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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: How many of you know someone who cheated with a prison or jail employee?
Yes 30 36.14%
No 53 63.86%
Voters: 83. You may not vote on this poll

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  #26  
Old 11-26-2018, 06:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Girl22472 View Post
I'm just as sure there as many women on the outside who cheat while their men are in prison and this causes so many inside to become jaded and spread that through the yards causing paranoia among other inmates.

I'm sorry that this happened to you but honestly I think it was unnecessary for you to come here with it in this manner. As if those with LO's inside don't have enough to worry about you have just given them the same paranoia on the outside that gets spread inside.

I'm sure few of us didn't already have the idea that there are shady people such as the counselors and those who "throw" themselves at men who are incarcerated but again I think this just causes more paranoia than needed.

I'm going to agree with some of this and disagree with some of this.


I agree in the sense that the approach to what she is saying is a bit on the projecting side (sorry OP, just being honest.) I think she could have maybe shared the story in a different manner, gotten her message out, and left a different impression.


I disagree in the sense that part of why we are here is to share information and our experiences. From that standpoint, I don't have a problem with her sharing her story.


The reality is this: people in prison cheat. People outside of prison cheat. Inmates cheat with other inmates. Both in mens prison and womens prison. Inmates cheat with staff. Both in mens prison and womens prison.


This does not mean that YOUR loved one is cheating. Or using cell phones. Or using social media. And even if they are, that's between you and them in terms of the context of your relationship and what you deem acceptable or not acceptable.


I wish OP luck in her moving on and healing, and I wish all who are in relationships continued success and that this is not, in fact, happening to you too.


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  #27  
Old 11-26-2018, 07:59 PM
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Well, for me at least, the bottom line is a "cheater is a cheater" inside or outside. I have been cheated on in the past multiple times, and it sucks. I really feel for the OP in this situation, and her children. When someone cheats it doesn't just involve the couple, but their families. It can devastate many people. But it happens.

However, in my current situation, I trust my fiancé whole heartedly and will continue to do so. He has proven to me time and time again that he loves me, and he's been honest and up front with me about every thing thus far, and I have no doubts that he will continue to do so.

So I don't think it is fair to use words like "all men" or "all inmates" as have been used in the previous post on this thread. There are many women here that struggle daily with their LO's not being with them and it causes undue worry and stress in a relationship that is already stressed enough. While the information may be correct for some, it is not for all situations, again inside or outside the prison.

But this is just my opinion.
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  #28  
Old 11-29-2018, 12:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by patchouli View Post
While some inmates do have relationships with Female staff, CO's, counselors, attorney's, ect, I highly doubt that the majority of inmates have any interest in doing so & that's whether or not they have someone waiting at home. Most just want to do their time and go Home.

Same with the cops. Most (even more than the inmates) just want to do their job and go home
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  #29  
Old 12-02-2018, 10:03 AM
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Forming a relationship with an inmate is like taking a walk in a mine field. You have to follow all kinds of rules keep your wits about you and take notice of any warning flags.

I don't need anyone to tell me that cheating and infidelity exists.I know it all too well. I have been cheated on and lied to in several relationships.Its a deal breaker for me so those relationships ended and I moved on. I didnt and do not blame all men, I blame those men who made those decisons. All of them free men in professional careers not inmates.

I am now in a relationship with an inmate and will soon make my leap of faith. No one is forcing me its my decision. You know what it may be a triumph and it may be a disaster. But it will be my triumph or my disaster and i will lead my best life or pickup the pieces myself as required.

I hope you can move on from this, revenge will only keep you connected to this situation. I hope you can find happiness in life and i hope you can give your heart again one day. Dont judge all by the actions of a few ,there are good people out there in every walk of life.
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  #30  
Old 12-04-2018, 05:20 AM
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I've heard a few stories from my husband about inmates hooking up with CO's/employees, but it's not some common thing that happens that's why it's such a big deal when it happens. At least from my experience. I will admit that my husband has been hit on and put in uncomfortable situations with a few women who have worked at the prison he is in. One actually was a counselor and the other was a nurse in medical. But I never felt threatened or doubted his loyalty because he told me about these encounters right after they happened. We even laughed about the nurse and how silly she acted. We've been together since I was 19 and he was 22 way before he ever went to prison and have been through so many things together, good and bad. And it took us a long time to really mature and build a foundation based on absolute trust. But we realized that's the only way for us to feel secure and for our relationship to be the healthiest it can be. By him telling me when things happen it just shows me how much he values us and our marriage.
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  #31  
Old 12-06-2018, 09:04 PM
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I know that when some get the chance they will hook up with a CO. Never understood why those CO's wanted to do something like that.
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  #32  
Old 12-09-2018, 12:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Raf's Girl View Post
I know that when some get the chance they will hook up with a CO. Never understood why those CO's wanted to do something like that.
Yea really to risk your job and possibly freedom? I don't get it but then I guess I will also never understand why a woman is ok with sleeping with a married man.
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Old 12-09-2018, 02:01 AM
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It does happen all the time. There are women who work in the prisons who sell themselves to the inmates. There are women who work there who legitimately fall for the inmates. My husband has been to dozens of prisons and I don’t think there were more than a couple where sex wasn’t readily available if you wanted it.

