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Loving a Lifer For those whose loved one is serving a life sentence.

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  #26  
Old 05-22-2019, 08:15 PM
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I was going to say something along these lines but Ne Plach' beat me to it and did a great job of it.

A former sister-in-law's husband once threatened to kill her, their children, and himself if she left him. He was a crazy Vietnam vet who abused his children and who killed all sorts of people in many bad ways in Vietnam, so he was perfectly capable. We all just 'knew' he could do something like that, as did she. She backed away from any plans of divorce. I witnessed another family member hold his wife and MIL hostage with a loaded gun when he had too many one night. No one outside the family circle ever knew about these incidents (they were not isolated) and both men never saw the inside of a prison cell once. Both were professionals with graduate degrees. The Vietnam vet was a D.A.

I wouldn't say these marriages had any particular 'advantage' just because they were conventional. I promise you that they were very lonely, too. Very.

The news flashes occasionally with incidents where such men -- exactly like the two family members I just mentioned -- lose it and it doesn't end well for the woman/family. I'm afraid of such men, definitely. But my now longish life experience informs me how such men are not necesarily found in prison cells. Oh, sure, many are. But just because someone is there, or someone is not, is not nearly enough information to make that call.

Am I afraid of my lifer? Would I be afraid if he were set free? Nope. I've seen enough of the psychopaths (or on the spectrum -- the psychopath spectrum) to spot one a mile away. No thanks to the ex-vet D.A.

And sometimes, LWOP is given when the accused won't take a plea deal. My LO could have pled, but refused.


Well of course their are some crazy ppl out here . No one relationship is perfect. However you really can not compare a relationship on the out to one inside . Itís just really not the same .
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Old 05-22-2019, 08:23 PM
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Well of course their are some crazy ppl out here . No one relationship is perfect. However you really can not compare a relationship on the out to one inside . It’s just really not the same .
There are many crazy people out here -- and they all look respectable, until and if they get caught. The if is a big if. There's a mountain of crazy that never gets caught.

As far as comparing inside vs. outside relationships, I do get to -- I had a good, long-standing bf/gf relationship, an 'outside' marriage that lasted 14 years (until first husband passed away), and then the 'inside' one (clocking in at 4 years post signed papers...)
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Old 05-22-2019, 08:36 PM
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Thatís good that he was able to grow from his past . Everyone had a different situation. And as to my ďfairy tail comment ď yes I have seen a lot of
Post that ppl make it seem like all of that . Not saying you particularly.
I know dear! It was a question that was asked and I wanted to answer your question. I know what you mean by that and sometimes it does seem that way to most. But deep down every individual should know and be aware that it's no rainbow unicorns and clouds made out of cotton candy. When it comes to being with someone that's incarcerated for a crime or crimes that he or she is charged for committing. Along with the sentence that was given for the crime or crimes. Everyone situation is different and the reason to why one choose or decide to go this route. Will stand out and be very different from each individual experience. Some go into it for the wrong reasons, other's didn't expect anything from it and it just happened. Every situation is different and I'll agree with you fully on that one.
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Old 05-22-2019, 08:55 PM
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If I make you so uncomfortable...... itís so interesting on how I see you on all my post responding to me. Sometimes helpful some times sassy .
I'm a site moderator. It's sort of my job.

No worries, though. I just wanted to be upfront with you. When someone starts their time here with misleading info, it causes a little concern. We have a lot of folks who come here after being harassed for their connection to incarceration. Certain inmate pops like SOs and violent offenders are particular targets. MWI also take a regular lashing. So, asking a question about why we'd be in relationships with either is worth monitoring.

I've been sassy, you're right. No need to make this personal. I'll bow out unless it pertains to monitoring duties. Good luck with his time and your questions. I hope you get the answers you need and return the help to new members when the time comes.
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  #30  
Old 05-22-2019, 09:45 PM
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Cute story and all ....

