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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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  #1  
Old 03-09-2018, 11:58 AM
Violet344 Violet344 is offline
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Default Feeling guilty about ending it

My bf (adult daughter's father) is having a very rough time in prison, and is very depressed. We reconciled a month or two ago, but I am simply not happy. Not even sure if I'm in love with this man anymore, for lots of reasons, one of them being I simply do not trust him.

How do I tell him I want to move on? Feeling guilty here. I'm willing to be there as a friend.l though.
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Old 03-09-2018, 12:13 PM
Kimimi Kimimi is offline
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You can only be honest, his reaction is not your responsibility. You are willing to be a friend and hopefully he will be able to do that. You are doing the right thing I've always thought it is unfair to keep someone in a relationship if we aren't 100% into it. It probably won't be easy but in the long run it's probably best.
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Old 03-09-2018, 01:16 PM
xolady xolady is offline
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Why did you get back together? Why do you feel guilty? Your not in love with him, you have made comments about him that are pretty slanderous and if not out right mean. I'm sure you have feeling but until you figure them out you really should stay away from men altogether.
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Old 03-09-2018, 01:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xolady View Post
Why did you get back together? Why do you feel guilty? Your not in love with him, you have made comments about him that are pretty slanderous and if not out right mean. I'm sure you have feeling but until you figure them out you really should stay away from men altogether.
My sharing MY feelings was not slanderous. Suspecting something or having an emotional moment is NOT slander. I never said I broke up with him either. You dont know me and your getting indignant about my personal situation - especially with limited knowledge about OUR personal dynamic is kinda weird tbh. You sound kinda salty and ignorant.
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Old 03-09-2018, 01:31 PM
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Hey hey please remember PTO's Community Guidelines!

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Old 03-09-2018, 01:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Violet344 View Post
My sharing MY feelings was not slanderous. Suspecting something or having an emotional moment is NOT slander. I never said I broke up with him either. You dont know me and your getting indignant about my personal situation - especially with limited knowledge about OUR personal dynamic is kinda weird tbh. You sound kinda salty and ignorant.
Gee I'm not the one saying someone's gay or whatever because they aren't going crazy over my raunchy photo's!!! I'm not the one who's thinking about shacking with old boyfriends. I'm not the one complaining on a public forum!!! Sorry I just think your the one who needs to make up your mind and stop your game playing. SMDH
I was asking the above questions because you need to look at why you went back together to begin with, not to be nasty. But questioning someones sexuality on a public forum is slanderous!!!

Last edited by xolady; 03-09-2018 at 01:36 PM..
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Old 03-09-2018, 01:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xolady View Post
Gee I'm not the one saying someone's gay or whatever because they aren't going crazy over my raunchy photo's!!! I'm not the one who's thinking about shacking with old boyfriends. I'm not the one complaining on a public forum!!! Sorry I just think your the one who needs to make up your mind and stop your game playing. SMDH
You have an antagonistic tone. Also - as I said, my suspicion wasn't solely based on his reaction to my photos. You aren't adding anything constructive...and you don't seem like you even understood my post.
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Old 03-09-2018, 01:40 PM
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Take your hyperjudgmental attitude somewhere else.
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Old 03-09-2018, 01:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Violet344 View Post
You have an antagonistic tone. Also - as I said, my suspicion wasn't solely based on his reaction to my photos. You aren't adding anything constructive...and you don't seem like you even understood my post.
I'm not being antagonistic, just asking you some questions that you should be asking yourself.
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Old 03-09-2018, 01:45 PM
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It is still inappropriate for comments on the public boards. Please use the private message feature to continue your dispute.
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Old 03-09-2018, 01:51 PM
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It is still inappropriate for comments on the public boards. Please use the private message feature to continue your dispute.
Understood.
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Old 03-09-2018, 01:55 PM
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You have to be fair to him and yourself. The yo yo hurts both of you. Be sure what ever it is you do before you do it. Is a two montgs enough time to know? Why did you go back? What is it you need?

Don't stay with someone because you feel bad. Also, don't expect to change your mind later and them be there.

No one knows why it didn't work the first time. Is he taking it slow as you reconnect? Can you work through the trust issues and loneliness?

I'm asking questions for you to ask yourself. Good luck with your decision.
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  #13  
Old 03-09-2018, 05:02 PM
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Being in a relationship you don’t want to be in isn’t doing him any favors. I’m guessing he can already sense that you’ve checked out and he’s not likely to be rocked as hard as you think.
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Old 03-09-2018, 05:32 PM
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Feeling guilty because he's doing time is normal. But you don't need to be in a romantic relationship just cuz he's locked up. Be his friend. Tell him you care about him but there's a lot of issues that need to be resolved and won't be until he gets out. See if he can respect how you feel.
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Old 03-09-2018, 10:09 PM
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I don’t think it’s possible to slander someone without using their name .. to slander someone means to damage their reputation; for this guy’s reputation to be damaged his name would have to be used in a public way.
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Old 03-10-2018, 02:44 AM
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Being in a r'ship is supposed to be a happy experience so if you don't want to be with this guy then be honest with him and finish it. Life is way too short to waste time wondering - just do it, move on and be happy
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Old 03-10-2018, 11:01 AM
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If you feel this relationship is toxic to you, then you do not have to feel guilty for ending it. That's just the bottom line. Not all relationships are good for us. We just have to recognize when things are not right and move on.
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  #18  
Old 03-10-2018, 12:29 PM
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Just keep it 100! There is no easy way to break off a relationship, especially under these circumstances. Keep it blunt but don't be too harsh. At the end of the day, he just needs to know you'll still be there even if it isn't in the way he wants.

Don't beat yourself up over it! You've done what you can and things don't always go as planned. Sometimes people drift, life happens. My main advice to you is to not allow him to guilt trip you (not saying he will, but it happens more than we think) Don't change your mind because you're afraid to hurt him. You are your most important person, your happiness goes above all.
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Old 03-10-2018, 05:50 PM
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The original poster is now banned, so won't see any of this anymore.
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Old 03-11-2018, 11:53 AM
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If it's not working for you then you should let him know and move on. You can continue to pray and support him from a distance. You're probably not helping either of you by pretending to love him when you really don't. Best not to lead him on if you're really not in love with him. Do be sensitive to his feeling and situation and ask God for guidance on the words to use.
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Old 03-11-2018, 04:26 PM
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Men don't give it a second thought about using and hurting women, be honest with him and if he can't except that you can just be friends then bye boo! Never feel guilty about being honest
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