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Raising Children with Parents in Prison For the Parent left behind with children AND for the Children that have a parent inside. Discussion of unique challenges facing this group!

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  #76  
Old 03-28-2007, 03:38 PM
waitingfordaddy waitingfordaddy is offline
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hey guys i just toO my 2 month old son to see his daddy for the first time and it was amasing he knew who his dad was i talked to the nurse and she said cause my husband talked to my belly almost my whole pregnice that my son reconised his voice it was awsome he smiled and did not want to let go it was just hard to leave but i will be going up there again reAL SOON SO HANG IN LADIES CAUSE THE BOND BETWEEN A FATHER AND A CHILD IS NEVER BROKEN!!!!
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  #77  
Old 03-29-2007, 01:04 AM
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Unhappy He just doesn't understand...

Well I have a little guy too and he just turned six, his father been gone since he was three and it seems like here lately theres not a day goes by that he doesn't say something about his dad and how much he misses him, i've been working on a visit, it will be the first one, he was sentenced to fifteen years, which is such a long time, my little guy will be eighteen when he gets out and im having such a hard time answering all the questions and explaining why he wont be around for such a long time because we were seperated when he went to prison so i haven't really kept in much contact with him but I am feeling like I need too and I need to help my son fill that longing he has for his father. So were working on a visit. Thank you for listening.
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Originally Posted by brooks
First, a little at a time. Being a mom of a little guy is overwhelming in itself. Your son will never forget Daddy.Yes, pictures help. Things fall into place after for phone and visits. My little guy is 5. We do get to visit relatively regularly(at worst was once a month).You are allowed to feel sad and hurting.It will get easier to cope with and we are here to help you thru.
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  #78  
Old 03-29-2007, 08:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MitziNorman
Well I have a little guy too and he just turned six, his father been gone since he was three and it seems like here lately theres not a day goes by that he doesn't say something about his dad and how much he misses him, i've been working on a visit, it will be the first one, he was sentenced to fifteen years, which is such a long time, my little guy will be eighteen when he gets out and im having such a hard time answering all the questions and explaining why he wont be around for such a long time because we were seperated when he went to prison so i haven't really kept in much contact with him but I am feeling like I need too and I need to help my son fill that longing he has for his father. So were working on a visit. Thank you for listening.
Hey Mitzi,
I know how hard it is to raise your kids when dad is gone, and the questions are tough to handle at times. I think it is great that you are going to set up visitations for you son, sometimes the best way for a lot of the questions to be answered come from the dad themselves. I'll keep you in my prayers and good luck with your visit.
Tosha
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  #79  
Old 04-23-2007, 01:21 PM
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I want to start by saying, I am truly sorry for all u doing long bids. I thought my man's bid was long enough at 4 years. I thank God that he will be out while my son is still in kindergarten. My man always asks me what cartoon character my son likes "this" week and he draws it. After 7 years together, I never knew he was so good at drawing. He has drawn him Spiderman, Spongebob, and lots more. He draws it and asks my son to color it. I am compiling a Daddy Coloring Book and will have it binded so my son can always go back and look at it. Keep your heads up gals!
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  #80  
Old 05-23-2007, 10:51 PM
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I am having a hard time adjusting to caring for our 2 1/2yr old son without his dad around. He was a huge part in my sons life and was just sentenced a week ago to serve 1yr in the Bill Johnson Correctional Center. I have no experience with having a loved one or friend in jail so I am at a lose as to what to do to keep my son from forgetting his dad. I cannot visit because of an outstanding ticket but have thought about sending our son with a family member but i am not sure this is a good idea. I need some creative ideas as to things to send him (ie. cards letters, book, pics). Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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  #81  
Old 05-23-2007, 11:18 PM
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Hi brandiimm,
Welcome to PTO. I know what you mean about not knowing what to do, no one does. I was in the same place a year ago.
I just take one day at a time. Letters and phone calls are very important if you have a digital camera you can send pictures with your letters that is what I do so that mine doesn't miss his girls growing up.
