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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: if you had the chance to get pregnant would you?
yes 897 38.37%
no 1,039 44.44%
maybe 307 13.13%
can't decide 95 4.06%
Voters: 2338. You may not vote on this poll

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  #751  
Old 05-10-2011, 07:36 PM
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We have discussed this before...I really want a baby and he really wants me to have one. If we had the choice though for real...we probably would. Lord willing he will be home soon, so by the time that I had the baby he should be home. We have talked about everything, even the thought of me having it before he came home...he would miss seeing his baby born. I probably would though. I don't know lol..
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  #752  
Old 05-10-2011, 08:39 PM
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How unfair to the child that my husband committed a crime when I was 7 months pregnant with her. Does that mean that he should be erased from our lives, that I should have left him?? She was 4 months old when he was sentenced to 12 years at 80%. We had our second daughter 8 years into his sentence. Both love their daddy with everything they have and both are very intelligent, well-adjusted kids. Many would say it is unfair to the child to have a relationship with someone who is incarcerated, yet, the majority of us on this forum are in that boat. Many would also say it's unfair to the child not to have both of their parents together, yet, divorce in prevalent. Some would even say it's unfair to the child to bring a child into this world, yet, babies are made. The decision to have a child is selfish and selfless all at the same time, no matter what the situation....the baby doesn't ask to be born. My life isn't driven by what's fair to my child, but by what's best for my child. If we are good parents, we do the best with what we are dealt through love, nurturing and guidance, in spite of mistakes made along the way...
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Definitely not. How unfair to the child.
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  #753  
Old 05-11-2011, 06:33 AM
seeyouin10 seeyouin10 is offline
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I am 9 weeks pregnant with our first child and my husband has been in prison for less than a month. I have had people around me (my mother included) telling me that I should abort the baby and divorce my husband since he will not be around for the child. In short, that isn't going to happen. Regardless of whether my husband can physically be there for our child right now, I know he will be the best parent any child could hope to have when he gets out in 10 years. There will definitely be a period of adjustment, but I am going to do everything I can to make sure he is as big a part of this child's life as he can possibly be while he is in prison. Our child did not choose to have a parent in prison and I am hell bent and determined to give him the best life and opportunities possible. I am also incredibly fortunate to have strong in-laws that are helping me every step of the way even when my own parents will not.
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  #754  
Old 05-11-2011, 07:15 AM
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If I was already pregnant then I would def have the baby but to get pregnant deliberately and dads not home, no way. Being a prison wife is hard enough without deliberately being pregnant and raising a child alone.
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  #755  
Old 05-11-2011, 07:19 AM
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I was pregnant when he went in. No I would not have a child while he was locked up. I don't judge others that do. Just for me I know how incredibly hard it is. Not just being a single mother but emotionally.
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  #756  
Old 05-11-2011, 03:39 PM
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i would if thats what he wanted, but im sure he'd want to be home
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  #757  
Old 05-11-2011, 03:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunangel111 View Post
How unfair to the child that my husband committed a crime when I was 7 months pregnant with her. Does that mean that he should be erased from our lives, that I should have left him?? She was 4 months old when he was sentenced to 12 years at 80%. We had our second daughter 8 years into his sentence. Both love their daddy with everything they have and both are very intelligent, well-adjusted kids. Many would say it is unfair to the child to have a relationship with someone who is incarcerated, yet, the majority of us on this forum are in that boat. Many would also say it's unfair to the child not to have both of their parents together, yet, divorce in prevalent. Some would even say it's unfair to the child to bring a child into this world, yet, babies are made. The decision to have a child is selfish and selfless all at the same time, no matter what the situation....the baby doesn't ask to be born. My life isn't driven by what's fair to my child, but by what's best for my child. If we are good parents, we do the best with what we are dealt through love, nurturing and guidance, in spite of mistakes made along the way...
VERY WELL SAID!!! Even tho this is a bridge that I won't ever have to pass over...reading the opinions is interesting...Sounds like a couple of children have wonderful parents!!
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  #758  
Old 05-11-2011, 04:02 PM
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I would. I love him and I am fortunate enough to have a great support system. We've discussed this before unfortunately it can't happen.
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  #759  
Old 05-12-2011, 08:17 AM
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Well put....i agree 100% with your post i would have said the same thing.
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I wouldn't do it.

