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Friends & Families of Addicts Information for coping, dealing & living with a loved one's addictive behavior.

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  #1  
Old 09-04-2011, 12:05 AM
Tabbycat Tabbycat is offline
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Default Do you know the reason why you stay?

Hi everyone. Thanks for reading.

I applaued and at the same time pitty anyone who loves an addict. There is so much unnecassary sacrifice to be made to love an addict.

Being a recovering addict and knowing not days or weeks BUT the years I continually hurt the ones who loved me with my addiction has got me wondering what it was? Aside from love, What was / is the reason you stayed / stay?

Thank you for sharing xoxoxo
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Old 09-04-2011, 12:07 AM
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let's see, one's my brother, and another's my mother. Kinda hard to divorce them. Kinda hard to trust them. You can't repair the trust just by claiming sobriety. But, the love is always there.
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Old 09-04-2011, 12:10 AM
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She was my mother. I loved her. I just had to love her from a distance.
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Old 09-04-2011, 06:35 AM
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My son might be adopted but he is still mine and with him comes his addiction to alcohol. I wont give up on him even if I cant help him
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Old 09-04-2011, 06:41 AM
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I can never loose. Hope on the ones i love..
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Old 09-04-2011, 06:44 AM
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Because he needs somebody who loved him before the addiction, somebody who knows that he isn't the person he was when he was using. Somebody who will be there to help him through the rough times and who HE knows will never walk away. Someone who loves him more than he loves himself.
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Old 09-04-2011, 03:50 PM
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I am one of those who never gives up on the ones that I love. It is hard....VERY hard some days when he is on a binge. He can go months at the time without using and then take off for any where from 4-10 hours. At this point all I can have is hope. If I lose my hope then I lose my husband forever.
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Old 09-04-2011, 07:10 PM
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Thank you everyone for your responses. Since getting my life back I have been very devoted / deditcated in learning others stories so I can understand from both sides( tho I will never fully understand) By doing this I would like to eventually speak in school's about my story and others.

HOPE is the most common answer here and I was hoping that it would be. Having hope makes things STILL possible, having hope in what lies ahead for tomorrow, makes tomorrow possible. thanks again everyone
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Old 09-04-2011, 07:17 PM
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I stayed with my fiance and I currently still support him through this addiction of his. I saw him at his worst and I knew the type of person he was before his addiction, so I could not walk away. All I told myself through this all was the person I was dealing with were the DRUGS..NOT the person underneath his addiction. He never had someone fight so hard for him the way I have fought for him...I loved him and believed in him more then he believed in himself, and I refused to let the DRUGS RUIN US!
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Old 09-05-2011, 12:19 PM
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I knew my fiance before he was an addict as well. I knew the person that he really was, before that horrible disease took over. During his worst years, I continued to see glimpses of the person I knew was being held captive by himself. I believe when you love someone, you never give up hope that they will get better. Even when you have to love them from afar, you still never quit begging for divine intervention. Yes hope is probably the next thing to love as to why we stay because without hope you don't have anything. Jail was our divine intervention. Thank you Jesus!!!
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Old 09-10-2011, 06:53 AM
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I justify it.

I figure we are all addicted to something. We are all "imperfect".

I am not a perfect woman by a long shot. I have faults and some might even say I have a food addiction. I use food like a drug...ice cream is my drug of choice.

I know that eating ice cream will not land me in prison. But, one might argue that it puts me in a physical prison of my own fat.

Some might say maybe we are co-dependent. I disagree. I see our faults as being completely independent. He drank before me. I ate before him. I do not eat more dependent on his drinking. And he does not drink dependent on my eating.

Just 2 imperfect people.

So, at the end of the day....I know he loves me and I know I love him. We have known each other since we were 17. We are married, we take that very seriously.

To accept his addiction is to accept him. It is a part of him. Yes, I wish it was not. He sees it as his heritage, his birth right and a part of him. All the males in his family have been alcoholics....

He does try to control it to a point to try to preserve the marriage.

As a married man. He works, he does not lie to me, does not steal from me, and there is considerable trust between us.

On the same token, I can trust that once or twice a month he is going to get shitfaced staggering drunk. He does it in our home, he is not out chasing pus, or driving drunk. He passes out and then vomits the next morning.

Not a pretty picture of your hubby, right?

But, I have been known to eat till I am sick.

So, just 2 imperfect people. That simple.
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  #12  
Old 09-10-2011, 08:02 AM
Mel.s Mel.s is offline
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I know he would be completly lost with out me. He is an alcoholic and he also pretty much was found dead in a hotel bathtube after an overdoes of herroin. They were able to bring him back. To me he is like a little lost puppy and I try to give him tough love but his so called friend left him for dead and ran so I want him to know that I will never run but i will stand by his side to fight this.
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