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  #1  
Old 06-02-2012, 08:51 PM
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Angry Into--iRunLA22 from Rhode Island

Hello everyone, im mel, ive been here before but i recently just registered. I could make this long but i wont. in a nutshell, i have been with my ex/man for a total of 6 years. i knew him for ten. i got with him when i was only 16 years old, he was 20. hes not 28 and i am 22. we have been though alot together. he has made me one of the happiest women alive! and i do mean that. He has also made me feel like a low person.
weve been through good times, sad times, fun times, crazy times, drama, trials, tribulaions, struggles, and honestly im glad that he went though the defining moment in my life and help me become the person i am today. Hes cheated a few times, weve broken up to make up, ive hooked u p with a one time fling is spite to get back at him, weve agrued, we been through alot of negative toward the 2nd half of our relationship but honestly it all made me stronger and i have learned so much from this guy. It wasnt all bad, he tought me how LOVE and be loved in return. hes my first love and i was his also, when i was kicked out of my home, he spent sleepless nights with me, hes been my rock and my best friend.
What i am about to tell you guys next will probubly shock some, or maybe some of you will judge me of call me foolish, call it what you want im just really reaching out right now. I am a strong girl sitting here at the age of 22 i can say i have seen the worse that somes along with relationships. please do not judge unless you have walked a mile in my shoes... even then u wouldnt understand lol

I sit here today away from this man that i speak of^^^.
On New Years night Jan 2010, our arguments and disresepct took a trun for the worse while we were out on new years. in a heated argument outside the night club i recieved and unexpected blow to my face (nose). Yes he did this to me. it was the worse night of my life and ill never forget that feeling. ive never been hurt by a man or anyone like that. of all the times he broke my heart, he really ripped it out with this one. That was the last day i saw him (besides court). up until now atleast.
The hardest thing i had to do was press charges againsed him. i had to stand up for myself and other woman. i didnt want him to get the idea that what he did was anything close to okay. and because he violated his probation, the judge gave him a year and a year because of what i looked like from that punch.
The only thing i felt bad about is him having to go back to a place that he would rather be dead than visit again. but he did that to himself.

Say what you want but i Still do love this man as crazy at that is. he will never have the respect from my parents family or friends because of what he did to me 5 months ago and i understand why. He has never laid a hand or been violent with me the decade that i knew him. we had our differences but he actually was the opposite: very protective and kept me safe. i dnt know what went through his head that night or what drove him to hit me, but it was scary. again, im not making excuses for him but its not the man that i know and fell in liove with. things got way too far in our relationship. In my heart i forgave him and ive let that go because it will kill me if i let it haunt me forever.

recently the judge granted ACI visits and i have been to visit him a few times as he has no family that will see him. We talked about eveything that has occured and of course he is sorry for what he did. Was it still wrong, YES,. Do people F*** up, yes!. i knew we would reconnect i just didnt know how long it would take and what it would be like. basically i need to know what you all think because i am falling in love with him all over again.... and hes incarcerated for putting hands on me...CCAZY I KNOW!!!!!! today i left the visit early very upset and crying because we got in discussion of the past and we were both getting a little upset. i walked away and left him sitting there as i cried. i dont think ill be going back to see him for a while becasue i need to reevaluate things, my life, him, and our future. ive hurt so much that i cant tolerate anymore pain. He is my world, but i dont know what to make of all this. Should i follow my heart, or turn around and never look back?

please dont judge me
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  #2  
Old 06-02-2012, 08:55 PM
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Im sorry the thread was long anyway
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  #3  
Old 06-02-2012, 08:57 PM
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Sorry i said Jan 2010, but this happened Jan 2012 this year!
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Old 06-02-2012, 09:01 PM
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Giro I think that you are doing the right thing by stepping back to reevaluate your situation. I wish u the best of luck in whatever you decide
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Old 06-02-2012, 09:02 PM
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*girl*
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Old 06-02-2012, 09:02 PM
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No one can judge you. We all can only do what we want to do. what others think or say is irrelevent. First i am very sorry that you had to go through that. Seeing how he was your first, and your rock, and all the other wonderful things you said of him he did the unforgivable. he hurt you when he was always your protector.

