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  #1  
Old 03-22-2019, 09:46 AM
JadensMom127 JadensMom127 is offline
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Default My ride is almost over.

My son just got his final release date of April 25th. I am so excited and anxious and scared at the same time, that I cannot even focus at work. I am so scared that something will go wrong before then, that I check on the DOC website constantly to see that it hasn't changed. I keep planning for the day of his return. I sob every time I picture him getting of the truck at home.

These have been the hardest 3 years of my life. I can accept the fact that I think I almost died,at the beginning. Unfortunately I lost a child at the age of 5, 25 years ago. As unbearable as that was...my child was no longer suffering. It was I who grieved at that time.

This ride was totally different. My son was suffering too. The day he was lead away on his plea, I went home and crawled into his bed and howled like a wounded animal. I kept imagining all the scenarios he was going to encounter in prison. For 8 weeks I functioned emotionless to the rest of the world. I know that even my work friends, did not know how to act around me. I was lifeless. The worst part was NOT hearing from him until he was transferred to his prison home, and then trying to set up phone call applications and visitation. The first time I was finally able to visit him, we just sat and held hands and watched the tears flow down each other's cheeks, not even speaking.In the past 3 years I have learned the prison system inside out. I called classification officers weekly. To the point that I even became friendly with some. One in particular received many good blessings from me and a wish for a wonderful new year, with all the blessings she deserved, for her patience with me. Others were not so nice and I learned that right away. I also learned to have sympathy for every mother who had a child in prison. For they were suffering just like me, no matter the crime.

I just can't believe that my nightmare is finally almost over. Thank you for listening to my story and for all the support I received from all of you, just by reading your posts.

God Bless all mothers everywhere!
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Old 03-22-2019, 10:11 AM
Ricoluv29 Ricoluv29 is offline
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I don't have a child in prison but I pray for you and hope his home coming is nothing but great.
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Old 03-22-2019, 02:23 PM
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It's wonderful that he is coming home soon. Be aware of the trap that probation or parole can be. It will be uneventful, but only if he takes it very seriously.

Best of luck to your family.
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Old 03-24-2019, 09:59 AM
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Originally Posted by JadensMom127 View Post
My son just got his final release date of April 25th. I am so excited and anxious and scared at the same time, that I cannot even focus at work. I am so scared that something will go wrong before then, that I check on the DOC website constantly to see that it hasn't changed. I keep planning for the day of his return. I sob every time I picture him getting of the truck at home.

...
I kept imagining all the scenarios he was going to encounter in prison. For 8 weeks I functioned emotionless to the rest of the world. I know that even my work friends, did not know how to act around me. I was lifeless. The worst part was NOT hearing from him until he was transferred to his prison home, and then trying to set up phone call applications and visitation. The first time I was finally able to visit him, we just sat and held hands and watched the tears flow down each other's cheeks, not even speaking.In the past 3 years I have learned the prison system inside out. ...

I just can't believe that my nightmare is finally almost over. Thank you for listening to my story and for all the support I received from all of you, just by reading your posts.
I know exactly how you feel. My son gets out a month after yours. It's been a long 6.75 years. Between jail and getting to that first visit where I could finally hug him for the 1st time since the night he disappeared, was the longest 9 months of my life. I imagined everything. My son told me to stop watching tv shows and movies that involved criminal law. Some things were worse than I imagined, like his ability to get drugs, and others were less of a problem, like his personal safety.

Your recouped from the emotional lifelessness more quickly than I did. The first 2 years, I wasn't actively suicidal but I wasn't as careful with my own life. It felt that if the car went off the road and over the canyon it wouldn't matter. It was a very strange feeling of being totally numb. I was also dealing with surgeries and eventually put on the totally disabled list. The loss of my son and my career in 2 years shut me down.

This place and all the support from those who had already gone through it made a huge difference. Like you said, who cares about their crimes; we are all moms and dads suffering the same loss - our children and our hopes and dreams for them being sidelined.

I, too, check the DOC website constantly, fearful something will go wrong and derail the process.

Good luck to you and your son and may his future be brighter than anticipated and full of successes.
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  #5  
Old 03-25-2019, 07:25 AM
JadensMom127 JadensMom127 is offline
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Originally Posted by lizlizzie2 View Post
I know exactly how you feel. My son gets out a month after yours. It's been a long 6.75 years. Between jail and getting to that first visit where I could finally hug him for the 1st time since the night he disappeared, was the longest 9 months of my life. I imagined everything. My son told me to stop watching tv shows and movies that involved criminal law. Some things were worse than I imagined, like his ability to get drugs, and others were less of a problem, like his personal safety.

Your recouped from the emotional lifelessness more quickly than I did. The first 2 years, I wasn't actively suicidal but I wasn't as careful with my own life. It felt that if the car went off the road and over the canyon it wouldn't matter. It was a very strange feeling of being totally numb. I was also dealing with surgeries and eventually put on the totally disabled list. The loss of my son and my career in 2 years shut me down.

This place and all the support from those who had already gone through it made a huge difference. Like you said, who cares about their crimes; we are all moms and dads suffering the same loss - our children and our hopes and dreams for them being sidelined.

