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Raising Children with Parents in Prison For the Parent left behind with children AND for the Children that have a parent inside. Discussion of unique challenges facing this group!

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  #26  
Old 11-15-2005, 12:32 AM
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I am getting my fiance's daughter a build-a-bear with his voice recording in it. He has to call on my cell phone and I have to put him on speaker phone to get the recording, but its worth the effort.
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  #27  
Old 11-16-2005, 05:30 PM
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hey. i'm new here. i could use some help.
I have a friend who is incarcerated. My friend has a 3 year old daughter who was just born when he began his time. He is having a hard time connecting to her specifically because she is being raised by her mother and another man. He wants to get to know her better but i dont think he knows how.
Any suggestions??
thanx,
lis
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  #28  
Old 11-20-2005, 05:33 PM
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I have a 4 and 8year old sons he loves his daddy so much what ever I say or anything he always tell his dad. Well I let my husband and son talk every night when he calls home. I take him to visit but here lately my son will go but when it time my son to talk to daddy he willn't ? And tht really hurts my husband that both of his son don't want to talk at visit. Could it be that the boys can't hug,playing with him is that hurting them? My husbands getting ready to go off to prison hopefully the kids will be much happier being able to play with there daddy.

PLease can somebody please give me so help so that our visit will be good what shoould I do to make things better for our family visit? PLease help
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  #29  
Old 11-21-2005, 07:48 PM
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thicky--If they're not allowed to play or touch dad at all during visiting it's got to be having a negative impact. You said he'll be going off to the prison soon and they'll be able to play. I'm assuming it'll be contact visits then and if so it will be a lot better.

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  #30  
Old 11-28-2005, 10:19 AM
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Question help our teen is on a role,im lost!!!!

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Originally Posted by deb
What can we do to help keep the parent/child bond strong? I'm thinking that if we all post ideas it may help some of us by giving us other ideas....

I'll start. Our youngest just turned 10. Since Bill's been in he calls every night and Zach gets a few minutes of every call to talk to him. They write to each other every couple of weeks. We visit and Zach goes with to 99% of the visits. At the visits they take some time out to play a game or draw together. I send in copies of each report card, class schedule, hockey schedule and Bill keeps track of the games that way, copies of all pictures I take (I get duplicates each time), and I send in all of Zach's school work after Zach and I've reviewed it etc...... Bill will tell him on the phone about a certain sports game or movie he's watching or going to watch and then they'll each watch it and talk/write about it... They discuss Zach's school work and projects during visits or on the phone...

What other ideas have each of you come up with?

Deb
i have 4 children all have the same father,but our 2son has really having a hard time with things and im not sure how to handle it he rebels on everything and he just doesnt care if any one can make a suggestion it would help hes 15 and acting 30!!!!!and stays infights caonstantly,im lost!!!?????
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  #31  
Old 11-28-2005, 10:31 AM
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this is a good thread to have i wish i could have found all this sooner maybe my son could find someone to open up to he has a bad chip on his shouldersince everything happened he was only 11and now hes 15 and you can believe all of us have one thing in common (children that dont understand!!!))
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  #32  
Old 12-21-2005, 04:35 PM
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Default mother of 2, their dad is in jail

My husband is in jail and we have 2 children 8 and 7. My children have a wonderful dad, for the last 2 months he has been in jail. It is so close to Christmas all they want is him home. I have been the stay at home mom and he the breadwinner. I remind my children how much their dad loves them but it is not enough. I am so confused and alone I don't know where to turn.
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  #33  
Old 02-18-2006, 10:06 PM
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man, i read everyone's responses to this topic and couldn't stop crying. my fiancee got locked up for an old case when i was 4 months pregnant and i just had our son a month ago-i don't know how i'm going to do this on my own and i just feel so guilty that my son might not have his dad physically in his life. [He is awaiting trial for a sexual assault of a child case his ex girlfriend put on him 2 years ago(she was under 18)]He's gotten to see him one time through glass and through pictures only and it's already killing both of us, i want to be as prepared as i can, any tips for eventually "introducing" or explaining the situation to my son if need be?
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  #34  
Old 02-19-2006, 01:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChillsBaby
man, i read everyone's responses to this topic and couldn't stop crying. my fiancee got locked up for an old case when i was 4 months pregnant and i just had our son a month ago-i don't know how i'm going to do this on my own and i just feel so guilty that my son might not have his dad physically in his life. [He is awaiting trial for a sexual assault of a child case his ex girlfriend put on him 2 years ago(she was under 18)]He's gotten to see him one time through glass and through pictures only and it's already killing both of us, i want to be as prepared as i can, any tips for eventually "introducing" or explaining the situation to my son if need be?
WOW this sounds like my story all over again when my husband (boyfriend at the time) got busted for carjacking I was 4 months pregnant, when he saw our son for the first time he was couple of days old that was really hard to do. Then he went to Prison by the time we were able to visit our son was 6 months old, we would visit every month as our son got older and I would tell him we're going to see daddy he would get all excited but when it was time to leave it became harder and harder to do because our son was attached to daddy and he would cry, by the time our son was 5 we explained to him that daddy had to be there because daddy did something wrong, this turned into a story at the end of every visit when he reached 6 yrs old he understood that his daddy was in prison. By then we we're able to get family visits and they spent more time together. Now our son is going to be 10 yrs old this year and he is very close to his dad. Don't worry yourself just have your husband and your lil man spend as much time as possible together I wish you and your family the very best.
NENAZ


