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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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Old 09-30-2017, 10:14 PM
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Default Found out he's still calling his ex from inside

I need help staying strong.... some of you may know about me from my posts and walking away has been extremely difficult but I've been doing it. From my prior posts you can see it's been a difficult road with him. It started on my birthday and him forgetting and has just progressed from there.... the last incident was he was calling his ex girlfriend and I found out. Facts 100% he was calling her. He would literally hang up with me and call her. Some days he wouldn't even call me but he'd call her. Dates, times etc.... I have it all. Nonetheless I walked..... I'm so sick of his crap. I've gotten no calls, no letters no things and frankly I'm fine with it. It hurts a bit but if he called I wouldn't pick up anyway I have nothing to say. Now his family is all over me ( not being mean) just saying how much he loves me and misses me and he's lost without me- blah blah blah...... his mother called me today to say he called her several times and all he talked about was me. I should give him a chance and he loves only me and she means nothing to him. I said why the hell would he be calling her then? Why would he risk things with me to be sneaky and be calling her? Oh he just needs someone to talk too! Give me a break! He called her more then he called me in the last month. I have had it and I don't want to be disrespectful to his mom as we are/were close but I really can't believe I'm being asked to put it aside and focus on the bigger picture. I'm dumbfounded. She even suggested I write to him. He f**** up and I'm suppose to write to him? Seriously...... he asked if I had asked about him, asked them to have him call me or asked about visits, no I don't want to talk to him- he can call her! I don't want to see him- she can go see him. I just can't believe I'm being made to feel like I should be there for him when he needs me the most and I should be asking for his calls etc. no I don't think so. I even reached out to this other woman today to try and talk- no confrontation or anything like that just asked if we could talk and no reply. Nothing! Silence speaks volumes.... im not mad at her for who the hell knows what he was telling her and that's all I wanted to discuss with her. I find myself feeling angry that I'm being made to feel like I'm
Making a big deal out of nothing and she means nothing to him. So why was he calling her? Maybe I'm just venting here because I have no one to talk too but I'm angry and I find myself either having to be rude, which I don't want to be rude to his mother for I understand the love she has for her son but he screwed up not me.... sorry but even in prison you can still have common sense. If he's sad, and upset, and crying over me- it's his own fault. If I can't trust him in prison I can't trust him period. He thrives on attention so guess what now he can have it without having to worry about me getting mad. I just don't know if I should tell them straight which I tried but they don't "hear" me and keep trying to get me back into this or if I should just ignore them all. I am a person too with feelings and my feelings matter. I think it's wrong she's telling me to look past his calling her and just be there for him. Last time I looked I was not a doormat....... so frustrated here....... calling his ex...... F that!
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Old 09-30-2017, 10:22 PM
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I need help staying strong.... some of you may know about me from my posts and walking away has been extremely difficult but I've been doing it. From my prior posts you can see it's been a difficult road with him. It started on my birthday and him forgetting and has just progressed from there.... the last incident was he was calling his ex girlfriend and I found out. Facts 100% he was calling her. He would literally hang up with me and call her. Some days he wouldn't even call me but he'd call her. Dates, times etc.... I have it all. Nonetheless I walked..... I'm so sick of his crap. I've gotten no calls, no letters no things and frankly I'm fine with it. It hurts a bit but if he called I wouldn't pick up anyway I have nothing to say. Now his family is all over me ( not being mean) just saying how much he loves me and misses me and he's lost without me- blah blah blah...... his mother called me today to say he called her several times and all he talked about was me. I should give him a chance and he loves only me and she means nothing to him. I said why the hell would he be calling her then? Why would he risk things with me to be sneaky and be calling her? Oh he just needs someone to talk too! Give me a break! He called her more then he called me in the last month. I have had it and I don't want to be disrespectful to his mom as we are/were close but I really can't believe I'm being asked to put it aside and focus on the bigger picture. I'm dumbfounded. She even suggested I write to him. He f**** up and I'm suppose to write to him? Seriously...... he asked if I had asked about him, asked them to have him call me or asked about visits, no I don't want to talk to him- he can call her! I don't want to see him- she can go see him. I just can't believe I'm being made to feel like I should be there for him when he needs me the most and I should be asking for his calls etc. no I don't think so. I even reached out to this other woman today to try and talk- no confrontation or anything like that just asked if we could talk and no reply. Nothing! Silence speaks volumes.... im not mad at her for who the hell knows what he was telling her and that's all I wanted to discuss with her. I find myself feeling angry that I'm being made to feel like I'm