I will never tell you to go or leave. i will only tell you to educate yourself, watch for signs, and really pay close attention to his words and actions towards you.... they are alway sorry after they hurt you,,, but you gotta make him really mean that sorry... what i will say, if you can dont go back to see him so soon. Let him think on things and realize that how he treats you in important.
i will never say they cant change,,,, i will say that it takes more than an im sorry for a man to truly be sorry for touching a female in that manner.
again im really sorry you going through that.
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Old 06-02-2012, 09:14 PM
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No judgement here,, but you kno there is NEVER a good reason for a man to hit you... With that being said,, trust UR instincts,, they will lead u right.. if u have a relationship with a Higher Power,, call out to it. Sometimes we mix our hearts up with our heads.
Check out the DV forum,, there you will get a lot of info.
There were a few red flags that went off for me as I read your thread,, but you say Yall worked thru them,, do I'll leave them alone.
Do u think he will be resentful and angry at you for pressing charges??
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Old 06-02-2012, 09:14 PM
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Thank you all for your thoughts.
Nieves*** you couldnt have said it better, i have talks with my mom sometimes and alot of different people and most agree with what you said. i did also. And just like i told him too, actions speak louder than words. Saying sorry is just a start, you have to show me now. and i dont mean while your incarcerated, but when you are released. what will you do differently???
Thanx for your input. Ive been through so much, i know ill get through this
and thanz for the 2nd opinion. im Not going to see him for a while. he needs to think! Because your right, how your treat your parnter is important and people forget that
THANK YOU
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Old 06-02-2012, 09:15 PM
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Oh,, and welcome to PTO!!!
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There is only one man who has ever made me feel as loved as Zachary has,,,that man was my father, for now that he has come into my life and Daddy's gone,,, I am no longer Daddy's Little Girl, I am his WOMAN.


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Old 06-02-2012, 09:20 PM
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Thank you Zacks woman, i will have to check out that forum because like i said, ive never been a victim of dv until now thats just reality. even though it was once, it only takes one time for anything! im stronger because of all of this.

well since ive seen/spoken to him, he says he sees noobe fit to blame for him being in jail but himself. and he said hes not upset nor does he blame me. (which is right he should blame himself) it is NEVER OKAY TO HIT A FEMALE and i didnt understand that until i was hit. It doest seem like hes mad that i pressed charges, at the time he was but he had alot of time to think as well

Do you think he will have anger and resentment down the road IF things do work out for the best??? if so I really could care less about that aspect. hes the one who put hands on me
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Old 06-02-2012, 09:28 PM
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Naw,, LA,, if Yall gonna try to work past this, and he is carrying resentment,, it will fester,, turn unto a cancer and destroy UR relationship. So listen to what he's NOT saying and follow UR instincts. Watch his feet,, not his mouth. My momma used to say,,"Make your feet match UR mouth". Meaning talk is cheap,, SHOW ME...
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  #12  
Old 06-02-2012, 09:49 PM
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i like that. ur ma is a smart woman i can see
Thank you very much, ill always carry that with me
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Old 06-03-2012, 01:24 AM
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I found this forum by Google searching the name of a prison I drove by last week and wanted to learn about it. I then clicked around some and found your post and decided that I needed to register and comment.

I'll call it crazy. Your continued love for this pathetic excuse for a man is crazy. You love him for what he was to you when you had first met him: a much older man who committed statutory rape, who ended up cheating on you and ultimately assaulting you. Not great when you really think about it. What a shocking development that he's a nice guy to you once he's locked up and he knows you're free to leave him and never look back. I'm no psychic, but I see a future of progressively severe beatings and possibly worse if you stick around with this shitbag.

There is a time for a man to hit a woman. That is only when she is threatening his life or health and there is no other possible recourse. A man who hits a woman because of something she does or says is no man and will hopefully not fare too well behind bars when his fellow inmates discover his reason for being there. I will have been married to my wife for 5 years this September and we've been together for 14 years (since we were 12) and I've never even thought about punching her in the face for anything she's ever said.

My mother was a victim of domestic violence that I witnessed first-hand for many years of my childhood. I could never understand why she stayed with the guy for so long, so my fuse is short on this topic.

My advice to you is to get over him and find someone who deserves your love and faithfulness.

I'm sorry you picked a bad apple, good luck.
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Old 06-03-2012, 08:40 AM
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its a cool thing that my fist and only forum made you register! lol but thank you for your input because i respect everyones opinion. i was hesitant to even register because of people like you who speak but cant grasp the whole situation. everyones situation is different. yes i do love him but i do not consider that to be crazy. he was my best friend for many years and we were in a relationship for 6 years after that, where he was kind and respectful, he never laid a finger on me again no escuse, but i feel as though he has not been "TAINTED"( u may need the dictionary for that one).

And what are you talking about he went to jail for rape??? i never said that nore is that true.

