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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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  #126  
Old 09-25-2019, 06:23 PM
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a.rare.love a.rare.love is offline
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Originally Posted by lolo21216 View Post


rough, I spiraled into such a dark place of hopelessness


All the letters, photos, everything are now in a dump somewhere.


I'm surprised, but very relieved, that I feel zero desire to contact him

and I'm just ready to heal and move on
.
---

aye mio dios(my god!) i did not know, til' i was reading newer post,
and i am so sorry, for you chica, pero(but) it is NOT your loss...
It is his loss, chica, not yours... Never let a man take you, into such a dark negative, where you're not able to crawl out, stand tall and be strong again, because NO MAN deserve to have so much power like that, over a woman despite the way he has made you feel. I know how you're feeling, and i know you're going to awaken 1 mornin' realizin' that you're worth more than how he has made you feel and you're going to be ok...(Give it time) and you will be alright.

---
His BAD DOSE OF KARMA is on the way,
even if you're not seeing or hearing about it yet. God does not bless, nor like ugly..

I posted a nice post prior, without reading newer updates, and i am happy you threw out most or all cartas(letters) as i know a few who kept all and did it when they were "clearly-thinking and ready."I say, do it asap. or keep 1 or 2 if you're wanting to, or just "smile @ the happier times, on phone, in person etc.al., letters."
-
But, i am glad you're sounding'as if you're already moving on, and for that, i commend you..." PM me anytime.

Hang in there."This too, shall pass, chica. Onto greener pastures,
once you're fully cleansing your self, and thoughts of what is bad for you,and clearly not right,
to see the future days, and nights with you.
---hugs and blessings. Adios.
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T.A.A.S.(there are ALWAYS signs.)Don't ignore them.

Last edited by a.rare.love; 09-25-2019 at 06:26 PM..
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  #127  
Old 09-28-2019, 08:44 AM
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Since that little hiccup where I texted him, I've been feeling a little better each day. I'm smiling and laughing again, I am focused on my recovery and making new goals. If anything, contacting him that last time really put the final nail in the coffin that we are done and I can move forward with my life. I've cried my tears. my pity party is over, I see where I made mistakes. When I posted all those sweet things about him, it was all true, but I was lying to myself by omission when I left out all the bad. I did love him, I wanted so badly for it to work, but ignoring the bad doesn't make it go away. I will never again allow someone to make me feel like I'm not good enough. I will not be fooled by charm that covers up narcissism, life is too short to waste any more of my time. I have amazing family and friends who are far more deserving of what I have to offer, and one day I hope to find love again, for now I'm kinda starting from scratch as I really had planned my life around my ex. but I guess a fresh start is exciting
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Last edited by lolo21216; 09-28-2019 at 08:46 AM..
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  #128  
Old 09-28-2019, 09:11 AM
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Good for you to recognize it for what it was, and having the strength to carry yourself forward. Often folks settle for less than what they deserve, to escape being lonely, only to find loneliness and abuse that they never deserved.
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  #129  
Old 09-28-2019, 09:23 AM
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lolo, Im sorry you had that little hiccup. Wish i'd seen this part earlier. My bad.
Im glad you are feeling a bit better a few days post *contacting him*
Lose his number. YOU KNOW he's not worth the heartache he causes you.


Note to others who have had issues with what has been said here (in the when the relationship is over forum) First of all you're not going to find many posts here that are all that positive when someone breaks up with someone else.
Second of all......IGNORE posts that upset you or the poster does. Report those you feel are bashing someone. Report it. Let the moderators take a look. Dont respond to it.


