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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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  #1  
Old 02-16-2018, 05:52 PM
Tru2you Tru2you is offline
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Default How could he make me fall in love to leave me hanging

Met a boy, because if he was a man I wouldnít be writing this.

A few months ago, I met him online. Yes, online while in prison. He had a cell phone. I was very clear I was not afraid of commitment, but I didnít want to waste my time either. I was single for a long time and was saving myself for the right man. I had no intention of failing in love, somehow I fell in love with him like I have never fell in love in my whole life.Today, I believe he used all the right words!!! Pretty disgusting! It was a to good to be true kinda thing.Anyhow, he convinced me he was true, he never loved no other woman, he never fell in love like he did me and so on and so on. I am sure you can make sense of what else he said. We talked everyday and night. We expressed so much of what we wanted in our relationship, I met his mother ( by phone), he sent me pictures of his family, we shared so much of which me personally would never do if I wasnít in it for the long haul. Then suddenly, he was crazy, obsessed and had major issues with trust. It was really bad. I was exhausted of constantly proving him that I was faithful and that he had nothing to worry about. Suddenly, after 2 months he told me he wanted to change, prior to it all he showed slot of effort to change and i really seen the growth. Despite all that, he really made me bitter. I started to question myself worth. I couldnít digest how he had much insecurities when I have not given him any reason to act that way.
Well, moving forward, he suddenly wasnít crazy and obsessive. I questioned the suddden change and of course he reversed it on me as if i was not appreciated.When really, in the back of my mind it seemed like he lost interest and found someone else. BUT, He kept me lured to send him money.
I sure fell for it. The calls and text decreased and the excuses started flowing.
I gave myself a few days and if he didnít get it together after I expressed how I felt, I was gone.
So now, Iím truly facing a very deep loss. Only because I invested my whole heart and gave him the benefit of the doubt. Only to realize, I was a victim and nothing he wanted to pursue after he got what he wanted.

Itís a shame for you males in there toying with a womanís heart.
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  #2  
Old 02-16-2018, 06:33 PM
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I'm sorry this happened. But you must keep moving forward everything pain in life is a lesson, and we never stop learning. Peace.
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Old 02-16-2018, 09:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tru2you View Post
Met a boy, because if he was a man I wouldnít be writing this.

A few months ago, I met him online. Yes, online while in prison. He had a cell phone. I was very clear I was not afraid of commitment, but I didnít want to waste my time either. I was single for a long time and was saving myself for the right man. I had no intention of failing in love, somehow I fell in love with him like I have never fell in love in my whole life.Today, I believe he used all the right words!!! Pretty disgusting! It was a to good to be true kinda thing.Anyhow, he convinced me he was true, he never loved no other woman, he never fell in love like he did me and so on and so on. I am sure you can make sense of what else he said. We talked everyday and night. We expressed so much of what we wanted in our relationship, I met his mother ( by phone), he sent me pictures of his family, we shared so much of which me personally would never do if I wasnít in it for the long haul. Then suddenly, he was crazy, obsessed and had major issues with trust. It was really bad. I was exhausted of constantly proving him that I was faithful and that he had nothing to worry about. Suddenly, after 2 months he told me he wanted to change, prior to it all he showed slot of effort to change and i really seen the growth. Despite all that, he really made me bitter. I started to question myself worth. I couldnít digest how he had much insecurities when I have not given him any reason to act that way.
Well, moving forward, he suddenly wasnít crazy and obsessive. I questioned the suddden change and of course he reversed it on me as if i was not appreciated.When really, in the back of my mind it seemed like he lost interest and found someone else. BUT, He kept me lured to send him money.
I sure fell for it. The calls and text decreased and the excuses started flowing.
I gave myself a few days and if he didnít get it together after I expressed how I felt, I was gone.
So now, Iím truly facing a very deep loss. Only because I invested my whole heart and gave him the benefit of the doubt. Only to realize, I was a victim and nothing he wanted to pursue after he got what he wanted.

Itís a shame for you males in there toying with a womanís heart.
Darlin' you've gotten yourself involved with a Narcissist! Everything you have described fits a narcissist to a tee!! Go to Youtube and look up being involved with a narcissist. You've been love bombed! It's a thing they do...after you research this you will thank your lucky stars that you've gotten out of this relationship relatively unscathed. Do some research..heal your heart and in your next relationship you will know and see the red flags. The best to you and your bruised heart!
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  #4  
Old 02-16-2018, 09:11 PM
Rigora Rigora is offline
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Originally Posted by Tru2you View Post
Met a boy, because if he was a man I wouldnít be writing this.