Also a video camera helps you can always make movies of him so he can see the cute little things that he does from time to time. I always wished I did that when mine were little.
My girls are 11 and 18, but it doesn't matter what the age they still miss there dad.
My prayers are with you and your son.
Just remember to take oneday at a time.
Toshacat
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  #82  
Old 05-28-2007, 02:27 AM
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I'm glad to hear this was a subject- my husband & I have a son Jacob who is almost 4 & I feel like they've always been close, but lately Jake dosent want to go with me on sundays to see his dad & I know it upsets anthony. any suggestions?
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  #83  
Old 06-19-2007, 11:10 AM
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I read some where that this mom got a recording of the fathers voice for her kid. I have 4 kids 10, 9, 6 and 2 wk old baby. I would like them to be able to hear daddys voice when they want to. also i want my baby to know daddys voice. From my understanding they got the recording done while he was in prison does any one know anything about it. Like how and what the program is called.. I remember seeing a post about it and writing the name down but i lost it some how. pls help.....thanks
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  #84  
Old 07-12-2007, 08:57 PM
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my fiance has been away my whole pregnacy and the baby is now today 2 weeks old and her daddy has never seen her. i want him to feel apart of her life, and i want her to know who her daddy is but he's in for 3 1/2 to 4 years how do i get them to keep their bond? this is are first and only child.
we plan on getting married. he want's to get married while he's in jail but i want to wait. because we are not married he's not on the birthcertificate how would we go about getting the paperwork filled out for him to be on it? and if i decided to marry him wile he is in prison how would we go about doing that. (if it's allowed) Anyone who can anwser my questions please post back!!!! thanks
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  #85  
Old 07-12-2007, 09:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tyese
my fiance has been away my whole pregnacy and the baby is now today 2 weeks old and her daddy has never seen her. i want him to feel apart of her life, and i want her to know who her daddy is but he's in for 3 1/2 to 4 years how do i get them to keep their bond? this is are first and only child.
we plan on getting married. he want's to get married while he's in jail but i want to wait. because we are not married he's not on the birthcertificate how would we go about getting the paperwork filled out for him to be on it? and if i decided to marry him wile he is in prison how would we go about doing that. (if it's allowed) Anyone who can anwser my questions please post back!!!! thanks
Hi Tyese, I'm not sure about the marriage thing, but I'm sure someone can tell you how to get that started. As for the birth certificate I think all you have to do is go down to your local Health department and ask them how to add the father's name on to your daughter's birth certificate and I'm sure they can tell you how to do that part.
As for keeping the bond up that should be easy when you get her approved for visitations. Keep your head up and hang in there it will all come together for you.
Toshacat
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  #86  
Old 07-14-2007, 08:49 PM
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tyese,

If he's in the New York state system the members from there should be able to tell you how to get married while he's in.. Just post in the New York forum here on PTO.. You can find it by scrolling down the first page of PTO and clicking into it when you get to it... Good luck!

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  #87  
Old 07-14-2007, 10:22 PM
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My poor Mom is not allowed to have contact with my little brother and sister. It is so hard because they ask about where their Mom is. They are not lied to, thy know she is in jail, but it is just so hard. My grandparents have them right now. But I fear that their dad will be able to get them back soon. I am scared that he will talk bad about mom and ot make an effort at all to help keep mom in their thoughts. It is hard for me because I live out of state. I am hoping that their dad does not do that...but it is a real fear of mine. And, of course we are told that social services is aware of thie type of roblem, but they will not monitor him forever. I wish I lived there so I could be more in their little lives. They need me now more then ever. I hope that eventually Mom will at least be able to talk to them. We just have to wait and see I guess. She hasn't been able to talk to them in ver a month now. It is very hard for her.
