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  #26  
Old 02-10-2019, 12:33 AM
JakeW JakeW is offline
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Danny,

I think user onedayatatime makes some very good points (and is clearly more knowledgeable than I am!). You remind me so much of myself at your age that it hurts to see you going through this. However it definitely is possible to change. I thought I was a lost cause, but with support and effort I managed to get myself through university and I now have a job I love. Granted, my parents were supportive of me and didnít behave as yourís have, but it sounds like you have an older brother who cares about you. My advice would be to ask him for help and take all you can get. Thatís what big broís are for. Itís certainly not inevitable that you will end up behind bars again. I donít believe thereís any excuse for locking children up in the first place anyway and putting them in isolation (as they did with you) is a completely unforgivable thing to do to a developing teen.

As for not being able to help people because you have a criminal record, what a load of rubbish! I work in the NHS developing policy for services for ex-offenders. I may not be a nurse or a doctor on the front line, but my work definitely helps people and the fact I was an ex-offender turned out to be an advantage. You just need to look at your situation from a different angle.

I think therapy is a good idea as you need to learn some control before you can move on to the bigger stuff. You canít do this until you get to the bottom of why you feel the way you do. Reading between the lines I think I can gather what may have happened to you while you were in prison, I wonít say anything further but please know that it is quite common in juvenile prisons. If you want to PM me then please do.

I donít think a therapist will make you take medication, if thatís what youíre afraid of and you only have to talk about things if you feel ready.
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  #27  
Old 02-10-2019, 12:52 AM
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Hi Jake,

Your job sounds great, I hope I can one day go to uni and get a job I enjoy doing. I hadn’t thought about my experiences as being something I could use to help other people with.

I may as well come clean, you read between the lines correctly. I still can’t actually say the words, but in prison some other boys did something truly horrible to me that I’m having a lot of trouble coming to terms with. You hear rumours of it happening in prisons, but I never thought it would happen to me. I think that’s part of the reason for me fighting all the time, I was trying to show all the other boys how tough I was so that nobody would think of doing it again.
Whether I’ll be able to talk about it face to face with somebody, I’m not sure. It’s easier through a computer screen.
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  #28  
Old 02-10-2019, 01:16 AM
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Danny, I’m so sorry that happened to you, I really am. Well done for saying it though, even if it is through a computer screen, that doesn’t make it any easier. It’s just as much about saying to yourself “this happened” as it is about saying it to others. If you don’t feel you can speak to somebody face to face yet then there is an online ‘chat’ service called 1 in 6 and a forum just like this called MaleSurvivor. I’ve audited both of these services on behalf of the NHS and they are both recommended in the guidelines for people who can’t or don’t want to access face to face help. Maybe a bit further down the line you might feel able to talk to a therapist about it, but it’s your choice, you are in control.

It’s no wonder you feel uncomfortable when the police handcuff you and hold you in place, your brain is probably subconsciously taking you back to that situation. Please don’t let this experience get the better of you by reverting to the coping mechanism you used in prison (fighting), the outside world is a very different place and what seemed to work for you while you were locked up is not what will work in the free world.

Anyway, please keep talking if you feel able to, it’s better than keeping it to yourself.

Jake.
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  #29  
Old 02-10-2019, 02:35 AM
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Thanks Jake. I’ve checked out those websites and I think I might find them useful. Maybe if I come to terms with this then I might not get as worked up all the time, who knows. Although I’ve had a short fuse since way before, it did seem to get worse after the incident. I’d be happy even if just the nightmares stopped, to be honest.
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  #30  
Old 02-10-2019, 06:50 AM
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I just wanted to pipe in again.
OF COURSE YOU CAN CHANGE.
Trust me. Everyone does. I am not the same gal I was when I was18. or the same as when I was 28, or 35, or 45.
Good on you for planning to resume school. Good plan.
Also a good plan on ditching the *friends* Good friends dont want to get you into trouble (like skipping curfew) Drop them like they are hot. You dont need those type of friends.

