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Friends & Families of Addicts Information for coping, dealing & living with a loved one's addictive behavior.

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  #1  
Old 05-30-2011, 06:43 PM
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Default Still so angry about his meth addiction

Me and my love have been through alot with his meth addiction, he has done alot of horrible things to me and our family. He will be home in less then a year, maybe even christmas. Im still so mad at him, I am angry every day. All the lies, the stealing, the cheating, the abuse, I think about it everyday. I talk to him on the phone everyother day and I dont say a word. I dont want to upset him, he has said I need to let the past go if we are going to move forward. I want to let go of it so bad cause I know if I dont our family has no chance of surviving when he comes home. I hate being so angry, I hate thinking of different situations he lied to me, I sit here and think and I realize more things he lied to me about. Im also scared to death what is going to happen when he comes home if he goes back on drugs, I cannot live the way we did when he was high all the time. Our daugther will be 4, she is not a baby and will realize what is going on. I just finished college, going on interviews for wonderfull jobs, i should be excited but all i am is angry and upset. He says we love one another and thats all we need, yes i love him... but right now it seems like i need more then that.
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Old 05-30-2011, 09:59 PM
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It is normal for you to be angry about the lifestyle that got your husband in prison. It's all part of the disease of addiction. It doesn't just affect your husband. It affects the whole family.

I would highly suggest that you get yourself some kind of therapy before he comes home. You can't continue to live your life being angry all the time. It's destructive to you, your child, and it will be destructive in your relationship with your husband.

Take care of yourself first! NOW before he gets out.
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Old 05-30-2011, 10:14 PM
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Originally Posted by dp60922 View Post
Me and my love have been through alot with his meth addiction, he has done alot of horrible things to me and our family. He will be home in less then a year, maybe even christmas. Im still so mad at him, I am angry every day. All the lies, the stealing, the cheating, the abuse, I think about it everyday. I talk to him on the phone everyother day and I dont say a word. I dont want to upset him, he has said I need to let the past go if we are going to move forward. I want to let go of it so bad cause I know if I dont our family has no chance of surviving when he comes home. I hate being so angry, I hate thinking of different situations he lied to me, I sit here and think and I realize more things he lied to me about. Im also scared to death what is going to happen when he comes home if he goes back on drugs, I cannot live the way we did when he was high all the time. Our daugther will be 4, she is not a baby and will realize what is going on. I just finished college, going on interviews for wonderfull jobs, i should be excited but all i am is angry and upset. He says we love one another and thats all we need, yes i love him... but right now it seems like i need more then that.
As stated you need to get some help to understand the addiction. Not easy to understand either, that is a job within it self. At this moment your thinking about all the negative and who could blame you, there unfortunatly no guarantees with addiction. Seriously talk with someone, if you dont you will never be okay with that relationship..Talking from experiance.....good luck.....
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Old 06-07-2011, 09:52 PM
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This may not be something repairable. If it is something that you can fix, then there are only a few options for you. You can ask him not to come home to you, but to live elsewhere until he finds out if he can stay clean. You can go to some NarAnon meetings and start creating a network of people who can help you not get conned by an addict again. You can go to therapy and try to work it through.

The truth is, you have good reason to be distrustful and angry. Your life has been torn to shreds, and all you have is his word that things have changed. That's pretty thin beer after all the pain.

And . . . your anger and distrust might just be the thing he needs to know about to really finalize his sobriety.
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Old 06-08-2011, 04:21 AM
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This may not be something repairable. If it is something that you can fix, then there are only a few options for you. You can ask him not to come home to you, but to live elsewhere until he finds out if he can stay clean. You can go to some NarAnon meetings and start creating a network of people who can help you not get conned by an addict again. You can go to therapy and try to work it through.

The truth is, you have good reason to be distrustful and angry. Your life has been torn to shreds, and all you have is his word that things have changed. That's pretty thin beer after all the pain.