During my husband’s last bid there was a CO who wanted to start writing him. She was extremely rude to me during visits after he refused. A couple months later she was pregnant with another inmates baby. They couldn’t prove it was an inmates baby so they just moved her to working off the unit.

I see it like this - if you have low self esteem and you start working at a prison, suddenly you’re going to get an EXTREME amount of attention from the opposite sex - even if you look like a troll. That can be intoxicating.

But as far as our loved ones go, sex is available out here, too. Someone who wants to cheat, will. To think being in prison will stop them from doing any bad behavior is naive.
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  #34  
Old 12-16-2018, 10:23 PM
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My husband just got sentenced to 10 years, so he would ne serving around 8 1/2 but we’re appealing and and filing for clemency hoping for the best. Whether he spends 2, 3, 8 or 10 years in prison I fully trust he would never cheat on me with a staff member. I know him. It’s wrong of you to make that post and make all these woman doubt there significant other and make them have horrible thoughts and think he’s cheating. My hubby loves me and I’ll be visiting him every week and talking to him everyday. We also have 3 kids. He would never do that to us or risk losing us. Yes it happens, but not even close to every man cheese on there significant other while in prison. No man that truly loves his wife/girlfriend and family will cheat regardless of the circumstances. So ladies keep your heads up and stand by your man and don’t believe everything you read or think it will happen to you because it did to someone else.
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Old 12-18-2018, 11:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DesiRosePeil View Post
It’s wrong of you to make that post and make all these woman doubt there significant other and make them have horrible thoughts and think he’s cheating.
Well, to be fair, I believe the OP needed an outlet and as such it is not wrong to post about her experience here in this community I can only speak for myself but this thread or other similar ones do not make me personally doubt my fiancé or to have horrible thoughts of him cheating -- but on the other hand, it is good to be aware of what goes on in the world, in & out of prison, even if it has happened to someone else
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  #36  
Old 12-18-2018, 11:38 AM
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Originally Posted by DesiRosePeil View Post
My husband just got sentenced to 10 years, so he would ne serving around 8 1/2 but we’re appealing and and filing for clemency hoping for the best. Whether he spends 2, 3, 8 or 10 years in prison I fully trust he would never cheat on me with a staff member. I know him. It’s wrong of you to make that post and make all these woman doubt there significant other and make them have horrible thoughts and think he’s cheating. My hubby loves me and I’ll be visiting him every week and talking to him everyday. We also have 3 kids. He would never do that to us or risk losing us. Yes it happens, but not even close to every man cheese on there significant other while in prison. No man that truly loves his wife/girlfriend and family will cheat regardless of the circumstances. So ladies keep your heads up and stand by your man and don’t believe everything you read or think it will happen to you because it did to someone else.
No one can “make” you have horrible thoughts. If someone else’s real experiences give you anxiety, that’s between you and your brain to work out. Sex is available everywhere. Prison doesn’t change that, and it doesn’t change the make-up of people. They’re either loyal or they’re not.

Quite frankly, as dangerous as prison can be, cheating was the least of my concerns.
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Old 12-18-2018, 12:23 PM
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Originally Posted by Sarianna View Post
Well, to be fair, I believe the OP needed an outlet and as such it is not wrong to post about her experience here in this community I can only speak for myself but this thread or other similar ones do not make me personally doubt my fiancé or to have horrible thoughts of him cheating -- but on the other hand, it is good to be aware of what goes on in the world, in & out of prison, even if it has happened to someone else
i trust my man as well.. its no different than the risks everyone runs on the street.. I was cheated on by my ex husband who is in the navy while he was deployed... I trust my boyfriend not to hurt me, just as he trusts me not to cheat on him while hes in there.. and when I read this post to him he was like.. yeah that shit happens in here but I aint risking my gain time and release date for any of these women nor would I risk my relationship with you for any other woman, here or in the streets..
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  #38  
Old 01-20-2019, 04:21 PM
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Hey how are you doing this weekend how is your loved one doing

QUOTE=Ms Sunny;7753629]He would be the actual victim, though...of the staff member. You can write to warden/ Supt of facility or higher, tell your story. Hopefully he has proof (letters) in his cell because they will most likely toss it. Staff like that need to have the criminal consequences.
Also I’m sorry your story had a hurtful ending. That kind of pain is a horrendous violation from not just the staff, but from a human who job it is NOT to hurt you.[/quote]
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