I was wondering, does your city/area have an animal shelter? You could possibly volunteer there. Be a dog walker, or cat petter or a kennel cleaner.(of course not glamorous, but you might have to start at that level)
How about a library? You might consider planning a part of your day spending some time there reading up on some things you missed out on the last yr of school. Or reading a story about something you are interested in.
maybe a music class, or church choir.



Agree about doing some form of exercise. Maybe a yoga class?
My one son who got into trouble when he was younger, has recently started going to the gym and doing treadmill and a few weights, but he really likes yoga. Especially the *hot* yoga. He says it calms him down. You might give that a try if they have something like that.


Just trying to think of stuff that could be helpful.
Also a good plan on asking for help with dealing with your emotions. Anger is probably one of the most difficult to manage.

Even for me, still. It will come.
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  #31  
Old 02-10-2019, 09:22 AM
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I've read through your thread, and I just want to throw this out there. Anybody can change for the better, and that includes you. However, don't expect it to happen overnight. Real change takes time and thought and extra effort. You may have to break your days down into 1 hour increments. Shucks, sometimes I have to break mine down into 15 minutes at a time. We can do things for short periods of time that would break us if we thought about doing it forever.


The positive part is that you want to be better, and you have acknowledged your problem.



As for the police thing. Just let them do what they do. If you continue to stay out of trouble long enough, eventually they will probably get bored if they see you continue to do the right thing.
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  #32  
Old 02-10-2019, 01:54 PM
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I just wanted to pipe in again.
OF COURSE YOU CAN CHANGE.
Trust me. Everyone does. I am not the same gal I was when I was18. or the same as when I was 28, or 35, or 45.
Good on you for planning to resume school. Good plan.
Also a good plan on ditching the *friends* Good friends dont want to get you into trouble (like skipping curfew) Drop them like they are hot. You dont need those type of friends.

I was wondering, does your city/area have an animal shelter? You could possibly volunteer there. Be a dog walker, or cat petter or a kennel cleaner.(of course not glamorous, but you might have to start at that level)
How about a library? You might consider planning a part of your day spending some time there reading up on some things you missed out on the last yr of school. Or reading a story about something you are interested in.
maybe a music class, or church choir.



Agree about doing some form of exercise. Maybe a yoga class?
My one son who got into trouble when he was younger, has recently started going to the gym and doing treadmill and a few weights, but he really likes yoga. Especially the *hot* yoga. He says it calms him down. You might give that a try if they have something like that.


Just trying to think of stuff that could be helpful.
Also a good plan on asking for help with dealing with your emotions. Anger is probably one of the most difficult to manage.

Even for me, still. It will come.
^^^ animals! Didn't think of this last night. They are extremely therapeutic esp for those with PTSD, which you have from your experiences. I had a feeling, but didn't want to go there. You can sense there was a great deal a of trauma that you have experienced. When you are ready, you will unpack it.

Part of me feels your family needs to know all that happened though. You need a full medical workup as well as a psychological one. Do you trust your brother to help?

Please stop comparing yourself to your brother. Every individual on this planet is their own person with talents and specialties. You will discover yours. You are articulate and thoughtful. Lots of repressed anger, but that's is fixable. You are not a broken person. You are healing.
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  #33  
Old 02-10-2019, 01:56 PM
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Danny,

I think user onedayatatime makes some very good points (and is clearly more knowledgeable than I am!). You remind me so much of myself at your age that it hurts to see you going through this. However it definitely is possible to change. I thought I was a lost cause, but with support and effort I managed to get myself through university and I now have a job I love. Granted, my parents were supportive of me and didnít behave as yourís have, but it sounds like you have an older brother who cares about you. My advice would be to ask him for help and take all you can get. Thatís what big broís are for. Itís certainly not inevitable that you will end up behind bars again. I donít believe thereís any excuse for locking children up in the first place anyway and putting them in isolation (as they did with you) is a completely unforgivable thing to do to a developing teen.