A few months ago, I met him online. Yes, online while in prison. He had a cell phone. I was very clear I was not afraid of commitment, but I didnít want to waste my time either. I was single for a long time and was saving myself for the right man. I had no intention of failing in love, somehow I fell in love with him like I have never fell in love in my whole life.Today, I believe he used all the right words!!! Pretty disgusting! It was a to good to be true kinda thing.Anyhow, he convinced me he was true, he never loved no other woman, he never fell in love like he did me and so on and so on. I am sure you can make sense of what else he said. We talked everyday and night. We expressed so much of what we wanted in our relationship, I met his mother ( by phone), he sent me pictures of his family, we shared so much of which me personally would never do if I wasnít in it for the long haul. Then suddenly, he was crazy, obsessed and had major issues with trust. It was really bad. I was exhausted of constantly proving him that I was faithful and that he had nothing to worry about. Suddenly, after 2 months he told me he wanted to change, prior to it all he showed slot of effort to change and i really seen the growth. Despite all that, he really made me bitter. I started to question myself worth. I couldnít digest how he had much insecurities when I have not given him any reason to act that way.
Well, moving forward, he suddenly wasnít crazy and obsessive. I questioned the suddden change and of course he reversed it on me as if i was not appreciated.When really, in the back of my mind it seemed like he lost interest and found someone else. BUT, He kept me lured to send him money.
I sure fell for it. The calls and text decreased and the excuses started flowing.
I gave myself a few days and if he didnít get it together after I expressed how I felt, I was gone.
So now, Iím truly facing a very deep loss. Only because I invested my whole heart and gave him the benefit of the doubt. Only to realize, I was a victim and nothing he wanted to pursue after he got what he wanted.

Itís a shame for you males in there toying with a womanís heart.
While the cause is most likely different (he was good sober, but mentally and emotionally abusive when not), I understand what you're going through. Prior to incarceration, this is how my ex behaved. It was confusing and mentally exhausting to keep up with. I'm so sorry he put you through this
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  #5  
Old 02-17-2018, 12:30 AM
Tru2you Tru2you is offline
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Thank you so much this helps me move forward
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Old 02-17-2018, 12:35 AM
Tru2you Tru2you is offline
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Darlin' you've gotten yourself involved with a Narcissist! Everything you have described fits a narcissist to a tee!! Go to Youtube and look up being involved with a narcissist. You've been love bombed! It's a thing they do...after you research this you will thank your lucky stars that you've gotten out of this relationship relatively unscathed. Do some research..heal your heart and in your next relationship you will know and see the red flags. The best to you and your bruised heart!
Thank you so much. I started to do my research and came across this very interesting book the narcissist and the empast.

It was then I started to withdraw and confront his words. I think he is mentally and emotionally ill. I pray for him everyday and hope he gets healing.
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Old 02-17-2018, 07:50 AM
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I agree you have fallen for a narcissist and paid the price. The narcissist thrives on you falling in love with them, they are very skilled in identifying what you want to hear and your need for commitment. They can make you feel important and valued, lavishing affection on you so you'll feel special. Paying you compliments, and devoting themselves to you and giving you attention.


I don't mean to suggest that this behavior was always intentional. Narcissists deceive themselves as much as they do you , believing they are genuinely in love.

However what they want is the perfect kind of romantic love that seems like the answer to everything. That initial falling in love the excitement and the passion and the intensity.

That initial love hit that makes us feel as if we're the center of the universe and we've got it all. Nothing feels better... while it lasts.

That initail phase of romantic love never does last, of course. Under the best conditions, it evolves into something more realistic and lasting, where two people discover one another's personalities and faults and grow to appreciate each other — but also to accept that things arent perfect.

Narcissists cant accept that, they want perfection and the excitement the initial rush of passion back so they fall out of love and blame the other person for things not working out. Just as you described the perfect romance was going so he thought you must be cheating or doing something wrong.

But your not doing anything wrong so it must just be your not the right person so he starts withdrawing and ignoring you.

They believe that someone else will come along and they will get that rush of excitement back.

Basically they will never be happy with anyone after the thrill of the chase and the orginal excitement has gone.

