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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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Old 12-20-2017, 08:32 PM
prettytomboi prettytomboi is offline
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Smile I haven't logged in or been on here in years....

It's like I'm a whole different person now. And sorry for any grammar errors, typing this on my phone.

We were MWI in 2010. We had a brief but intense relationship and he promised me everything once he got out. I was 20 years old with daddy issues, and had grown up visiting prison to see immediate family. It was a bad mix. I've always been a conservative yet open minded girl and always seemed to have a lot going for me. But back to the time...

He was incarcerated in Florida panhandle and I'm from Georgia, only a couple hours away
I went to visit him about 8 weeks in a row, right before he got out on Nov. 2, 2010.i never was one to send him much money, honestly I don't remember ever sending money. I even went to pick him up the day he got out and we were going to go live in Orlando together and start our new life, get married.

Well when he got out I think I started going into flight mode because I could see the reality of life with an ex con. I yelled at him a lot and I think it was just because I knew it wasn't going to work. One day he wanted to drive my car to buy weed and like a fool I let him and went with him. I was a nervous wreck and yelling at him the whole time. He had no license! To date, the dumbest thing I've ever done. A cop car got behind us and I was just terrified. I just knew were going to get stopped. White people in a Georgia car in the hood of Orlando. Luckily nothing came of it! I kept my job in Georgia and would commute 4 hours home every week til I could find a job in Orlando. That day never came.

I was torn, trying to be Superwoman to a man I subconsciously didn't want but at the time he was my everything! The trips back to Florida became less and less.

Around Christmas, about a month after he got out, he sent me a picture if him drinking with some people. There was a blonde in the picture. The bottom said, "send money please" I flipped out, questioning who this woman was and never got a straight answer. He wouldn't answer my calls. The day after Christmas, I drove to Orlando to find him and couldn't! He said he was out of town and very nasty about it. I ended up staying in a run down hotel because that's all I could afford and I was so afraid there. It was the day Teena Marie died and I listened to her music to comfort me.

I couldn't get in touch with him for another month or so and finally one day I did. I begged him to come to Georgia and let me help him. He was so cold about it and refused. I looked him up to see if he discovered Facebook yet and he had! That chick in the picture the blonde was all over his profile. He acted so in love. I acted crazy, dialed the wrong number, cussed out a stranger (lol) and harassed him until I lost all my dignity. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, cried constantly. Stalked him and this girl for about a year. They had a baby together and he ditched her too. Moved to Indiana had another baby and is now estranged from all of them and homeless. He gets arrested occasionally. I think about him and worry if he's alright. Out of pure concern, not in a romantic way. I was so mean to him last time we spoke. I feel guilty.

When he was in prison, he once told me I wasn't the most beautiful girl he had dated. This made me resent him I think. No woman wants to hear that. The blonde in the picture was his ex. She was very pretty honestly but I am no ugly woman. I don't have a picture up because I want to be anonymous on here. But I think that stuck with me and was a bad sign.

I remember all the visits. I remember all the COs judging me, a female one in particular
, she said I didn't look like the kind if girl to date an inmate. I remember enjoying the rides and the beautiful rural scenery.

I think it was the adventure and excitement and curiosity that put me in that situation. Our relationship no longer had appeal to me once he was released but I didn't want to let go I wanted to help. He had a bad life. His father killed his mother on Christmas Eve and he saw it from his bedroom window. I had compassion for him which I confused for romantic love.

I have been reading all the posts on here and having Deja vu. I feel sad for all the women who gave so much only to be hurt in the end. This relationship was one I ended up covering up and being ashamed of. Only women like you will understand all this.

My life has changed a lot in 7 years. I'm more grounded and sure if myself. Still alone but I'm okay. I hope he's okay too and forgives me for the way I spoke to him. I feel no kind of hatred or anything towards him now. Basic compassion. So I hope ant woman reading this will give herself time to grow like I was and think about the motive of your MWI relationship. I'm not saying its wrong or right. Just question your own motives.

