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Wives & Girlfriends in Prison For everyone who has a wife, girlfriend, or female partner incarcerated.

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  #1  
Old 07-14-2020, 11:27 AM
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Default Experiences of Men with Incarcerated Spouses

My name is Thomas Dutcher and I am a Ph.D. student majoring in criminal justice at the University of New Haven. I am currently researching, with the aide of Dr. Kevin Barnes-Ceeney, the experiences of men with incarcerated spouses. I am very interested in talking to you about your experiences, especially those related to household labor and childcare.
I would like to interview you on a day and time that fits best with your schedule. I anticipate this interview to last for approximately 45 minutes and would gladly conduct it over skype or zoom in light of social distancing recommendations.
Your participation is completely voluntary and any information you tell me will be confidential. Your name will never be disclosed publicly or linked to the information you tell me in the interview. With your approval the interview will be digitally recorded but at any time you may ask to turn the recorder off and may ask me to erase the recording.
While you may not feel like your experience is worth sharing it is very valuable to us and we would greatly appreciate anything you are willing to tell us. Please let us known if you are interested in participating in this study or if you would like any additional information before making your decision.

If you are interested in participating please either comment on this post or email me at removed email address per policy where I can answer any questions you may have.

Cheers,
Thomas Dutcher

Last edited by sass4221; 07-14-2020 at 12:07 PM.. Reason: removed email address
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Old 07-14-2020, 12:09 PM
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PTO welcomes journalists and/or members of the media to learn and educate themselves about prisons, prisoners, and their loved ones, as well as students and researchers doing research on these subjects.
We do, occasionally, allow media/researchers to request information and personal stories from our members.
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PTO welcomes journalists and/or members of the media to learn and educate themselves about prisons, prisoners, and their loved ones, as well as students and researchers doing research on these subjects.

We will, occasionally, allow the media or students/researchers to request information and personal stories from our members. However, PTO does not endorse any journalist, member of the media, story/report, media outlet, student/researcher, or educational/research institution.

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As always, the disclosure of personal information (either yours or someone that is incarcerated) may have some serious repercussions. PTO has no way of predicting how the media or any researcher will present your story or that of your loved one. Any relationship with the media or any researchers is to be entered into at your own risk.

If you receive an unsolicited email or private message from a person claiming to be from the media or researching information for an educational or research institution, report it to the PTO Administration immediately.
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Old 07-16-2020, 10:44 AM
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You'd have to pay me a drillion $$$ for me to spill my guts... just watch "Love after Lockup" and contact those participants... they might want to stay in the spotlight...
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Old 07-16-2020, 11:06 AM
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You'd have to pay me a drillion $$$ for me to spill my guts... just watch "Love after Lockup" and contact those participants... they might want to stay in the spotlight...

Me too what Mizzy said.
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Old 07-16-2020, 06:49 PM
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Originally Posted by _TomDutch_ View Post
My name is Thomas Dutcher and I am a Ph.D. student majoring in criminal justice at the University of New Haven. I am currently researching, with the aide of Dr. Kevin Barnes-Ceeney, the experiences of men with incarcerated spouses. I am very interested in talking to you about your experiences, especially those related to household labor and childcare.
I would like to interview you on a day and time that fits best with your schedule. I anticipate this interview to last for approximately 45 minutes and would gladly conduct it over skype or zoom in light of social distancing recommendations.
Your participation is completely voluntary and any information you tell me will be confidential. Your name will never be disclosed publicly or linked to the information you tell me in the interview. With your approval the interview will be digitally recorded but at any time you may ask to turn the recorder off and may ask me to erase the recording.
While you may not feel like your experience is worth sharing it is very valuable to us and we would greatly appreciate anything you are willing to tell us. Please let us known if you are interested in participating in this study or if you would like any additional information before making your decision.

If you are interested in participating please either comment on this post or email me at removed email address per policy where I can answer any questions you may have.

