Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS > Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #101  
Old 04-12-2019, 07:31 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is online now
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,469
Thanks: 436
Thanked 3,145 Times in 1,478 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by upsetspouse View Post
So true. Mine was on lockdown for a week and still only get 5min a day which totally sucks
That sucks. The time it takes to make the call counts for us as well, so the call is like 8 min if he doesn't call his mom first.

It could be worse. I got mail today. I have to up my mail game this weekend and get stuff out to him tomorrow.
__________________


Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #102  
Old 04-14-2019, 06:22 PM
Revenwyn's Avatar
Revenwyn Revenwyn is offline
Married May 27, 2017!
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: California, USA- Husband in Colorado
Posts: 815
Thanks: 715
Thanked 621 Times in 316 Posts
Default

Today is a special day for us. 19 years ago today we got the pics in my avatar and signature. Wish I could be with him right now. And with 200 guys and 4 phones it's not very likely that I will hear from him either.
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Revenwyn For This Useful Post:
maytayah (04-17-2019), miamac (04-15-2019), Sarianna (04-17-2019)
  #103  
Old 04-15-2019, 08:55 PM
100%Hiz 100%Hiz is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: California
Posts: 459
Thanks: 59
Thanked 29 Times in 17 Posts
Default Happy Anniversary

Quote:
Originally Posted by Revenwyn View Post
Today is a special day for us. 19 years ago today we got the pics in my avatar and signature. Wish I could be with him right now. And with 200 guys and 4 phones it's not very likely that I will hear from him either.
Happy anniversary to you and your hubby.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to 100%Hiz For This Useful Post:
maytayah (04-17-2019), miamac (04-15-2019), Sarianna (04-17-2019)
  #104  
Old 04-16-2019, 04:41 AM
Panda70 Panda70 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 72
Thanks: 3
Thanked 24 Times in 18 Posts
Default

I knew my fiance for 20 years and connected before he went in. It all depends on how you feel about him and you want to wait for him to get out. Six or ten years is a long time to wait. I'm waiting for mine but he is only in for a year and a half. Follow your 💜
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Panda70 For This Useful Post:
maytayah (04-17-2019), oftheroses (04-17-2019)
  #105  
Old 04-17-2019, 12:49 PM
sm.boewer sm.boewer is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
Posts: 11
Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
Default Hi

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarianna View Post
Happy New Year to everyone!

Here's our new Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison Chit Chat thread for 2019 Like the title says, this is the place for chatting about nothing specific - just venting or telling us how you day is going....the weather, news, what's on your mind - pretty much anything that doesn't belong to any other, more subject specified threads & forums!
Hi- I'm totally new to this forum and confused as to how it works. There doesn't seem to be any action on this forum, am I missing something? I am wondering if anyone out there has had the same experiences as myself with really missing a partner in prison, and heing disappointed as to the amount of contact your loved one is able to have with you. I have other concerns on my mind also, but I will try to figure out how this works before I mention all I am struggling with. Thanks
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to sm.boewer For This Useful Post:
kellydavid410 (04-17-2019)
  #106  
Old 04-17-2019, 12:55 PM
sm.boewer sm.boewer is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
Posts: 11
Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by onedayatatime13 View Post
That sucks. The time it takes to make the call counts for us as well, so the call is like 8 min if he doesn't call his mom first.

