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Now That Your Loved One Is Home... Please share stories about your loved one now they are home.

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Old 01-26-2019, 02:36 AM
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*BellaEstrella* *BellaEstrella* is offline
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Talking A long overdue update, 5 years MWI, home 5 months!

Hello ladies! I truly apologize for the delay. Life has been so busy for us since heís come home. Idk where to begin. I have been meaning to update you guys monthly, but I could never find the time. Itís 1.30am here and I have been napping throughout the day and finally woke up and decided this would be the perfect time to share. Feel free to ask any questions I havenít answered, I have no problem sharing. I remember reading homecoming stories w.hope in my heart, impatiently waiting for my day. When it finally came, I will honestly say that nothing went as planned. Very frustrating, but totally expected. I have come to realize that with the prison system (in any state), they will give you a hard time just Bc they can. I hate that they treat us like we are offenders, but it was worth every stressful moment once I saw his face.

The days leading up to his release were surreal. I think I was still in shock that he was actually coming home and it didnít fully hit me until the day before. Since he was coming from Georgia and Iím in Texas, I wasnít able to drive to pick him up for various reasons. As much as I would have loved to, finances did not permit and I already had one full-time job and was due to start a second full-time job the day of his release and I didnít want to push that back. So I booked a bus ticket to the nearest major city and a flight from there to my city. It was reasonably priced to be last minute (a week before his release). I wanted to be sure there were no last minute issues that would prevent him from the max out date. He chose to max out instead of paroling Bc the interstate compact transfer could be a lengthy process, we werenít yet married and didnít want the possibility of disappointment looming over our heads. So we were both patient and waited for the max out date. During the last week of his stay, he had a sort of exit interview and his counselor asked how he would be getting home, where home is and if he needed a bus ticket. Once he told them he would be flying to Texas, he said everyoneís face varied from shock to envy at the thought of an inmate flying anywhere. It was at that moment we both should have known this transition would be anything but easy.

The night before his release, I scheduled to go into work late so I could clean the house from top to bottom. Iím a bit of a procrastinator, but this was understandable bc I didnít hit me until the night before that this was really happening. We met almost 6 years ago online. Never would I have thought we would have been so close. We finally met 3 years later and it was interesting lol. So this would be my second time seeing him face to face. My family thought I was insane, crazy, some called me a dreamer (and I am at times). Everyone knew about our relationship, but told me not to take it too seriosuly and these things never worked out as planned. I was well aware, this has not been my first rodeo w.an inmate, and no, prior situations did not go as planned and ended quite badly. But I was optimistic this go round, Bc everything was just indescribably different. I was exhausted by the time I got to work. After cleaning the carpet, washing clothes, doing my hair and showering, I arrived at work after midnight. I work overnight, so this was half of my shift in. I still wasnít mentally prepared for his arrival. So nervous and anxious. The days leading up to the night before had been stressful Bc i bought new clothes (for the second time) and it was a hassle. I had bought ample clothes the previous year when he went to the HWH, but thatís a different story for another day. So I wasnít slacking, just overwhelmed and didnít have any support from his family. Itís always been just us, so I wasnít upset or surprised, just overwhelmed.

The day of was stressful Bc I went straight from my night job to the new job. I didnít expect the first day to be too active, but it was. I did orientation on the computer and took online tests, the whole time my mind was on him. Would he be released in time to make the bus and flight? He called a few times to tell me nothing HD happened yet and I began to worry. I called down there and was told that they would release him when they were ready and had until midnight that day. I began to stress bad. He called a few more times and I didnít want him to worry, but there was nothing either of us could do. I called again and spoke w.someone higher in command and was told they didnít have anyone available to drop him off to the bus station and if he missed the bus it wasnít their fault. I had no extra money Bc I spent it on the tickets and had no backup plan. This instantly started to become a bad day for me. By the time he was released, he hadnít missed his original bus and plane ticket, money down the drain for me. We later decided this was always their plan. I was crushed and felt helpless. When I got off work, I rushed to return some higher priced clothes I bought for him and bought another bus ticket. By now my family realized this was really happening and was eager to help, but I didnít want to be indebited so I made it happen myself. There is a fee associated w.purchasing a bus ticket for someone else, which I dreaded, but I had to pay it. The worst part was realizing I would have to be nervous all over again, Bc he wasnít gonna be home that night. In any other setting, I would have been thankful for the addtl time to prepare, but this day ended on a solemn note. My emotions were a range of happy to helpless that day and I just wanted it to be over.