Why put my child at a disadvantage like that...especially if my partner was a lifer?
I've been a single Mom, and it was incredibly difficult. I can't even imagine taking that stress on willingly.

Of course, everyone has different views on this subject....but for me, it just wouldn't work.
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  #760  
Old 05-12-2011, 03:28 PM
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I definitely would not get pregnant. I wouldn't get pregnant if he was out of prison. At least not for a while.
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  #761  
Old 08-02-2011, 01:07 PM
GabesWifeyBoo GabesWifeyBoo is offline
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I'm not one to judge anyone if they want children and their lo is in prison. As for me, if I were already pregnant and he got locked up, I would definitely keep it, but I couldn't do it during his sentence. Not because anything is wrong with it, but it's hard enough for me to emotionally handle this time and to have to see some effects of what it's doing to our baby would be too hard for me. But I think no less of the women who do it/want to do it, I admire ya'll courage! Oh, and if I just happen to show up to a visit with a bun in the oven my hubby didn't put there oooh, my my he would catch a whole 'nother charge that day! Lol
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  #762  
Old 08-02-2011, 04:42 PM
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I VOTED NO....BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE THAT IS SOMETHING THAT SHOULD BE SHARED WITH THE TWO PARENTS...SO I WOULDN'T WILLINGLY GET PREGNANT KNOWING HE'S NOT GOING TO BE THERE TO EXPERIENCE IT WITH ME....JUST MY THOUGHT/OPINION
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  #763  
Old 08-02-2011, 05:38 PM
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I voted yes because my husband is in for life. I have no children so it would be a dream come for us. He can parole in 13 years. If he was coming home in a couple years then I would wait.
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  #764  
Old 08-02-2011, 05:39 PM
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No! It's not fair to a child to purposely get pregnant knowing their father won't be able to be there for important things. I mean honestly, how do you think a child feels knowing their dad wasn't there when they were born, or when they had their first birthday? Like get real why would you want the only time your child gets to see their father is in a prison? Mine went to jail after our son was there, he was there for his birth and spent 5 months with him before he went away, our son is now 7 months and his daddy will be home before he turns one. It takes away the real meaning of a father to a child when they can't see them except in a prison. You can sugar coat it however you want but either way its not fair to a child. Its not fair to mine that his daddy is missing 6 months of his. life more less men who miss years of their child's life! How can they bond with their father when the only.time they see him is a few hours once a week? Sorry but no I wouldn't do that to my child on purpose!
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  #765  
Old 08-02-2011, 07:14 PM
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I will definetly have a baby my hunny dont have no kids and i have tow but i wll love to have one with my hubby so hopefully we can have one soon and he has 25 to life so its not guaranteed he will ever get out if they dont grant him parole.
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  #766  
Old 08-02-2011, 07:16 PM
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NO!!!! My husband got locked up while I was pregnant and he couldn't be there for the birth! That hurt him and me very badly! He says he will never forgive hiself for not being able to be there for me and the baby. It's to hard on him and me. I would never want to put anyone throught that. It's to hard and depressing.
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  #767  
Old 08-02-2011, 07:20 PM
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i did unfortunately get pregnant while he was in hwh. but i would never do it intentionally.
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  #768  
Old 08-02-2011, 09:07 PM
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My fiance and I discussed this a few weeks ago. I would say yes. I'm financially stable, and we have a great support system. Not only that, my hunny only has a few more years. This is just my opinion and what would work for us. Although his time left is short IF we could we would. I do think it's possible for my child to have a normal life with his/her Dad incarcerated. I turned out fine and my Dad did 20 years FBOP. To each their own though. God bless everyone!!!!
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  #769  
Old 08-02-2011, 09:58 PM
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I voted maybe. My boyfriend has 14 years remaining on his sentence. It will be shortened as he was approved for an appeal but we don't know how much by and when we will find out. I'm currently 18 years old and at this point, no I would not have a baby with him in prison. I say no because of my age and my financial state. Futurewise, I would say that the posibility of having a child with him during his incarceration is possible but closer to his release
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  #770  
Old 08-03-2011, 02:19 AM
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Haha yes I would i think
Hubby was telling me how dude at his old prison was talking bout basically a turkey baser pregnancy wit his girl... I just laughed it off... has anyone thought of that or tried that lol I mean for real it sounds like it works and would be interesting if someone tried it and it worked
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  #771  
Old 08-03-2011, 03:29 AM
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Haha yes I would i think
Hubby was telling me how dude at his old prison was talking bout basically a turkey baser pregnancy wit his girl... I just laughed it off... has anyone thought of that or tried that lol I mean for real it sounds like it works and would be interesting if someone tried it and it worked
Haha I use to work in a kitchen shop, when I saw them I had no idea what they were. When I was told I joked about that kind of pregnancy with my boyfriend. Glad I wasn't the only one who thought about it! :P
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  #772  
Old 08-03-2011, 06:03 AM
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Haha I use to work in a kitchen shop, when I saw them I had no idea what they were. When I was told I joked about that kind of pregnancy with my boyfriend. Glad I wasn't the only one who thought about it! :P