Never did I say ppl in jail donít deserve love . I have my family member in jail , those on a life sentence and those who have came home from a life sentence so I would never want them to think they canít be loved ( those all have had words and girlfriends while they were inside . And letís just say they didnít last long once they got out lol ) .... so really you got a little besides yourself with those statements .
I was just saying itís pretty Interesting how some ppl can develop a relation ship that way I wanted to know ppl who going through it take on it . Nothing more nothing less . Seems as though you are pretty bothered by my question .....
Nope, bothered by your attitude and lack of basic respect. You get to go on my blocked list. Congrats! You are the third person on that list.
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  #31  
Old 05-22-2019, 11:08 PM
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That’s really good to hear ! I’m happy for
You guys . How long was he in there ?
He's been in for 25 years... he was sentenced to 2 Life Sentences so this recent development is almost a miracle but the last 4+ years were not all sunshine & hookers... it's challenging to say the least and with us there's the distance as well...
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  #32  
Old 05-23-2019, 12:14 AM
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Because I was bold and brave enough to just DO IT!! Without anyoneís approval or acceptance. My husband had a life sentence but is up for parole soon. Iíd reached the age that sex was the lagniappe not a must, I never intended to fall in love but I did with no regrets He is everything I could want in a man accept free 💁🏽*♀️... guess a girl canít have it all ...but soon inshaAllah
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  #33  
Old 05-23-2019, 12:24 AM
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This post seems off and I never say this ... we arenít here to judge take slick shots or jabs and thatís the vibe Iím getting. Hopefully Iím wrong 💁🏽*♀️
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  #34  
Old 05-23-2019, 05:52 AM
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As I scroll through reading interesting topics on here I can’t help but see a lot of ppl who are in relationships with ppl who are never coming home . I just was wondering how you guys do that and why . I mean I can get if ya knew each other before . But I see a lot who say they met why they are in there . Why do you guys go to incarcerated ppl for relationships ? Even for ppl who do get to come home but way way down the line ? What is your mind set for that . Seems very lonely . And you guys say you don’t have anyone on the outs and that ur faithful to them .

I'm going to respond to this thread and answer the question, but first I want to address something very specific in your original post.


"As I scroll through reading interesting topics on here..."


It occurs to me that recently you got upset because some folks here were referring back to some of your previous posts when you were posting.


I believe you said they were being, and I quote, "extra." Consider...when you say this about people reading your old posts, but then you acknowledge you've read their old posts....well....that might be an indication as to why they read your old posts. (Just saying...)


So I am going to make a point (in the form of the question), and while I don't mean to be disrespectful, you may see it that way, so my apologies in advance if you do. The question is this: why is it okay for you to withhold information about your loved one, to the point where it's difficult for those of us who are offering support to provide higher-quality answers that could give insights into what your situation is, but you expect for other members of the group to divulge specifics about their relationships and their reasons behind being in them?


Just a thought. I will acknowledge that your initial question has garnered some pretty thought-provoking responses. I'm just trying to make sense of what I view, and let me emphasize, it's what I view (others might not see it that way,) as a bit of a contradiction.


Now, to be fair, since I'm asking a question based on my observation here, it's also only right that I answer the question you've posed to keep the thread moving along.


While I was MBI, the only difference I see between myself and an MWI is when I met my inmate. Actually in a way I envy MWI. Many of them get to meet their loved ones after trials or plea bargains and convictions, after their loved ones have had a chance to make change and decide they want to better themselves. Granted, some never do and some play games. But some do. And some do very, very well.


I got to ride through not one but two criminal cases with her. I got to sit in court rooms, talk with lawyers, even plead for mercy with a deputy DA one time. I had to deal with the uncertainty of what the outcome of her cases was going to be and of not knowing when she'd come home despite knowing it wasn't going to be a life case (being told "six years, four months is her maximum exposure" is a pretty scary prospect when you got into the relationship never expecting to find yourself in that sort of situation.) I envy MWI. With a few exceptions, they don't get kept up nights worrying about the outcome of the initial case the way that MBI do. They generally are not the ones making that last visit to a county jail before transport trying to reassure their loved one that it's going to be okay when they themselves aren't feeling okay. It's like a knife in the stomach that keeps getting twisted by the criminal justice system, but you sit there and smile and pretend it doesn't hurt because you want to be strong for them, as if somehow showing you're okay is going to help them feel okay.