He ended up catching an overnight bus Bc the original ticket I bought was nontransferrable. He had to stay in the same clothes he left in and though simple to us, he felt like a target and that it was obvious he was newly released. He didnít have any money and I couldnít send him any Bc he wasnít in one place for long and he didnít have sufficient ID to collect it. This was getting more stressful by the minute. Thankfully he ran into a fellow new release who had a phone and was able to call and keep me updated. Then ran into someone else he knew who took him to dinner where he had steak. It wasnít all bad and I just wanted to be happy for him. Once he finally made it here, he didnít call Bc he assumed I would waiting, and I didnít want to be waiting downtown (for multiple reasons) so I was waiting to hear from him. Needless to say he waited for an hr for me to arrive and when I saw him, there were so many vagrants roaming the streets, we only had time to quickly hug and kiss and rush to the car before we were harassed. We rushed home and was confronted by traffic. I had recently relocated and was so discombobulated I took the wrong fwy home lol. Honestly, I donít remember much about the rest of the day, itís kind of a blur. I do remember we were very busy. We went to Red Lobster, he enjoyed the meal. He met my parents, but Iím not sure if it was the same day.

Iím sure everyone is waiting to hear about the juicy romantic details, Bc thatís what I used to look forward to when reading other homecoming stories. After so many updates w.similar outcomes, I started to realize that things may not be what I was expecting. I would share with him some of the concerns I wold read about here and he would either deny, downplay or reassure me. However the intimate details i would read about were applicable to us. I donít think either of us expected to be under this much pressure and it was overwhelming the first week, almost 2 weeks. We would kiss, but whenever it got time to actually be physical, it would abruptly stop. Even though he would initiate it, I began to worry I was the problem. ĎMaybe he isnít attracted to me, I knew I should have lost some weight before he came home.í He continuously reassured me I wasnít the problem, it was him and he didnít know what was going on. I went from empathetic to frustrated to downright mad. I overreacted and recommended we break up if he wasnít sexually attracted to me and maybe he could find someone he was attracted to. In hindsight that was the worst thing to say, but I was hurt and didnít know how to cope. My best friend just came home after almost 6 years. We are finally able to be together and now we canít physically be together. But I read about this being a thing and to give it time. I guess we had to get acclimated, Bc one day it just happened. He said there was so much pressure to perform and he didnít want to disappoint me. I was so special to him and he always dreamed about it, but didnít really think about the day it would happen. Something that shocked me was when he joined me in the shower, and had his boxers on! I slowly turned around and was shocked to see them on. Idk what to say so I didnít say anything. He smiled at me embarrassingly and explained he was used to showering w.them on Bc thatís how they washed them and maintained privacy. He said no one showers completely naked in groups like they show on tv unless itís intake and thatís when you first arrive.