Making a big deal out of nothing and she means nothing to him. So why was he calling her? Maybe I'm just venting here because I have no one to talk too but I'm angry and I find myself either having to be rude, which I don't want to be rude to his mother for I understand the love she has for her son but he screwed up not me.... sorry but even in prison you can still have common sense. If he's sad, and upset, and crying over me- it's his own fault. If I can't trust him in prison I can't trust him period. He thrives on attention so guess what now he can have it without having to worry about me getting mad. I just don't know if I should tell them straight which I tried but they don't "hear" me and keep trying to get me back into this or if I should just ignore them all. I am a person too with feelings and my feelings matter. I think it's wrong she's telling me to look past his calling her and just be there for him. Last time I looked I was not a doormat....... so frustrated here....... calling his ex...... F that!
I agree with u 100% i would feel exactly how you feel. If hes soo upset why hasnt he called u or wrote u. Thats not on you and his mother is trying to intercede on his behalf. But if he really felt all those things he would make an effort at least. If i were you i would ignore them all, and i agree if i cant trust my husband in prison do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering or worrying what hes doing?? The fact the u have proof that he called her more is a slap in the face, and i know your hurt i would be devastated. If i were u i would move on and never look back.
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Old 09-30-2017, 10:30 PM
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I need help staying strong.... some of you may know about me from my posts and walking away has been extremely difficult but I've been doing it. From my prior posts you can see it's been a difficult road with him. It started on my birthday and him forgetting and has just progressed from there.... the last incident was he was calling his ex girlfriend and I found out. Facts 100% he was calling her. He would literally hang up with me and call her. Some days he wouldn't even call me but he'd call her. Dates, times etc.... I have it all. Nonetheless I walked..... I'm so sick of his crap. I've gotten no calls, no letters no things and frankly I'm fine with it. It hurts a bit but if he called I wouldn't pick up anyway I have nothing to say. Now his family is all over me ( not being mean) just saying how much he loves me and misses me and he's lost without me- blah blah blah...... his mother called me today to say he called her several times and all he talked about was me. I should give him a chance and he loves only me and she means nothing to him. I said why the hell would he be calling her then? Why would he risk things with me to be sneaky and be calling her? Oh he just needs someone to talk too! Give me a break! He called her more then he called me in the last month. I have had it and I don't want to be disrespectful to his mom as we are/were close but I really can't believe I'm being asked to put it aside and focus on the bigger picture. I'm dumbfounded. She even suggested I write to him. He f**** up and I'm suppose to write to him? Seriously...... he asked if I had asked about him, asked them to have him call me or asked about visits, no I don't want to talk to him- he can call her! I don't want to see him- she can go see him. I just can't believe I'm being made to feel like I should be there for him when he needs me the most and I should be asking for his calls etc. no I don't think so. I even reached out to this other woman today to try and talk- no confrontation or anything like that just asked if we could talk and no reply. Nothing! Silence speaks volumes.... im not mad at her for who the hell knows what he was telling her and that's all I wanted to discuss with her. I find myself feeling angry that I'm being made to feel like I'm
Making a big deal out of nothing and she means nothing to him. So why was he calling her? Maybe I'm just venting here because I have no one to talk too but I'm angry and I find myself either having to be rude, which I don't want to be rude to his mother for I understand the love she has for her son but he screwed up not me.... sorry but even in prison you can still have common sense. If he's sad, and upset, and crying over me- it's his own fault. If I can't trust him in prison I can't trust him period. He thrives on attention so guess what now he can have it without having to worry about me getting mad. I just don't know if I should tell them straight which I tried but they don't "hear" me and keep trying to get me back into this or if I should just ignore them all. I am a person too with feelings and my feelings matter. I think it's wrong she's telling me to look past his calling her and just be there for him. Last time I looked I was not a doormat....... so frustrated here....... calling his ex...... F that!
