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Met While Incarcerated Were you introduced by a friend or family member after he/she was incarcerated? Did you meet as Pen Pals? This Forum is for you!

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  #1  
Old 02-21-2018, 04:53 PM
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Angry Angry right now: MWI misinterpreted something I said

just need to vent,
I am so angry right now he has quite a lot of support from his family ,He as been down 14 years and is LWOP, by support I mean emails,phone calls some help with food packages from his daughter, brother and his mum. He has never asked me for help, for xmas/birthday I bought him a jpay tablet also i had offered to help him out when i was back in work and started getting my pay again end of February (I have been of sick for 4 months) just $25.00 a month
well i sent him a email on Friday as he had been talking about his family I said
"It's good that you have so much support in your life and that you have room for me as well" nothing intended from me
Well this evening i received a email from him , he was angry with me , He has changed what i put down to
you said you was surprised I would need your help then put the following
just got your email and you was talking about all my family support "You told me over and over you wanted to help me out even after I told you I didn't want to ask you for help , you said when you went back to work that you could help out each month , now you want me to ask my family ?? If you don't want to then tell me so I can figure something out"
How the hell did he read what i had put differently then to put what he has I'm so angry , I had a feeling he would phone me tonight so I have turned my phone off as I will say something I will later regret , and yes a voicemail has been left just his name and the usual after from the prison voice
Should I be angry, I feel I should,I feel he has put words in my mouth I didn't say
Sorry about the long lenght
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Old 02-21-2018, 05:05 PM
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Giant red flag!!!!
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Old 02-21-2018, 05:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SNOOZLING26 View Post
just need to vent,
I am so angry right now he has quite a lot of support from his family ,He as been down 14 years and is LWOP, by support I mean emails,phone calls some help with food packages from his daughter, brother and his mum. He has never asked me for help, for xmas/birthday I bought him a jpay tablet also i had offered to help him out when i was back in work and started getting my pay again end of February (I have been of sick for 4 months) just $25.00 a month
well i sent him a email on Friday as he had been talking about his family I said
"It's good that you have so much support in your life and that you have room for me as well" nothing intended from me
Well this evening i received a email from him , he was angry with me , He has changed what i put down to
you said you was surprised I would need your help then put the following
just got your email and you was talking about all my family support "You told me over and over you wanted to help me out even after I told you I didn't want to ask you for help , you said when you went back to work that you could help out each month , now you want me to ask my family ?? If you don't want to then tell me so I can figure something out"
How the hell did he read what i had put differently then to put what he has I'm so angry , I had a feeling he would phone me tonight so I have turned my phone off as I will say something I will later regret , and yes a voicemail has been left just his name and the usual after from the prison voice
Should I be angry, I feel I should,I feel he has put words in my mouth I didn't say
Sorry about the long lenght
Help out each month? Do you mean above paying for calls? He doesn’t need “help”. He needs to be grateful for whatever you send him, whenever you send it. It just irritates me that inmates expect an MWI to send them any money. He’s not your responsibility.

Listen, this might not be a popular opinion but I believe a lot of times inmates groom their penpals over time and once they are “MWI” all of a sudden it’s expected that they should be financially responsible for their “needs” or the MWI feels obligated to contribute financially because they are now in a relationship.

I’m sorry but the way he stated this to you makes me think that’s exactly what he’s doing.
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Old 02-21-2018, 06:54 PM
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I First met R 15 years ago we had a holiday romance when i was in the states when i came back home it fizzled out then a few years later after he had been sent down he got back in touch and here we are, I have never helped him out over the years only with estamps and some money for his Birthday/Christmas I have only offered now with the monthly money as my circumstances had changed, In the last few years he has never given me concern, has never even hinted about me helping me so this email has come as a shock ,I skpe with his daughter, and speak to his mum if she is there, his brother is in fed prison , due out in a couple of years but looks out for him as he has money put to one side and his mum has control over that Anyway i have sent a email back asking why he has said what he has and as a result of what he has said, i wont be helping him for the foreseeable future so we shall see
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Old 02-22-2018, 12:04 AM
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And here it begins... huge red flag... and you are right with not sending anymore money... step back for awhile...
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Old 02-22-2018, 03:41 AM
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I agree with MizzyMuffling on this one. I think you need to step back for a while and have a break from him
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Old 02-22-2018, 05:36 AM
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Just me, but I don't know what you mean, what he means....words on email are flat, without context.
We all have days where our "personal filter" sees innocuous things that enrage us.
Write or speak.Be clear.
You're not obligated to send money, so don't.
But relatioships , whether in or out, struggle.
Good luck.
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Old 02-22-2018, 07:55 AM
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You should get some more information when he answers your recent email. The choice of what to do is yours to make, but taking any money out of your relationship might result in even more knowledge about what he is really interested in.
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Old 02-22-2018, 10:37 AM
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I think that its a huge misunderstanding and that it would have been easier to speak on the phone and clarify what you meant because he obviously took offence.

Finances and money talk SUCK, doesn't matter the type of relationship.
I do not see this as a red flag. I see this as a huge miscommunication and a learning experience on how to up your communication.
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Old 02-23-2018, 06:22 AM
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Talk to him. Make it plain. He'll be sorry and you will move on with him....... or without. ��
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Old 02-25-2018, 02:43 AM
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UPDATE
Hi spoke to R about reading my message wrong first thou he phoned at 4.45am first time heard his voice in 15 years (As calls to expensive to the uk before. now i have a local number to him so a lot cheeper) he sounded just the same as when I were with him he sounded so good.. he said he was in a bad mood been on lockdown 2 days just read my email wrong .I do believe him have known him to long to think it is red flags and for me to send €25 and half of that is took from him in restitution .I could afford more but that's what I am happy to do and he never asked or hinted the past 7 years so I am happy but I will be aware and will stop if I think something is not right Allso skyped his daughter she said she had, had a similar angry email from him as well , so glad it wasn't just me
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Old 02-26-2018, 10:09 PM
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The comment sounded kind of passive aggressive, so maybe he knows you really well and you were being rude to him? I don't know either of you so I don't know, but I will probably take his side with this one. Who wants someone to point out that they are being financially supported and have the person point out that they are also giving financial support- especially if you've made it abundantly clear they don't have to if they don't want to.
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Old 02-27-2018, 07:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SNOOZLING26 View Post
UPDATE
Hi spoke to R about reading my message wrong first thou he phoned at 4.45am first time heard his voice in 15 years (As calls to expensive to the uk before. now i have a local number to him so a lot cheeper) he sounded just the same as when I were with him he sounded so good.. he said he was in a bad mood been on lockdown 2 days just read my email wrong .I do believe him have known him to long to think it is red flags and for me to send €25 and half of that is took from him in restitution .I could afford more but that's what I am happy to do and he never asked or hinted the past 7 years so I am happy but I will be aware and will stop if I think something is not right Allso skyped his daughter she said she had, had a similar angry email from him as well , so glad it wasn't just me
Actually his e-mail implied you basically are now obligated to send him money. You don't owe him anything and if you choose to send him money that's your choice. I see it as a huge RED FLAG!!! You don't really know him you had a fling 15 years ago, prison and life changes people. But maybe he is just a wonderful guy who has temper tantrums when he gets in a bad mood. It's your life and your money I wouldn't send any to get angry e-mails!!!
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