Cheers,
Thomas Dutcher
I mean, whats there to tell that will take 45 minutes. Our daughter is a teenager, and I keep the house spotless. It isn't any different than if I was a single parent household or a bachelor. I also found out the the XXXtra Hot Cheetos is a big step up than the regular ones too.
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Old 07-16-2020, 08:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Visitor611 View Post
I mean, whats there to tell that will take 45 minutes. Our daughter is a teenager, and I keep the house spotless. It isn't any different than if I was a single parent household or a bachelor. I also found out the the XXXtra Hot Cheetos is a big step up than the regular ones too.
The intention is to shed light on the consequences of relying on a system of mass incarceration and hopefully shift policy through showing the "symbiotic harms" of relying on this system. Especially since even today American society tends to neglect the role of single fathers in any circumstance and the majority of literature on the effects of incarceration on the family totally ignores the experience of men and assumes you do not exist. Your relating your experiencing to being as you said a single parent or bachelor is exactly the type of lived experience that I am interesting in hearing about first hand.

I sincerely hope my post has not offended you in any way. I am coming about this call for interested persons with the best intentions and it is a subject that has personal significance to me. I do appreciate your response here and it does give me much to think about regardless of your interest in participating. But if you were interested I can talk with you via direct message about what some of the questions I specifically have before you need to make a decision and even still if anywhere from 1 minute to the last minute of the interview you were to decide you didn't want to be a part of it that would be that and your interview would be erased.

Last edited by _TomDutch_; 07-16-2020 at 08:31 PM.. Reason: spelling
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Old 07-17-2020, 06:29 AM
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The PTO disclaimer is added to all "student researcher" posts, so don't take it personally.
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Old 07-17-2020, 06:58 AM
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Last I checked Criminal justice was not about justice for labeled criminals that have been libeled, nor their families or communities. Piss off. Get your tax right off somewhere else.

Last edited by frees; 07-17-2020 at 07:00 AM.. Reason: We don't like your justice
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Old 07-17-2020, 07:14 AM
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Last I checked Criminal justice was not about justice for labeled criminals that have been libeled, nor their families or communities. Piss off. Get your tax right off somewhere else.
Well to clarify more I work in the field known as critical criminology / marxist criminology. Its whole point is to expose the injustice of the system not to support it.
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Old 07-17-2020, 07:18 AM
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Just read this forum and you can see the injustice in a ton of cases... stop bothering us...
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Old 07-17-2020, 11:00 AM
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I mean, whats there to tell that will take 45 minutes. Our daughter is a teenager, and I keep the house spotless. It isn't any different than if I was a single parent household or a bachelor.

What I find different from being a bachelor is my wife being a slave of the state, subject to whims of "superiors," arbitrary rule enforcement and punishment and unable to do what she thinks is necessary to protect herself from Covid.
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Old 07-21-2020, 09:38 PM
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What I find different from being a bachelor is my wife being a slave of the state, subject to whims of "superiors," arbitrary rule enforcement and punishment and unable to do what she thinks is necessary to protect herself from Covid.
Well sure Wilkes, sometimes I don't want to think about that part when I haven't seen my wife in 4 1/2 months. I'm trying to survive this whole incarceration thing, not die from a stress induced heart attack. But we eat alone, do activities alone, go to bed alone, watch tv alone.. I mean, do I drink out of a carton sometimes? Sure. Does the laundry give me evil looks after I spent 10 hours working. You betcha. That's what I meant
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Old 07-21-2020, 09:43 PM
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The intention is to shed light on the consequences of relying on a system of mass incarceration and hopefully shift policy through showing the "symbiotic harms" of relying on this system. Especially since even today American society tends to neglect the role of single fathers in any circumstance and the majority of literature on the effects of incarceration on the family totally ignores the experience of men and assumes you do not exist. Your relating your experiencing to being as you said a single parent or bachelor is exactly the type of lived experience that I am interesting in hearing about first hand.

