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Old 07-18-2019, 10:09 AM
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Default Why do some women continue to allow boyfriends to watch their kids?

With so many horror stories out here, like the Maleah Davis case below and the numerous others. Almost daily there is a story on the news about a boyfriend abusing a girlfriend's child. Are we learning and really paying attention???

http://www.chicagonow.com/six-brown-...p2-qLaGLWFsWDs
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Old 07-18-2019, 10:55 AM
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Obviously in this case there were HUGE red flags.
Still that said, I would not have done this. I'd have either brought the child with, or forgone the funeral.
Very sad, regardless
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Old 07-18-2019, 12:02 PM
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I can't even count the number of women I met in prison that had been abused by "the boyfriend" and in almost every case when the child complained Mom sided with the abuser.
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Old 07-19-2019, 09:15 AM
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As women we need more self worth to end this cycle of abuse. With self worth no woman would allow her child/children to be abused or be an abuser herself. Some based their self worth on having a man (any kind). We must understand our own value as human beings (man or no man). No child should have to go through this kind of hell. If you are not capable of protecting your children find a "trusted" (like children's father), relative/grandmother etc. who can. This madness need to stop!!!
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Old 07-19-2019, 02:47 PM
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I don't think it has to do with self worth. There's plenty of these stories where the woman clearly did not allow it to happen. Such as incidents where it was the first incident to ever happen with no other previous signs of the man being a danger. We cant predict what anyone will do to anyone. It's just as much of a danger leaving them in daycares and even family members you feel that you trust.
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Old 07-19-2019, 04:02 PM
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Your boyfriend is never going to have the bond that a parent does....sorry its totally irresponsible to leave your precious children with a boyfriend and this is especially important if there is not a long-standing relationship. And by that I mean years and years not months, weeks, or minutes.
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Old 07-19-2019, 06:08 PM
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Your boyfriend is never going to have the bond that a parent does....sorry its totally irresponsible to leave your precious children with a boyfriend and this is especially important if there is not a long-standing relationship. And by that I mean years and years not months, weeks, or minutes.
Uh... disagree. Believe it or not, most men are perfectly capable of not murdering a child left in their care.

This has nothing to do with boyfriends or relationships and everything to do with abusers and murderers.
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Old 07-19-2019, 06:25 PM
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Originally Posted by trauma4us View Post
Your boyfriend is never going to have the bond that a parent does....sorry its totally irresponsible to leave your precious children with a boyfriend and this is especially important if there is not a long-standing relationship. And by that I mean years and years not months, weeks, or minutes.
I completely disagree on this. My oldest 2 kids have a decent bond with their dad but my youngest does not. Their dad pretty much ignores her even on holidays. Now my boyfriend, who mind you they have not met in person just yet, already has a stronger bond than she has with her father. My kids are all older (23, 22, and just turned 18).
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Old 07-20-2019, 06:54 PM
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I completely disagree on this. My oldest 2 kids have a decent bond with their dad but my youngest does not. Their dad pretty much ignores her even on holidays. Now my boyfriend, who mind you they have not met in person just yet, already has a stronger bond than she has with her father. My kids are all older (23, 22, and just turned 18).
No one is saying it's all boyfriends. The problem is this is happening way too much with mommy's boyfriends and others. Also your children are older. Small children who cannot defend themselves are being left with predators and monsters. Parents must become extremely careful of who they allow around their children in this day and age.

Also the court system need to keep predators of children locked up or on a island somewhere where there are no children or castrated if they are released. Just putting their names on a list is not enough. There are predators that are not on the list and some people are on the list and should not be on it. So, a list is nothing. It's gonna take a village and the court system must do it parts. Abusing a child is not a misdemeanor. It is a horrible
act and crime and should be treated as such.
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Old 07-20-2019, 07:08 PM
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Please keep our Community Purpose in mind.

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While we encourage interest from people with a range of viewpoints seeking to learn more, anything beyond a genuine, friendly dialog is not welcome.

