eventually experience the same horrors as you did in juvie prison. I bet his opinion/attitude will change then, or he will spend his life going into, and out of prisons.
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  #62  
Old 02-13-2019, 01:00 PM
Danny3001 Danny3001 is offline
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I think I kind of liked the fact that somebody thought I was cool, rather than all the other things.
I met up with my friend again after school and we went to one of the coves on the beach. He brought a little flask of vodka with him and I really, really tried not to have any, but again I think I wanted to look cool, so I had a few swigs. Then we just smoked and talked about stuff. He kept burning things with his lighter though, which was a bit weird.
I managed to get home for curfew but my brother knew instantly that I’d been drinking and smoking (he hates smoking). I wasn’t drunk, but somehow he knew. I wouldn’t be able to type if I was drunk. We had a bit of an argument and he said I can’t see my friend any more. I managed not to try to hurt him or throw anything, but he sent me up to my room to ‘sober up and think about things’. He’s acting like my dad. My brother drinks a glass of wine with dinner every night, so he can’t talk. He’s even locked the window so I cant climb out again. I feel like he’s put me in the Hole.
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  #63  
Old 02-13-2019, 01:25 PM
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Your brother certainly hasn’t put you in the Hole, when you were in the Hole you didn’t have a comfy bed, a computer, your dog. He’s ‘acting like your dad’ because that’s kind of what he is right now as well as your brother. He has a responsibility to keep you safe and on the straight and narrow. I’m not lecturing you Danny, but I think you’re being unfair on your brother.

As others have said before, your brain is still developing and alcohol can be very damaging. Alcohol also lowers your brain’s inhibitions and will make it more likely for you to act on impulse, a bad combination for you. Think back to what you said you learnt in group today, both ‘impulse control’ and ‘sensation seeking’ are relevant to your experience this evening with your new ‘freind’. It’s also very worrying that you say he was burning things with his lighter, huge red flag.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that you’re acting out just after you’ve told people what happened to you in prison.

I think your brother is right to say you shouldn’t see this boy again. I know you’re probably craving company from boys your own age (who may be having similar problems), but as somebody said above, you need to find the ones who are trying to go straight, not the ones who are headed for some form of trouble.
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  #64  
Old 02-13-2019, 03:20 PM
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It is called tough love and not enabling bad behavior. He is responsible for you. You are still a child. He is an adult. He is not being drunk.

I know you want to hear he is wrong, but he is not.

Yes, looking for someone who thinks you're cool is great, but it should be because your funny, smart, a good listener, etc. Not because you did rebellious things. You still have a lot to learn. None of these things are to harm you, but protect you from the wrong ppl and yourself.

Tomorrow is a new day. Clearer perspective. Dont risk failing a drug test either. You have choices here. More of the same or a new life.
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  #65  
Old 02-13-2019, 04:04 PM
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Russell (my brother) has just been to see me. He said that if I mess up again then he’s going to personally tell my probation officer. I said some mean things to him when we were arguing, I won’t say what I said but it was pretty bad. He said although he loves me very much, hes got to think of his children as well.

I think I was a bit drunk after all, I’ve got a headache now and I feel a bit sick. I just wanted a friend who thought I was cool. He liked my prison stories and said you have to show the other boys who’s boss when you’re locked up.

I going to have to be good now, I think it’s my last chance.
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  #66  
Old 02-13-2019, 05:44 PM
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“I think it’s my last chance.”

I agree.
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Old 02-13-2019, 06:01 PM
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You have to decide if you love your freedom and the comforts you have more than this new friend, alcohol and smoking.

Is it worth losing everything?
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Old 02-13-2019, 07:32 PM
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I don’t think I want to go back to prison, I think I like being free. I’m not sure I’m going to be able to fix things with Russell, but I can try and just keep my head down and get on with things.
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Old 02-13-2019, 07:48 PM
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Well Danny, getting a headache and feeling sick comes with the territory of getting drunk I’m afraid.

I’m hoping the past few days are just a blip, remember that you’ve also done some good things: you told Russell what happened to you in prison, you saw the doctor and you went to your group today. You’re right, it would be a real shame to waste all that effort. You also need to be a friend to your dog as well, I’m sure he missed you while you were away.