As for not being able to help people because you have a criminal record, what a load of rubbish! I work in the NHS developing policy for services for ex-offenders. I may not be a nurse or a doctor on the front line, but my work definitely helps people and the fact I was an ex-offender turned out to be an advantage. You just need to look at your situation from a different angle.

I think therapy is a good idea as you need to learn some control before you can move on to the bigger stuff. You canít do this until you get to the bottom of why you feel the way you do. Reading between the lines I think I can gather what may have happened to you while you were in prison, I wonít say anything further but please know that it is quite common in juvenile prisons. If you want to PM me then please do.

I donít think a therapist will make you take medication, if thatís what youíre afraid of and you only have to talk about things if you feel ready.
The knowledge you have for him is probably more valuable than the words I can say to be honest. I have never been in his shoes and faced these challenges. I can empathize to anpoint, by never fully understand. Everything I know has been through the eyes of others, but first knowledge is not there. God bless you for helping him navigate through this
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  #34  
Old 02-10-2019, 02:49 PM
Danny3001 Danny3001 is offline
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Hi again guys, I just wanted to say thank you so much for all your replies, they mean more than you could know.

Sidewalker, I love animals, I especially miss my dog James (I know, weird name for a dog, but kids choose weird names). He’s at home with my mum and dad at the moment, along with my rabbits Nibbles and Emo. When I was sent away it was the first time I had spent a night away from James. I always used to feel a lot calmer when he was around.
I’d love to volunteer at an animal shelter. We have an RSPCA centre in St Brťlade (next to St Helier, where I live), I’m going to see whether they accept volunteers.

Lifetraveler, I completely get the braking the day down into bits thing, I do it all the time if I’m feeling bad. I did it in prison too, when I was in isolation for a month the only way I could get through it was to go from 30 minute check to 30 minute check, even at night. I did start by constantly thinking about when they were going to let me out of isolation, but when you don’t know when something is actually going to end it’s difficult to think long term.

Onedayatatime, I thought PTSD was something only people who have been in battle get. I don’t think I can tell my brother what happened to me, I know that I idolise him and i don’t want him to think I’m not strong like him. As for my parents, well I wrote them a letter last night to say I’m sorry and my brother took it to them when he visited them today, but they sent it back. I didn’t expect them to suddenly forgive me, but I thought they’d at least keep it. Never mind, at least I tried. I might give up for a while and try again in a few months.
I’m a bit worried about telling my doctor everything. I’m scared I might get put on medication or sent to hospital or something. I’m under 18 as well, so I think she might have to tell the police as I’ve heard about mandatory reporting. What if she tells my dad, who is also a GP?
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  #35  
Old 02-10-2019, 03:04 PM
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Hi again guys, I just wanted to say thank you so much for all your replies, they mean more than you could know.

Sidewalker, I love animals, I especially miss my dog James (I know, weird name for a dog, but kids choose weird names). Heís at home with my mum and dad at the moment, along with my rabbits Nibbles and Emo. When I was sent away it was the first time I had spent a night away from James. I always used to feel a lot calmer when he was around.
Iíd love to volunteer at an animal shelter. We have an RSPCA centre in St Brťlade (next to St Helier, where I live), Iím going to see whether they accept volunteers.

Lifetraveler, I completely get the braking the day down into bits thing, I do it all the time if Iím feeling bad. I did it in prison too, when I was in isolation for a month the only way I could get through it was to go from 30 minute check to 30 minute check, even at night. I did start by constantly thinking about when they were going to let me out of isolation, but when you donít know when something is actually going to end itís difficult to think long term.