But I digress....



Dee only did a bit over 5 years, so compared to some of the folks here, her time was short. I'll tell you right now, the emotional toll from those 5 years gives me nothing but respect for the people who've stuck by their loved ones longer than that. And what I can say, and this is true of MWI or MBI, is you love who you love, and you love them for the reasons you love them. Genuine connections are made. I have some MWI's from Dee's sentence, not romantic relationships obviously, but people who have become important to me. I consider them to be like sisters. Why have I developed a loyalty to them? It's simple...because in communicating with them, writing them, talking on the phone with them and visiting them, I found them to be worthwhile human beings. I came to find that even if I came up wealthy and not from a criminal background and in ways completely different from them, we all have the same basic humanity. I learned that compassion for my fellow humans is not, nor should it be, limited.


In reality, nobody is like anybody else. No two relationships here are alike. And no two people are going to have the same view on them. You're going to have your view on what you can and cannot tolerate from another human being. You're going to have your own feelings of love. You're going to have your own attractions. Nothing I say or do is going to bring you to a complete understanding of why I did what I did, why I befriended the people I befriended. And why, after all this time, even with all the heartache, the separation, and my ultimate decision to walk away from Dee because she ultimately cannot walk away from that life...why on some level I still love her? That's simple. Because she is human. Because she is ultimately worthy of love. Because there is a pain there, somewhere deep within her psyche and soul, that I cannot ever take from her and no matter how ugly that can be at times, I still see something beautiful in her and I love her enough to hope some day she will see it in herself and I've reached a point of peace where that is good enough. And I know this because I've gone beyond the wondering "why?" about everyone else and found that I'm only accountable for myself. The stories people tell here only matter insofar as I find value in them and can apply them to myself in positive ways. The negative? I leave it. And I might leave this thread alone entirely if it wasn't for the fact that I'm seeing follow-up questions and responses directed at my friends that seem to indicate that you don't find value in what they're saying.


I can't tell you that you absolutely must find value in what they're saying; that's ultimately for you to decide. I can tell you that I believe the most effective use of this group, of any support group really, is to focus on what you get value out of and strive for that. Take what you can use. Leave the rest alone.


London, I don't even know your age, but the impression I get in a lot of your posts is that you're young. I was young once. I thought I could read books and ask questions and understand the entire human experience. I thought I could tell people they were wrong. (And, okay, I still do, but I tend to try to sit back and reserve judgment for a bit and think things through before I go there...progress, not perfection.) I thought that if someone told me they were uncomfortable that it was a flaw in their thinking rather than considering it might be a flaw in my compassion and comprehension.


What I've learned as I've aged, as I've experienced life, and as I've taken in more and more information......is that I will never know everything.


But I will know even less if I take that fact for granted and close my mind to the experience of others. (Or try to explain to them what their experience is, as if they don't know...which isn't true unless they've got psychiatric issues that go far beyond the scope of this group, and far beyond what I could possibly explain to them in a way they're capable of understanding because, well, some people just can't understand when they have that sort of disability, and that's okay.)


If you let go of your own paradigm now and then, you'll find there's an entirely different, incredibly beautiful world out there. And that more people will be comfortable opening up and giving you answers to questions you never even knew you had. (And no, you don't have to fall in love with a long-term or lifer MWI to discover any of that. But for some people....that's their path. For their reasons. Please respect that.)



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Last edited by missingdee; 05-23-2019 at 06:02 AM.. Reason: Eh, just some more thoughts I wanted to expand on. You know me. LOL!
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  #35  
Old 05-23-2019, 07:31 AM
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As I scroll through reading interesting topics on here I can’t help but see a lot of ppl who are in relationships with ppl who are never coming home . I just was wondering how you guys do that and why . I mean I can get if ya knew each other before . But I see a lot who say they met why they are in there . Why do you guys go to incarcerated ppl for relationships ? Even for ppl who do get to come home but way way down the line ? What is your mind set for that . Seems very lonely . And you guys say you don’t have anyone on the outs and that ur faithful to them .