I sincerely hope my post has not offended you in any way. I am coming about this call for interested persons with the best intentions and it is a subject that has personal significance to me. I do appreciate your response here and it does give me much to think about regardless of your interest in participating. But if you were interested I can talk with you via direct message about what some of the questions I specifically have before you need to make a decision and even still if anywhere from 1 minute to the last minute of the interview you were to decide you didn't want to be a part of it that would be that and your interview would be erased.
Men who are in this position definitely go through a different judgmental roller coaster, than woman. I've constantly had to be on my guard and always be wary of letting people know that my wife is in a state prison. That's not something you talk about in the family BBQ. Those who have lived this life for many years can develop a quick trigger. I don't give two damns what this guy or that woman thinks about my relationship. But, if you talk trash to me about it, you can assuredly expect an aggressive reaction. She can't defend herself, so she lets me do it for her. I've had friends say they'll keep confidence, only to find out, they did not. Pretty hard to trust a pseudo-name on a message board that wants to dig in the most darkest and painful part of it.
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Old 07-22-2020, 08:31 AM
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Well sure Wilkes, sometimes I don't want to think about that part when I haven't seen my wife in 4 1/2 months. I'm trying to survive this whole incarceration thing, not die from a stress induced heart attack. But we eat alone, do activities alone, go to bed alone, watch tv alone.. I mean, do I drink out of a carton sometimes? Sure. Does the laundry give me evil looks after I spent 10 hours working. You betcha. That's what I meant

I understand. I'm alone 95% of the time. I work at home. Our daughter's been on her own for a long time. I don't miss social interaction very much but I do miss visiting a lot.
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Old 07-22-2020, 08:39 AM
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Men who are in this position definitely go through a different judgmental roller coaster, than woman. I've constantly had to be on my guard and always be wary of letting people know that my wife is in a state prison. That's not something you talk about in the family BBQ. Those who have lived this life for many years can develop a quick trigger. I don't give two damns what this guy or that woman thinks about my relationship. But, if you talk trash to me about it, you can assuredly expect an aggressive reaction. She can't defend herself, so she lets me do it for her. I've had friends say they'll keep confidence, only to find out, they did not. Pretty hard to trust a pseudo-name on a message board that wants to dig in the most darkest and painful part of it.

Speaking for outmates in general, our lives and relationships are nobody's business but ours. I relocated to a different state before our daughter started school to protect her from potential harassment by classmates. I didn't leave any friends behind. Everyone we knew abandoned us. My neighbors don't now I'm married. I'm not ashamed of my wife. I don't want to have to explain or justify anything or defend her from people who don't know her.
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Old 07-22-2020, 01:29 PM
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Originally Posted by _TomDutch_ View Post
My name is Thomas Dutcher and I am a Ph.D. student majoring in criminal justice at the University of New Haven. I am currently researching, with the aide of Dr. Kevin Barnes-Ceeney, the experiences of men with incarcerated spouses. I am very interested in talking to you about your experiences, especially those related to household labor and childcare.
I would like to interview you on a day and time that fits best with your schedule. I anticipate this interview to last for approximately 45 minutes and would gladly conduct it over skype or zoom in light of social distancing recommendations.
Your participation is completely voluntary and any information you tell me will be confidential. Your name will never be disclosed publicly or linked to the information you tell me in the interview. With your approval the interview will be digitally recorded but at any time you may ask to turn the recorder off and may ask me to erase the recording.
While you may not feel like your experience is worth sharing it is very valuable to us and we would greatly appreciate anything you are willing to tell us. Please let us known if you are interested in participating in this study or if you would like any additional information before making your decision.

If you are interested in participating please either comment on this post or email me at removed email address per policy where I can answer any questions you may have.

Cheers,
Thomas Dutcher

No offense Tom,


But anyone to do with the criminal justice I would be weary of. If you really wanted to help the families you would start off with an overhaul of your justice system. You would make it a fair and just system that doesn't over extend it's sentencing laws, separate families and make it hard on them both physically, mentally and financially because your not only imprisoning our loved ones your imprisoning us along with them and cause us hardship.
Rather than ask questions from the comfort of your living room go see and witness the visitation times and see how stressful it is for families getting ready queuing up for hours in preparation to see their loved ones. Go look at the unhealthy and sanitizing conditions that our loved ones have to live through whilst they do their time. And if your lucky enough go and see how their families are coping. That's my two cents. to talk and write is not the same as physically seeing and witnessing. because at that stage we are just a number on your credit list.
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Old 07-29-2020, 08:01 AM
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Hey Born,

No offense taken. To clarify my educational and work background is in social justice advocacy, I decided to study within this field to learn about its structures so that I could do research and advocate for humanizing change with the in-depth knowledge of those structures. Critical criminology as a field is all about learning the system to dismantle it. The changes you are talking about are exactly the changes I want to see in the system. I do see this study as a piece in pushing the call to stop relying on mass incarceration in the USA.

