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Old 12-26-2020, 01:05 AM
Country474 Country474 is offline
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Default Looking for support

Hello. I am having difficulty finding someone to reach out to and am hoping for help. My LO is Native American, Lakota, and I am not. We have not known each other for very long, 1.5 years. I want to find someone that can offer input on local support and possibly help guide me in exploring how my own spiritual and cultural identity could be affecting my feelings for my LO. We are in central CA area. Any help would be appreciated. This is not something I can do through the forum. Thanks.
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Old 12-26-2020, 06:07 PM
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To add to my posr, a lot of what I feel needs exploring is much too personal and detailed for the forum and an extension of the work that I am doing with my personal therapist. However, I do believe some could be done on this forum. My LO is from Oregon state but caught his case in CA and is housed in central CA. Our spiritual approaches to life are similar, I do not follow any religion. I want to explore and confirm, to some degree, that it is him I am so attracted to and that the attraction is not me trying to have him fill a void in myself.
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Old 12-26-2020, 06:49 PM
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Welcome to Prison Talk. I hope you find what you are seeking here.
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Old 12-28-2020, 10:15 AM
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you might pose this question to your therapist. They may be able to make some suggestions.
You might also think about talking with any elder family members of your own family for culture info for your heritage.
Ancestry is something I did last year and have found it quite interesting. Might be something you would like to try as well.
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Old 12-29-2020, 11:01 AM
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What void do you think he's trying to fill?
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Old 12-29-2020, 11:36 PM
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There are several possibilities and different ones. I met him through my work. Circumstances in my life were such that I was unknowingly more open to letting someone into my heart. I was beginning to re-examine my life and wanted to live more authentically and assert my needs. I had been drawn to Native American culture since the age of 3. I had read and taken several courses in undergraduate school. But I had been anti anything to do with religion for the first 3 decades of my life. So one void is my need to have spirituality more strongly in my life and Native American culture and spirituality, specifically my readings on Lakota culture and spirituality, with my limited understanding of it, is in line with me . Another was the recent loss of my father. I also was missing a more masculine man as a partner.
There are always going to be many possibilities that may or may not be true and it is most likely that at least some of them are at play. But the question-my question, I guess is (1) am I seeing him as something he is not and (2) am I unconsciously relying on him to fulfill or fill aspects of myself that I have been unable to see and fill myself? I have spent so much time trying to figure it out and let people make me doubt myself. But my instinct tells me that there is much more to he and I then him filling my voids. My feelings have stayed strong through getting to know him, his life experiences, his values and his weaknesses and through many months of not having contact of any kind with him. I believe I see him for who he really is, as much as I can given the circumstances. And there is A LOT that I still don't know about him and am unsure of (and him about me also). I probably need to let things be as they are and chill for a while. He and I will not be able to have contact for quite some time yet. When we can I will likely be able to figure things out better. I just really don't want to cause him more trouble and possibly pain if I am wrong. I am not willing to let him go as it stands now though. I do think I can use this time to strengthen myself and make more certain that our relationship is healthy. That is why I am trying to find resources, a guide I guess, and be more active spiritually but I feel weird/uncomfortable reaching out to find and access them. Like I'm inviting myself in without an invite. Thank you for the response and question. Sorry for such a long response.
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Old 12-30-2020, 04:25 AM
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I’m wondering if you’re over-thinking your relationship with this guy. Just go with what’s spontaneous .. I know that’s hard to do with him on the inside, but it will likely serve you best. If you like him, go for it; if it turns out you like him more because he has an Indian bloodline, you might be trying to make something work for the wrong reasons. Just think of him as him.
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Old 12-30-2020, 08:56 AM
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Thank you!!!!
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Old 12-30-2020, 10:12 AM
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OK, I disagree with modern society's viewpoints on relationships. I have no problem with my man "filling a void" in my life, nor do I have a problem with anyone else feeling this way about their LO. If my man were to die tomorrow, my life would be over, quite literally, and anyone who disagrees with that is welcome to their opinion but please keep it to themself as it is my life, not theirs. So if YOU think it's a problem that you are interested in him because of his heritage, then it's a problem. You need to make that decision for yourself. Personally, from the way you describe things, he has your heart and mind, and that is the perfect combination imo. My man has filled voids I had forgotten about because I had abandoned them years ago. We laugh, we cry, we support each other, we love each other, we have fun together, we have great chemistry/sex (over the phone as best as possible under the circumstances), and he stimulates me intellectually. That intellectual stimulation is very important to me. So saying you are attracted to someone because of their race/heritage is no more wrong than saying you are attracted to them because of their IQ. It's both something they're born with. It's your eyes, your mind, your body, YOUR choice. Don't let society change what you want/desire because THEY decide it's wrong for you. If you went months without contact and still want him, sounds like it's meant to be for me. I have filled a void in my man's life religiously, and I don't have a problem with that. Now, if you think there will come a day you will lose interest because you have learned all you can from him, then there might be a problem. How long before you plan to make this permanent? If he's in for a few years, that gives you plenty of time to get tired of each other. Chill. You're not doing anything wrong, and I truly hope you two make a great life together!
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Old 12-30-2020, 10:07 PM
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Thank you Jacobs Girl. Your post made me smile, laugh and relax a bit. I needed that, if I have any chance of making it through the next many years of his incarceration. Hopefully I will be less in my head whenever the time comes that he and I can communicate.
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