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  #26  
Old 08-23-2019, 05:51 AM
trauma4us trauma4us is offline
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1. Can you afford 3 children without an additional income?
2. Do you want to raise another child without a Father?
3. I presume you work? So, what happens if you have a difficult pregnancy and can't work?
4. What would happen to your 2 children if something happened to you during this pregnancy?

I agree with everyone else, this is unrealistic now....and just why??
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Old 08-23-2019, 05:56 AM
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One question would be, does the free person get charges on them if the baby is born in jail/prison? Do they do any paternity and then go after the free person that impregnated the inmate? (of course considering the woman was incarcerated as opposed to OP)
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Old 08-23-2019, 08:50 AM
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Originally Posted by PrisonWifey2017 View Post
Damn everybody is so judgmental ... we have 2 kids already and I donít want to have kids past 31, so that is our reason for wanting one now ... plus we always wanted all our kids close in age ... you guys are rude AF
1. You dont know what rude AF means.
2. If you have 2 kids who already dont have a dad at home the the F would you want to bring another on into that?
3. You made it very ones business by posting this.
4. California is one of the only states that even allow "family visists" do you you not understand you could potentially F that up forever one with your ignorance?
5. Why dont you focus on the 2 kids you have?
6. You even asking this question was rude AF...
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  #29  
Old 08-23-2019, 09:53 AM
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Originally Posted by PrisonWifey2017 View Post
Huh ? Who’s angry lol .. I’m just saying ... people jumped to their own conclusions & made it a big ass deal .... it was just a question . If you don’t agree you don’t agree I ain’t mad tho
I just want to live in the fantasy world you live in. There's about a 0% chance any idea you come up with is going to work. The penalties for getting caught, include you getting to experience first hand what he goes through. I guess you could compare notes afterwards? This is the life we chose/live in. No real dates, no talking/texting whenever something goes wrong, no going to bed with them, and every thing we do to call/visit.. all of it costs money. The very idea of getting pregnant because you don't have the patience to wait, is MIND BOGGLING. Waiting..? Its all we do. We wait until they come home. Either accept it, or don't and move on. Subjecting a kid to this life, when you know damn well what the adults go through and how painful, depressing, and sad it can be, is the utter definition... of pure selfishness. Who's angry? I am. And to think.. I just try and get a hug and kiss from my wife 3-4 days a week, because seeing her in person, and holding her hand, is the most important part of our marriage I have left. Now, I need to shoot much higher after this!

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  #30  
Old 08-23-2019, 10:40 AM
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Originally Posted by studebaker71 View Post
One question would be, does the free person get charges on them if the baby is born in jail/prison? Do they do any paternity and then go after the free person that impregnated the inmate? (of course considering the woman was incarcerated as opposed to OP)
Given the high incidence of sexual abuse by staff in female prisons-- I suppose she would be interviewed, perhaps not interrogated. If she had documented visitors, it's not impossible that it was route of insemination. No visitors? I'd say they'd press pretty hard to find out who dad is because eventually that will be a baby in need of a living situation.



Bringing us back to the topic--
OP is desiring to become pregnant while her LO is in prison. Family Visit eligibility is two years away and because of personal preference, she would rather be pregnant sooner and is inquiring how one might do that if one would choose to do so.
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Old 08-23-2019, 10:45 AM
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I want to have a child with MY girl and I want to "make" a child. Like in my logical mind I would adopt, or do so many other things but its like something natural and instinctual or something....

So maybe in another world, I could say that in a maternal sense, some kind of time where you have a passion to make a child despite the odds.
I get this. I never wanted children until the last few years. I guess it's the cliche clock and the fact that I'm truly in love with this man. But the hard facts are that I'm 41, I'm not healthy, and my husband has been in prison for 17 years. Re-entry for him will be incredibly challenging. Neither of us need the added burden (and yes, as much as we might love the little bug it's a financial burden) during that process. My reality dictates that my hormones shut their yap and be appeased in other ways. Y'all, my dog is spoiled to heaven and back.
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  #32  
Old 08-23-2019, 01:45 PM
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Originally Posted by PrisonWifey2017 View Post
Huh ? Whoís angry lol .. Iím just saying ... people jumped to their own conclusions & made it a big ass deal .... it was just a question . If you donít agree you donít agree I ainít mad tho


Iíll be pissed if I find out some lady decided to introduce contraband or have sex in a visiting room and it makes visitation in California more difficult for the rest of us.

Just so weíre clear.