People who are (or were) involved with the Prison System find that they encounter a wide range of difficulties and challenges.
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Old 07-21-2019, 01:12 PM
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I disagree respectfully - people whether men or women who have no bond with a child are less than great caregivers. And people (again men or women) that leave their children with people they barely know should bear the consequences of their actions - whether that be DCFS, jail or prison.
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Old 07-22-2019, 03:25 PM
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I disagree respectfully - people whether men or women who have no bond with a child are less than great caregivers. And people (again men or women) that leave their children with people they barely know should bear the consequences of their actions - whether that be DCFS, jail or prison.
So you shouldn’t leave your child with a daycare provider or a friendly neighbor or a teenager from down the street because you need a “bond” with a child to not kill it? That’s asinine. I hate kids. F*cking flat out hate children. But would I kill one if it were left in my care for some reason? Of course not. Even if it screamed, threw up, woke me up, whined, kicked my cat, ate my snacks, broke my phone, whatever. Either you have the capacity to kill a kid, or (the overwhelming majority) you don’t. It has nothing to do with your bond with a kid. Natural parents kill their kids sometimes too.
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Old 07-22-2019, 08:13 PM
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My knowledge comes from years of dealing with abused (physically and sexually) children in a busy inner city trauma center Emergency Dept. Few of these children were abused by family. More commonly it was the boyfriend or male friend of the mother who was left with the child.
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Old 07-23-2019, 01:27 PM
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So you shouldn’t leave your child with a daycare provider or a friendly neighbor or a teenager from down the street because you need a “bond” with a child to not kill it? That’s asinine. I hate kids. F*cking flat out hate children. But would I kill one if it were left in my care for some reason? Of course not. Even if it screamed, threw up, woke me up, whined, kicked my cat, ate my snacks, broke my phone, whatever. Either you have the capacity to kill a kid, or (the overwhelming majority) you don’t. It has nothing to do with your bond with a kid. Natural parents kill their kids sometimes too.
One need to be careful of daycare centers as well. There's been too many terrible stories there as well. Because a person seem nice don't mean a thing. The times we are living in everything need to be investigated when it comes to who's over the children or better yet keep your own children at least til they are of an age they can defend themselves.
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Old 07-23-2019, 03:13 PM
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What parent can stay with there child 24/7 unless they are a full time stay at home parent. And to wait til they can defend themselves? There's adults that cant even do that.
Everything cannot be fully investigated and even when you think that fully investigated situation is safe, there's a chance it's not. Just like daycares, you can search reviews, word of mouth, observe, watch cameras in the room and theres still cases of teachers doing crazy things.
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Old 07-23-2019, 08:31 PM
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This may be a start:

UPDATE: "Governor Kay Ivey has approved a bill in Alabama requiring that certain child sex offenders undergo chemical castration as a condition for parole. The offenders in question will be those convicted of abusing children under the age of 13.

Alabama state lawmakers have passed a bill requiring that some child molesters be “chemically castrated” as a condition of being released from prison."


Read full article here:
https://people.com/crime/child-sex-o...ation-alabama/
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Old 07-23-2019, 09:43 PM
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Wow, what a sick and barbaric not to mention ignorant thing to entertain, how in the world would chemical casteration keep someone from re offending? Sex Offenders have the lowest recidivism rate of all offenders, while were at it, let’s chop off hands of thief’s
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Old 07-23-2019, 10:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by loner woman View Post
This may be a start:

UPDATE: "Governor Kay Ivey has approved a bill in Alabama requiring that certain child sex offenders undergo chemical castration as a condition for parole. The offenders in question will be those convicted of abusing children under the age of 13.
This forum is not an appropriate place to discuss who deserves what punishment. Last warning:
PTO Community Purpose

The purpose of the Prison Talk Online community is Prisoner & Family Support, Information and Assistance.
While we encourage interest from people with a range of viewpoints seeking to learn more, anything beyond a genuine, friendly dialog is not welcome.

People who are (or were) involved with the Prison System find that they encounter a wide range of difficulties and challenges.
PTO was founded as a forum to help family members cope with these experiences; through the provision of non-judgmental support and the sharing of information.

PTO is not the place to debate whether or not anyone should be in prison, should prisoners and their families have rights or what kind of punishments should be meted out to the guilty.

Thank you.
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Old 07-24-2019, 01:54 AM
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I’ll emphasize that the other two moderators are right in their emphasis on the community purpose.

I understand that this is a very touchy issue, and I am 100% for the protection of children. However, whatever my personal feelings may be, this forum is here to support friends and families and past/present (no judgment here)/potential future inmates in dealing with the prison system and issues relating to that system and to relationships people have with that system and the people inside of it. I may not agree with the past actions of some people, but I have to check that at the door when I come here.

I do not discourage you from holding your views. I only ask that you remember the community purpose which has now been stated twice and have respect for members of the community who’s loved ones (or who even themselves) may have committed acts you don’t agree with. We are here to support. Not condemn.

Please note that your compassion for children and desire to not see them harmed is noted and appreciated. I am not asking you to condone any specific criminal behavior. Or criminal behavior in general for that matter. Lord knows I have issues with those things myself. Just.....please remember we are here to support people with a relationship to the criminal justice system, particularly those who are dealing with or have dealt with incarceration. We can do this even if we do not condone the crimes they have committed.