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  #35  
Old 03-20-2006, 12:12 PM
Kris35 Kris35 is offline
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Default My Father is in Prison

I don't think that you have any control over their relationship and them bonding, the only way that they can get close is if he puts up an effort. My Father didn't really try to bond with me so now i don't really know him. so my advice to you is to talk to your husband and explain to him how important it is and that only he can make a difference!!! take care !!!!
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  #36  
Old 04-12-2006, 08:38 AM
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oh my gosh, that build a bear voice recording is such a good idea! my hubby self-surrenders may 30th, so we are going to have to do that with him before he goes and i'll take pics and make them little scrapbooks of it. and having him record and/or read bed time stories and draw pictures is a great idea as well.

one thing i did do was make him shave his head now. i remember when i went to see him in county he had done that and i hated it. he said (thinks LOL) that it makes him look more intimidating. so i asked if he was going to do the sanme when he went to prison and he said yes. i told him that i wanted him to do it now so that the girls were used to it before he went. i didn't want him looking different being added to the shock of seeing him a new and strange place after beong away from him for awhile.
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  #37  
Old 04-29-2006, 08:49 AM
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Keep the contact going. Our son is 4 1/2. Daddy has been in since before he was born.They have a very close bond.We visit every other week now. for the first year it was only 1 x month due to distance.Calls 1-2times a week. I sent LOTS of photos when he was little. Now it is drawings and writing his name.Jr has always gone on every visit with me. I don't have other options,and he wouldn't forgive me if I did(now).
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  #38  
Old 04-29-2006, 10:29 PM
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I would not let my husband tell my son that he is in prison. He's 5 years old and there are no shades of 'gray' for him. For instance, my dad was playing with him and took his toy away and acted like he was going to throw it in the garbage and he screams out: "I'm calling the police and they are going to take you to jail cause you're stealing!". And right then, I was like uhn-un, no way am I telling him that that is exactly where daddy is. I lie and make my husband tell him that he is at work. But when my husband sends letters for me, he ALWAYS sends one to my son. He used to be able to send all kinds of crafts other inmates made, however, there is none of that at the facility he is in now. But I'm trying to become a regular visitor despite the costs involved in flying, etc. It's more important to me that my son never forgets and always know that his daddy LOVES HIM TO DEATH and that is the truth. My husband won't be out until my baby is 12 years old. So its real important for them to bond now. I lived in a different city than my father, but because my mom constantly talked to me about him (in good terms even though she had plenty reason to hate him), let me visit, and let me talk to him on the phone...I loved my dad and always knew who he was (he was not in prison, just lived in our hometown).

One day, when those shades of black and white in his brain are capable of creating gray--I will let my husband (i'm chicken) tell him the truth cause if we don't, one of our ig'nant behind family members might.
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  #39  
Old 04-30-2006, 10:06 PM
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Hey, my son is only going to be 3 yrs old in May, an i send pictures to him all the time an he talks to him on the phone. But he cant go visit yet we in the process of gettin that done. but what else can i do with a 3 yr. old??
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  #40  
Old 05-07-2006, 11:30 AM
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05_01_0.JPEGLet me see if the picture comes up on this.Our son is nearly 5.He knows where Daddy is and(generally)why. They love each other as much as I love them.We have visited when we can.Sometimes once a month when he was farther.Photos are great.Phone helps a lot.Handprints are a personal HI and so are 'drawings'