Our first time together was beautiful and definitely worth the wait. I was very pleased and he was over the moon. That made us both relieved. He is so beautiful and amazingly created (in every way) and some days I still canít believe he is home. He does everything around the house but cook (and Iím fine with that). He washes, sorts, drys, folds and puts away clothes. Washes and dries dishes, takes care is the dogs, walks them, feeds them. Cleans the bathrooms (top to bottom). He is amazing. Iím am most thankful that he is everything he portrayed to be, and there were no gimmicks or surprises. I know everyone is terrified at the thought of being with someone you didnt know prior to their incarceration, and no itís not ideal. But I do believe the 5 years were well worth the wait. Getting to know my soulmate mentally and emotionally before sexually was an amazing experience and our love for one another is so deep and impenetrable. The foundation is definitely solid and thatís something very few who met prior have. Itís just different. Iím not bashing non MWI relationships, but Iím rarely surprised to read their homegoings didnt go as planned. My guess is Bc they are used to things being a certain way, so they do the same things they used to. They may say they will change, but they often donít, Bc their behavior was accepted in the past and they know that person will stay. (Just my theory, donít shoot). But ultimately I wish the best for everyone w.a loved one returning home. Itís a blessed event and I pray everyone makes the most of their second chance. Life with my love has been nothing short of amazing. We have our disagreements sometimes, but we talk through them the same way we did before he came home. We have had a few arguments, but I think they were therapeutic/necessary. Heís not aggressive or hateful, had never touched me in a bad way and is not verbally abusive. He is very respectful and patient with me (which is such a turn on Bc he is very no-nonsense w.others. He treats me like his queen and we live in our own bubble. I wouldnít change anything. I could go on forever about my wonderful man, but I wonít. If any of you have a question about something I didnít mention or elaborate on, feel free to ask. Iím so thankful I can share my story and hope it inspires band gives others hope. It is possible to have a happy, healthy MWI relationship. My advice is not to see things that arenít there, donít be so desperate for love you accept any treatment, donít rush and really take the time to learn one another. You will know early on if that is someone you would like to get to know better, if they are full of crap and if you are compatible. This is not a give-take relationship. You both give to each other. Good luck everyone and thanks for reading my novel

*Wishing on a star, to follow where you are*

Last edited by *BellaEstrella*; 01-26-2019 at 02:40 AM.. Reason: Update title
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Old 01-26-2019, 10:48 AM
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Thank you so much for the beautiful and inspirational Homecoming update! The underwear in the shower cracked me up.....My Mr slept in his long johns for a good long time, even in summer. He said nobody, ever, slept naked in prison.

Sounds like getting him home was heart-wrenching...shame on them at the prison for being so mean about it, making him miss his bus and costing you more money I can completely empathize with that feeling of being overwhelmed, but at least it sounds like things are coming together, smoothing out and working wonderfully!!

I just love a homecoming, and a happy new chapter Keep us updated!!

patchouli, PTO Admin

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Old 01-26-2019, 10:53 AM
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Thank you for sharing your story and good luck and every happiness to you both.
"Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again." Nelson Mandela.

Who cares what they say about us? Because when I am with you I am standing with an army.
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Old 01-26-2019, 12:28 PM
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The part how he hopped into the shower in his undies was SO adorable! ��
Thanks for sharing your story ❤️
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Old 01-26-2019, 01:09 PM
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I'm so happy for you both and thank you for posting about your MWI homecoming. We've been together 6'ish years so I feel like I could be going through the same emotions.

The part about the boxers is funny and I always assume mine will have some of those same hangovers. But when we talk about it, he says one of the first things he's looking forward to is being naked. Like anytime he wants. LOL I should be worried, right?
Truly I wish you both the best and I'm sure life has more in store for you so don't sweat the delay in your posts. Know we're happy to hear from you when you have time and we totally understand.
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Old 01-28-2019, 03:13 PM
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Iím glad to hear you have been so blessed with each other! Thank you for bringing up the intimate struggle, it is real. I never met my boyfriend until the day he got out. I had only seen pictures and he refused to let me pay for more than a handful of phone calls. You only met yours once thatís not much at all. I too had people tell me I was a dreamer and also stupid, irresponsible etc...But as you know when itís right nothing is gonna stop us from falling in love. I fully expected us to ravish each other instantly. haha probably hormones. Instead it was overwhelming to have a physical 3 dimensional person to go with the voice and letters. We just went slow over a few weeks until it was fine. I applaud you for speaking about what we donít hear a lot about. I wish you both the best!!
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Old 02-11-2019, 01:27 AM
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This post was super helpful, thank you!
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