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Old 07-24-2019, 08:18 AM
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Wow, what a sick and barbaric not to mention ignorant thing to entertain, how in the world would chemical casteration keep someone from re offending? Sex Offenders have the lowest recidivism rate of all offenders, while were at it, let’s chop off hands of thief’s

This will be my last comment on this. Respectfully the epidemic of sexual abuse of children and toddlers (and the harms that is cause) and those that enable it is what is sick, barbaric and ignorant. Please feel free to close this thread. Thank you.
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Old 07-24-2019, 08:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by loner woman View Post
This may be a start:

UPDATE: "Governor Kay Ivey has approved a bill in Alabama requiring that certain child sex offenders undergo chemical castration as a condition for parole. The offenders in question will be those convicted of abusing children under the age of 13.

Alabama state lawmakers have passed a bill requiring that some child molesters be “chemically castrated” as a condition of being released from prison."


Read full article here:
https://people.com/crime/child-sex-o...ation-alabama/
Gov. Kay Ivey did sign Alabama HB379 into law June 5, 2019, as stated in the article already posted in the Loving a Sex Offender forum (LASO). That thread is HERE.

From that thread, here is a link to the Bill as passed, signed into law, and taking effect on September 1st, 2019:
https://legiscan.com/AL/text/HB379/2019

Read it. In its entirety. READ IT. For everyone's convenience, I'll post the pertinent pasts about who pays for it, and indigency:

Quote:
This bill would require the parolee to payfor the cost of the treatment; provided, the billwould prohibit a person from being denied parolebecause of indigency.

Quote:
This bill would also provide that if a2person is ordered to undergo chemical castrationtreatment as a condition of parole and the personrefuses to undergo the treatment, his or herrefusal would constitute a violation of parole andwould result in the person being remanded to thecustody of the Department of Corrections.
Quote:
(d)(1) The parolee shall pay for all of the costs associated with the chemical castration treatment. The cost ofthe treatment shall be in addition to any court costs;assessments for crime victim's compensation fund; Departmentof Forensic Sciences assessments; drug, alcohol, or angermanagement treatments required by law; restitution; or costsof supervision of the treatment.
Quote:
(2) If a person required to receive chemicalcastration treatment under this act, upon application, claims indigency, he or she shall be brought before a court ofcompetent jurisdiction for a determination of indigency. Inthe event that a court determines the offender to be indigent,any fees or costs shall not be waived or remitted unless theperson proves to the reasonable satisfaction of the court thatthe person is not capable of paying the fees or costs withinthe reasonably foreseeable future. In the event the offenderis determined to be indigent, a periodic review of theoffender's indigent status may be conducted by the court uponmotion of the district attorney to determine if the offenderis no longer indigent.
Reasonable. Foreseeable. Future. What does that mean? Well I'll tell ya what that means: It means the state will hold that debt over the offender's head FOREVER. Never mind the collateral damage already done; never mind that each and every retroactive sex offender law passed in this country further punishes this class of offender (which is Unconstitutional).

All that being said, should anyone wish to comment on the castration of sex offenders, please do so in the LASO thread linked above.

And, before closing this thread as Against Community Purpose, I'll leave ya'll with a good portion of an article from Sandy @ narsol.org:
Quote:
By Sandy . . . The mandatory chemical castration law that has just passed in Alabama is being debated every way possible. Health professionals are weighing in on why, medically, it is not an effective prevention strategy. From a moral and human rights perspective, the general consensus is that it is barbaric and reminiscent of our nation’s earlier and darker forays into eugenics.
Both of those arguments are valid, but the primary reason it is doomed to fail at having any significant impact on reducing child sexual assault is the same reason that other attempts such as residency restrictions and “child-safe zones” fail. It is the same reason that the registry itself is a dismal failure.
The registry, those laws, and this new attempt – its questionable efficacy aside — have failed and will continue to fail because they are targeting the wrong population.
Quote:
Virtually all sexual abuse of children is committed by persons who have no previous sexual assault convictions, persons who are not on the registry, persons who will not be receiving the treatment even if they live in Alabama. They are persons who are intimately connected with their victims in their everyday lives. They are the family members, the peers, and the authority figures of the children they victimize.

The vast majority of them do not have pedophilia. The vast majority of them, once charged, convicted, and confronting the responsibility for what they have done, will never reoffend.
I'm not sure how this thread went from mom's who leave their kids with their boyfriend's to the castration of sex offenders, but overall, as a whole, this thread serves no good purpose on a support site for loved ones of the incarcerated. Should the fictional boyfriend's family find PTO, even if he had abused / murdered the girlfriend's children, would be deserving of our respect, deserving of receiving information, support & understanding.


This thread is now closed.
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