It could be worse. I got mail today. I have to up my mail game this weekend and get stuff out to him tomorrow.
I am struggling to get use to the infrequent calls, my boyfriend can't always get to the phone so he can only call every two weeks or so. Everytime it gets to be about the two week mark, I imagine he's decided to cut me off and feel panicked. I have an unreasonable fear that he will lose interest in me because he has 3 more years to go, even though we have been together for 6 years and survived shorter stints in county jail. Maybe I need to toughen up and jearn to deal with it, any advice?
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to sm.boewer For This Useful Post:
kellydavid410 (04-17-2019)
  #107  
Old 04-17-2019, 01:01 PM
oftheroses oftheroses is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Michigan
Posts: 8
Thanks: 5
Thanked 3 Times in 2 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by sm.boewer View Post
I am struggling to get use to the infrequent calls, my boyfriend can't always get to the phone so he can only call every two weeks or so. Everytime it gets to be about the two week mark, I imagine he's decided to cut me off and feel panicked. I have an unreasonable fear that he will lose interest in me because he has 3 more years to go, even though we have been together for 6 years and survived shorter stints in county jail. Maybe I need to toughen up and jearn to deal with it, any advice?
I feel your pain. Itís really hard not being able to communicate with them at will like we are used to doing on the outs. I struggle with it a lot with my S/O. He just got moved to another location so I havenít heard from him in two weeks. Itís scary as hell but I just remind myself that they are essentially living on a different planet with a different set of rules. Iím sure he loves you very much.
Reply With Quote
  #108  
Old 04-17-2019, 10:32 PM
sm.boewer sm.boewer is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
Posts: 11
Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
Default Sad

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarianna View Post
Happy New Year to everyone!

Here's our new Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison Chit Chat thread for 2019 Like the title says, this is the place for chatting about nothing specific - just venting or telling us how you day is going....the weather, news, what's on your mind - pretty much anything that doesn't belong to any other, more subject specified threads & forums!
My boyfriend has been gone for a year and a half, and he has 3 years to go. I've been with him for 6 years and in that time, he has been in and out of county jail for short stints. This time, being in prison, he is not acting the same way he usually acts towards me. Normally, I hear from him daily and he makes an effort to express loving thoughts to me. But now he seems to be distant, and only says he misses me if I ask. I know that he has had a harder time in prison compared to county, and because all I can do to support him is write and keep the phone funded, he had no extra packages or snacks or decent clothing, and lost 40 lbs eating the state issued meals only. I feel like he feels betrayed by me because I honestly cannot do more for him for a variety of reasons. One reason is my parents, who I live with, cannot stand him, have said I must choose between him or my family, and forbade letters being sent here. This situation is so stressful, because I love him deeply and cannot imagine abandoning him or losing relationships with family, it's a no win situation. Meanwhile, I'm spinning in my head, imagining that his strange attitude must mean he is distancing from me because he would like to end things and not come home to me. I have had a fear of losing him from day one, never for good reason, and have embarked on self-esteem repair while he's gone to get over this abandonment fear I have. He can't access the phone often, to add to my distress, so I often wait for weeks between calls. So I'm alone with no one to talk about my missing him or my saddness over his apparent lack of showing me love, and I really struggle everyday to keep my head up, stay positive, and focus on healing my own issues. Thanks for the opportunity to vent, I hope it helps
Reply With Quote
  #109  
Old Yesterday, 05:47 AM
Panda70 Panda70 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 72
Thanks: 3
Thanked 24 Times in 18 Posts
Default

