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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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Old 12-07-2018, 12:05 PM
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Default Confused: Released yesterday after 30 years. Haven't heard from him.

I met my MWI back in November 2016 from my cousin. They were both in the same dorm. He was looking for someone to print papers for him so he can get out for his case because he got denied parole in October 2016. My cousin called asked me if I can print them for the guy and I said yes. He came on the phone and talked to me for a while. He seemed cool. He asked if he can call me and I said yes. We talked just about everyday. I even visited him a few times. Last year he started falling in love with me and eventually I did too. I remember him saying if he parole he would parole to his uncle house. Just recently he got approved for parole and he said he just changed the parole address from his uncleís address to my address. We talk about getting married and him living with me and all. Since he made parole he told me I donít have to get anything for him because his relatives will get all he need and he wants me to save my money and not spend a dime on him when he gets home. A few days ago. I told him that I was going to pick him up from the parole unit and he told me donít worry about it heíll catch a bus but he didnít tell me where. He said heíll call me.He end up going to the parole unit. They donít allow phones calls from the unit to love ones. So he got released yesterday. I havenít heard from him. I called the unit to see if heís been released and they said yes he caught a bus to San Antonio. Thatís where his uncle and other relatives lives. His mom lives in Austin and I live in Killeen Texas. I called his mom and she havenít heard from him. Sheís an elderly lady. Sheís surprised he made it home and not call us. I told her I guess he left me and forgot about me. She said no she got a letter from him recently telling her that me and him will get married in the Virgin Islands and he will build a house for me. I was shocked. Iím more shocked that he didnít contact his mother yet. She said sheíll give him his space since he been in prison for almost 30 years. Heís 50 years old. Iím just confused about the whole situation and Iím taking it that he left me. Iím upset that he could of told me he wanted to parole to his uncle instead of me and could of called me to let me know whatís going on. He havenít seen his uncle since he was 5 years old. I doubt he have another woman because heís very antisocial and never wanted to deal with people. But never know. Iím sad, confused and mad at the same time. His poor mom tried to comfort me about this. Sorry this is so long. I got tears in my tears typing this. Any love and advice or input would be appreciated. Hugs to everyone.
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Old 12-07-2018, 12:21 PM
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Did parole ever come visit your home or call you to verify? If not, he never put down your address to parole to - which would be my guess considering he didn’t want you to pick him up. I’ve never met anyone who didn’t want to be picked up at the unit unless it was some sort of extreme hardship for the other person.

Anyway, they can’t just decide to parole to another place. He had to check in to whatever county he was approved for within 48 hours and then request to move to a different county. Either that or he absconded. Who knows!

Anyway, I’m so sorry that happened to you. That’s extremely hurtful. I do hope you or his mother hears from him so at least y’all know he’s alive and well.
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Old 12-07-2018, 01:16 PM
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Despite this being very hurtful, disappointing and confusing to you Iím not really surprised. I mean... hard to explain, but heís probably freaking out as in confused and maybe needs old family first.
My boyfriend has been in for now 25 years and although he has his ideas and dreams being with me Iím not sitting on packed boxes because Iím kind of expecting a maybe similar outcome.
Iím NOT saying he might not call, but maybe not now or yet. He needs to sort things out for him first. As hard as this is for you, give him space..
Maybe I can recommend book to read which both my boyfriend and I have read: Life after Murder from Nancy Mullane.
This put things for me in perspective.
Stay strong and be good to yourself
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Old 12-07-2018, 01:57 PM
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I just reread your other posts that said no one contacted you and he’s supposed to be on a ankle monitor. They wouldn’t have let him go without coming to your home and setting up the stuff on the landline. They must’ve gone somewhere else and set it up.

I’m really sorry, but it doesn’t seem like he was ever planning on coming to you. He has been in for 30 years - maybe he didn’t want to be a hardship on you. But still, he should’ve called. Can you call his uncle?
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Old 12-07-2018, 03:22 PM
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I'm sorry for what you are dealing with, and hope that he eventually finds the courage to explain his behavior to you and to his mother. All you can do is to wait for him to contact you, but if/when he does, don't forget all of the lies.
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Old 12-08-2018, 03:38 AM
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I'm so sorry

I really don't even know what else to say. I was going to suggest maybe you should wait a few more days before jumping to conclusions, but all that has gone down with his parole plans without the parole even checking with you.....it does seem fishy.