You can move on with your life and find your happiness else where, I doubt he will ever find his.No one is ever going to be enough for him.
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  #8  
Old 02-17-2018, 09:31 PM
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Thank you so much this helps me move forward

Sorry chica, this has happen to you.Many at times go through this predicated upon a narcissistic bum.He is so not worth it.Remember(next time)if and when you're in another relationship always look and watch out for the wording of i.e., "I think i am in love with you, and only want you in my life, or Bebe, "I love you." or "I've fallen hard for you, or "I can see a future with me" and the I am "crazy about you."(Especially if it is real quick, too soon and here he is feeding this line to you, as some have experienced here.)Remeber, these are just words at this point.He has to prove himself.Doesn't sound like your guy was.Be astute.Become more prudent when dating and realize, without ACTION, there can be no realness, no truth, no respect and he clearly yes was playing you, and did not care if you're hurting or not. LIVE WELL. .That will be your best revenge and be happy.Don't be hurt for too long. This too shall pass..." I'm a woman who believe that it's OK and that it is better to be alone, for a while, where there is no drama/no fraudulent-fake love partner, no games, and continue to be happy living your life "as-is." Don't rush your next "relationship." See the signs. This is not your loss, it's his, chica.God will eventually bless you with a #realman and not a man-boy. You're going to come through this just fine."
-
As far as him? Good riddens.
Cry if you have to, be mad...But not for long.
Life too short to suffer because of some loser.
He will get his bad dose of karma, all in time. While you're going to be ok and GOD will 1 day bless you with the right person.There are always signs.Remember that.Hugs and Blessings."G-night. Adios...
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Old 02-17-2018, 09:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Tru2you View Post
Thank you so much. I started to do my research and came across this very interesting book the narcissist and the empast.

It was then I started to withdraw and confront his words. I think he is mentally and emotionally ill. I pray for him everyday and hope he gets healing.
I am glad this information is helping you... i know the book that you refer to.. Narcissist are drawn to empaths because empaths are full to the brim of feelings and love for others. A narcissist will tap into that because they really don't have any genuine feelings of their own, and when they suck out every last drop you've got they will leave you empty and broken to find their next source. There is also the issue of control, which you have experienced first hand. I hope you continue your studies on this issue...the knowledge will help you heal.
Just to be fair...keep him in your prayers, because the reality is...when you continue to have love in your heart of your own you will be the real winner, and he has none of his own, which must be horrible
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  #10  
Old 02-18-2018, 10:18 PM
Tru2you Tru2you is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by a.rare.love View Post

Sorry chica, this has happen to you.Many at times go through this predicated upon a narcissistic bum.He is so not worth it.Remember(next time)if and when you're in another relationship always look and watch out for the wording of i.e., "I think i am in love with you, and only want you in my life, or Bebe, "I love you." or "I've fallen hard for you, or "I can see a future with me" and the I am "crazy about you."(Especially if it is real quick, too soon and here he is feeding this line to you, as some have experienced here.)Remeber, these are just words at this point.He has to prove himself.Doesn't sound like your guy was.Be astute.Become more prudent when dating and realize, without ACTION, there can be no realness, no truth, no respect and he clearly yes was playing you, and did not care if you're hurting or not. LIVE WELL. .That will be your best revenge and be happy.Don't be hurt for too long. This too shall pass..." I'm a woman who believe that it's OK and that it is better to be alone, for a while, where there is no drama/no fraudulent-fake love partner, no games, and continue to be happy living your life "as-is." Don't rush your next "relationship." See the signs. This is not your loss, it's his, chica.God will eventually bless you with a #realman and not a man-boy. You're going to come through this just fine."
-
As far as him? Good riddens.
Cry if you have to, be mad...But not for long.
Life too short to suffer because of some loser.
He will get his bad dose of karma, all in time. While you're going to be ok and GOD will 1 day bless you with the right person.There are always signs.Remember that.Hugs and Blessings."G-night. Adios...
I have another question. I havenít accept his collect calls. However, we never spoke on the state phone. He has a cell for as long as we have been in communication. We Skyped, text and talked all by phone everyday.

Due to everything, I changed my contact number and transferred a old contact number I previously had on a old to my new phone during this whole mess.