My fiance just went in January to the NH prison and we get two visits a week one a hour and a half the other is two hours. We get a 3 second hug when we see each other and when the visit is over. He calls me 4-5 times a day. Some of those is just to tell me he loves me. He has just under a year and a half left. But last night he told me they could have him do another class after the one he is in now before he can get out. The thing that gets me is what they are thinking about having him do he wasn't charged for. He was charged years ago but that's way back when. I hate the system ��
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #110  
Old Yesterday, 05:57 AM
Panda70 Panda70 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 72
Thanks: 3
Thanked 24 Times in 18 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by sm.boewer View Post
My boyfriend has been gone for a year and a half, and he has 3 years to go. I've been with him for 6 years and in that time, he has been in and out of county jail for short stints. This time, being in prison, he is not acting the same way he usually acts towards me. Normally, I hear from him daily and he makes an effort to express loving thoughts to me. But now he seems to be distant, and only says he misses me if I ask. I know that he has had a harder time in prison compared to county, and because all I can do to support him is write and keep the phone funded, he had no extra packages or snacks or decent clothing, and lost 40 lbs eating the state issued meals only. I feel like he feels betrayed by me because I honestly cannot do more for him for a variety of reasons. One reason is my parents, who I live with, cannot stand him, have said I must choose between him or my family, and forbade letters being sent here. This situation is so stressful, because I love him deeply and cannot imagine abandoning him or losing relationships with family, it's a no win situation. Meanwhile, I'm spinning in my head, imagining that his strange attitude must mean he is distancing from me because he would like to end things and not come home to me. I have had a fear of losing him from day one, never for good reason, and have embarked on self-esteem repair while he's gone to get over this abandonment fear I have. He can't access the phone often, to add to my distress, so I often wait for weeks between calls. So I'm alone with no one to talk about my missing him or my saddness over his apparent lack of showing me love, and I really struggle everyday to keep my head up, stay positive, and focus on healing my own issues. Thanks for the opportunity to vent, I hope it helps
You shouldn't have to chose between the two. You love him and want to be by his side and spend the rest of your life with him it's your choice. You have every right to miss him you love him. I miss mine every second of the day even after he calls me I miss him. We're so use to them being near us and then in a slit second they are behind the walls . It sucks I know what you're going through. I'm here to talk to if you want to chat
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #111  
Old Yesterday, 06:11 AM
MizzyMuffling's Avatar
MizzyMuffling MizzyMuffling is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: NC & Germany
Posts: 3,901
Thanks: 3,554
Thanked 4,092 Times in 1,738 Posts
Default

Well, we're waiting for his approval to be moved to Minimum. It's been 90 days and that's usually the "deadline" for a decision. All those that have been denied have been informed weeks ago, his "approval" is still pending... that sucks, as you know we've been waiting for this for a really long time.
Other than that things have calmed down but I still got my walls up... not easy but not as stressful anymore...
Happy Easter!
__________________
Follow your heart but take your brain with you...
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to MizzyMuffling For This Useful Post:
maytayah (Yesterday), miamac (Yesterday), Sarianna (Yesterday), sidewalker (Yesterday)
  #112  
Old Yesterday, 06:41 AM
maytayah's Avatar
maytayah maytayah is offline
Lil British Site Moderator

Staff Superstar Winner PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: England Uk
Posts: 7,881
Thanks: 7,645
Thanked 10,458 Times in 4,354 Posts
Default Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison Chit Chat 2019

Quote:
Originally Posted by sm.boewer View Post
My boyfriend has been gone for a year and a half, and he has 3 years to go. I've been with him for 6 years and in that time, he has been in and out of county jail for short stints. This time, being in prison, he is not acting the same way he usually acts towards me. Normally, I hear from him daily and he makes an effort to express loving thoughts to me. But now he seems to be distant, and only says he misses me if I ask. I know that he has had a harder time in prison compared to county, and because all I can do to support him is write and keep the phone funded, he had no extra packages or snacks or decent clothing, and lost 40 lbs eating the state issued meals only. I feel like he feels betrayed by me because I honestly cannot do more for him for a variety of reasons. One reason is my parents, who I live with, cannot stand him, have said I must choose between him or my family, and forbade letters being sent here. This situation is so stressful, because I love him deeply and cannot imagine abandoning him or losing relationships with family, it's a no win situation. Meanwhile, I'm spinning in my head, imagining that his strange attitude must mean he is distancing from me because he would like to end things and not come home to me. I have had a fear of losing him from day one, never for good reason, and have embarked on self-esteem repair while he's gone to get over this abandonment fear I have. He can't access the phone often, to add to my distress, so I often wait for weeks between calls. So I'm alone with no one to talk about my missing him or my saddness over his apparent lack of showing me love, and I really struggle everyday to keep my head up, stay positive, and focus on healing my own issues. Thanks for the opportunity to vent, I hope it helps


Your parents are angry with this man because he has asked you to smuggle drugs into the prison. I am a mother and I fully understand their view. Any man who did that to my daughter would be banned from my home and I would be hoping she would get support to get away from him.