If someone is repeatedly in irritating you, put them on ignore. You wont see their posts. Its really rather easy.
Keep things civil.
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  #130  
Old 09-28-2019, 03:44 PM
Visitor611 Visitor611 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sidewalker View Post
Note to others who have had issues with what has been said here (in the when the relationship is over forum) First of all you're not going to find many posts here that are all that positive when someone breaks up with someone else.
Second of all......IGNORE posts that upset you or the poster does. Report those you feel are bashing someone. Report it. Let the moderators take a look. Dont respond to it.
Theres a reason this section is one of the biggest. Why is that? You can scan hundreds of examples of where one user says "he's the love of my life and I'd do anything for him" but then goes crazy over the smallest hiccup because he did something small. There's an unreasonable expectation that prisoners are magically going to have life figured out, and then anger and frustration comes when they don't. How are people not surprised that they haul ass and leave? Yes, there's just a number of guys/gals that are broken, but there's always signs of this. Ignoring or turning a blind eye, isn't an excuse. The whole point, is not to get in your own head and screw up your own relationship because you're expecting to be perfect. They aren't. Its why they are in prison.
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  #131  
Old 09-28-2019, 05:26 PM
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Honestly I think this section is as big as it is because people tend to have a lot to say when things don't work, and conversely, little to say when they do. This isn't because people are by nature perverse and negative, but because they want to work things out in their head when their lives fall apart. In other words, there's a great deal of processing that needs to happen when things go bad. The internet is filled with websites dedicated to a problem issue, with endless testimonies from people who underwent privations due to those issues. You're not going to find an equivalent gold mine of websites dedicated to why / how marriages, let's say, succeed. Those who are happily married simply don't tend to get online and write about it. They're living it.

I do agree that there's an unfair and unjustified blaming of the failures of a relationship on the fact that the betrayer is a current or former prisoner. The dynamics I see described are simply of bad people -- who happened to land behind bars. The incarceration is not the culprit -- it's the bad character of the person that is. They just happened to get caught.
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  #132  
Old 09-28-2019, 06:14 PM
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I do agree that there's an unfair and unjustified blaming of the failures of a relationship on the fact that the betrayer is a current or former prisoner. The dynamics I see described are simply of bad people -- who happened to land behind bars. The incarceration is not the culprit -- it's the bad character of the person that is. They just happened to get caught.
That was more or less my point. People change, they do better, fix themselves, etc. There's a lot of MWI. By no means am I criticizing those that follow this path. There was one story I read where a woman said she was done with her man because he tried to reuse a stamp in a letter. Then a bunch of dog piling on about it in support. Its frustrating to see people abandon their "love of their life" because of some minor screwup or because he/she didn't know what to say, or because it sounded weird. No one wants a warden when they come home, so they go back to how they were to survive before. There's going to more users in a prison then outside regardless. The lack of patience or empathy just surprises me. People wait for YEARS, only to just toss it all away because he or she isn't normal and don't like being told what to do. You ride in the car with them, not drive it, and that's a lot of the stories I read. He's gotta do this, he's gotta do that, or I'm done. Really? They got out of prison, why are expectations to have everything figured out so quickly so high. Its not just the inmates in why these don't work.
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  #133  
Old 09-28-2019, 06:53 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is online now
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That was more or less my point. People change, they do better, fix themselves, etc. There's a lot of MWI. By no means am I criticizing those that follow this path. There was one story I read where a woman said she was done with her man because he tried to reuse a stamp in a letter. Then a bunch of dog piling on about it in support. Its frustrating to see people abandon their "love of their life" because of some minor screwup or because he/she didn't know what to say, or because it sounded weird. No one wants a warden when they come home, so they go back to how they were to survive before. There's going to more users in a prison then outside regardless. The lack of patience or empathy just surprises me. People wait for YEARS, only to just toss it all away because he or she isn't normal and don't like being told what to do. You ride in the car with them, not drive it, and that's a lot of the stories I read. He's gotta do this, he's gotta do that, or I'm done. Really? They got out of prison, why are expectations to have everything figured out so quickly so high. Its not just the inmates in why these don't work.
I think you are mixing different things in this thread.

One there are those who use others. People are expendable to them. They look out only for themselves.

Two there are those who over fantasize their relationship and believe everything will be perfect when prison is out of the way when the transition is difficult.

Third is reactions out of fear they will be abandoned again. This will ultimately push someone away if one doesnt give space to acclimate properly. As the outside person, there is a weird security in knowing where they are and what they are doing. The attention is also very intense. Then I have to share them with the outside world.

In regard to the OP, she got into a very unhealthy relationship and ignored the signs. Whether in prison or the outside world, they way she was treated as wrong. It is a live and learn scenario. Hopefully, she gets help for herself to love herself more, so people will treat her with respect. She is a good soul and was essentially verbally and emotionally abused.

No one is perfect. The ones we love are far from perfect, but overall we cant fix them. As individuals we can grow together and become better people through love and support if both parties are willing. In general, most relationships dont work out long term. We generally have a handful of long term relationships throughout our lives. There are short terms ones and those are the growing pains which help us see what we want and dont want out of a mate.
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