Onedayatatime, I thought PTSD was something only people who have been in battle get. I donít think I can tell my brother what happened to me, I know that I idolise him and i donít want him to think Iím not strong like him. As for my parents, well I wrote them a letter last night to say Iím sorry and my brother took it to them when he visited them today, but they sent it back. I didnít expect them to suddenly forgive me, but I thought theyíd at least keep it. Never mind, at least I tried. I might give up for a while and try again in a few months.
Iím a bit worried about telling my doctor everything. Iím scared I might get put on medication or sent to hospital or something. Iím under 18 as well, so I think she might have to tell the police as Iíve heard about mandatory reporting. What if she tells my dad, who is also a GP?
PTSD is for anyone who has lived through a trauma. Please do some research on it and you'll see you are not alone.

I hate that you feel you need to hide everything from the world. It may not get better until you deal with. First step is letting people know. This shows tremendous strength and courage btw.

Im not sure how the laws work in your country, but parents after 16 aren't necessarily privy to everything here.

For now, immerse yourself into a reading. You have a natural talent for writing at your age. Journal if you must for yourself. I pray your parents will come around. You need them right now.

Call up local shelters to see if you can volunteer. Keep your mind busy
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  #36  
Old 02-10-2019, 03:22 PM
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Hey Danny.

Well done for writing a letter to your parents, that was a brave and mature thing to do. I’m sorry they weren’t interested, that is a massive loss to them. I would be extremely proud to have a son like you as I think underneath your anger and shame there is a mature and caring young man desperate to break his way out. I genuinely mean that.

I’m no psychologist, but I think Onedayatatime is right, it is likely you have PTSD. It isn’t just soldiers who are affected by it. I read another of your posts where you mention how you get panicky in certain situations that remind you of your time inside, especially the communal showers at work. This sounds a lot like certain symptoms of PTSD. However a diagnosis does have to be made by a professional, face to face. You have endured so much so far, maybe you’re strong enough to also take the plunge and get help?
I think the fact you were kept in isolation for a month is probably also contributing to your symptoms. No matter how difficult you were to manage in prison, the staff should not have simply thrown you in the hole to get you out of the way. Quite simply put, that is psychological torture.

I agree with the others here, you should definitely get an animal in your life. Can you get your dog James back from your parents? Animals have a sixth sense in that they know when a companion needs some love and they are very good at not judging! If you can’t get James (or your rabbits back), then asking if you can volunteer at the RSPCA is a great idea.

I think it is very important that you see your GP and at least explain briefly what happened to you. This is because you may need to have certain tests to make sure the boys who did things to you have not passed on any infections. I’m sorry to have to say that in such a blunt way, but I really don’t want you to suffer any long term problems that could have been fixed or reduced by getting help now.

Your friend,

Jake.
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Old 02-10-2019, 05:33 PM
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I’ve just tried to talk to my brother about things, but stupidly I drank some of his whiskey beforehand for some Dutch courage. I tried to say what I wanted to say, but I got scared and started crying. I tried my best but I ended up doing what I always do when I get all worked up about something and attempted to hit him for no reason. I can’t believe I just did that, I’m right back to where I was before. Luckily he’s much stronger than me and so he just picked me up over his shoulder and put me in my room to cool off. I feel like a child but my brother knows the hard way not to bother trying to reason with me when I get like this. At least I managed to stop myself trashing anything.

I’ve calmed down a bit now, but I’m worried he’s going to kick me out. He has a wife and kids and I don’t think I’d want someone like me in the house with them either. If I do get kicked out then I think they’re going to lock me up again because the court said I have to stay with him at his place. What am i going to do? I can’t go back to prison. I thought about making a run for it, but there’s nowhere to go on this f*cking island.