Fuck that!! Sorry for the language but I would have done the EXACT same thing. He probably didn't think you'd walk, and now that you have, he's realizing oh shit I need her. You dont deserve that at all! I understand how you feel with the family. Sometimes I feel like my boyfriends family makes excuses for him that i should overlook things. That's not okay!! He fucked up and now he's going to have to manage the rest of his time in there without you by his side. Like you said, she can have him!
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Old 09-30-2017, 10:39 PM
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Agree with ya. How did you find out? He is immature and cant be trusted
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Old 09-30-2017, 10:59 PM
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Thanks. Im just angry, hurt, so many emotions and to be played like a fool for 2 years. Playing games..... I don't deserve this and he knows if he calls I won't answer so he wants me to ask them to have him call me? No I don't think so. She can have him. If she " means nothing" why risk it all for nothing..... no answer other than " he needs people to talk too and she's just a friend". Whatever.... he got caught which is what I needed to put the doubts of his lies out of my head. I just needed the proof. I got it, packed my things, moved everything out of his place and back to my own and I'm done. If he calls I'm not answering and I guess I will have to ignore them and/or block them because they are not " hearing" me and make me feel bad for making my decision. I will never trust him again and I'm not putting myself through this with him. I need to stay strong. I do miss him sadly but I miss what I wish he was as... not what he is. Sad it has to come to this but it's his fault not mine.
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Old 09-30-2017, 11:57 PM
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Im dumbfounded that you are still putting up with him and his crap... read your old posts... get out of this whole mess and never look back.
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Old 10-01-2017, 05:52 AM
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I need help staying strong.... some of you may know about me from my posts and walking away has been extremely difficult but I've been doing it. From my prior posts you can see it's been a difficult road with him. It started on my birthday and him forgetting and has just progressed from there.... the last incident was he was calling his ex girlfriend and I found out. Facts 100% he was calling her. He would literally hang up with me and call her. Some days he wouldn't even call me but he'd call her. Dates, times etc.... I have it all. Nonetheless I walked..... I'm so sick of his crap. I've gotten no calls, no letters no things and frankly I'm fine with it. It hurts a bit but if he called I wouldn't pick up anyway I have nothing to say. Now his family is all over me ( not being mean) just saying how much he loves me and misses me and he's lost without me- blah blah blah...... his mother called me today to say he called her several times and all he talked about was me. I should give him a chance and he loves only me and she means nothing to him. I said why the hell would he be calling her then? Why would he risk things with me to be sneaky and be calling her? Oh he just needs someone to talk too! Give me a break! He called her more then he called me in the last month. I have had it and I don't want to be disrespectful to his mom as we are/were close but I really can't believe I'm being asked to put it aside and focus on the bigger picture. I'm dumbfounded. She even suggested I write to him. He f**** up and I'm suppose to write to him? Seriously...... he asked if I had asked about him, asked them to have him call me or asked about visits, no I don't want to talk to him- he can call her! I don't want to see him- she can go see him. I just can't believe I'm being made to feel like I should be there for him when he needs me the most and I should be asking for his calls etc. no I don't think so. I even reached out to this other woman today to try and talk- no confrontation or anything like that just asked if we could talk and no reply. Nothing! Silence speaks volumes.... im not mad at her for who the hell knows what he was telling her and that's all I wanted to discuss with her. I find myself feeling angry that I'm being made to feel like I'm
Making a big deal out of nothing and she means nothing to him. So why was he calling her? Maybe I'm just venting here because I have no one to talk too but I'm angry and I find myself either having to be rude, which I don't want to be rude to his mother for I understand the love she has for her son but he screwed up not me.... sorry but even in prison you can still have common sense. If he's sad, and upset, and crying over me- it's his own fault. If I can't trust him in prison I can't trust him period. He thrives on attention so guess what now he can have it without having to worry about me getting mad. I just don't know if I should tell them straight which I tried but they don't "hear" me and keep trying to get me back into this or if I should just ignore them all. I am a person too with feelings and my feelings matter. I think it's wrong she's telling me to look past his calling her and just be there for him. Last time I looked I was not a doormat....... so frustrated here....... calling his ex...... F that!
Express to his mother how you feel and cut ties with her. If you are done with him, be done with her as well. Why keep the drama going and her be the go-between?

