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Now That Your Loved One Is Home... Please share stories about your loved one now they are home.

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  #1  
Old 01-02-2020, 10:44 AM
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Default Itís Been a While -2.5 Years

I havenít updated in a while and I hate when people just disappear after their loved ones come home, so here I am!

In a couple weeks heíll have been home for 2 and a half years. In some ways so much has happened it feels like heís been home for a decade. In other ways, I canít believe itís gone by so fast.

Heís finished 2 years of parole. Weíve traveled and lived all over the country. Weíve welcomed two little boys into the world. Weíve gone out dancing and discovered a love of new cuisines and rode roller coasters and been beach bums and built snowmen.

Unfortunately, weíve been separated for the past 7 months. As much as we love each other (and lord knows we do), his addiction was always lurking under the surface. He relapsed briefly in 2018 and went into psychosis and I thought it was all behind us. But last year he was electrocuted while remodeling our house and was given morphine in the hospital. That was the beginning of the end.

He went downhill so quickly. It took me a while to realize what was going on, but heís always treated me like a queen, and suddenly I was nothing to him. I shouldíve known sooner.

Anyway, when I had confirmation, I left. Not before he was so far gone that he got violent with me, unfortunately. I remember looking in his eyes and not seeing my soulmate there anymore. He was gone.

I took our baby and preggo belly and I went home with nothing. No job, no car (he wrecked it while high), no house, no husband. I Lived in a motel four hours away while he lived in an abandoned house without an electricity, shooting up by candlelight and stealing to get his fix. I refused to see him like that - refused to let him see our son. I just kept waiting for the call that he was truly gone forever. Iím pretty sure he ODís 4+ times in his 3 months of using.

Until one day he bought a gun. He loaded it and said a prayer - he prayed to get a bed in a rehab the next day, or he was going to end it. He wanted off the dope one way or another. And, yíall, a bed opened up the very next morning after being on a waitlist for weeks. He went to rehab and busted his ass in therapy, groups, and working his steps. He moved back to my town into sober living and has been there ever since - president of his house, a speaker and trainer for Narcan. The man I loved is back. He was there for the birth of our son, which I had already accepted would never happen.

But I donít know if weíll ever truly get back together. I donít know if I can do this for the rest of my life. I donít know if I can forgive and forget, or if I even should. But for now, heís alive.

As far as Iím concerned, I was able to get a better job than the one I lost that allows me a lot more time with my kids. Just bought a new house and Iíve been able to repair the broken relationships with my family that came from choosing to be with my husband. I have my support system back and I feel like everything turned out the way it should have, even if it was hard and ugly and there were dayís when I didnít know if I could keep going.

Happy new year, yíall. Letís kick some 2020 booty.
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  #2  
Old 01-02-2020, 11:05 AM
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I'm so sorry. I'm glad you had a great relationship with him for the time you did. At least you got two great kids out of it!

I hope things get better for the both of you you. Good luck!!
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Old 01-02-2020, 11:18 AM
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I'm so sorry. I'm glad you had a great relationship with him for the time you did. At least you got two great kids out of it!

I hope things get better for the both of you you. Good luck!!


Thank you! I did get two adorable kids out of it. And my husband is still my best friend. We see each other almost every day and coparent. Even if thatís as far as it ever goes, Iím happy.
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Old 01-02-2020, 11:23 AM
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So much success though!!
I am so proud of you!! For doing what was best for all of you, walking away from someone who is suffering from something out of your control, good job!! Look at how far he's come.... by not being an enabler you have protected your entire family and future.

He and your children are so very blessed to have you.

Thank you kindly for the update, may God continue to bless you all.
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Old 01-02-2020, 04:49 PM
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You did more than some others. You thought of your kids and yourself. That's what an amazing mother does. That's an accomplishment. I don't know you, but I am proud of you for it. From what I've seen working where I did, it's amazing. And sometimes, people are better off being just friends. Y'all may still love each other but aren't IN LOVE with each other. You can accept a person, but not their actions. Good on you for taking care of your family.

And good on him for finally realizing he needed the help and it opening up for him to get it. Something clicked in his brain where he said I need to be around for my kids.
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Old 01-03-2020, 03:48 PM
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So much success though!!
I am so proud of you!! For doing what was best for all of you, walking away from someone who is suffering from something out of your control, good job!! Look at how far he's come.... by not being an enabler you have protected your entire family and future.

He and your children are so very blessed to have you.

Thank you kindly for the update, may God continue to bless you all.


Thank you. Iíd never felt so lost and broken but thank god for my kids or I mightíve just followed him down to the pits of hell. Who knows. But he says all the time that leaving him was the best this I couldíve done, that heís actually grateful for the relapse because it forced him to absolute rock bottom and change.
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Old 01-03-2020, 03:50 PM
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Originally Posted by AnieLove56 View Post
You did more than some others. You thought of your kids and yourself. That's what an amazing mother does. That's an accomplishment. I don't know you, but I am proud of you for it. From what I've seen working where I did, it's amazing. And sometimes, people are better off being just friends. Y'all may still love each other but aren't IN LOVE with each other. You can accept a person, but not their actions. Good on you for taking care of your family.