The prison system has far bigger concerns than whether or not your perfect ďhave three kids before I turn 31Ē world is ruined by your husbandís bad decisionmaking.
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  #33  
Old 08-23-2019, 05:34 PM
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Originally Posted by missingdee View Post
Iíll be pissed if I find out some lady decided to introduce contraband or have sex in a visiting room and it makes visitation in California more difficult for the rest of us.

Just so weíre clear.

The prison system has far bigger concerns than whether or not your perfect ďhave three kids before I turn 31Ē world is ruined by your husbandís bad decisionmaking.
It does happen. The facility we are at here has outside visits. It is your choice to sit outside and have cigarettes together or stay inside. Too many sexual acts took place last summer, so now there are no more outside visits there.

He has only been there since May and have seen 2 girls removed for giving foot jobs. They are banned from visiting for at least a year and the guy is on full restriction.

You can only sit across from one another where last place we could sit next to each other. This is all because people cant stop trying to get one over.
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  #34  
Old 08-23-2019, 05:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PrisonWifey2017 View Post
Damn everybody is so judgmental ... we have 2 kids already and I donít want to have kids past 31, so that is our reason for wanting one now ... plus we always wanted all our kids close in age ... you guys are rude AF
Hi PrisonWifey,

I am sorry you interpreted my supply of case law hyperlinks about the civil rights of inmates and their reproductive rights as "judgemental". My bad. I spoke too harshly.

However, since your plan is to have all three of your children close in age and before the age of 31, did you also plan for your spouse to be locked up? Does he have a life insurance policy in place in the event he dies while behind bars?--Again, I am very sorry if those words are harsh but prison isn't always a safe gated community.

In addition, how is his incarceration affecting your other children?

According to the following research article Consequences of Family Member Incarceration: Impacts on Civic Participation and Perceptions of the Legitimacy and Fairness of Government (and the wise experienced voices here on these boards)
Having an incarcerated family member affects multiple domains of life, including economic hardship, family dynamics, and emotional well-being. The removal of an adult family member from a household may involve a loss in monetary contributions from that individual. In addition, during a relative's incarceration increased expenses are incurred as family members attempt to stay in contact with the loved one by visiting (which requires travel expenses and possibly time off from work), calling (typically via expensive collect calls), and sending packages to supplement food and hygiene supplies (Braman 2004; Comfort 2008; Grinstead et al. 2001). Research on the effects of parental incarceration also finds that the incarceration of a parent is associated with economic hardship, increased risk of homelessness, and residential instability (Geller, Garfinkel, and Western 2011; Hagan and Dinovitzer 1999; Hinds 1982; Schwartz-Soicher, Geller, and Garfinkel 2011; Wildeman, this volume). Once released, former inmates are likely to confront difficulties resuming prior employment or securing new employment and may suffer wage penalties for any job attained (Western 2002). As such, contributions to the household may remain diminished (Geller, Garfinkel, and Western 2011; Western 2002; Western 2006), and any legal debt incurred both during and after court proceedings can compound these difficulties (Harris, Evans, and Beckett 2010).

(Lee, Porter, & Comfort, 2014)

Next time when I respond, I will try to tone down my harsh words. I do seem to be accused of that when I provide legitimate answers and researched based responses.
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  #35  
Old 08-23-2019, 06:23 PM
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Back in the 70's it was done someone would pin for them while they behind the vending machines or broom closet. That was in CTF Soladad and at CIM Central believe me it was done BUT I'm not sure how or why anyone would want to now a days. I agree with everyone that why would you risk this, aren't you 2 going through enough right now and this includes the children you have already? And if a woman becomes pregnant while she's in and has had no FV then they're going to look at what her job is within the prison and if she won't say sometimes they are put into SHU while it's being investigated. And yes her visitors list will be investigate also. Seen that done too. There is way too much at risk for such nonsense cause that's how I see it. But, it's not my life and it's your decisions that will cause you issues in the future. I'm only giving my opinion. I don't feel anyone on here was being rude, they just answered your question, one thing about being on an open forum like this is, that people are not always going to agree with you and you put your business out there, well expect others to voice their opinions. Whether or not you like it. Oh, I'm being nice right now, cause in person I am rude AF and could care less what people think of me or what I say or do. Just saying....
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  #36  
Old 08-23-2019, 06:25 PM
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Off topic a bit but Iíd like to be 20 years younger, 20lbs lighter and about 20 Million $ richer... but.... life isnít a ferris wheel... Iíd be elated if Iíd be 31 and would have 2 healthy children... Iíd be royally pissed though if my guy would be in prison. So be grateful for what you have & enjoy life!
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  #37  
Old 08-25-2019, 07:49 PM
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FIRST OF ALL !!!