Interesting questions, to say the least. However, with human nature being what it is, you may never understand why people do what they do and who they get involved with. Truth is often stranger than fiction and there can be millions of scenarios as to why people do what they do.

Believe it or not, some people here didn't go looking for incarcerated people to have a relationship with. There are other circumstances in which you can meet an inmate. I know I didn't go looking for romance. It found me, and I didn't meet my partner via a pen pal site or anything like that.

The mindset for that can be different for different people. All people are not the same and all people do not think alike. A person can be lonely even though they are surrounded by loving family and friends. Human nature is just too broad and varied for your questions to have one set answer.

I wasn't lonely when I met my partner. I was alone, but not lonely. While he was locked up, I was faithful. It was easy. I didn't feel like I needed a man in my life to feel validated. I was, and still am quite happy with who I am. Having a partner in the life does not make one whole if one is not already whole.
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  #36  
Old 05-23-2019, 08:39 AM
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Well of course their are some crazy ppl out here . No one relationship is perfect. However you really can not compare a relationship on the out to one inside . Itís just really not the same .
I'm curious to know your view on why its not the same.
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Old 09-15-2019, 07:19 PM
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This post seems off and I never say this ... we arenít here to judge take slick shots or jabs and thatís the vibe Iím getting. Hopefully Iím wrong 💁🏽*♀️
Srry if you took it that way . Was just wondering why women seek men in jail or or men to women in jail .
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Old 09-15-2019, 07:23 PM
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Interesting questions, to say the least. However, with human nature being what it is, you may never understand why people do what they do and who they get involved with. Truth is often stranger than fiction and there can be millions of scenarios as to why people do what they do.

Believe it or not, some people here didn't go looking for incarcerated people to have a relationship with. There are other circumstances in which you can meet an inmate. I know I didn't go looking for romance. It found me, and I didn't meet my partner via a pen pal site or anything like that.

The mindset for that can be different for different people. All people are not the same and all people do not think alike. A person can be lonely even though they are surrounded by loving family and friends. Human nature is just too broad and varied for your questions to have one set answer.

I wasn't lonely when I met my partner. I was alone, but not lonely. While he was locked up, I was faithful. It was easy. I didn't feel like I needed a man in my life to feel validated. I was, and still am quite happy with who I am. Having a partner in the life does not make one whole if one is not already whole.

Thatís great . Thatís all i was wondering , idk why ppl get so offended at the question lol . Itís true sometimes it finds you 🤷🏾*♀️ Fair enough
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Old 09-15-2019, 07:27 PM
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I'm curious to know your view on why its not the same.
Well for obvious reasons . In my opinion the two are different . Even In just life there are different types of relationships ppl have . So in my experience n observation itís different I also feel like your relationship is shifted when they go to jail as well . You guys dynamic change as well you will have to figure out to continually make it work 🤷🏾*♀️
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Old 09-15-2019, 07:38 PM
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I'm going to respond to this thread and answer the question, but first I want to address something very specific in your original post.


"As I scroll through reading interesting topics on here..."


It occurs to me that recently you got upset because some folks here were referring back to some of your previous posts when you were posting.


I believe you said they were being, and I quote, "extra." Consider...when you say this about people reading your old posts, but then you acknowledge you've read their old posts....well....that might be an indication as to why they read your old posts. (Just saying...)


So I am going to make a point (in the form of the question), and while I don't mean to be disrespectful, you may see it that way, so my apologies in advance if you do. The question is this: why is it okay for you to withhold information about your loved one, to the point where it's difficult for those of us who are offering support to provide higher-quality answers that could give insights into what your situation is, but you expect for other members of the group to divulge specifics about their relationships and their reasons behind being in them?


Just a thought. I will acknowledge that your initial question has garnered some pretty thought-provoking responses. I'm just trying to make sense of what I view, and let me emphasize, it's what I view (others might not see it that way,) as a bit of a contradiction.


Now, to be fair, since I'm asking a question based on my observation here, it's also only right that I answer the question you've posed to keep the thread moving along.