And good on him for finally realizing he needed the help and it opening up for him to get it. Something clicked in his brain where he said I need to be around for my kids.


Thank you so much. But girl, we are still so incredibly in love it hurts sometimes. That hasnít faded in the least. But I donít know if trust can ever truly be re-established. Time will tell, I guess.
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Old 01-03-2020, 05:19 PM
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Thank you so much. But girl, we are still so incredibly in love it hurts sometimes. That hasnít faded in the least. But I donít know if trust can ever truly be re-established. Time will tell, I guess.
Only you will know when and if that happens. Gotta do what's right for you and yours. Love does hurt. It's painful but so beautiful at the same time because there's nothing else like it.
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Old 07-05-2020, 01:30 AM
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Just a small update because life moves fast and sometimes we forget to celebrate the small things:


A few weeks ago my husband celebrated one year sober. In a week heíll celebrate 3 years out of prison, although he wonít really celebrate because Iím sure he wonít remember. Prison his finally let go of the grip on his mind and he rarely even thinks about it anymore.

I wish I had something really magical and exciting to write about, but life is wonderfully boring. Work, kids, Netflix binging, cooking, cleaning, remodeling the house, gardening - itís dull and normal and routine, but itís everything I wanted, and everything he promised. Drugs and trauma stole my loving, affectionate, considerate, doting husband who spoiled me. But he fought those demons with a fierceness that leaves me in awe of him, and he came back to me 100xs better.

We do a LOT of counseling. We have a marriage counselor whoís also an LCDC who works with the both of us, and we both see other people separately. I didnít get to go to rehab and take care of myself - I had to do that later, more slowly, when I realized Iíd become the angry one and the trauma from his addiction wasnít going to magically heal itself.

Addiction is a tricky disease. I have no idea if sobriety will last forever. But I choose to see the man I love as he is in front of me today - someone who loves me and our children with his entire souls; someone who wakes up every morning and tries to be a better version of himself. The world needs more people like that

Itís been three very long years. But I wouldnít change one second.
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Old 07-05-2020, 07:25 AM
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Originally Posted by WeepingWillow View Post
Just a small update because life moves fast and sometimes we forget to celebrate the small things:


A few weeks ago my husband celebrated one year sober. In a week heíll celebrate 3 years out of prison, although he wonít really celebrate because Iím sure he wonít remember. Prison his finally let go of the grip on his mind and he rarely even thinks about it anymore.

I wish I had something really magical and exciting to write about, but life is wonderfully boring. Work, kids, Netflix binging, cooking, cleaning, remodeling the house, gardening - itís dull and normal and routine, but itís everything I wanted, and everything he promised. Drugs and trauma stole my loving, affectionate, considerate, doting husband who spoiled me. But he fought those demons with a fierceness that leaves me in awe of him, and he came back to me 100xs better.

We do a LOT of counseling. We have a marriage counselor whoís also an LCDC who works with the both of us, and we both see other people separately. I didnít get to go to rehab and take care of myself - I had to do that later, more slowly, when I realized Iíd become the angry one and the trauma from his addiction wasnít going to magically heal itself.

Addiction is a tricky disease. I have no idea if sobriety will last forever. But I choose to see the man I love as he is in front of me today - someone who loves me and our children with his entire souls; someone who wakes up every morning and tries to be a better version of himself. The world needs more people like that

Itís been three very long years. But I wouldnít change one second.
God bless you and your family. Boring is beautiful sometimes! I, myself, look forward to boring normalcy. You two are a strong devoted couple. I wish you a lifetime of happiness.
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Old 07-05-2020, 09:10 PM
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Routine and consistency. Both elements are necessary for children to feel secure in their world. And I think being consistent and having a routine is good, healthy, for adults, too, but impossible to maintain for addicts. I'm glad you have those things, consistency & routine and that you're addict is sober I know your life has to be so much more peaceful! Good for you! and good for your husband for keeping sober. Congratulations on his one year clean
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Old 07-06-2020, 08:02 AM
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happy update!
Glad things have improved and you guys are both doing better.
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Old 07-18-2020, 10:12 AM
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It’s good to read your story. You’ve been through so much and I am happy that you’re are both in a good place. I hope things continue to get better with time. Much love.
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Old 07-18-2020, 10:16 AM
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Routine and consistency. Both elements are necessary for children to feel secure in their world. And I think being consistent and having a routine is good, healthy, for adults, too, but impossible to maintain for addicts. I'm glad you have those things, consistency & routine and that you're addict is sober I know your life has to be so much more peaceful! Good for you! and good for your husband for keeping sober. Congratulations on his one year clean

Yep, sober husband is extremely ordered and routined - up at 5:30a for god knows what reason, house and pool cleaned, kids up, dressed and fed, breakfast on the stove...

Addict husband is chaos for himself and everyone around him. And I cannot live like that.

Iím happy to have peace . Thank you.
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Old 07-18-2020, 01:31 PM
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I would take boring over chaos and drama any day. I am so glad to hear you have weathered the storm and now the sun has come out. Wishing peace and stability as you move forward as a family.
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