I DONT WANT PEOPLE TO GET THE IDEA I CONDONE DOMESTIC ABUSE BY ANYMEANS BECAUSE I DO NOT AND THIS IS WHY I FOLLOWED THROUGH WITH WHAT I DID. DO I FEEL LIKE HE IS AN ABUSER, NO. DID HE FU** UP, YES HE DID AND HES PAYING FOR THAT AS I SPEAK. IN ANOTHER SITUATION IN THE FUTURE IF ITS ME OR ANOTHER WOMAN, HE WILL THINK TWICE!
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Old 06-03-2012, 10:34 AM
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Welcome to PTO--you have a lot on your plate riht now. We have a Domestic Violence forum with some very wise ladies--I am not judging you nor calling your situation a DV situation--but these ladies can give you some terrific support. Please check it out.

http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=117
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Old 06-03-2012, 09:07 PM
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ive been through it all as well and love is a crazy thing. now is a great time for you guys to lay everything out on the table and work through something that may be there. i wish you the best of luck.... and i think what honestly meant was statutory rape.... meaning they were over 18 and you were under 18 at the time of your relationship.. i dont believe they were saying he "raped" anyone... its just a term used for like an underage relationship.... best of luck!
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Old 06-03-2012, 09:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovey7986 View Post
ive been through it all as well and love is a crazy thing. now is a great time for you guys to lay everything out on the table and work through something that may be there. i wish you the best of luck.... and i think what honestly meant was statutory rape.... meaning they were over 18 and you were under 18 at the time of your relationship.. i dont believe they were saying he "raped" anyone... its just a term used for like an underage relationship.... best of luck!
you are 100% correct when you say love is a crazy thing. ive been through alot in life with him and most of it was good so whatever negative comments people have to say i can just smile and appreciate it. And i dont blame people for feeling the way they do.

And i had to read that rape comment again, he did make sense i see what he was saying now about the rape comment because i was only 16 when i got with him, still it is kind of an ignorant comment because just because we were in a relationship doesnt mean i was sleeping with him before i turned 18 :? LOL

THANK YOU FOR YOUR INPUT
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Old 06-03-2012, 10:22 PM
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Not judging, but look at your track history.. you argue often. Back & forth in the relationship from a young age. You were going through a traumatic time in your life. You equate HIM with the safety you found on your own just because he was there & listened & yes, loved you too.
His family will not see him. Ok.. so why are they done with him ? How many buttons has he pushed with them for how long ? I say this because i ignored it with my ex.. and it was really a major issue of his past very poor behavior...which continued after his release and put him back in.
Yes, he taught you a lot & I'm sure there's a lot of love on both sides, but is he good for you ? In the long run ? Will you always cringe, waiting for another loss of control on his part ?

Outside a night club while on probation ? Are you making excuses for him, or forgiving his actions ?
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Old 06-03-2012, 11:20 PM
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You definately are in a tough situation emotionally... it's hard to just automatically stop loving someone when your heart still does, even if your head is telling you to run away like crazy. Me personally? I would walk away and never look back but that is something that is ultimately up for you to decide. Is he truly sorry? Do you think he'll ever change or will his agression be worse after being in prison? I guess it's just one of those things that are hard to know.

Thank you for being brave in sharing your story though, while I myself have never been a victim I know of a few people who have who rarely talk about it and wouldn't even post it on the internet so good on you for sticking up for yourself. Definately re-evaluate things and whatever you decide, I hope things work out for the best
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Old 06-04-2012, 02:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brooks View Post
Not judging, but look at your track history.. you argue often. Back & forth in the relationship from a young age. You were going through a traumatic time in your life. You equate HIM with the safety you found on your own just because he was there & listened & yes, loved you too.
His family will not see him. Ok.. so why are they done with him ? How many buttons has he pushed with them for how long ? I say this because i ignored it with my ex.. and it was really a major issue of his past very poor behavior...which continued after his release and put him back in.
Yes, he taught you a lot & I'm sure there's a lot of love on both sides, but is he good for you ? In the long run ? Will you always cringe, waiting for another loss of control on his part ?

Outside a night club while on probation ? Are you making excuses for him, or forgiving his actions ?
Actually the last thing i am doing is making excuses for him. If i needed to make an ezcuse for him i would have never sttod up in court and trstified against him. what im saying is i forgave him yes, and there is stiff hope for him.
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Old 06-04-2012, 02:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shaunna View Post
You definately are in a tough situation emotionally... it's hard to just automatically stop loving someone when your heart still does, even if your head is telling you to run away like crazy. Me personally? I would walk away and never look back but that is something that is ultimately up for you to decide. Is he truly sorry? Do you think he'll ever change or will his agression be worse after being in prison? I guess it's just one of those things that are hard to know.

Thank you for being brave in sharing your story though, while I myself have never been a victim I know of a few people who have who rarely talk about it and wouldn't even post it on the internet so good on you for sticking up for yourself. Definately re-evaluate things and whatever you decide, I hope things work out for the best
Thank you, im not sure how being in there will effect him, however i cant really say, all i know is i dont know him to be a violent/agressive person before this incident
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