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Old 02-11-2019, 08:52 AM
LightningStrike LightningStrike is offline
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Default How to be worthy of someones friendship?

As I have matured and aged, I have realised that I do not have any form of entitlement to anyones friendship. All I can do is make myself a good enough person that when I run into someone who is a potential friend, we will get on with one another and those healthy friendships can blossom.

I often think to myself what can I give rather than what can I get from a friendship. I find that these things make the friendship even stronger. But what about with people who you are not similar to? Could a friendship still exist? I began to think that merely caring sometimes just isn't enough, that you also have to be on the same wavelength and journey in life. I think also I try to understand with my current friends, that not everyone is perfect. It is about encouraging one another to be your true self, whatever that may be.

Is there anything that I have missed? I think it is great to get other peoples opinions on concepts because everyone has something great to share.

Also, here is a quote I just wrote for a inmate in prison that I like

''Freedom and hope, these are not merely states of circumstance, but states of a resilient mind. They can lock you in a cage,
and tell you what you are, but they can't take away your dreams of a better tomorrow, or your liberty to decide who you are''

Last edited by LightningStrike; 02-11-2019 at 08:57 AM.. Reason: more info
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  #2  
Old 02-11-2019, 06:05 PM
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Truthfully? I think I'm a terrible friend. I'm not a terrible person, but on the spectrum of 'good friend' characteristics, I fall very short.

I don't have a lot of time to hang out or socialize. Even letter writing has taken a serious back seat.

I hate talking on the phone.
Sometimes texting is off my radar. Email? If I have to.

I don't see me looking to expand my horizons at the moment. I can respect the opinions and paths of others but my desire to explore along with them is dead.

I'm excellent at making plans and canceling them.

The only kind of friend I feel I can be right now is an immediate and defined need friend. Are you sick? I can bring soup. Do you need a ride somewhere? I can probably do that. But hanging out and shooting the breeze without watching the clock is just beyond me. It's circumstantial, I know it. I used to meet friends for lunch at least once a week and it was great! Now, it's a chore.

I guess we all go through changes. I don't expect this to last forever. I just hope I hang in there long enough to find a loving, stable circle again for lunch and laughs.
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Old 02-11-2019, 08:06 PM
KiwiPP KiwiPP is offline
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Originally Posted by miamac View Post
Truthfully? I think I'm a terrible friend. I'm not a terrible person, but on the spectrum of 'good friend' characteristics, I fall very short.

I don't have a lot of time to hang out or socialize. Even letter writing has taken a serious back seat.

I hate talking on the phone.
Sometimes texting is off my radar. Email? If I have to.

I don't see me looking to expand my horizons at the moment. I can respect the opinions and paths of others but my desire to explore along with them is dead.

I'm excellent at making plans and canceling them.

The only kind of friend I feel I can be right now is an immediate and defined need friend. Are you sick? I can bring soup. Do you need a ride somewhere? I can probably do that. But hanging out and shooting the breeze without watching the clock is just beyond me. It's circumstantial, I know it. I used to meet friends for lunch at least once a week and it was great! Now, it's a chore.

I guess we all go through changes. I don't expect this to last forever. I just hope I hang in there long enough to find a loving, stable circle again for lunch and laughs.
Such relatable content! 😂
Iíve socially regressed so much since Iíve hit my 30s. Iím so happy in my own company now, maintaining large circle of friends is exhausting. Iím happy with just a couple. Iíve also noticed where I was once tolerant to peoples oddities, I find incredibly toxic now and cannot be around anyone who lacks self awareness. Iím a grumpy old 80 year old stuck in a 30 year olds body 😂 #getoffmylawn #justletmeplaysolitaireandnap
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Old 02-11-2019, 08:31 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is offline
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I have started over the years to become more cynical. I see how selfish people truly are and ignorant. I have always had large groups of friends that changed every decade or so. I find when people need you they are around, but when they dont or you cant do for them they disappear.

When this situation arose, I found I could not trust many with what was going on. The judgemental aspects etc. I tell people I'm working when they ask. Rarely do I get a text asking if I am ok. I'll ask them randomly. It hurts at a times, but life is simplier.

I only have my drama to worry about. No theirs which can be exhausting.

Yet, I do have a few that I value. I would go to great lengths for them.
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Old 02-12-2019, 09:39 PM
joyjoy22 joyjoy22 is offline
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I have always been kind to people who come in and out of my life. I listen to their problem give my advice but at the end of the day, they will just say thank you and ignore what I have said.
As I grow old I realize that nowadays it is okay to have a small circle of friends that is true and will understand every little thing about you.
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Old 02-13-2019, 10:34 AM
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For me personally?
I dont have many friends. At least not any I would consider a *best* friend.
Didnt have many growing up. Felt embarrassed due to an older brother who is autistic. (back in that day it was a little known problem, often the term used was retarded)
So I was embarrassed and ashamed. I had kids (and their parents as well) not want to play with me because I had the *retard* brother therefore something must be wrong with my family and me.