I keep thinking what if one of the kids had been in my way and I’d hurt them? I think I’m dangerous to have around. I’m going to go and try to apologise, I just really hope I don’t do anything silly again.
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Old 02-10-2019, 06:25 PM
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I’m sorry to hear about this setback Danny, after you’ve been doing so well. While there’s obviously no excuse for your behaviour, maybe there is an explanation. You used violence as a way of coping while you were in prison and perhaps you reverted back to that coping mechanism this evening when you tried to tell your brother what happened to you. But as I’m sure you now realise, violence is not the way to cope now you are free.
I hope this incident demonstrates to you how important it is for you to get some help with your short fuse sooner rather than later. If this had happened in public then it’s entirely likely the police would have been involved and instead of cooling off in your room, you could be cooling off in a police cell, with the prospect of being shipped off right back to prison.

I’m hoping that your brother will be understanding about this latest incident. It sounds like it isn’t the first, since you said he has learnt the hard way how best to deal with you when you’re in a blind rage.
Running away would be a very bad idea, not only do you have nowhere to go, but you would be breaking a court order which could lead to you being locked up again.

Apologising to your brother is a good idea because he doesn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of your fists. Maybe explain what you were attempting to talk to him about, but if you feel yourself losing control again then try to walk away and go and cool off somewhere. Or if you feel you can’t talk about things without your fists flying then you could try writing things down in a letter for him instead.

I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for you.
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Old 02-10-2019, 07:00 PM
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If you can't tell him in person, maybe write it to him.
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Old 02-10-2019, 08:02 PM
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Things weren’t as bad as I thought they were going be. I managed to apologise and my brother accepted my apology, but he did say he’d come to expect this type of thing by now and he was amazed it actually took me so long to try and punch his lights out since I got back. I know he was trying to make a joke, but he was also right. I hadn’t realised until now that he’s been defending himself against my fists for a very long time. I think because he’s bigger and stronger than me and because he’s never tried to hurt me that I thought he didn’t mind being the one who was always dragging me away from some kind of trouble. The fact that he just seems to accept me frequently being violent really hurt.
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Old 02-10-2019, 09:10 PM
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Things werenít as bad as I thought they were going be. I managed to apologise and my brother accepted my apology, but he did say heíd come to expect this type of thing by now and he was amazed it actually took me so long to try and punch his lights out since I got back. I know he was trying to make a joke, but he was also right. I hadnít realised until now that heís been defending himself against my fists for a very long time. I think because heís bigger and stronger than me and because heís never tried to hurt me that I thought he didnít mind being the one who was always dragging me away from some kind of trouble. The fact that he just seems to accept me frequently being violent really hurt.
All you can do is recognize that part of you and work on it. What are your triggers? How fast does it escalate? Is there time for me to stop it? Being self aware is the hardest, but the first step.

I'm looking forward to hearing your story in a month from now. Humor me and watch some videos on YouTube as you go to sleep with watrecalls and relaxing soothing sounds or thunder and lightning. If you are having trouble relaxing and getting a ddecent night's sleep it may help.
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Old 02-10-2019, 09:15 PM
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get yourself to a therapist.
asap.
Your brother should know this. He should encourage this.
You need some help.


As to your folks. I am very sorry they are not even willing to read your letter.
So you did what you could there.



Now is the time to focus on you, and on getting a better control of your anger. Now.
(btw, BOOZE is NOT going to help nor any other substance not given to you by a doctor/therapist)
So dont do that again. Trust me, its a bad, hard road. So dont go there.


Im sorry. Im sure you feel pretty sad your folks would not even read your letter.
Their loss.


IM glad you have such a good brother.
But ya know? You gotta think about his kids too. Dont act stupid around them. They see it, and its not good for them.




Agree with whomever said about comparing yourself to your brother. You are not him, he's not you. Your experiences are vastly different.
Call your po (or what ever you call it in your country) and beg him to get you someone to talk to. Counselor, physc doc, someone.