Peace be with everyone and have a Merry Christmas. My prayer today goes to people being abused in the prison system who don't have a voice. I was reading about some things that have gone on recently in Florida and that's what brought me to this old site again.
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Old 12-21-2017, 12:36 AM
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MizzyMuffling MizzyMuffling is offline
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Thank you for your story! It does help reading other MWIs stories because I sometimes do think about how I've ended up as pen-pal and now girlfriend of an inmate.
I think one thing we all have in common is compassion and that's a good thing - as long as we don't loose ourselves in "their lives". We need or better I need reality-checks every once in a while and/or the (logistical) distance sometimes. This helps me. I love my man and I do hope that he'll have a happy life once released and that he'll never look back. If and when I'll be a part of this "outside" life is tbd. I'm not sitting on packed boxes.
For now I'm enjoying this crazy ride and whatever comes with it.
I wish you all the best & in my opinion you do sound very mature and grown up
Follow your heart but take your brain with you...
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Old 12-21-2017, 04:30 AM
prettytomboi prettytomboi is offline
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I love your quote at the bottom. That says it all about the attitude you should have when it comes to any type of romantic relationship whether it be in the free world or behind bars.

Thank you for saying that I sound mature. I think that's part of my problem although it's a blessing too. I've always been hyper aware of what is wrong in a situation and I guess like I mentioned that's why I lashed out on him a lot after he got out.

Honestly coming on here has opened up a lot of memories for me that would've been easier to leave closed. It's hard to believe all that ever happened as quiet as things are now.

I hope when your loved one gets out you can tell a story that's the polar opposite of mine. I wish that for every good hearted woman on this site. I am not a feminist but I think it is just amazing what strength our feminine energy holds. What all we do! What we are capable of. I think reading so many stories on here, the bad, the good, and finally my own, helps me appreciate women more. We do a lot for humanity and we care so much. Feminine energy is beautiful!
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Old 12-21-2017, 07:41 AM
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Thanks for sharing your story.
Sorry this part of the forum is dredging up old not so good memories.

Glad you are doing better.
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Old 12-27-2017, 12:20 PM
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MissOne MissOne is offline
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Thanks for comi my back and sharing your story. I can relate to a lot you said. Glad you are doing well.
~Smooches, Peace & Blessings~
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Old 12-28-2017, 11:09 AM
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Thank you for coming back on here and sharing this. I am glad you are happy and can reflect on your past with such mature perspective...good for you

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Old 12-28-2017, 11:41 AM
jadah jadah is offline

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Hi,I remember your story as it was happening. Glad you're doing better. I am sorry it opened old wounds, but sometimes "getting the festered pus" out helps to truly heal.

The new year is another new start for you. Thank you for letting us know how you are.
"One of the casualties of [prison life] is the numbness of the heart"- Man on Fire

There is no question that in virtually all circumstances in which people are doing things in order to get rewards, extrinsic tangible rewards undermine intrinsic motivation." the New Scientist (12th April 2011, pp 40-43)

" Every life you touch, every fear or pain you ease, every loved ones' heart that you ease the burden from is the reason you are here."
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Old 12-28-2017, 08:02 PM
prettytomboi prettytomboi is offline
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Thanks everyone! Jadah, wow...I can't believe you remember me. That was in 2010. I guess this is a really small but strong community. ��
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Old 12-30-2017, 05:04 AM
MrsLane1991 MrsLane1991 is offline
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What doesnt kill us makes us stronger some of these guys are so messed up they cant be in any kind of long term relationship so for all you ladies that got your heart broken dont take it personally they will break any womans heart they get with i feel bad for my ex he lost an amazing woman because hes broken inside i wanted to help him get better but i couldnt fix him i pray God will direct these guys and girls to the only true happiness in Jesus Christ and that Jesus would open eyes and ears of all the enablers so they can get help and get free I pray you all find peace
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