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Missouri General Prison Talk, Introductions & Chit Chat Topics & Discussions relating to Prison & the Criminal Justice System in Missouri that do not fit into any other Missouri sub-forum category. Please feel free to also introduce yourself to other members in the state and talk about whatever topics come to mind that may not have anything to do with prison.

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  #1  
Old 08-14-2003, 04:38 PM
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MyLife1020592 MyLife1020592 is offline
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Default Adult - Children of Alcoholics

Statistical Information
1 out of every 4-6 people is a COA
50-59% chance of becoming alcoholic if 1 parent is alcoholic
50% of all bulemics come from alcoholic homes
40% of all court cases involve alcohol in some way

Rules in the Alcoholic Family
Don't talk
Don't trust
Don't feel

Roles Children play in an Alcoholic Family
Hero--The Responsible One
Scapegoat--Acting Out Child
Lost Child--Placater
Mascot--Adjuster

Problems for Adult Children of Alcoholics
--Guess at what is normal
--Have difficulty following a project through from the beginning to the end
--Lie when it would just be as easy to tell the truth
--Judge themselves without mercy
--Have difficulty having fun
--Take themselves very seriously
--Have difficulty with intimate relationships
--Overreact to changes over which they have no control
--Constantly seek approval and affirmation
--Feel they are different from other people
--Are either super responsible or super irresponsible
--Are extremely loyal, even when it is not deserved
--Are impulsive
--Have difficulty talking
--Have difficulty trusting
--Have difficulty feeling
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  #2  
Old 08-14-2003, 04:45 PM
Valerie Valerie is offline
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Thank you Jamie,I find this very interesting.
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Old 08-14-2003, 04:54 PM
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Yep, that is me. Oh and plus that is my two brothers also. Except there is no way I would lie. That kept me thinking if I can only do it perfectly everything would be good. Plus the wrath of Khan if we were discovered in an untruth.

Signed THE LOST CHILD
HONEY
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Old 08-14-2003, 05:30 PM
irisheyes66 irisheyes66 is offline
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Wow.....I see lots of "me" in those traits

My Dad finally sobered up shortly before I left home at 17....but by then, the damage was already done. However, he has made amends over the years, and I have forgiven him for past trangressions. I've also learned to give that part of my life over to God....that, in turn, has helped me to deal with the fallout.

The only part I don't identify with is "Roles Children Play"; I fit into none of those categories. When the fire got too hot, I withdrew...into my room, to my books and my music. I wasn't afraid of my Dad; I was afraid of what would happen if I let myself show how angry I was. There would be no stuffing THAT genie back into its bottle! So, to get by, I shut myself away from the family dysfunction and drama.

Funny thing about living with an addict, be it a parent, child, or spouse.....the "chaos" tends to become the rule, rather than the exception...until you no longer can distinguish (or even remember) what was "normal". As insane as it sounds, the bedlam created by the addict becomes a sort of comfort zone....and when it's quiet, you don't know what to do with yourself. Your life is spent waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I could talk about this topic forever...both my Dad and my second husband were severe alcoholics, and their behavior (as well as my reactions to it!) distorted my existence for a long, long time. It's only been the past year or so that I am finding a certain measure of peace.

Thanks for posting this, Jamie!

Susan in Providence, putting off many projects...as usual.
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Old 08-14-2003, 05:36 PM
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MyLife1020592 MyLife1020592 is offline
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I have so many more things about alcoholics and children of alcoholics but I am going to post them laster tonight...My hands and eyes are getting so tired...I think we need a forum here for alcoholics and living with one...I could contribute to so much there...Just an idea...
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Stand by your man...What do you have to loose?




<center>
<a href="http://escati.com">
<font face=arial size=1><b>Craig's release from treatment...Hopefully coming home then!!!!
</b></font><br>
<table border=1 cellpadding=4 bgcolor=CC0066><tr><td>
<a href="http://escati.com">
<img src="http://escati.linkopp.net/cgi-bin/countdown.cgi?trgb=000000&srgb=00ff00&prgb=221100& cdt=2004;6;04;08;00;00&timezone=GMT-0600" border=0></a><br>
</td></tr></table>
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  #6  
Old 08-14-2003, 05:41 PM
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Lysbeth Lysbeth is offline
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Jamie... we already do!

http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/for...s=&forumid=202

I know the title says "Drug & Alcohol Treatment & Rehabilitation" but we pretty much talk about all related issues there... as the description says, "This forum is for those whose lives have been touched by addiction - drugs, alcohol or otherwise. It is for addicts and those who care about addicts - in prison or in the world."

You (or anyone else interested) feel free to join in the discussions... or start your own! That forum needs some more traffic matter of fact.
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Old 08-14-2003, 06:26 PM
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Flowerchild Flowerchild is offline
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I used to go to an ACOA (adult children of alcoholics) meeting every week in the late 80s & gained a great deal of insight & healing attending that group. I don't live in the city anymore & don't know if those meetings are still being held anywhere, but if they are available to anyone who is having difficulty due to the pain they experienced in their family of origin, I highly recommend them. ACOA was/is a 12-step group like AA & Alanon. We had participants who had other types of disfunction in their families, such as mental illness, & the program worked wonders for them as well.

Susan, I did the same as you & so did the rest of my family. When I was with friends whose families could sit together in the livingroom watching tv or actually having a conversation it seemed like it was another world! I tell people that when I think about my mother's & brother's faces when I was a child, all I can see is the back of a book! I say it as a joke, but it isn't really. The difference between us is at our house, it was dangerous to be around him; we stayed out of his way. My father did the majority of his drinking at home & dominated the common space in our house; the rest of us stayed in our rooms & read or listened to music with our doors closed. I get stressed if I can't spend a lot of time alone to this day; that's my comfort zone. My father died young & after his death I felt safe for the first time in my life. Alcoholism is a terrible illness.

Adrienne
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