As for now? Stop worrying about your folks. Worry about you, and how you handle your stuff. Keep it low, slow and mellow. (minus the booze)
You got this.
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Old 02-10-2019, 09:33 PM
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I usually get triggered if somebody tries to touch me somewhere and the longer I feel their hand, or whatever on me the more I can feel something welling up inside me like a volcano until I can’t bear it any longer and I just snap. Like tonight when I got upset trying to tell my brother about things, he put his hand on my shoulder and within a few seconds the next thing I knew I was lashing out at him. It obviously got worse when he put me over his shoulder to carry me to my room, but I know that was his only way to get me somewhere safe. Then once I realise what I’ve done I get so angry with myself that I usually end up smashing something or someone.
There are other random triggers, such as somebody saying something that upsets me or makes me feel small. Every time though it’s like the volcano feeling and it starts usually before I’ve realised what’s going on. Once I’ve lashed out then I just feel tired afterward.

I’ve been avoiding going to sleep recently because I have a lot of nightmares and night terrors. I’ll give relaxation a go as you suggested, it can’t hurt.
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Old 02-10-2019, 09:38 PM
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Hi sidewalker, yes the alcohol was definitely a mistake as I know it makes me less in control. My brother is taking me to see my GP tomorrow and is going to ask her for an urgent referral to the adolescent mental health team. He’s made it a condition of me continuing to stay with him, which I understand completely.
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Old 02-10-2019, 10:13 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is offline
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Originally Posted by Danny3001 View Post
I usually get triggered if somebody tries to touch me somewhere and the longer I feel their hand, or whatever on me the more I can feel something welling up inside me like a volcano until I can’t bear it any longer and I just snap. Like tonight when I got upset trying to tell my brother about things, he put his hand on my shoulder and within a few seconds the next thing I knew I was lashing out at him. It obviously got worse when he put me over his shoulder to carry me to my room, but I know that was his only way to get me somewhere safe. Then once I realise what I’ve done I get so angry with myself that I usually end up smashing something or someone.
There are other random triggers, such as somebody saying something that upsets me or makes me feel small. Every time though it’s like the volcano feeling and it starts usually before I’ve realised what’s going on. Once I’ve lashed out then I just feel tired afterward.

I’ve been avoiding going to sleep recently because I have a lot of nightmares and night terrors. I’ll give relaxation a go as you suggested, it can’t hurt.
Everything you have described is consistent with PTSD. Im glad your brother is taking you. Don't look at getting help as weakness. This is all temporary and with the right help all fixable. Somethings will stay with your forever, but overtime will be easier to manage. Just know your brother loves you enough to help you, even if that means putting his foot down to get you the help you need. Be grateful for it.

Lack of sleep will make all your triggers and anxiety worse. If you drink coffee, not too late. Stay away from alcohol. Again your brain is forming and it can do damage. It is an escape anyway. Remind yourself that you are home and safe..nothing can hurt you there.

Anxiety is fight or flight. PTSD is a form of anxiety brought upon by trauma. Let us know how the doctor goes. Be real, honest, candid. Only way to get the ball rolling in the right direction. You will feel relief soon.

You feel like a tornado inside. It will calm down to a storm and eventually a subtle rain. Remember to breathe.
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Old 02-11-2019, 02:35 AM
JakeW JakeW is offline
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I’m glad you’ve agreed to get some help today and I hope it goes well for you. I’m glad you had a bit of an insight when your brother told you how he was surprised it had taken you until now to lose control of yourself again, that does kind of bring it home. Although I’m guessing it hurt to realise your big brother sees you in that way.

I hope you don’t think he is making you do something against your will by giving you an ultimatum about getting help. He’s probably worried about his wife and children, as well as you. Can you imagine how awful it would be if one of them got hurt? I’m not suggesting you would ever deliberately hurt a child, but it’s possible one of them could end up being hurt if they get in your way when you’re upset.