Please be kinder to your brother, he doesn’t deserve mean words. Being on the receiving end of nasty words really hurts, especially from someone we love.
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  #70  
Old 02-14-2019, 06:26 AM
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Well, I went to my regular probation appointment this morning and my PO did my regular urine test and it came back positive for some break-down product of alcohol. I didn’t even know alcohol could be detected in urine. Unfortunately my terms state that I mustn’t use alcohol or drugs, so I’ve got to go up before the youth probation board. I asked my PO what he thinks is going to happen and he said it will depend on what I say to the board and how I come across and whether they refer me to the magistrate, but he said from pst experience it is very likely I will get 5-10 days inside for breaking a court order.

Fortunately it might not be for a while because there are basically zero young offender places on the island, so they have to house juveniles serving short sentences in the segregation unit of the adult prison and obviously have to wait for a place to become available there. He said sometimes they even have to resort to putting us in the police station instead. Thankfully he said that I won’t be sent back to the mainland for a short sentence like that.

I can’t believe this has happened, why didn’t I realise alcohol is detectable in urine? Maybe it’s for the best, to teach me a lesson. I’m really scared, I’m not sure I can cope with being locked away again. Russell is very upset, he said he’s going to be worried sick about me. At least he’ll be able to visit me this time (if he wants to). My parents are going to freak when they find out. I asked Russell not to tell them, but he said he has to.

So I’ve just got to wait now. I’m also grounded and stuck in my room and my phone has been confiscated.
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Old 02-14-2019, 08:59 AM
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All actions have consequences and unfortunately you’re feeling those consequences right now. I hope this shows you that boy is definitely not your friend because he’s landed you in a lot of trouble.

I’m hoping the youth board might go easy on you. Maybe ask your doctor to write a report. They might just make it that you have to continue to attend therapy and group. If you do get locked up, the only thing you can do is keep your head down, donas you’re told and use the time to reflect on how you ended up back there. At least if they do house you in segregation then you won’t come into contact with other prisoners and be tempted to start trouble.

I know you’re probably feeling very angry at the moment, but please don’t take things out in your brother. I understand why he’s grounded you as it seems you’re in a position at the moment where you’re having difficulty stopping yourself acting out. Your room is probably the safest place for you right now.

I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed that things go ok for you.
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Old 02-14-2019, 10:04 AM
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Hi Jake,

It’s weird, but I don’t feel angry at the moment, I kind of feel relieved that it’s finally happened. I’ve been waiting for it since I got out. That’s good advice about getting my doctor to write a report, but I think I’m just going to do the time, I want to show Russell that I can take responsibility for my actions. It’s only 5-10 days, I think I can manage that and at least I’ll be housed at the prison on the island. I’m just worried about having to stay in a segregation cell, I don’t like being alone with my thoughts. Although I understand why they have to keep juveniles separate from adults.

Russell is very upset, he said it’s so exhausting looking after me and he lies awake at night worrying what’s going to happen to me. He’s just phoned my dad, he wouldn’t say what my dad said, but I’m guessing it wasn’t good.

I know this is a long shot, but if anybody reading this knows anything about Her Majesty’s Prison La Moye, then I’d be grateful for any info.
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Old 02-14-2019, 10:34 AM
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Her Majesty’s Prison La Moye

Call and ask if you can bring in some paperback books? If you’ve got a good book you’re in good company.
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Old 02-14-2019, 10:58 AM
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That’s a good idea.

I’ve walked past the prison many times and it looks terrifying. There are always big, scary bare chested men with tattoos hanging their arms out of the barred windows shouting at people who pass by. My friends and I used to go and watch them fighting in the yard from the hill overlooking the place. I’m kind of hoping there won’t be a place for me and that they have to lock me in a police cell instead.
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Old 02-14-2019, 11:11 AM
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I don’t think they’ll let you come into contact with those scary, tattooed men. Remember, the prison service considers anybody under age 21 to be a juvenile, so they will have a responsibility to keep you safe. If they allow you out of segregation (which I doubt for your own safety) then just keep yourself to yourself.
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