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  #88  
Old 07-20-2007, 10:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by peppalbatross
My poor Mom is not allowed to have contact with my little brother and sister. It is so hard because they ask about where their Mom is. They are not lied to, thy know she is in jail, but it is just so hard. My grandparents have them right now. But I fear that their dad will be able to get them back soon. I am scared that he will talk bad about mom and ot make an effort at all to help keep mom in their thoughts. It is hard for me because I live out of state. I am hoping that their dad does not do that...but it is a real fear of mine. And, of course we are told that social services is aware of thie type of roblem, but they will not monitor him forever. I wish I lived there so I could be more in their little lives. They need me now more then ever. I hope that eventually Mom will at least be able to talk to them. We just have to wait and see I guess. She hasn't been able to talk to them in ver a month now. It is very hard for her.
if you dont mind me asking, why cant your mom and the kids have contact?
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  #89  
Old 07-24-2007, 03:38 AM
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Any advice? My man has 5 boys who live with his mom we were trying to get things together to have them come stay with us when he got arrestted. I keep them posted everytime I hear from him but they refuse to write. I am always telling them that he loves them and misses them. Also I am due in 2 weeks with our first child together. He will be doing 4 years, so any advise to help them bond? I live about 6 hours from the prison he is in so frequent visits will be hard!
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  #90  
Old 07-24-2007, 10:41 PM
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this is the first time i am posting on here i am new to all this, my fiance just went into tygart valley regional on the july 18th together we have a 5yo and he has a 13yo, our 5yo thinks his dad is at work, he was sentenced to 1 year i don't know what to do. i havent stopped crying since i am so scared for him, and my son is going to wonder when daddy is going to come home
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  #91  
Old 07-25-2007, 09:54 PM
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truth is always better. i know it does not sound like a good idea. but believe me its better for the babies and you. i had went through the same thing with my 3 kids and i happen to have a baby thats a month and half so i know what its like.. its not easy not easy at all.. but who ever said being a mom was.
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  #92  
Old 07-26-2007, 07:46 AM
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how do ypu tell a 5yo his daddy is in jail. without him hating cops for taking his daddy away
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  #93  
Old 07-26-2007, 08:22 PM
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Well i cant tell you exactly what to say. But basically you can start by explaing like when your 5 year old gets in trouble he gets punished. and daddy did something wrong and this is his punishment. something like that.
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  #94  
Old 07-26-2007, 08:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jmartin953
how do ypu tell a 5yo his daddy is in jail. without him hating cops for taking his daddy away
Well i cant tell you exactly what to say. But basically you can start by explaing like when your 5 year old gets in trouble he gets punished. and daddy did something wrong and this is his punishment. something like that.
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  #95  
Old 07-27-2007, 12:04 AM
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well he understands that concept, but i don't believe he is ready for the explanation because it a complicated situation , its more dad not wanting him to know, our son likes to talk alot to everyone at the grocery store any where hes a real socoal butterfly. if things don't turn out like we hope i will have to tell him he may have only to be there for a month rather than a year depends on what kind of mood the judge is in. Gosh i pray he is in a good mood. my son has been talking about when daddy comes home we will do this and that. he waited on the porch for the mailman to bring something from daddy and was happy when he got a letter from daddy. It is heart breaking, never in a million years did i think i would be going through this and i pray my son never gets in trouble with the law. I want him to learn from our mistakes. I am so happy i found this site it really helps alot.
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  #96  
Old 07-27-2007, 10:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jmartin953
well he understands that concept, but i don't believe he is ready for the explanation because it a complicated situation , its more dad not wanting him to know, our son likes to talk alot to everyone at the grocery store any where hes a real socoal butterfly. if things don't turn out like we hope i will have to tell him he may have only to be there for a month rather than a year depends on what kind of mood the judge is in. Gosh i pray he is in a good mood. my son has been talking about when daddy comes home we will do this and that. he waited on the porch for the mailman to bring something from daddy and was happy when he got a letter from daddy. It is heart breaking, never in a million years did i think i would be going through this and i pray my son never gets in trouble with the law. I want him to learn from our mistakes. I am so happy i found this site it really helps alot.
i get what your saying. But you also dont want him to get his hoped up on daddy comming home and god forbid he doesnt,ya know. But either way i understand. And same with me i hope our kids learn from our misakes to.