Your better than this and obviously he cannot be trusted, so take your power back and let him have his "ex". Deep breaths and self-care will take you far. Beat the shit out of some pillows, scream at the top of your lungs, write a letter stating everything you feel, good and bad, then burn the damn thing!

Chin up, your doing the right thing by moving on, now you need to find ways to heal and put the whole damn thing to rest.
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Old 10-01-2017, 06:02 AM
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Express to his mother how you feel and cut ties with her. If you are done with him, be done with her as well. Why keep the drama going and her be the go-between?

Your better than this and obviously he cannot be trusted, so take your power back and let him have his "ex". Deep breaths and self-care will take you far. Beat the shit out of some pillows, scream at the top of your lungs, write a letter stating everything you feel, good and bad, then burn the damn thing!

Chin up, your doing the right thing by moving on, now you need to find ways to heal and put the whole damn thing to rest.
Thank you!!!!!! Deep breaths....... I can do this and I don't deserve any of this!!!! I've already walked and I just need to keep walking and ignore anyone that has ties to him. Thank you again.... you are right
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Old 10-01-2017, 10:22 AM
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Oh no!!!! I love my husband with all I am but I consider that lying and cheating. I would be gone. Though it would be the most difficult decision I would ever have to make I don't deserve that. I'm sorry this has happened but it looks like you e made the right choice.
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Old 10-01-2017, 12:29 PM
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Toubare not a fool, but sometimes it takes a final straw to see things clearly. Know your worth. Take time to heal. I wish you luck.

In your heart, you knew or you wouldn't have asked so many questions. Start trusting yourself.
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Old 10-01-2017, 08:15 PM
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Is it possible that this guy is abusive and/or a sociopath? What you're describing just sounds to me like the domestic violence cycle .. they abuse/screw up, then they beg forgiveness (even enlisting family/friends to advocate on their behalf), then it's the reconciliation/honeymoon phase until they screw up again, and so the cycle goes. And, he thrives on attention. I would completely cut ties with him and his mother, which it sounds like you're doing.
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Old 10-01-2017, 08:31 PM
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Vent Away!
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Old 10-02-2017, 05:12 AM
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Is it possible that this guy is abusive and/or a sociopath? What you're describing just sounds to me like the domestic violence cycle .. they abuse/screw up, then they beg forgiveness (even enlisting family/friends to advocate on their behalf), then it's the reconciliation/honeymoon phase until they screw up again, and so the cycle goes. And, he thrives on attention. I would completely cut ties with him and his mother, which it sounds like you're doing.
It's very possible and thank you for the response. I have been seeing a therapist for over a year now and he's been helping me through this among other things in my life. He and I have actually talked about sociopath as well as Narcissism. Of course without him actually meeting and talking to him my therapist an only base things off what I say or things that have happened and the reactions to it. Sad thing they don't see it themselves and can not be "fixed " so to speak. I'm left with no choice but to walk which I have done. Although hard as it is I don't deserve this treatment. Again I guess I just wanted to vent here as I KNOW what to do it's just hard and I just can't believe some of the things I am asked to "forget" or look past for his benefit. It just hurts all the way around but it's time for me to focus on healing myself. I am not a verbal punching bag, I am not a bank, I am not a doormat, I am a person with feeling that are valid and I deserve to be loved for me. Thank you again!!!! I just feel broken......
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Old 10-02-2017, 05:15 AM
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Vent Away!
I just feel so empty. So broken. So alone. I suppose these are normal feelings for what is happening it's just hard. But I have to do what's right for me now and he's not it. She can have him.
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Old 10-05-2017, 04:48 PM
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I've had this fear but... I know in my heart he's staying true..
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Old 10-06-2017, 04:31 PM
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'Hi Lady's I Wanted To Ask How Did You Find Out He Was Calling His Ex ?
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Old 10-08-2017, 09:38 AM
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I really have nothing new to add, but I wanted to tell you your doing good and venting here is great. It sucks when family gets involved in stuff that they have no business in. Stay strong!!!
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Old 10-08-2017, 09:43 AM
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Is he just calling her? I don't see the harm in that. He's still locked up right? Cut him a little slack til something actually worrisome happens. Then lay down the hammer.
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Old 10-08-2017, 10:58 AM
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Calling & visiting.....see her previous threads, going back over a year:

Why would he feel the need to keep in touch with his ex?

