Our son wont remember him

astafford07 · #1 05-25-2017, 05:48 PM

My husband was sentenced to 5 years for probation violation just a week ago. We have 4 kids, our youngest is 2. I have this worry already of what it will be like when he comes home. Our son won't have any idea who he is. I haven't made a decision yet on taking my kids to visit him. I thought the visits were limited to 4 people. With 4 kids,then who doesn't get to go? Ugh, I don't know. Thanks for letting me vent.

AndyS · #2 05-25-2017, 05:53 PM

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this with small children. Maybe setting up a schedule so all the kids have a chance to visit. It might be overwhelming for all the kids to go at once and would be easier both for the kids and your husband if just 2 go at a time. I hope you can work something out so your two year old continues to have a relationship his Father.

astafford07 · #3 05-25-2017, 06:07 PM

It would be good to do 2 at a time. Our almost 8 year old son is very angry and doesn't want to see him, which I'm sure will change in time. He's still in county jail. I just hope they don't send him somewhere thats 5 hours away.

Fridyrr.Likn · #4 05-25-2017, 07:37 PM

Our daughter was 9 months e when my husband was arrested and he got 7.5 years. She's nearly 3 now. There was no contact for nearly a year but she ran up to him and gave him a huge hug the first time we visited. They have an amazing relationship, they speak on the phone regularly and we visit every other weekend. I'm not sure how you would encourage a healthy relationship without visits and I'm sure if you contacted the facility you could get a special circumstance visit for more than 4 people, or you could take two children at a time. Honestly...it's entirely up to you to encourage the relationship and make sure your children remember their dad.

Have2BPatient · #5 05-25-2017, 08:28 PM

Do children count at the visits? Where my husband is here are a maximum of 4 adults allowed and you can have more than the maximum if the extra people are children... within reason of course. I have seen 4 adults and 4 children at one time.

nygirl17 · #6 05-25-2017, 08:32 PM

He will remember him if you want him to. Call the prison and see what's allowed. I guess every state is different but you can have as many people in for as many visits you have left so if you get 8 a month you can have at 8 once but then no more for a month. I wish you well in our decision.

**sidewalker** · #7 05-26-2017, 07:44 AM

Im sure it varies by state if children count as a visitor. In CA they do.

trauma4us · #8 05-26-2017, 10:44 AM

Of course its your decision about visiting.

Our son rec'd an 8.5 year sentence. His son was 7 when he went in - we (paternal grandparents) have court-ordered visitation with our grandson/son's visit and our grandson loves his Father very much and always wants to visit.

We would not make him visit if he chose not to.

EDYJO · #9 05-26-2017, 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by astafford07

My husband was sentenced to 5 years for probation violation just a week ago. We have 4 kids, our youngest is 2. I have this worry already of what it will be like when he comes home. Our son won't have any idea who he is. I haven't made a decision yet on taking my kids to visit him. I thought the visits were limited to 4 people. With 4 kids,then who doesn't get to go? Ugh, I don't know. Thanks for letting me vent.

Hi Chica, ..

Ya know I think as mothers we all tend to question this, .. "what will happen with our kids and their relationship." .. See, when my hunny got incarcerated I was a few months pregnant with our little one. I asked myself the what ifs, .. what if he doesn't grow a bond with him, what if he doesn't want him around etc .. well it truly is up to us as their mother and how much we involve them.

My hunny is serving a 5 year bid, .. he's been gone for more or so 1 year, he has a shot at an early release date but I try to keep the 5 years in my head for my sanity, .. I don't wNt to put my hopes up for nothing. My son is now 1 .. I took our son to see my hunny (his dad) a couple of times and they hit it off just fine ofc he needed me to be right there with them though. For some reason my son is no longer allowed to visit with my hunny and that broke my heart as I was worried their relationship would get damaged but all is well. I show my son a picture I have of my hunny and repeat to him "That's dada" .. when my hunny calls he speaks to my son for about a good 5-10 minutes, my son just listens and babbles his way off. My son, see he now recognizes when his dad is calling. He hears a ringtone I have set for his dad's calls and he immediately starts saying, "Dada Dada Dada." He wakes up in the mornings saying Dada, .. he has a little phone that he plays with and he holds it to his ear saying "dada" .. so chica if you involve your hunny in your kid's life he'll always remain present in their little head.

Talk to you kiddos, involve their father in all the little details, let him talk to them, congratulate them when they do good things, give them advice when they do not so good things. We have a big part in keeping that relationship strong, .. he too has to be willing to put in some daddy time even though he'll be physically absent for a few years. He still could be there emotionally and spiritually!! All will be well chica, take a deep breath and you'll see things will be okay.

Fridyrr.Likn · #10 05-26-2017, 12:02 PM

I'll add that we keep Daddy as part of our every day lives. There are pictures of him/us everywhere. I made her a pillowcase and blanket with pictures of the two of them together. We draw pictures for him and talk about the next time we'll see him. She knows that every time we go visit Daddy they'll have doughnuts together, it's their routine. The relationship can be great if you stick to it.

taylorgang1016 · #11 05-24-2018, 02:37 AM

Love all the different perspectives, however my husband got sentenced to 22yrs, our son was 2mths old when he went in, our son will be 4 in Nov and I thank god daily that county had video visits bc our son knows who daddy is and that's not a question, we haven't been approved 2 go visit him yet but were waiting patiently, our 9yr old will always have memories of him and dad together fishing, dancing in the kitchen, holidays etc.... But now it's up 2 me to make sure our 3yr old makes memories w dad just like our 9yr old did.... it'll be hard but worth it to see our boy smile

nygirl17 · #12 05-24-2018, 05:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by taylorgang1016

Love all the different perspectives, however my husband got sentenced to 22yrs, our son was 2mths old when he went in, our son will be 4 in Nov and I thank god daily that county had video visits bc our son knows who daddy is and that's not a question, we haven't been approved 2 go visit him yet but were waiting patiently, our 9yr old will always have memories of him and dad together fishing, dancing in the kitchen, holidays etc.... But now it's up 2 me to make sure our 3yr old makes memories w dad just like our 9yr old did.... it'll be hard but worth it to see our boy smile

Good Job mom