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  #97  
Old 07-30-2007, 08:57 AM
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Wow this is all so new to me. My son's dad just went to prison on June 21, 2007 and took a plea bargin of 5 years. My son just turned 3 on May 24th and the difference in our situation is that he didnt meet his dad for the first time Until May 28, 2007. So of course because of the lack of history between them this has been hard to handle. His dad had the typical "I dont know if this child is mine syndrome and I dont want to find out itis". When he meet him for the first time all that changed and him and his family have been actively involved. The problem is that he is locked up now... how genuine is all of this? Does he really want to be involved in my sons life or is he doing this just to past time while he is in there. At this point he calls him everyday, he has had someone draw a picture for him and wrote a poem apologizing for his actions thus far. At times I feel just confused and overwhelmed because I dont want my son feelings to be played with but I dont want to block his relationship with his dad if he is willing. Has anyone been in a similar siituatio nor can offer me advice on the best way to deal with this and protect my son at the same time. Also my son thinks his dad is at the hosptial...he drew this conclusion himself at visitation after seeing his dad's arm band...so we have just let that excuse ride although I know its only a matter of time before the real questions start.
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  #98  
Old 09-28-2007, 06:54 AM
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Well our son's draw picture's,write to him, and talk to him on the phone.He is always included in any thing we do together i.e. when we go to disney world we will wait for daddy to go with us,or we will go camping when daddy comes home.I am glad that my children don't resent him for going away and they are really young,6,4,&3. And they love their daddy with all their heart. we include him in christmas and birthdays.Always send pictures and cards for every occassion and always send him any new school info that may arise i.e. report cards,awards etc. My kids love talking to him on the phone and the few chances we go to see him spend the WHOLE time with him. They love him..... i think more than he loves them LOL. But i am glad that they are still young and probably won't remember these rough times but know that he was always there for them no matter how far away he is/was. But on some level they understand that he is away and it is not their fault at all and he will be home and cannot wait to spend all his time with them!
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  #99  
Old 10-14-2007, 07:13 PM
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Red face My 4 & 3/4 yr. old

My son has grown up with his father in jail. He knows he doesn't live with us like the other daddys at his preschool. Now he tells me that he doesn't want to go anymore. Despite all the love and fun my husband and him share at visits. I don't know what to do as a loving mom and wife. Do I keep taking him against his will or do I let my husband know what is happening and break his heart. I am so confused, what should I do? I just want to do what is best for our family... I need your advice if you have been through this yourself.
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Old 10-30-2007, 03:42 AM
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This thread is awsome! My daughter will be 1yr old in 3 weeks...my man has been in jail for 11 months....she was only 1mo when he got incarcerated...so I only have 2 pictures of them together and 1 of all of us...my man sends us letters, pictures (if that particular jail offers it), cards, i do the same, sometimes I send pictures of flowers or the dock by the ocean...the likes it....he calls a few times a week...sometimes I put the phone up to my daughters ear and he talks to her...she smiles and giggles...I visit once a week and bring my daughter once a month...she just learned to walk 2 weeks ago and is so busy I don't know how to take her to visits anymore...I was thinking of getting a harness...I cannot touch him in the visits, it's open but a long counter with head high glass runs along it...it hurts to bring her and he can't even hold her, even atleast for 5 minutes or 2....geez....she likes her daddy...she laughs & giggles, babbles to him and tries to climb over the glass...it's so cute!...I show her pics everyday of her daddy and say 'da-da'...I don't know how long his sentance will be...but they will definetly get to know eachother as father and daughter...every child should have a right to visit their fathers in jail and have some sort of physical contact, even if it's just and hour...esp. if they have good behaviour for so long...it's sad but it's the best I can do.
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