And . . . your anger and distrust might just be the thing he needs to know about to really finalize his sobriety.
Well said.....thanks....This should help some............
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Old 06-08-2011, 11:57 AM
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i understand what u feel completly im having the same feelings my husband is also a adict and he is in prison because of it. lately all i can think about is every thing he has done me his lies the things he would say to hurt me when he was high and im afraid too that when he comes out it will be the same...i miss him but at the same time im glad he's in prison because for the first time in 2years i can sleep at night without being worried and it makes me sad i tell him and he says the same thing the past is the past... but not to me because im still angry and sad..
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Old 06-08-2011, 12:39 PM
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The past is past only to those who didn't live it. Those guys didn't get lied to, didn't get cheated on, didn't get their stuff stolen, didn't get abused. Of course they can get past it! When it's you it happened to, they either need to start saying I'm sorry or at least empathizing with your anger and fears. If they don't, then they probably won't change.
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Old 06-18-2011, 09:33 AM
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I can relate to this. When he was getting high before he got locked up, he literally tried to ruin my life by blackmailing me, threatened to beat me up, destroyed my stuff, stole from me, and put me in fear that he would physically harm me or my family. Not to mention the cheating and lying. He was gone for a year, and during that time, I was able to start to build the trust back with him to some degree. But the fact of the matter is that it will take a LONG TIME of him being on the streets and doing the right thing for you to be able to let your guard down. I don't have any real words of wisdom, but I do understand, deeply.
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Old 07-04-2011, 08:21 AM
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wish i had words of this wisdom on this one. Guess all husbands are diffrent u nfortunatly addicts are the same. Dealing with one myself doing another 4-5 yrs for this....It surely isnt easy by any means...
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Old 07-04-2011, 09:28 AM
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Hi. I can relate and I do understand your feelings. I had no idea what the disease of meth addiction could truly do to a person and a family until my husband started relapsing into his past addictions and behaviors. It was a tornado and roller coaster all in one. I lost more things than I can even remember having at this point. There are days that I see a picture of something that I had even before I met him and its gone now. Vehicles, a small inheritance, tools that were my dad's etc.
Before he got locked up we ended up being separated because I had gone to Minnesota to watch my first grandchild be born and he started using. I spent months praying so that I could forgive him for what he was doing and then I prayed that he didn't end up dieing out there, thats when he got locked up. Such a long story but in the end, I love him, had already forgiven him and am now helping him through this.
When things cross my mine, and they do, I pray. It helps me to have faith that the Lord will help me get through anything and to have given my husband trust back so that when he does get out I don't sabotage our relationship before it has its chance to be healthy.
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Old 07-09-2011, 08:05 AM
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I can totally understand what you are saying as I am the mother of a recovering drug addict that is in prison. I have so many thoughts that go through my head of all the past things that he did to me and his family while he was using. My heart breaks for him every day because he is paying severely for a drug related crime. Had he been in his right mind, he would have never committed the crimes he did.

Like you, I try to be happy about different things in our lives but I keep falling back into the pity party when I think of all the horrible things he did while he was using. He's one of the best men you will ever meet but when the drugs got ahold of him, they destroyed everyone around him.

He has told me repeatedly how sorry he is for everything he did and he absolutely hates to remember anything from the past. I know in my heart that he is truly sorry but like you, there's a part of me that can't keep drifting back to memories of painful things he did while using.

I am so sad for you. Please know that I am one that truely understands what you're saying. I will be thinking about you and praying for you and your family - I honestly will. God bless you my friend.
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Old 07-14-2011, 10:56 PM
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Thank you for all your support. As time has gone by my anger has subsided, now with him possibly comming home as soon as december I am more afraid of anything. Since he has been in prison and off drugs I have the man I fell in love with, our lil one has her dad back. Its so nice to have him back. I dont want to loose him again when he comes home, I dont want to be afraid of the man I love again. I am afraid im going to handle things wrong or say or do something that will upset him and he will go use again. Is that a normal way to think? I just feel very un prepared for when he comes home and how to act. I have heard of the narcotics meetings for family members of addicts, would that help in my case?
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Old 07-15-2011, 12:27 AM
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I can understand your fear, and that your biggest fear is that he will eventually turn back to his old ways.
I think going to some na meetings will help you understand how he might be feeling and what to expect. But if he decides he is going to go back to it then there is probably not a lot you can do to prevent it. I hope that his time away has given him chance to think and realise that his old way of life was destructive
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Old 07-15-2011, 12:51 AM
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You need to get yourself to a support group as soon as possible. You can't live your life on eggshells hoping that nothing you say or do is going to set him off to use drugs again.

If he goes back to using, the monkey is on HIS back NOT yours. Get help for yourself. He probably knows now the tools he needs to keep himself drug free.
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Old 07-22-2011, 12:41 AM
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it will be tough, i wish u both luck, here is a website with more info about it, maybe u can find more answers here, there is even a section for wives of meth users, as well as life after meth, and even sections to help u understand whats going on in a recovering meth users mind...check it out, i hope it answers your questions, just know your not alone! http://www.kci.org/meth_info/msg_board_posts/index.htm

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Thank you for all your support. As time has gone by my anger has subsided, now with him possibly comming home as soon as december I am more afraid of anything. Since he has been in prison and off drugs I have the man I fell in love with, our lil one has her dad back. Its so nice to have him back. I dont want to loose him again when he comes home, I dont want to be afraid of the man I love again. I am afraid im going to handle things wrong or say or do something that will upset him and he will go use again. Is that a normal way to think? I just feel very un prepared for when he comes home and how to act. I have heard of the narcotics meetings for family members of addicts, would that help in my case?
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