Whatever you do, please do not think you're alone in this. Keep posting and getting the support that's available here. There's a part of me that still hopes this will somehow turn out to be some strange mistake and you will hear from him...but if not, do not think for one second you've done something wrong - nobody deserves to be dumped without a call regardless of the circumstances. We're here for you sweetie
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Old 12-09-2018, 08:51 AM
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Im very sorry this happened.
I do hope at some point he reaches out even if only to explain himself.
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Old 12-09-2018, 10:30 AM
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I'm sorry to hear this.
I went through something similar and just when I had moved on he came back and we're back together.
He kinda lost it when he got released- I think it can be really overwhelming.
((( hug)))
He might come back and he might not- my advice is do your best to get moving on with your life and what is meant to be, will be.
I know that sounds way easier than it is- but it is possible.
We're here for you
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Old 12-09-2018, 11:45 AM
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Hon, 30 years is a long time to be locked up and then thrust back into society. If your man hasn't been keeping up with current events, then, today's society can be rough to negotiate after being away for that many years. It can be positively overwhelming to someone who has been locked up that long.


I'm sorry that he hasn't contacted you, but he may be just trying to get his bearings before getting in touch with you. He may be just trying to stand on his own two feet and make his way in this world without having to lean on you.


Of course, that doesn't excuse him from not contacting you, but you just don't know what he is facing right now.
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Old 12-10-2018, 07:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by msladyj75 View Post
I



She said no she got a letter from him recently telling her that me and him will get married in the Virgin Islands and he will build a house for me.


I was shocked. I’m more shocked that he didn’t contact his mother yet. She said she’ll give him his space since he been in prison for almost 30 years.

He’s 50 years old.


I’m just confuse
d about the whole situation and I’m taking it that he left me.

I’m upset that he could of told me he wanted to parole to his uncle instead of me and could of called me to let me know what’s going on. He haven’t seen his uncle since he was 5 years old.



I doubt he have another woman because he’s very antisocial and never wanted to deal with people. But never know.
I’m sad, confused and mad at the same time.



His poor mom tried to comfort me about this. Sorry this is so long
. I got tears in my tears typing this.

.


OMG.

Ok first chica, (and i am so happy to see you're here still!) so i am making
this a very long response after seeing what you're going through tonight,
and pm me again when you're able. (smh)
however i shake mi head and i know exactly what you're needing to do.



I remember you so well, and must say that nothing in the world excuse him from not at least calling you and saying,
let me get on my feet first, beba. te amo(i love u) and i am going to get back to you soon, later tonight etc., or the morning
so we can "continue doing this together, just as planned."et.al., so he has ZERO excuse unless he dead, rip and or seriously hurt injured,
can't get to a damn fone. I don't buy it.

I was often thinking about you, y' chica, muchas abrazo bendiciones...
(i said much blessings and hugs)for you,
and first i want to say to u, don't cry...
(if you have to i understand)
pero(but) trust me on this...
-

He will reach you, but maybe not right away as his clear act of disrespect/selfishness is now being exhibited, and its wrong.
-
However:

if you are going to cry about what he has one to you also pray to the lord to help bring you through.
- and there is just no beating around the bush here, so i will just say how i feel. HE IS ONE SELFISH B-stard.
He is quite SELFISH, beyond mention and i pray to GOD you're not going to waste ANOTHER tear on this male PUTO.
I am mad. He got some nerve.If he love and or care for you at all chica, your fone is going to ring, if he doesn't just show up, he will
at least call."

-I really don't give a f-#k if he has felt that he "has a right to do this to you because he DON'T....He was wrong and is wrong.

-
I dont care if he feel he was or has:

-Missed being out in the "real world" for 60 yrs.
Don't care. I really do not care. I get he did THIRTY or almost thirty years in prison, but i don't care.
HE WRONG. and shame on him. fifty is NOT old, but it is an older man, and hence supposed to have wisdom by now."
You're too sweet and too good for such disrespect. He shouldn't have lied to you then.