He doesnít know this changed happened due to our lack in communication.
His mom reached out to me on messenger by Facebook. This was on Wednesday on Valentineís Day. ( I only checked my messenger today)

I explained to her that i am not sure what is going on and how I felt. She said she was just informing me of his status and he wanted me to know why he was not ignoring me.

What should I take of this?
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Old 02-19-2018, 05:22 AM
Fredslady5 Fredslady5 is offline
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Sorry this happened... but anyone online is like Russian roulette. Most men in prison are lonely and need $$$$ until they get out. And they manipulate women , believe me, you are not his first .. don't beat yourself up, take this as a lesson learned...
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Old 02-19-2018, 05:23 AM
Fredslady5 Fredslady5 is offline
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Originally Posted by Tru2you View Post
I have another question. I havenít accept his collect calls. However, we never spoke on the state phone. He has a cell for as long as we have been in communication. We Skyped, text and talked all by phone everyday.

Due to everything, I changed my contact number and transferred a old contact number I previously had on a old to my new phone during this whole mess.

He doesnít know this changed happened due to our lack in communication.
His mom reached out to me on messenger by Facebook. This was on Wednesday on Valentineís Day. ( I only checked my messenger today)

I explained to her that i am not sure what is going on and how I felt. She said she was just informing me of his status and he wanted me to know why he was not ignoring me.

What should I take of this?
Cut all contact.. He's not worth it
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Old 02-19-2018, 09:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tru2you View Post
I have another question. I havenít accept his collect calls. However, we never spoke on the state phone. He has a cell for as long as we have been in communication. We Skyped, text and talked all by phone everyday.

Due to everything, I changed my contact number and transferred a old contact number I previously had on a old to my new phone during this whole mess.

He doesnít know this changed happened due to our lack in communication.
His mom reached out to me on messenger by Facebook. This was on Wednesday on Valentineís Day. ( I only checked my messenger today)

I explained to her that i am not sure what is going on and how I felt. She said she was just informing me of his status and he wanted me to know why he was not ignoring me.

What should I take of this?
He has a cellphone inside prison? He cannot even "behave" behind walls... drop this guy like a hot potato and move on!!
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Old 02-19-2018, 09:57 AM
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It sounds like he has enlisted his Mom to try to make you feel sorry for him, and return to his cycle of abuse. My advice, you answered her message, but don't reach out to him, ever.
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Old 02-19-2018, 04:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Tru2you View Post
I have another question. I havenít accept his collect calls. However, we never spoke on the state phone. He has a cell for as long as we have been in communication. We Skyped, text and talked all by phone everyday.

Due to everything, I changed my contact number and transferred a old contact number I previously had on a old to my new phone during this whole mess.

He doesnít know this changed happened due to our lack in communication.
His mom reached out to me on messenger by Facebook. This was on Wednesday on Valentineís Day. ( I only checked my messenger today)

I explained to her that i am not sure what is going on and how I felt. She said she was just informing me of his status and he wanted me to know why he was not ignoring me.

What should I take of this?
Yes I agree. Iím holding strong. Moving forward and taking in every advice from you all. Iím thankful
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Old 02-19-2018, 04:40 PM
Tru2you Tru2you is offline
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He has a cellphone inside prison? He cannot even "behave" behind walls... drop this guy like a hot potato and move on!!
Definitely moving on and Iím very thankful for all of your support here.
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Old 02-19-2018, 04:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Fredslady5 View Post
Cut all contact.. He's not worth it
Yes I agree!!! Moving forward! Removing all negativity out of my life. Never will I do MWI. This has been a real big lesson learned. Thank god for all of you here. Very helpful and supportive. Thank you so much
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Old 02-19-2018, 04:45 PM
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Sorry this happened... but anyone online is like Russian roulette. Most men in prison are lonely and need $$$$ until they get out. And they manipulate women , believe me, you are not his first .. don't beat yourself up, take this as a lesson learned...
Shouldíve left it alone! I never gamble! Lol thank you so much for your enlightenment. Truly appreciated.
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Old 02-19-2018, 05:10 PM
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I've never been MWI, but I've run into plenty of narcissists out here! Understand how to draw your own boundaries, avoid over-helping, avoid enabling. Be clear for your own sake. Counseling can help, too.
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Old 02-21-2018, 10:01 PM
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The recruiting of a third party (relatives, friends of his) to advocate on his behalf with you after he’s driven you away is the MO of narcissists ...
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