I, too, check the DOC website constantly, fearful something will go wrong and derail the process.

Good luck to you and your son and may his future be brighter than anticipated and full of successes.
Our stories are so alike. This is what I learned from the beginning. That we are all mothers grieving the life we had once dreamed of for our children. I too thought that it wouldn't be too bad if I died. I have thought this twice in my lifetime... When my daughter died and later when my son went to prison. But both times the love for my children and the pain I was going to subject them to, won out against my pain.
Blessing to you and your family. I'm glad your son will be home soon too!
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Old 03-25-2019, 08:35 AM
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congrats on the up coming releases!!
Im sure there are a new flood of emotions to be experienced too.
All normal to go thru and feel.
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Old 03-25-2019, 10:40 AM
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Yay! I'm so happy for you! Congratulations!
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Old 03-25-2019, 10:53 AM
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So happy to hear you are soon to have your home coming. I hope your son has a bright furture.
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Old 03-25-2019, 02:26 PM
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I've visited this thread several times intending to post....but had to walk away from the computer for a bit to gather my thoughts (and emotions) every single time. The honesty & raw emotions in both your posts are heartrending.

JadensMom127, and lizlizzie2, I can't begin to describe how ecstatic I am for both of you Congratulations!!
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Old 03-25-2019, 04:37 PM
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Congratulations !!
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Old 03-25-2019, 05:25 PM
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Our stories are so alike. This is what I learned from the beginning. That we are all mothers grieving the life we had once dreamed of for our children. I too thought that it wouldn't be too bad if I died. I have thought this twice in my lifetime... When my daughter died and later when my son went to prison. But both times the love for my children and the pain I was going to subject them to, won out against my pain.
Blessing to you and your family. I'm glad your son will be home soon too!
Knowing my son needed me and would need me even more after he got out was the only thing that kept me going some days. I was ok when he was in jail the first 6 months. Prison just destroyed all the barriers. Tears would fall without me realizing I was crying and my brain just kept saying my son is in prison with the constant fear for his safety. It's a state mentally and emotionally I hope never to revisit. I suspect it is one that most of us experience to some extent when first dealing with this situation. Friends and family didn't understand - it was only when I found this forum that I felt like I wasn't alone and that there were others who understood.
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Old 03-27-2019, 05:08 PM
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Congrats to both of you on the upcoming release of your sons. My son has been in for 5+ years now with another 2 years to go. Its a very long 7.5 years!

And...like you I was numb in the beginning. Never was suicidal but felt very helpless which for a control freak like me was very hard - lol.

Its a different kind of grieving when your child is the one incarcerated.

Best wishes to both of your families.
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Old 04-06-2019, 07:46 PM
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Congratulations JadensMom127 and lizlizzie2!!

I know how excited you must be! My son came home in January after 11.5 years and everything still feels kind of unreal but awesome at the same time! Hope the time passes quickly for you both and that everything goes smoothly in the future.
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Old 04-12-2019, 08:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JadensMom127 View Post
My son just got his final release date of April 25th. I am so excited and anxious and scared at the same time, that I cannot even focus at work. I am so scared that something will go wrong before then, that I check on the DOC website constantly to see that it hasn't changed. I keep planning for the day of his return. I sob every time I picture him getting of the truck at home.

These have been the hardest 3 years of my life. I can accept the fact that I think I almost died,at the beginning. Unfortunately I lost a child at the age of 5, 25 years ago. As unbearable as that was...my child was no longer suffering. It was I who grieved at that time.

This ride was totally different. My son was suffering too. The day he was lead away on his plea, I went home and crawled into his bed and howled like a wounded animal. I kept imagining all the scenarios he was going to encounter in prison. For 8 weeks I functioned emotionless to the rest of the world. I know that even my work friends, did not know how to act around me. I was lifeless. The worst part was NOT hearing from him until he was transferred to his prison home, and then trying to set up phone call applications and visitation. The first time I was finally able to visit him, we just sat and held hands and watched the tears flow down each other's cheeks, not even speaking.In the past 3 years I have learned the prison system inside out. I called classification officers weekly. To the point that I even became friendly with some. One in particular received many good blessings from me and a wish for a wonderful new year, with all the blessings she deserved, for her patience with me. Others were not so nice and I learned that right away. I also learned to have sympathy for every mother who had a child in prison. For they were suffering just like me, no matter the crime.

I just can't believe that my nightmare is finally almost over. Thank you for listening to my story and for all the support I received from all of you, just by reading your posts.

God Bless all mothers everywhere!


I so feel your pain. My son just turned 20 in prison and is scheduled for release May 31, 2019. I am so ready but scared to death at the same time. Praying for you and your family!
Shanna
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Old 04-15-2019, 11:20 PM
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We have two years to go also. As much as this has been a whirlwind, I know getting out will be full of all kinds of other sorts of challenges. Just taking things one day at a time and trying to prepare as best as we can.
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Old 04-16-2019, 08:14 PM
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I so feel your pain. My son just turned 20 in prison and is scheduled for release May 31, 2019. I am so ready but scared to death at the same time. Praying for you and your family!
Shanna
Shanna, congrats. That's 3 of us in April and May! I hope all our children are successful.
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