Petty and jealous or overthinking? (Another girl at visit)

How would you feel if another female went to visit your LO alone?

He forgot my birthday/Update

It is well past time for her to kick him to the curb and concentrate on making herself happy. He's a selfish asshat.
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Old 11-10-2017, 03:52 AM
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Why is hes talking to his ex?? My husband left me for his ex of 23 years, we MWI and was married for 9, he said he never stopped loving her. Keep family out of your relationships!! He's a big boy he can speak for himself, but I would be done.. good luck
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Old 11-15-2017, 02:19 PM
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I understand how you feel. I was only with my boyfriend for 10 months before he was arrested. During this time he was calling his ex constantly. They have children together, so I never thought anything of it.. But he was basically stringing her along, telling her we broke up, and that he wanted to be with her as a JOKE. And now that he's locked up, I have no idea what he's telling her, but I know he's not just calling to talk to his kids. Those 10 months were horrible. A lot happened, and yet I fell for his lies every time and stayed. He's been incarcerated for one year and still has one left. He now says he's changed and wants to be a happy family with me and our daughter, but I honestly don't believe him.. And I have no idea how to walk away. Even when he's locked up, I'm afraid of him. Stay strong!!
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Old 11-15-2017, 02:22 PM
Fredslady5 Fredslady5 is offline
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Originally Posted by Rigora View Post
I understand how you feel. I was only with my boyfriend for 10 months before he was arrested. During this time he was calling his ex constantly. They have children together, so I never thought anything of it.. But he was basically stringing her along, telling her we broke up, and that he wanted to be with her as a JOKE. And now that he's locked up, I have no idea what he's telling her, but I know he's not just calling to talk to his kids. Those 10 months were horrible. A lot happened, and yet I fell for his lies every time and stayed. He's been incarcerated for one year and still has one left. He now says he's changed and wants to be a happy family with me and our daughter, but I honestly don't believe him.. And I have no idea how to walk away. Even when he's locked up, I'm afraid of him. Stay strong!!
Don't believe the hype, they will tell you what you want to hear, and believe me you ain't the only one, I listened to lies for 9 years!! Get out while you can
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  #23  
Old 11-16-2017, 12:55 AM
jeswannabhiswyf jeswannabhiswyf is offline
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Change your number. Unfriend on social media. Move on. The constant contact with his family members will foster lingering feelings. The clean break with allow your heart to heal. Derrick Jaxn just gave some good advice about moving on, on Facebook. His video is titled "3 Reasons Why He's Still On Your Mind". It's a short video; 3 1/2 minutes. But the biggest takeaway for me was, your heart follows your focus. So engross yourself into something else. Yourself, baking, crochet, education, drawing, children, whatever. Good luck moving on. Adjust your crown, you're still a queen.
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Old 11-16-2017, 10:37 AM
Chaddersgirl Chaddersgirl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jeswannabhiswyf View Post
Change your number. Unfriend on social media. Move on. The constant contact with his family members will foster lingering feelings. The clean break with allow your heart to heal. Derrick Jaxn just gave some good advice about moving on, on Facebook. His video is titled "3 Reasons Why He's Still On Your Mind". It's a short video; 3 1/2 minutes. But the biggest takeaway for me was, your heart follows your focus. So engross yourself into something else. Yourself, baking, crochet, education, drawing, children, whatever. Good luck moving on. Adjust your crown, you're still a queen.
I absolutely LOVE Derrick Jaxn and his clips. I watch him on Youtube all the time. He is direct and to the point, honest and gives tips on what it means when a man does this or says that. Very thought provoking stuff. And very helpful on seeing some redflags!
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  #25  
Old 11-16-2017, 11:01 AM
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nimuay nimuay is offline
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And I have no idea how to walk away. Even when he's locked up, I'm afraid of him.

You're AFRAID???? Why? What has he done that makes you fear?
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