While I was MBI, the only difference I see between myself and an MWI is when I met my inmate. Actually in a way I envy MWI. Many of them get to meet their loved ones after trials or plea bargains and convictions, after their loved ones have had a chance to make change and decide they want to better themselves. Granted, some never do and some play games. But some do. And some do very, very well.


I got to ride through not one but two criminal cases with her. I got to sit in court rooms, talk with lawyers, even plead for mercy with a deputy DA one time. I had to deal with the uncertainty of what the outcome of her cases was going to be and of not knowing when she'd come home despite knowing it wasn't going to be a life case (being told "six years, four months is her maximum exposure" is a pretty scary prospect when you got into the relationship never expecting to find yourself in that sort of situation.) I envy MWI. With a few exceptions, they don't get kept up nights worrying about the outcome of the initial case the way that MBI do. They generally are not the ones making that last visit to a county jail before transport trying to reassure their loved one that it's going to be okay when they themselves aren't feeling okay. It's like a knife in the stomach that keeps getting twisted by the criminal justice system, but you sit there and smile and pretend it doesn't hurt because you want to be strong for them, as if somehow showing you're okay is going to help them feel okay.


But I digress....



Dee only did a bit over 5 years, so compared to some of the folks here, her time was short. I'll tell you right now, the emotional toll from those 5 years gives me nothing but respect for the people who've stuck by their loved ones longer than that. And what I can say, and this is true of MWI or MBI, is you love who you love, and you love them for the reasons you love them. Genuine connections are made. I have some MWI's from Dee's sentence, not romantic relationships obviously, but people who have become important to me. I consider them to be like sisters. Why have I developed a loyalty to them? It's simple...because in communicating with them, writing them, talking on the phone with them and visiting them, I found them to be worthwhile human beings. I came to find that even if I came up wealthy and not from a criminal background and in ways completely different from them, we all have the same basic humanity. I learned that compassion for my fellow humans is not, nor should it be, limited.


In reality, nobody is like anybody else. No two relationships here are alike. And no two people are going to have the same view on them. You're going to have your view on what you can and cannot tolerate from another human being. You're going to have your own feelings of love. You're going to have your own attractions. Nothing I say or do is going to bring you to a complete understanding of why I did what I did, why I befriended the people I befriended. And why, after all this time, even with all the heartache, the separation, and my ultimate decision to walk away from Dee because she ultimately cannot walk away from that life...why on some level I still love her? That's simple. Because she is human. Because she is ultimately worthy of love. Because there is a pain there, somewhere deep within her psyche and soul, that I cannot ever take from her and no matter how ugly that can be at times, I still see something beautiful in her and I love her enough to hope some day she will see it in herself and I've reached a point of peace where that is good enough. And I know this because I've gone beyond the wondering "why?" about everyone else and found that I'm only accountable for myself. The stories people tell here only matter insofar as I find value in them and can apply them to myself in positive ways. The negative? I leave it. And I might leave this thread alone entirely if it wasn't for the fact that I'm seeing follow-up questions and responses directed at my friends that seem to indicate that you don't find value in what they're saying.


I can't tell you that you absolutely must find value in what they're saying; that's ultimately for you to decide. I can tell you that I believe the most effective use of this group, of any support group really, is to focus on what you get value out of and strive for that. Take what you can use. Leave the rest alone.


London, I don't even know your age, but the impression I get in a lot of your posts is that you're young. I was young once. I thought I could read books and ask questions and understand the entire human experience. I thought I could tell people they were wrong. (And, okay, I still do, but I tend to try to sit back and reserve judgment for a bit and think things through before I go there...progress, not perfection.) I thought that if someone told me they were uncomfortable that it was a flaw in their thinking rather than considering it might be a flaw in my compassion and comprehension.


What I've learned as I've aged, as I've experienced life, and as I've taken in more and more information......is that I will never know everything.


But I will know even less if I take that fact for granted and close my mind to the experience of others. (Or try to explain to them what their experience is, as if they don't know...which isn't true unless they've got psychiatric issues that go far beyond the scope of this group, and far beyond what I could possibly explain to them in a way they're capable of understanding because, well, some people just can't understand when they have that sort of disability, and that's okay.)


If you let go of your own paradigm now and then, you'll find there's an entirely different, incredibly beautiful world out there. And that more people will be comfortable opening up and giving you answers to questions you never even knew you had. (And no, you don't have to fall in love with a long-term or lifer MWI to discover any of that. But for some people....that's their path. For their reasons. Please respect that.)



-Eric

Well this was super long lol so I hope I get to most of your points . For starters I already answered why I wasnít that willing to share person info . I donít really want to put too much of someone elseís business out there because of my curiosity. But I can see how it can make it hard for someone to help answer the questions. And Iím asking the question to who ever wants to answer it 🤷🏾*♀️ Not making anyone share there business if they donít want to .


Also I do not know what most of the slang words your guys use mean like mbi or wbi so ..... and

When asking this question I didnít really have any set ďparadigm ď was just wondering why ppl seek ppl behind bars . I was expecting answering of ppl saying well I didnít have good luck meeting the right person so .... etc etc something on the lines liek that . Because seeking someone incarcerated means you wonít really get to have too much contact with that person so itís almaot like your not in a relationship in the first place . And I already know ppl are gonna nite my head off for that statement but I said what I said and itís my opinion
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Old 09-15-2019, 09:05 PM
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When a person is given life, with or without parole, they're still a person. They're still someone who wakes up every day and brushes their teeth and puts on their pants, who dreams and wonders "what if", who wants to be known and loved and seen. Maybe the last part even more so because we make so many assumptions about what it means to "earn" a life sentence. I've had the opportunity to meet some amazing lifers through my husband. A few I would call our friend. I want nothing but good things for them and that includes a loving partner."

This is so absolutely beautiful and right on. My man has become a very wise man in the 29 years he has served. We have gone through rough times and found our way back. He loves book series because of character development and enjoys discussions about current events. He dreams, he hopes and he plans. And he is unlikely to ever get out of prison, although miracles happen and political will is changing. He has the funniest sense of humor and being seared by the fire of his past and incarceration has given him a common sense look at life. Why does he not deserve someone who gives him comfort and care? "Life without mercy" is cruel and unusual punishment. I am his sunshine and a much better person because he is in my life. Love is love. We are lucky to find it anywhere in this troubled world.
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  #42  
Old 09-18-2019, 05:51 PM
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I had zero intention of finding love with my guy. His sister asked for friends to write to him and I ended up being the only one to do so. We started writing more and more, and it got to the point where I can say I love him. (something I have yet to tell him, kinda scared there). I've been hurt by so many guys in the past with face to face relationships that being in a MWI (met while incarcerated) relationship is exactly what I need. I needed someone who would get to know me inside first before outside. They need to understand me, I need to understand them. Yes I know what he did, yes it was stupid. Yes I understand why he did it, no I do not agree with it. But he was in his 20s and dumb. Has he grown? Most definitely
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Old 09-18-2019, 08:10 PM
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You get to go on my blocked list. Congrats! You are the third person on that list.

Interesting, I had no idea we have blocking privileges. Just curious, does blocking someone prevent seeing their avatar and posts, as if they don't exist on PT?
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Old 09-18-2019, 11:23 PM
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Thatís really good to hear ! Iím happy for
You guys . How long was he in there ?
This Halloween he'll be in for 26 years..
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Old 09-18-2019, 11:43 PM
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you won’t really get to have too much contact with that person so it’s almaot like your not in a relationship in the first place . And I already know ppl are gonna nite my head off for that statement but I said what I said and it’s my opinion
Wouldn't that mean that people who knew each other before one going to prison would be better off dissolving their relationship since it's not much of one anyway? Or do memories from the streets keep people from feeling that absence more than someone who doesn't have them, such as MWI.

Last edited by miamac; 09-23-2019 at 08:18 AM.. Reason: typo
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Old 09-19-2019, 10:13 AM
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Well for obvious reasons . In my opinion the two are different . Even In just life there are different types of relationships ppl have . So in my experience n observation itís different I also feel like your relationship is shifted when they go to jail as well . You guys dynamic change as well you will have to figure out to continually make it work 🤷🏾*♀️

In my opinion, the relationship does not change - your life changes. It's going on 9 months since I've seen my man. Our relationship is the exact same. The love is just as strong, communication and support. We don't have to continually "make it work" it comes natural getting through whatever struggle we face. If that was the case I wouldn't stick with him.. I don't think someone should have to make love work.