All of you guys are assuming that I meant doing something to risk me or my husbands visits .

Maybe I didnít word my question correctly and that I will take accountability for but seriously you guys jumped to the worst conclusions .

When I asked this question , what I was asking was if there were any ways to get his sperm and go through IVF legally , or if there were any ways to get family visits sooner so we can have our next child . Also was wondering if they would allow him to donate his sperm .

I honestly donít give a f what people think of me wanting to have another child with my LO. He is my husband and regardless of the fact that heís in prison he is and has always been a damn good father to our kids ! And he wonít be in there much longer ... I just am having some fertility issues and wanted to see if there was any way to get things moving faster . MY BAD for coming on to a prison forum and looking for answers to my questions . NO I WAS NOT LOOKING TO HAVE SEX IN A VISITING ROOM . For one , my kids come to visiting so why would I do that in front of them ? And for 2 my husband would never let me degrade myself like that in front of a whole room of people ! Seriously off this weak ass website . You guys all sound like a bunch of old bitter mfs.
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Old 08-25-2019, 07:55 PM
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Originally Posted by PrisonWifey2017 View Post
Maybe I didn’t word my question correctly and that I will take accountability for but seriously you guys jumped to the worst conclusions .

When I asked this question , what I was asking was if there were any ways to get his sperm and go through IVF legally , or if there were any ways to get family visits sooner so we can have our next child . Also was wondering if they would allow him to donate his sperm .
Nothing about legality, fertility treatments or advancing FV eligibility was mentioned until this post. Thank you for taking responsibility for that missing information.

I can answer only one-- no, you cannot have FV earlier than they are eligible. They recently expanded the program and most facilities are already overwhelmed by the number of currently eligible inmates. This would be terribly unfair to everyone else who has waited their turn.

Moving forward: there are some good questions there about the legal aspect. As the OP has not asked our opinion on having children while incarcerated, please keep future posts limited to the information provided and questions asked. As she is leaving the site, remember that your posts may be helpful to someone else in the future.

Let's also lead by example by refraining from name calling and foul language. In other words, keep it helpful or we're going to close it down. Thanks guys!
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  #39  
Old 08-31-2019, 06:40 PM
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Originally Posted by PrisonWifey2017 View Post
we have 2 kids already and I donít want to have kids past 31, so that is our reason for wanting one now

I'm sorry! I empathize with this desire and loss ~ of not being able to have children with a partner you adore - regardless where they are!

I was almost 29 when I married my LO - I looked into all sorts of ways - ways that got me into trouble, could bake my bank, and some just far-out there ideas, but it just wasn't in the cards for us.

Looking back, on everything.. I'm thankful we are where we are and how we are. Life gives us what we're ready for and to make the best of what we have is much more important rather than to focus on what we don't or can't have.
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  #40  
Old 09-01-2019, 01:39 PM
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Originally Posted by PrisonWifey2017 View Post
FIRST OF ALL !!!

All of you guys are assuming that I meant doing something to risk me or my husbands visits .

Maybe I didnít word my question correctly and that I will take accountability for but seriously you guys jumped to the worst conclusions
When I asked this question , what I was asking was if there were any ways to get his sperm and go through IVF legally , or if there were any ways to get family visits sooner so we can have our next child . Also was wondering if they would allow him to donate his sperm .

I honestly donít give a f what people think of me wanting to have another child with my LO. He is my husband and regardless of the fact that heís in prison he is and has always been a damn good father to our kids ! And he wonít be in there much longer ... I just am having some fertility issues and wanted to see if there was any way to get things moving faster . MY BAD for coming on to a prison forum and looking for answers to my questions . NO I WAS NOT LOOKING TO HAVE SEX IN A VISITING ROOM . For one , my kids come to visiting so why would I do that in front of them ? And for 2 my husband would never let me degrade myself like that in front of a whole room of people ! Seriously off this weak ass website . You guys all sound like a bunch of old bitter mfs.
First, Welcome to PTO I commend you for seeking legal ways to reach your goal of having baby # 3. I wish it were possible and perhaps you'll change your mind about the age difference or the "no baby after 31" rule when your husband comes home.

Now, I have to say that you are the exception, not rule. Most posters looking to achieve what seems to be the impossible are NOT looking for legal ways to accomplish whatever it is they're seeking to accomplish. Seriously.

We may be a tad jaded, some more than others, but we're not a bunch of old bitter mfs.
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  #41  
Old 09-04-2019, 12:16 PM
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Why get pregnant while he's in jail? Wait for him to come home. Think about the baby
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