He should have not made all these sweet faux-promises
to you,
knowing it was a lie.(if it was and i say IF premised on, i would give him a lil time,
and when i say little chica,i mean a week or maximum 2)
-
But, that's me.

I would, meanwhile, say to mi self and dios(god) ENOUGH is enough and
i would smile again and realize i am BETTER than this,
and GOD will see me through it, to the "right path in life without him,
while he get his bad karma if he has hurt you like this. TOTAL disrespect."
-
I m not going to be sittin around, with mi suitcase or like MIZZY saying pack boxes like this,
i am going to "do me and i would move on and be happy each passing day without such a jerk. But, again that's me.
-

About what he told his mother:

That's sweet. He said this to his mother so he must have some love or be
IN love with you to talk about building ur casa(a house for you two)
moving away together etc., he must have loved, care deeply for you,
but i am not seeing it, not at this point."

-
Hence:

Dry your tears on your lovely face chica and DON'T look back.
Move forward.
Heck, start a lil biz, or two off or line, do positive things, empower another if you can and heal...
Begin the healing process by being doing things to make your own self happy again,
(and if he show up/if he call,then take it from there)but again i would only give this guy,
a few weeks or less and i sure as hell would not (and i mean this)


-Don't bother mom.
-Do not call her asking "where he at, or has he reached you."
-#DONT CHASE A MAN.
DON'T DO IT.
-

LET HIM MISS YOU.
LET HIM FIND YOU.
LET HIM reach you chica, and if meant to be trust me, the good lord above
shall let it be.

You're to pm me, anytime, you want again and know this much:
Yo estoy aqui por ti esta noche y' dia y' siempre.(i am here for you today tonight,and always)
YOU DESERVE BETTER, remember that... These men in prison, county jails, city jail etc., do not deserve some great women
like us, and YOU are to REMEMBER that, chica, and stop from utilizing ALL of your tears on this guy, who clearly again has
issues mentally in his mind,to make him treat you like that and i believe that:
-
(1 day)i think he will realize what he has done and reach you, i firmly believe it...
Just don't use all your tears on him. TAKE CARE OF YOU, alright?
#KnowYourWorth...hugs and blessings for you tonight. adios.
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Last edited by a.rare.love; 12-10-2018 at 07:27 PM..
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Old 12-13-2018, 05:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by a.rare.love View Post
OMG.

Ok first chica, (and i am so happy to see you're here still!) so i am making
this a very long response after seeing what you're going through tonight,
and pm me again when you're able. (smh)
however i shake mi head and i know exactly what you're needing to do.



I remember you so well, and must say that nothing in the world excuse him from not at least calling you and saying,
let me get on my feet first, beba. te amo(i love u) and i am going to get back to you soon, later tonight etc., or the morning
so we can "continue doing this together, just as planned."et.al., so he has ZERO excuse unless he dead, rip and or seriously hurt injured,
can't get to a damn fone. I don't buy it.

I was often thinking about you, y' chica, muchas abrazo bendiciones...
(i said much blessings and hugs)for you,
and first i want to say to u, don't cry...
(if you have to i understand)
pero(but) trust me on this...
-

He will reach you, but maybe not right away as his clear act of disrespect/selfishness is now being exhibited, and its wrong.
-
However:

if you are going to cry about what he has one to you also pray to the lord to help bring you through.
- and there is just no beating around the bush here, so i will just say how i feel. HE IS ONE SELFISH B-stard.
He is quite SELFISH, beyond mention and i pray to GOD you're not going to waste ANOTHER tear on this male PUTO.
I am mad. He got some nerve.If he love and or care for you at all chica, your fone is going to ring, if he doesn't just show up, he will
at least call."

-I really don't give a f-#k if he has felt that he "has a right to do this to you because he DON'T....He was wrong and is wrong.

-
I dont care if he feel he was or has:

-Missed being out in the "real world" for 60 yrs.
Don't care. I really do not care. I get he did THIRTY or almost thirty years in prison, but i don't care.
HE WRONG. and shame on him. fifty is NOT old, but it is an older man, and hence supposed to have wisdom by now."
You're too sweet and too good for such disrespect. He shouldn't have lied to you then.