Good luck today, let us know how you get on.
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Old 02-11-2019, 06:43 AM
Danny3001 Danny3001 is offline
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I’ve had a busy morning. My brother took me to see my GP and I decided to spill the beans about EVERYTHING. I cried a lot and my brother cried too. I’ve never seen him cry before. He said he was so sorry he wasn’t able to protect me, but i told him it’s not his fault.
The doctor did some bloods and other tests for some scary sounding infections that I could’ve caught from those boys. I should’ve thought about this risk before now.
She also contacted the child and adolescent mental health team there and then because my brother explained how worried hie is about me. They agreed to see me this morning as they are in the same building, so we went there straight after. The psychiatrist was very nice, he took down my history and said he thought I might have something called ‘complex post traumatic stress disorder’, but that I’d need a full evaluation to be sure. He’s put me into something called the intensive behavioural support programme, which helps young people who act out a lot. He’s also referred me for formal psychotherapy.

I glad my brother knows everything now, he’s been really understanding but he keeps saying how guilty he feels that I didn’t feel able to tell him before now.

The other thing that happened today is I got my dog, James back!!!!!! I’m so happy, I can’t believe it! My brother went to my parents house and got him for me. His wife is allergic to dogs, which is why he couldn’t come to live here before, but she agreed he can live with us as long as he stays in my room with me. He always used to sleep with me anyway and I always took him everywhere with me so that shouldn’t be a problem.
I couldn’t belive it but he remembered me after all this time. He’s definitely my best friend (after my brother). He’s a golden retriever and loves going for walks. I can’t wait to take him out on the beach. He likes swimming in the sea and I always used to go swimming with him. It’s a bit cold for me to go in the water with him today though. He loves playing fetch as well and he’s the fasted dog I’ve ever seen.
I’m hoping I might sleep a bit better with him by my side. He likes to sleep with his head on my chest, which tickles me. He’s been jumping all over me and trying to lick my face all morning, I don’t mind though because I think he’s as happy to see me as I am to see him. My brother thinks it’s hilarious when James and I both roll around on the floor together, he says I’m a dog trapped in the body of a teenage boy I’m going to take a photo and upload it so you guys can see him. He’s a really greedy dog and will eat anything if you let him, he even tries to bite his own tail! I’m going to take him to get a new collar later.

Anyway, I’m sure you all don’t want to hear about James, but he’s definitely a remarkable dog! People always used to stop us in the street to pet him because he’s so friendly. I’m going to go and take him for his walk now.
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Old 02-11-2019, 06:55 AM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is offline
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God bless you kiddo! Let your journey to healing begin. Im proud of you. What you have done shows immense strength and courage. Almost cried tears of joy for you.

Take each day as it comes. You'll have success and fears, but hopefully the worst is over.

God bless your brother. Without realizing it, you are making him a better doctor and father. He's going to learn from you.

Big hugs and enjoy you dog!
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Old 02-11-2019, 08:02 AM
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very glad you got your dog back. Thats great.
(and if you want to brag on your dog, you can check out this part of pto http://prisontalk.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=319)
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Old 02-11-2019, 09:57 AM
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Well Danny, it certainly sounds like you love your dog, James! I often think I’m a dog trapped in the body of a human as well and my wife tells me I even look like our dog! I hope you’re out having fun on the beach with James right now, you deserve it.

The other guys are right, you definitely have a special big brother. It’s natural for him to feel guilty about not being able to protect you as it sounds like he’s been your protector whilst you’ve had difficulties growing up. I’m sure he’s very proud of you for doing such a difficult thing and is honoured that you trust him enough to tell him what happened to you. Also, today you did something very difficult and managed to keep yourself under control, I’m sure that volcano was trying to erupt again whilst you were describing your experience at the doctor’s surgery today, but you didn’t let it. The noise in your head will hopefully die down a bit now.

Make sure you definitely keep up with ALL appointments and do any ‘homework’ they give you. It would be a shame to waste all today’s efforts by not keeping up with things. It’s still going to be a rocky road, but you can do it.

I’m sure you will sleep better with your best friend by your side. Also next time you feel like you’re going to snap or try and hurt somebody, just take James out for a long walk (or have a roll around on the floor with him!). Animals are the best stress relievers.
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