I did realize that they just didnt understand. Or didnt want to.
Odd now that I think of that for being so young. (like 6-10 yr old)


In high school, I did make quite a few friends. Was always over their houses tho.
Still carried that fear the friends might *turn* on me.
Some of those friends are life long friends, tho we dont see eachother we do *facebook*


And Im perfectly ok with that.
Ive been hurt by some I thought were my friends. Too many.
So now I stay to myself and am just fine with it.




sorry this is so long but it needs an good explanation.

But as an aside......yesterday I ran into a friend of my sisters. I cant stand this woman, and never could.
Ive seen her a few times (as she lives in the neighborhood near me) I try like hell to avoid her, but that does not work too well. She actually come by once to ask for my sisters address so she could send her a birthday card. She got angry with me because I didnt invite her in. I just got the info and brought it to the door.
She went off on me when I came back outside to give it to her that I didnt invite her in.
Well I didnt for several reasons. One being I had two friends over who learned that their home burned to the ground the day before. I was comforting them and trying to find things to get them thru the next few days.
And second because I have a dog. This lady hates dogs and is afraid of them.
And third because I do not like her and she wont take a hint to leave.


We did manage to smooth that over (my sister told her what was going on because I called and told her my side and told her to tell her friend to leave me alone)
So yesterday when I saw her (I could not ditch her) while walking my dog.......I said hello from across the street. She says my name like.....is that you?
I tell her yes.
She then goes into the same bullshit she always does........wants to know how my sister is doing, and how she always sends her a birthday card but never ever gets one back. (should be a hint right there)
I tell her....oh my sister moved. She moved up to our county.
She then is surprised (and getting worked up again)

*Well she never sends me anything or calls*
I say, well she has been busy moving and dealing with her families shit.
She says.....well my bf is dying of stage 4 cancer (he's been dying for quite a while apparently cause she says this every time I talk to her) and is now in a care home.

I say, Im so sorry.
She asks for my sister address.
I tell her I dont even have it. Its an apt up near a hospital but I dont know for sure the name of the street. But that I would let my sister know to contact her.
She goes into the fact she always sends the sister cards, and makes time for that.


I finally get myself away from her and wondered.......do you keep tabs on folks reaching out? Like a tally of how many times you have sent a card, or made a phone call?


I tell ya, I MUST remember to walk a different way. I cant stand this woman.


Sorry for the long ass reply.


Im glad my friends dont act like this. I dont think any of them keep *score*
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Old 02-13-2019, 11:34 AM
Ricoluv29 Ricoluv29 is offline
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Originally Posted by LightningStrike View Post
I often think to myself what can I give rather than what can I get from a friendship. I find that these things make the friendship even stronger.
onedayatatime13 "I find when people need you they are around, but when they dont or you cant do for them they disappear."


I've had the same one friend for 17years now because I have given up on keeping/making friends with a busy working mom schedule. And the facts mentioned above. I used to be the type to give my "friends" anything and everything. I was the one who always had money and people knew that. Whether it be buying them something, supporting emotionally or having there back. I was that reliable person anyone could call on. It only hit me one night when I had a major depressive episode, called everyone in my phone to help me and not ONE came to my side. Then I stopped being the giving friend and slowly watched those "friends" not talk to me anymore.

I do agree with that wave length thing you said. The only reason I still have that one friend of mine is because we both understand life gets busy and we cant always meet. Weeks or months go by and its ok when we say we are busy or just flat out don't want company, we understand.
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Old 02-13-2019, 12:01 PM
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I was that reliable person anyone could call on. It only hit me one night when I had a major depressive episode, called everyone in my phone to help me and not ONE came to my side. Then I stopped being the giving friend and slowly watched those "friends" not talk to me anymore.
Sorry you had to go through that ...but in hindsight, I believe it's good when you find out the true colors of so called friends...and I am glad that you have your longtime friend by your side still I think the OP's question "How to be worthy of someone's friendship" also needs a bit more selfish question to go with it....such as: "who is worthy of MY friendship"
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Old 02-13-2019, 01:33 PM
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It only hit me one night when I had a major depressive episode, called everyone in my phone to help me and not ONE came to my side. Then I stopped being the giving friend and slowly watched those "friends" not talk to me anymore.
I'm feeling this sting right now. Or I should say I'm working on letting it go. One of my oldest friends lost her mom two years ago this Spring. When she called to tell me she was dying (it was a freak discovery of cancer, no treatment, three months from dx to passing), I waited a few weeks to see how things settled out. When it was clear they were going to ride it out at home with friends and family's help, I booked a flight and went home for a week to be there-- whatever that meant. I dumped puke out of a garbage can, put socks on mom, visited with her, changed the shower head to a hand shower so she could bathe safely and spent one night going out to dinner with our "group" so we could prop our friend up.

Now that my dad is dying? Meh. She asked once when would be a good time to come visit and when I told her that I couldn't answer that, things were entirely out of my control, I never heard boo about it again. I got the impression she wanted me to be able to accommodate her at my house and maybe get away for a few days of "girls fun". But I couldn't do either. She has the means and time, far more than I do or did. So it isn't that. I've been angry and hurt over it. Now I have to move on or the only one still suffering is me. She controls her behavior and I can choose mine by forgiving, but it has put a lot of emotional distance between us.
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