You can get support like al anon they support families and friends of addicts, they will help you with coping strategies for loving an addict whilst setting clear boundaries and making sure you can look after yourself. You cannot love an addict better. You canít shame them or persuade them out of addiction. All you can do is look after yourself so that when he is ready to make positive changes you are there to support him.
He will need to reach his own rock bottom before he wants to make changes. Donít let him drag you down. That is why support for you is so important.
Donít let him convince you that he is so depressed and down that you need to help him. You may end up being convinced to do something that will affect you forever. A felony on your record is not what you deserve for loving a man. IHe has shown you he doesnít value your freedom donít let him ruin your life.
__________________
"Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again." Nelson Mandela.

Who cares what they say about us? Because when I am with you I am standing with an army.

Last edited by maytayah; Yesterday at 06:43 AM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to maytayah For This Useful Post:
MizzyMuffling (Yesterday), onedayatatime13 (Yesterday), Sarianna (Yesterday)
  #113  
Old Yesterday, 08:01 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is online now
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,469
Thanks: 436
Thanked 3,145 Times in 1,478 Posts
Default

We are in limbo still. The hurry up and wait at its finest. I'm hoping I can get up there to visit next weekend. 7 1/2 he's feels like such a daunting car ride. I'll need to stay over at least one night somewhere. The last month had gone fast for me at least. For him, not so much. I just wish we knew if he was cleared medically so we can wrap our heads around this year or next year.

Today starts my week off from work. I'll still do side jobs, but hang with my kids and relax is what I want to do the most. Im tired. Physically and emotionally.

How are you ladies doing?
__________________


Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to onedayatatime13 For This Useful Post:
maytayah (Today), miamac (Yesterday)
  #114  
Old Yesterday, 08:58 PM
miamac's Avatar
miamac miamac is offline
Site Moderator Gone Mad

Staff Superstar Winner PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: May 2013
Location: ORnativeAZresCAtied
Posts: 10,681
Thanks: 14,384
Thanked 20,968 Times in 7,469 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by onedayatatime13 View Post
We are in limbo still. The hurry up and wait at its finest.
I feel ya. After our last fight ended in a denial, we've picked up the next flag which is trying to get him scheduled for a parole hearing. He was due in 2016. Still hasn't had one. Our attempts at getting answers have resulted in form letters and shrugged shoulders. They don't seem bothered that lives are on hold while the clock keeps running. So now we write strong letters to every body we can think of to get attention. I'll be reaching out to his former PD who has kept in touch with him for the last 17 years (unbelievable, she's an angel). Hopefully she'll have some advice.

I'm struggling a bit. Feeling like I'm not creating the life I want. That I'm running around putting out fires and finding that it's draining me. Literally running in circles. I have desires that never come to fruition because something happens to get in the way or I don't feel I have the energy or motivation to complete it. So I'm stuck. I need to get unstuck. I know I'm the only one who can do it and right now I'm stinking at it. Lol
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to miamac For This Useful Post:
maytayah (Today)
  #115  
Old Yesterday, 11:59 PM
sm.boewer sm.boewer is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
Posts: 11
Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
Default Feeling relieved