Last edited by brooks; 05-07-2006 at 11:35 AM..
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  #41  
Old 06-01-2006, 05:45 PM
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Wow I am new to this and was reading your thoughts on how to keep everyone connected with my husband in prison. I have done the letters, pictures, calls and we are going on our 1st and probably last visit to see my husband this month (he is 12 hours away Me in Kansas Him In Colorado). But the little notes from dad WOW I will do this for sure. You are right I leave notes for my kids but to get one from there dad Super cool. Thanks for the great ideas.
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  #42  
Old 06-01-2006, 07:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CharliePaulGurl
Hey, my son is only going to be 3 yrs old in May, an i send pictures to him all the time an he talks to him on the phone. But he cant go visit yet we in the process of gettin that done. but what else can i do with a 3 yr. old??
I have a 15 month old and a 6 year old. The older draws pictures and writes notes all the time, they 15 month old scribbles on paper and I help her write her name and sometimes a little I LOVE YOU. Ed loves these!!!! He has almost replaced all pics with these because they are so much more personal.
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  #43  
Old 06-09-2006, 06:14 AM
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I am not to sure how to strengthen my sons bond with his dad. Kaleb just turned 3, and Matt has been gone so long that Kaleb dosen't know him. But, every day I show him his daddy's picture, and let him know how much his daddy loves him. Also, I tell him that Matt will come home to him as soon as he can and, I tell him happy stories about his daddy and I
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  #44  
Old 06-20-2006, 05:36 PM
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my daughters think daddy is in the bad boy house, so everywhere we go they tell everyone they meet, hey my daddy is in the bad boy house lol, mordified yes... but when they go see daddy they get so mad and its so boring in there for them they are 22 months and 4 years they dont understand why daddy cant come home with us.
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  #45  
Old 07-12-2006, 09:09 AM
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Hi I'm New To this. I am Having A Daughter in september and her dad is in prison for something he didn't do but because of the charges He is unable to have contact with his Children. I'd Like for him to be able to recieve pictures of his daughter and I'd like to give her the strong bond with her dad that I had with my own father growing up but I am unsure about how to do this. He may not be able to meet her until she is 4 1/2 yrs old... This Really hurts me deeply I love my boyfriend And want him to know his daughter and I want for her to know him. But how do you let a baby know who her daddy is when she can't see him or talk to him? I have pictures of him and plan on showing them to her and getting her to call him daddy but how do I keep the bond with him and her strong? She seams to know when he calls cuz she starts kicking up a storm. can someone help me? Give me some ideas about what to do please?

thank you all...

Pamela
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  #46  
Old 07-13-2006, 07:56 AM
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steveos woman--you may want to check out the loving a so forum on PTO if that's what he's in for... You'll find ideas as well as a lot of support there from others who understand...

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  #47  
Old 07-14-2006, 01:58 PM
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Hello
I have a husband who is currently in the Federal prison system and we also have 3 beautiful children ages 1, 4 and soon to be 8
My husband went in when i was pregnant with my youngest daughter and I try to make sure that she knows him even though he isnt with us every day. The drive to see him is 5 1/2 hours but i try to make that drive 2 times a month and i have successfully been doing this since my daughter was 1 month old. I try to keep pictures of their father up so they wont forget his face and I have old camcorder tapes that we watch during birthdays and holidays to make it seem like he is with us. It is hard but I try to explain to them that Daddy, is away but he loves us and he didnt leave us on purpose
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  #48  
Old 07-25-2006, 03:42 PM
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How Can I Have My 17 Month Old And 6 Month Opld Communicate With There Dad?
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  #49  
Old 07-25-2006, 05:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RMDILUV
How Can I Have My 17 Month Old And 6 Month Opld Communicate With There Dad?

If he is like my kids dad, he will love to get little cards with scribles on them from the kids. Also lots of pictures as they change. Lately we have been opening the paint program on the computer and scribbling with the mouse, changing colors amd putting their names on them and sending it to him. And when he calls let them hear his voice. I kept Eds voice on the voicemail and play it for the baby quit q bit ans show her pictures at the same time so she will recognize voice with face. I don't know if it helped but I think it did.

Hope these ideas help a bit.
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  #50  
Old 07-26-2006, 04:44 PM
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Hello ,Everyone My name is melissa ,I have a 11month old son and my hubby is in prison got other 16months left to do.....My husband has been in for year in half allready when my son was born my hubby was able to call the hostpail were i was beacuse it was free calls and i put our son ear to the phone ....4days old he was seening daddy .....And they allready have a strong little bond you may think that is werid but they do my son and i were going for contact visit up in tell the time they ship him out to az.We send Daddie cards and trace toes and hand ever month so he can see them.....I send lots lots picture and my hubby sends abunch to us too....Also my hubby is working on get a recording with him reading to our son in one the parenting classes....And my daddie calls tell him good night and i put them on spreaker phone anyways just share how we keep our bonding going..............melissa
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