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Now That Your Loved One Is Home... Please share stories about your loved one now they are home.

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  #1  
Old 06-18-2016, 06:23 AM
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Default MWI - 12 years later and 9 years post prison

These update posts of mine have started being part of my routine every year. There was nothing routine about any of this back when we were still dealing with the DOC

We started out as pen pals and friends in 2003. Then I decided to visit in May of 2004 and there was just no going back after that. The attraction was instantaneous and very powerful (lots of pheromones, still lots of pheromones ). Before meeting there was this feeling of a very close friendship, driven by the certainty that we would most likely never meet. Just that makes things pretty unique. Here you have a personal relationship with someone you won't ever have to meet and talk to face to face and you can just let go and write/talk about whatever you want without worry. That's how we felt and that made us open up to each other completely. Then I sort of decided to go see him anyway since I was going the the US anyway.... the thought was something like "I have never seen the inside of a prison which should be interesting and maybe he will be happy to get a visitor other than his family". So after meeting and getting that overwhelming rush of feelings (most of it was probably just lust hehe), the friendship transformed into a desperate but loving infatuation, driven by the daunting task of answering questions about all sorts of stuff like:

- could a relationship like this actually last, being both long distance AND a prison relationship?
- what sort of impact does prison have on a person, especially after a long time like 10+ years?
- how will he cope as a free man after being told when to piss, eat, sleep, work etc. for all this time?
- will he be violent after prison?
- is it realistic to move in together right away after prison, especially if you have a child?
- is it realistic to have a healthy, normal relationship as MWI's and as a post-prison couple?

As we have gradually answered all those questions for ourselves over the years, one thing has become crystal clear to us; MWI relationships can and do work IF both partners are equally committed to fighting against the odds that are stacked up against them. Because let's face it..... the odds aren't very good. The odds aren't very good for normal, outside relationships even. MWI relationships are a constant battle, that's just the nature of the beast. Once people move out of the "MWI realm", putting some time and distance between them and the prison phase, it should naturally evolve like any other relationship. And for us it did. It took time, patience and flexibility but it did eventually.

We met in '04, he got out in '07, we got married in '09 (still living apart), he moved to my country for the first time at the end of '09, went back to the US in '10 (because immigration rejected him) and then he moved back after we won the appeal and we've been living together ever since.

He's my best friend, my life companion and my very passionate lover.
After the initial problems of getting used to life on the outside, working on his PTSD and the prison attitude he had adopted in prison, things have been running smoothly. We both have good jobs that have allowed us to support our daughter in school (she's not his biologically but he's 100% her DAD), buy a house together and travel a little bit together. We are very content with a calm/peaceful, drama free life with a lot of routine. We don't drink and party.... not because we're alcoholics but because we just don't like booze and drunk people very much. And we're 43

We have one golden rule in our marriage - to accept each other as is and never try to change the other one. We are who we are and we love each other unconditionally as we are. Yes there are things that get on our nerves about each other and sometimes this irritation shines through. Which is why the golden rule is a constant in our life together. It grounds us and keeps the mutual respect alive.

I hope everyone out there will have a healthy, happy and rewarding experience like we did. Happy homecoming to all and if there are any questions or thoughts, don't hesitate. It was threads like this one that helped me organize my feelings back then. The best threads were those that became back and forth discussions
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Old 06-18-2016, 07:36 AM
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Congratulations on a very happy life together. Encouragement for all. You guys are a great example of what is possible on the outside. Successful lives to you both.
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Old 06-18-2016, 08:48 AM
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I'm always glad to see your updates, they make me smile and give me hope for the future.

What prison behaviors and customs were the most difficult for him to overcome and/or were difficult on both of you as a couple?
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Old 06-18-2016, 08:52 AM
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Its good to hear a positive MWI success story. Thank you for sharing.
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Old 06-18-2016, 10:18 AM
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Loved reading your story and the beginning sounds exactly the situation I am in right now with the difference that he'll be in for some years to come but very inspiring story and I'm sincerely and profoundly happy for you both! Plus it gives me hope! Thank you!
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Old 06-18-2016, 12:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by patchouli View Post
I'm always glad to see your updates, they make me smile and give me hope for the future.

What prison behaviors and customs were the most difficult for him to overcome and/or were difficult on both of you as a couple?
Thank you me dear

The most trying one for him, the one that he still struggles with and seems to be the hardest to beat, is what he perceives as disrespect (his definition is different from mine) and his response to it.

He gets pissed off when he feels he's been disrespected. He responds (still) as if he was on the yard except he doesn't punch anyone. However, he does tend to have a sharp mouth on him.

In his defense though, he has a great sense of humor and doesn't have a problem making fun of himself when he knows he's gone to far (doesn't have an issue with me making fun of him either). And he's not bad at making peace with those he comes into conflict with either. At first this worried me a great deal but not so much anymore. He's allowed to feel what he feels and to be irritated. He's a grown man who can handle himself so this isn't so much about him eliminating how he views "disrespect" but more about how he handles it internally and externally. His method is bitching about it to me on the way home from work and then he's good
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Old 06-18-2016, 12:49 PM
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Just to clarify "disrespect".

Bump/slam into me without an excuse me or apology.
Hit me with your shopping cart without excuse or apology.
Yell at me.
Call me out of my name.

These are the most commons things people out here think they can do, consequence free. Anyone who comes out of prison has to deal with it one way or another. I find a carefully mixed response of immediate aggressive verbal response (to whatever), personal space violations, direct eye contact, and loudly and angrily overriding any words that are not "I am sorry" to be the most effective way to handle the situation. But I have been out for 9 years now. You cant expect people fresh out of prison to be able to handle these situations with my Zen like mentallity. Give them time. Haha.
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Old 06-18-2016, 01:21 PM
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Yay! I'm always so happy to read updates from the two of you!! I miss your insight and advice in the MWI forum, Rox. But considering prison is no longer an aspect of your relationship, I understand why you're not on here much anymore.

(Even though the two of you don't drink) Cheers to the successful MWI couple! All the best to you both and I look forward to next year's update.
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Old 06-18-2016, 02:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss_A View Post
Yay! I'm always so happy to read updates from the two of you!! I miss your insight and advice in the MWI forum, Rox. But considering prison is no longer an aspect of your relationship, I understand why you're not on here much anymore.

(Even though the two of you don't drink) Cheers to the successful MWI couple! All the best to you both and I look forward to next year's update.
Thank you my friend

Yeah I sometimes read a little bit in the MWI forum and sometimes I even plan on replying to some of the threads but then think that nobody wants to listen to my rants about the importance of living apart for awhile and how there is no such thing as "love" as it's all about hormones and how compatible they (the hormones) are between people
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Old 05-23-2017, 05:12 AM
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Almost time for an update... anxiously waiting for my man to get out or at least have weekends home so I can have some "quality time" with him, talk without the visit ending, kissing without interruption from the COs and what not...
I would so need your insights... mine has been in for 23+ years.
Actually anxious all the way around..
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Old 05-23-2017, 11:15 PM
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Hey Rox glad to see you post its good to know you guys are good look forward to posting my own one day. Lol
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Old 05-24-2017, 02:08 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MizzyMuffling View Post
Almost time for an update... anxiously waiting for my man to get out or at least have weekends home so I can have some "quality time" with him, talk without the visit ending, kissing without interruption from the COs and what not...
I would so need your insights... mine has been in for 23+ years.
Actually anxious all the way around..
Mizzy, if you haven't already, you can always search Rox's past posts and threads. There is A LOT of very useful insight she has left on these boards.
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Old 08-24-2019, 07:42 PM
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Waiting for the next update...
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