I finally heard from my boyfriend after two long weeks of silence. He has been gone a year and a half out of a 41/2 year sentence, and he has seemed so distant the entire time compared to his many stints in and out of county jail over the past 6 years. I finally asked him why it is that this term he only says he misses me if I ask, and there hasn't been the usual I love you's expressed in a variety of special ways. He reminded me that his prison term is miserable, and that it's out dated, old, over-crowded, racially unstable, plagued by riots, there are political games to play within his peer group, and he'slost 40 lbs because he eats only what is state supplies. I haven't been able to do more than write and fund the phone this time, so he hasn't had the luxury of packages, extra snacks or even clothes suitable for keeping warm or cool, so when he sounds distant it is only a reflexion of the shitty environment he lives in every day. I thought he was feeling betrayed by me for not financially helping him, but he says he gets it. He also said I need to remember he loves me more than he has loved anyone in his entire life, and words cannot adequately describe how deeply he loves me. I told him saying that was so beneficial to me and really I am easy to please, I only need an occasional sentiment of love to have my heart melt all over again. I guess my mind slipped into an old pattern of fearing he is done with me, and my more evolved and self-assured mind-set got, overwhelmed by abandonment fears. A clear reminder to continue working in NarAnon to heal self-esteem that I never had, even when we first met, and so I spent 6 years enabling his drug and crime addictions trying to please him as I thought sure I wasn't good enough for him. It is challenging to get used to the infrequent contact and lack of communication around feelings between us, so I panick and assume the worst. I miss him, and I'm scared because my family says if I reunite with him, I am no longer welcome in their lives. So many unknowns, so many worries, so many memories, and so much desire to have deep discussions about our relationship, past, present, and future. But he has to live in the present moment, and I guess I have no choice but to respect that until we are closer to the out date in three years. I hope it's okay that I wrote so much, but I guess I needed to vent since I can't even mention his name around here, and nobody wants to hear my about my sadness, that's for sure and an understatement at that. Thanks, take care
Reply With Quote
  #116  
Old Today, 12:15 AM
sm.boewer sm.boewer is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
Posts: 11
Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Panda70 View Post
You shouldn't have to chose between the two. You love him and want to be by his side and spend the rest of your life with him it's your choice. You have every right to miss him you love him. I miss mine every second of the day even after he calls me I miss him. We're so use to them being near us and then in a slit second they are behind the walls . It sucks I know what you're going through. I'm here to talk to if you want to chat
Thanks so much for the thoughtful reply, it helps. I finally heard from my boyfriend and he reminded me he loves me deeply, which I have been needing to hear for a long time. I really have to take this one day at a time and stop future tripping, because I can't sort out the problem of my family's ultimatum right now. I want it fixed now, and my mind spins with fears about being forced to choose between the man I have love for, and the love of my family. I can't formulate a plan that makes sense as a solution, and I only have visions of a broken heart waiting for me at the end of it all. I can't simply turn off my feelings of love for my boyfriend at the insistance of my parents, it isn't that easy. This situation sucks, and I appreciate having a place to let it all out. Thanks
Reply With Quote
  #117  
Old Today, 05:06 AM
Panda70 Panda70 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 72
Thanks: 3
Thanked 24 Times in 18 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by sm.boewer View Post
Thanks so much for the thoughtful reply, it helps. I finally heard from my boyfriend and he reminded me he loves me deeply, which I have been needing to hear for a long time. I really have to take this one day at a time and stop future tripping, because I can't sort out the problem of my family's ultimatum right now. I want it fixed now, and my mind spins with fears about being forced to choose between the man I have love for, and the love of my family. I can't formulate a plan that makes sense as a solution, and I only have visions of a broken heart waiting for me at the end of it all. I can't simply turn off my feelings of love for my boyfriend at the insistance of my parents, it isn't that easy. This situation sucks, and I appreciate having a place to let it all out. Thanks
My fiance has two sisters one I have met she don't think he should be in a relationship right now because he just got a divorce from his second wife. And she is afraid I will be like the other two ex wife's he had. I told him and his mom I shouldn't have to prove myself to her. His mom said it's because she don't see me like his mom and her boyfriend does. I don't go to his sisters at all just down to his mom's. We love each other so much we have for three years and last year's in July we got together he didn't want to hurt me because he was going in prison. I told him that he wasn't hurting me if I didn't want to be in this I wouldn't be.
__________________
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
California Chit Chat 2019 sidewalker California Member Introductions & Bull in Session Lounge 10 03-07-2019 09:33 AM
Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison Chit Chat 2018 Sarianna Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 46 12-22-2018 10:23 PM
about husbands and boyfriends in prison Sexesweet Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 0 05-06-2002 01:28 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:56 AM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics