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Old 03-19-2004, 07:15 PM
kylie kylie is offline
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Default I just need a little advice.....should i send him a picture of his daughter?

Hello everyone, this is my first post on this site I just stumbled upon it today. My name is Kylie and I am almost 9 months pregnant, expecting my baby girl any day now.. I'm 19 years old and currently living in California, I moved here in October from Cedar City, Utah.
Last August me and my ex boyfriend Phillip *Last name removed by PTO* of about 7 months (3 of which he was encarcerated on previous charges) found out I was expecting a child, then he left me without reason or even an explanation. He always talked about having children and I thought that was what he wanted, I thought wrong. 3 days after leaving me he was with another woman, and offered me no help or support when i needed him the most. I have known Phillip for 2 years, but for the 1st year our relationship was just as friends, anyway the entire time I've known him he has been a drug user, crystal meth.. and after leaving me started to "slam" or shoot up the drug, something he had never done before. He called me once to come over and talk things out and talked about getting back together, he was about 30 pounds skinnier then he was a month before, after talking that once he never persued me or tried to work things out..
anyway to make a long story short, In Octoboer, right before i moved to california my childs father was arrested on 2 counts of distribution of meth. and he had also been running from his probation for 6 months, and was in possesion of meth when he was busted, he has 7 drug related felonie charges total now and was sentenced to a 0-5 and a 1-15.... I am pretty sure he is up in Draper now but not positive..
It has been about six months since i have talked to him, and havent spoken to him since he got busted and went to jail.. I felt I hadnt a reason, he had a new girl, a new life, and I wasnt part of it... But now that I am bustin' at the seems, and about ready to pop My only wish is for him to accept our daughter and want to be a part of her life.... I would like to send him a couple of photos when she is born, no letter, just photos and maybe a card with her name and all that.. but I dont know if I have the right, maybe more then that scared to know what his response will be, It would really upset me to get a letter from him telling us both to stay out of his life... Does anyone have any Idea how he will react? Do you think it is a bad idea to send him photos of our daughter? Could you all give me some advice? I am so confused and there hasnt been anyone i can talk to.....

Last edited by betrayed_4_life; 10-18-2004 at 06:49 PM.. Reason: removing last name of Phillip
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Old 03-19-2004, 07:20 PM
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johns_wife_to_b johns_wife_to_b is offline
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welcome to PTO and big (((((((((HUGS))))))))))...i'd go ahead and send him a couple of pics of the baby. then it's all up to him, you've done your part. (MORE THAN YOUR PART).

Old 03-19-2004, 07:36 PM
IMissRex IMissRex is offline
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Hello! And welcome. I would just send him some pictures. And just go from there. I can't say how he would react. My fiance went to prison on similar charges. He has seen our daughter and I have also sent pictures. How he reacted is that he messed up and is missing out on our daughter. He might react like that. Good luck to you and your new baby to be.
Old 03-19-2004, 08:32 PM
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NatureJunkee NatureJunkee is offline
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First, welcome to PTO. I know you will find lots of support here. I think you should send the pictures and see what response you get. Also, keep in mind that as the biological father he has responsiblities to the child--whether or not he wants to be physically involved in the baby's life. You might not want to deal with it now, but when the time comes, he should help you by paying child support. It's great that he has a new life started, but he also needs to help you take care of the life that you two created together. I hope this hasn't offended you--I just want to make sure that you are in the best position possible to take care of that baby--and it is hard to do it alone.
Old 03-19-2004, 09:47 PM
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maidenheart maidenheart is offline
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welcome to PTO Kylie. I am so sorry you are going through something so special all by yourself. This is a most special time and should be filled with love and excitement. Wanting to reach out to your daughters father and wanting some emotional support at a time when your anxious is very natural. I would send pictures, but I wouldn't expect him to feel what you are feeling. He does not sound like an honorable or responsible man and even if he were he has missed out on so much already. He doesn't have the pleasure of feeling her tiny life inside him, he has not had 9 months to prepare or build a bond that lasts a lifetime, he doesn't have the sense of protection and love you have for her since he has not been involved through out your pregnancy. I think your wanting to involve him is very generous and I think your daughter will be the one to benefit from a mother who is trying to make sensitive choices for her childs future. I hope for you and your daughters sake that if he chooses to become involved he will not cause your life to be filled with the chaos that accompanies someone with a drug addiction. I wish you well and hope you have some support to help you through this. My prayers are with you.

Someone's opinion of you does not have to become your reality.
~ Les Brown

In prosperity, our friends know us; in adversity, we know our friends.
~ John Churton Collins

I do not understand the mystery of grace--only that it meets us where we are, but does not leave us where it found us.
~ Anne LaMott

Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start. ~ Nido Qubein
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Old 05-04-2004, 01:38 AM
DaisyMay DaisyMay is offline
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Lightbulb A little advice

Hi their sweetie. I just feel so sorry for you and I am sorry that anyone would have to go through what you are.

I think that you should do whatever is in your heart. If you feel that he will reform himself then you should go ahead and contact him. Prison is a funny thing for men...it gives them a lot of time to think about everything.

If you think it will ease your conscious then go ahead a let him know about his baby...but I will tell you, prepare yourself...just in case he says something hurtful. You don't need anymore negative feelings with the way that you are feeling now.

Hang in there.
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