He should have not made all these sweet faux-promises
to you,
knowing it was a lie.(if it was and i say IF premised on, i would give him a lil time,
and when i say little chica,i mean a week or maximum 2)
-
But, that's me.

I would, meanwhile, say to mi self and dios(god) ENOUGH is enough and
i would smile again and realize i am BETTER than this,
and GOD will see me through it, to the "right path in life without him,
while he get his bad karma if he has hurt you like this. TOTAL disrespect."
-
I m not going to be sittin around, with mi suitcase or like MIZZY saying pack boxes like this,
i am going to "do me and i would move on and be happy each passing day without such a jerk. But, again that's me.
-

About what he told his mother:

That's sweet. He said this to his mother so he must have some love or be
IN love with you to talk about building ur casa(a house for you two)
moving away together etc., he must have loved, care deeply for you,
but i am not seeing it, not at this point."

-
Hence:

Dry your tears on your lovely face chica and DON'T look back.
Move forward.
Heck, start a lil biz, or two off or line, do positive things, empower another if you can and heal...
Begin the healing process by being doing things to make your own self happy again,
(and if he show up/if he call,then take it from there)but again i would only give this guy,
a few weeks or less and i sure as hell would not (and i mean this)


-Don't bother mom.
-Do not call her asking "where he at, or has he reached you."
-#DONT CHASE A MAN.
DON'T DO IT.
-

LET HIM MISS YOU.
LET HIM FIND YOU.
LET HIM reach you chica, and if meant to be trust me, the good lord above
shall let it be.

You're to pm me, anytime, you want again and know this much:
Yo estoy aqui por ti esta noche y' dia y' siempre.(i am here for you today tonight,and always)
YOU DESERVE BETTER, remember that... These men in prison, county jails, city jail etc., do not deserve some great women
like us, and YOU are to REMEMBER that, chica, and stop from utilizing ALL of your tears on this guy, who clearly again has
issues mentally in his mind,to make him treat you like that and i believe that:
-
(1 day)i think he will realize what he has done and reach you, i firmly believe it...
Just don't use all your tears on him. TAKE CARE OF YOU, alright?
#KnowYourWorth...hugs and blessings for you tonight. adios.
Hey sweetie thanks for the love and support. You always been there. Iíll pm you soon.
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Old 12-13-2018, 05:54 PM
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Hello everyone thank you so much for your kind words and advice. I apologize it took a while to respond back. As of today, still no contact from him. I haven’t contacted his mom or anybody about him and I don’t plan on contacting about him. I’m sure he’s overwhelmed and doing ok. I’ve decided to move on. 2019 is coming and want to travel and do fun things with my daughter. I’m happier without him. I’ve never mentioned this but he was emotionally abusive to me and deep in my heart I knew it wouldn’t work out between us. We came from two different worlds, states and upbringing. He had anger issues and mentally unstable and he needed to get that check. Parole wanted him to take anger management. I’m kinda glad he’s not in my life but he should have still let me know something. I’m sure his mom heard from him already even though she was going to give him his space for a while. I won’t bother her. If he ever call or come by I won’t be rude to him. I’ll be happy for him that he’s home and tell him that I don’t want a future with him anymore. Am I wrong for wanting to tell him that? Thank you everyone and I’ll keep updating as much as I can.
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Old 12-13-2018, 07:23 PM
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If he ever does contact you, be sure not to forget what happened when he finally got out of prison. Beware, and stay safe, for you and your daughter.
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Old 12-13-2018, 08:47 PM
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Quote:
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Am I wrong for wanting to tell him that? Thank you everyone and Iíll keep updating as much as I can.

I don't think so. In fact, with the added information you just gave, you probably dodged a bullet. Take care of YOU. You come first. Just stick to your guns and live your life.
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Old 12-13-2018, 09:56 PM
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I don't think so. In fact, with the added information you just gave, you probably dodged a bullet. Take care of YOU. You come first. Just stick to your guns and live your life.
Thank you and you are so right. I dodged a bullet.
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Old 12-14-2018, 07:15 AM
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Great attitude and it sounds like he did you a favor in helping you to see this fairly quickly.

If he does contact you, it might be hard, but stay strong and firm. Don't fall into the same trap and move on as there are some great guys out there that deserve the love you have to give!
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