When I was 20 years old I held on to a guy for 5 years trying to "make it work" such a toxic time. All it gave me was low self esteem but made me realize that I'll never be in a relationship I have to "make work" again.
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Old 09-20-2019, 04:57 PM
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Iím asking the question to who ever wants to answer it 🤷🏾*♀️ Not making anyone share there business if they donít want to .

It's a support group. We're here to answer questions. That's the point.



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Because seeking someone incarcerated means you wonít really get to have too much contact with that person so itís almaot like your not in a relationship in the first place.

Then why are you in a relationship with an inmate? Or are you changing your story on that, too?
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Old 09-21-2019, 09:07 PM
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According to the Department of Justice, only 3 percent of convicted murderers who are released commit another felony within three years. For the general population that number is nearly 76 percent. My LO will never get out of prison for a murder that happened when he was 25 to protect his brother. Society has decided he is irredeemable for that act of violence so he will die alone in prison unless a miracle happens or political will changes. This nation claims to be merciful and compassionate, to believe in second chances, but my man is one of the "walking dead." No matter how much he grows, learns and matures, he is irredeemable. And yet I know different. I know him as a person of great intelligence, wit and introspection. He has been seared in the fire and emerged as a strong man who just wants peace and does his best to live that way inside. He is still a human being, he is still worth loving. He deserves at least one person in his life who believes he is redeemable and that just accepts and loves him. Don't get me wrong, we have had some rocky patches and I have kicked him to the curb a couple of times for disrespecting me with his street ways. He has had to learn how to treat a good woman. And he has worked hard at it. This is a real relationship with real people in it. The people who post here are all in the same boat, loving someone who will come home in 5, 10, 20 years, or never. It is a difficult path but there are rewards that someone who has not "been there, done that" will never understand. It is impossible to explain to someone and, frequently, outmates are made to feel like they have to justify their choice. It doesn't matter. We are stronger than most, we are more determined than many and we are committed as few can be because our relationships have to transcend the wall. But then, that's the power of love...
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  #49  
Old 09-23-2019, 08:02 AM
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According to the Department of Justice, only 3 percent of convicted murderers who are released commit another felony within three years. For the general population that number is nearly 76 percent. My LO will never get out of prison for a murder that happened when he was 25 to protect his brother. Society has decided he is irredeemable for that act of violence so he will die alone in prison unless a miracle happens or political will changes. This nation claims to be merciful and compassionate, to believe in second chances, but my man is one of the "walking dead." No matter how much he grows, learns and matures, he is irredeemable. And yet I know different. I know him as a person of great intelligence, wit and introspection. He has been seared in the fire and emerged as a strong man who just wants peace and does his best to live that way inside. He is still a human being, he is still worth loving. He deserves at least one person in his life who believes he is redeemable and that just accepts and loves him. Don't get me wrong, we have had some rocky patches and I have kicked him to the curb a couple of times for disrespecting me with his street ways. He has had to learn how to treat a good woman. And he has worked hard at it. This is a real relationship with real people in it. The people who post here are all in the same boat, loving someone who will come home in 5, 10, 20 years, or never. It is a difficult path but there are rewards that someone who has not "been there, done that" will never understand. It is impossible to explain to someone and, frequently, outmates are made to feel like they have to justify their choice. It doesn't matter. We are stronger than most, we are more determined than many and we are committed as few can be because our relationships have to transcend the wall. But then, that's the power of love...
That was beautiful. Thank you.
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  #50  
Old 09-23-2019, 08:32 AM
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Because seeking someone incarcerated means you wonít really get to have too much contact with that person so itís almaot like your not in a relationship in the first place.


Then why are you in a relationship with an inmate? Or are you changing your story on that, too?
When I read that original message, the amount of irritation that came over me was pretty intense! This was such a more.. 'eloquent' way of putting it. Guess that's why you are the moderator .
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