Haha its kinda clever... I actually googled it after he told me bout dude telling him... like I guess its effective and most people use larger non-needle surges and not turkey basers but i guess it actually works... i just laugh... my hubby has life right now (we are appealing it because the evidence doesnt even go near pointing him to be near the crime or anything... florida sucks) so we discussed it a bit and i told him if down the road thats our option then maybe lol... I have no kids... he has 2 (and 2 are MIA with their mom... long story... nothing bad on his part)... and we are getting married later this year so accoarse being married to him I would NEVER have kids with anyone else haha... but omg me nad my bestie laugh so hard talking bout it... she will put on my fb "GOBBLE GOBBLE" or "Im gonna be a Turkey God Mother haha"... keep in mind we really havent talked bout it since that one time haha... just cracks me up...
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  #773  
Old 08-03-2011, 06:33 AM
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I would not. We want a child together when he comes home, but not before. Both of us are too excited with the thought of him being here to share the experiences. I want him here to be able to feel it kick, and go to the doctors appointments, etc. It would hurt him tremendously not to be here for it all.
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  #774  
Old 08-03-2011, 07:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by His Princesa

Haha its kinda clever... I actually googled it after he told me bout dude telling him... like I guess its effective and most people use larger non-needle surges and not turkey basers but i guess it actually works... i just laugh... my hubby has life right now (we are appealing it because the evidence doesnt even go near pointing him to be near the crime or anything... florida sucks) so we discussed it a bit and i told him if down the road thats our option then maybe lol... I have no kids... he has 2 (and 2 are MIA with their mom... long story... nothing bad on his part)... and we are getting married later this year so accoarse being married to him I would NEVER have kids with anyone else haha... but omg me nad my bestie laugh so hard talking bout it... she will put on my fb "GOBBLE GOBBLE" or "Im gonna be a Turkey God Mother haha"... keep in mind we really havent talked bout it since that one time haha... just cracks me up...
Hahaha love it! My boyfriend found it funny but no where near as funny as I did. It didn't help that every time I had work I saw them and laughed. I hope all goes well with the appeal and the wedding as well xx

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  #775  
Old 08-03-2011, 10:04 AM
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Now this is just my opinion but no I wouldn't, not because of me but because I don't feel its right to put a child threw it. If we wanted children I would wait till he is out, and I was sure that he wasn't going back.
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