I have previously been involved with visitation programs (although not in America so the system was very different) and have personal experience with visiting individuals I care deeply about who were incarcerated (that is the personal drive behind my research, seeing the harms of this system first hand).

But I very much appreciate your perspective and thank you for taking the time to respond.

Last edited by _TomDutch_; 07-29-2020 at 08:12 AM..
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Old 07-29-2020, 08:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Visitor611 View Post
Men who are in this position definitely go through a different judgmental roller coaster, than woman. I've constantly had to be on my guard and always be wary of letting people know that my wife is in a state prison. That's not something you talk about in the family BBQ. Those who have lived this life for many years can develop a quick trigger. I don't give two damns what this guy or that woman thinks about my relationship. But, if you talk trash to me about it, you can assuredly expect an aggressive reaction. She can't defend herself, so she lets me do it for her. I've had friends say they'll keep confidence, only to find out, they did not. Pretty hard to trust a pseudo-name on a message board that wants to dig in the most darkest and painful part of it.
Hey Visitor611,

Not trusting a pseudoname makes a lot of sense to me, I can't argue that but I would be willing to chat privately if you wanted to establish rapport. Personally this was not my preferred way to do this research but (and this is not to complain because this does not effect me on the scale that it effects anyone on this website) with visitations not happening in my home state this has been a work around. I do volunteer with programs that work with the families of incarcerated folx in my home state but those programs are geared more toward women with incarcerated spouses. I do appreciate the time you are taking to post on this board and am so sorry to hear that you have had bad experiences with people leaking your information in the past. I cannot begin to imagine the stress of hiding that information, which is part of why I wanted to do this research, to help the rest of the USA wake up to the harms of relying on incarceration that people don't think about.

Last edited by _TomDutch_; 07-29-2020 at 08:13 AM.. Reason: adding more info
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Old 07-29-2020, 08:23 AM
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Speaking for outmates in general, our lives and relationships are nobody's business but ours. I relocated to a different state before our daughter started school to protect her from potential harassment by classmates. I didn't leave any friends behind. Everyone we knew abandoned us. My neighbors don't now I'm married. I'm not ashamed of my wife. I don't want to have to explain or justify anything or defend her from people who don't know her.
I appreciate your perspective. The research is much more centered around you and you would not be put in a position to defend or justify you would be able to say "no I don't want to participate" any time during our talk even at the very last question and all that information would be deleted. My hope with this research is to show people what mass incarceration is causing in terms of life disruption because the average person does not think about this. But I respect your desire for privacy (which the research would be anonymous). But also in holding up my word of respecting your stance, after sharing this little bit of additional information I am not going to attempt to persuade you and will simply say that I greatly appreciate you taking any time to post on this board, it is all a learning experience for me in a sense even if it does not factor into the original nature of my post.
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Old 07-29-2020, 08:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by _TomDutch_ View Post
The intention is to shed light on the consequences of relying on a system of mass incarceration and hopefully shift policy through showing the "symbiotic harms" of relying on this system. Especially since even today American society tends to neglect the role of single fathers in any circumstance and the majority of literature on the effects of incarceration on the family totally ignores the experience of men and assumes you do not exist. Your relating your experiencing to being as you said a single parent or bachelor is exactly the type of lived experience that I am interesting in hearing about first hand.

I sincerely hope my post has not offended you in any way. I am coming about this call for interested persons with the best intentions and it is a subject that has personal significance to me. I do appreciate your response here and it does give me much to think about regardless of your interest in participating. But if you were interested I can talk with you via direct message about what some of the questions I specifically have before you need to make a decision and even still if anywhere from 1 minute to the last minute of the interview you were to decide you didn't want to be a part of it that would be that and your interview would be erased.

Bullshit.
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Old 07-29-2020, 03:08 PM
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Wow, you've provoked some polarised opinions. I would warn you though not to take advantage of or use our men. They are loving, kind, articulate and intelligent with immense patience and we are very protective of the Kings here.
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