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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

View Poll Results: Were you and your ex MWI or MBI?
MWI (Met while incarcerated) 74 37.76%
MBI (Met before incarcerated) 122 62.24%
Voters: 196. You may not vote on this poll

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  #26  
Old 01-08-2010, 08:10 AM
five*chic five*chic is offline
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<p>Didnt realize this poll was after u broke up....we met before and are srill good, but i dont do anything or feel anything with attached expectations from him. so if it were to end...the only feelings i would have are the norm....no foolishness from possibly being used or eing naive. personally would not hook up while in cause there is to much to focus on yourself before building on a relationship. good luck to you all.</p>

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  #27  
Old 01-08-2010, 01:26 PM
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This thread has taken a totally different direction.....I would like to say that I am happy that you have found your soulmate and I wish you nothin but the best...but some of your pro's to talking to an inmate I would have to disagree with. These are things you have to worry about whether he is in or out.

A man can try to talk to your bestfriend as an inmate, trust me I have received letters from a friends man that was locked up at the time.

You can find a man on the streets that will listen to you and not try to get in your pants. Their intentions may not be to get in your pants, but their intentions could be off course just as well. You have to make the decision for yourself based off of the persons words and actions whether their intentions are genuine or not. Being inside or out.

Diseases are found in prison sweety. They do get tested..Im not doubting that. But there are defenitely diseases in prison

This thread was not about the pro's and cons of being MWI or being MBI. People find love in many different places. Im not knocking peoples happiness in any way. I have seen MWI relationships work out well as well as MBI. This thread was simply asking a question to those relationships who have ended as to which they were and asking for their stories and for the signs that were showed throughout the course of the relationship. I apologize to anyone that has been offended in this thread, because truly this was not the reason behind it


"first off you don't have to worry about him talking to your best friend

or trying to get in her bed, next you get a man who will listen to you and not try to

listen to get in your paints, next you get a man that is clean and not on no

drugs or has all those sexually transmited things that are out there, and last but not"
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  #28  
Old 01-08-2010, 04:34 PM
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  #29  
Old 01-17-2010, 06:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marcsbeth View Post
I'm not going thru this,but my opinion is yes many times there are signs and red flags all over the place but the woman chooses to remain in la-la land. other times,the man is so smooth the woman is blindsided.(though i think this latter one is far more rare than people like to believe because i'm a firm believer that a person can't fake forever,their character WILL start seeping out at some point). mwi or mbi i really don't think it matters so much as to how the couple met rather it's far more important how they treat each other in the relationship. mwi's do get an unfair rap sometimes. but it's every woman's responsibility to go into ANY relationship with eyes wide open and TAKE HER TIME!!!!
The bold shows why people who are in active relationships should not post so freely in this forum, they don't know what they're talking about.

These women were not in la-la land. What it is is when a woman is in her relationship, like you for example because you are still in yours, she sees the flags, etc. in a blind light, a different light, because love is blind. This is why you're blind to the flags you see -- you're still in the relationship.

Once yours ends and you look back on it, THAT is when you'll have walked the path these ladies already have and will know, first hand, that its not a la-la land thing, but that it was a love is blind thing. There is no way you can see that right now, which is why your comment is out of place on this thread.
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  #30  
Old 01-17-2010, 06:55 PM
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  #31  
Old 01-26-2010, 03:21 AM
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  #32  
Old 01-26-2010, 05:42 AM
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MBI but started dating after incarceration.
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  #33  
Old 02-03-2010, 03:37 PM
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We'd known each other long before his incarceration; as a matter of fact, at the age of 12, I was his babysitter although I was only two years older.


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  #34  
Old 03-01-2010, 05:29 PM
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lucky and me were mwi (my bff's x was in barehill hill correctional and Im always talkin to someone while im there) so i spoke to this dude-he was goregous(still is)and we started talking and at the end we were a couple-we were good til dec of 2008-we broke up due to some bitch that was doing sexual favors for the men out there(and she still doing it even after she got married)so i was good until may of last year when he wrote me again and then i decided to think about it and we wrote and he told me all this love he has for me still blah blah blah and i actually believed him-we had all these plans he even said he cant wait to grow old with me and thanking me for being in his corner and sticking by his side-now he's been home since the 26th of this month and nothing-i pretty much knew it was over the end of january when he transfered to his new place and the letters stopped and he didnt even call-so my heart is broken but time can only heal and karma will get his ass!
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  #35  
Old 03-02-2010, 06:45 PM
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Aw damn harts mama...Im sorta familiar with your story already...but wasnt sure how things played out once he came home.....Im so sorry to hear this ....I know its hard...but take what you learned from this and apply it to your next relationship. And please believe me he will get his!
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  #36  
Old 03-09-2010, 09:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NY-Done View Post
Mwi
I just wanted to expand on that because I don't know if there's *a label* for it.

I initially met my ex-husband on the inside. He came home, went back, came home, went back, typical in and outter cycle. I think I did 4 bids with him, then he left prison alone for a while and started doing short term in patient rehabs. He's in rehab for the 3rd time, right now.

Addicts are slick, he doesn't want to give up the street lifestyle or drugs and he doesn't want to go back to prison. This is why we couldn't make it, I was interferring with what he wanted to do [the streets and drugs] and, he was inteferring with what I wanted to do [just live a stable life]. Where the middle ground for him is REHAB because with that, he's been able to do his drugs and avoid prison, going to short term rehab instead. However, because an offense you committed could catch up to you, an in and out con turned in and out rehabber can wind himself back on the inside and because this is the game he's playing, this is the game that will catch up to him.

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  #37  
Old 03-10-2010, 08:34 PM
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We were MBI and together for many, many, years. The relationship was very good and not just by my evaluation. My family, his family, all our friends, pastors,neighbors and co-workers felt that our relationship was one of the most loving, committed and devoted that they had ever seen. We were together for 35 years! So did I know him? Yes! Better than anyone really knows.

But something bad happened and he got set up, then arrested! Federal incarceration followed and due to many unspoken circumstances, he spent the entire sentence in SHU which was horrible. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a fool in la-la land. Being in the SHU will make the strongest of persons crack, and he cracked! Then he cracked up! And of course the prison system does a horrible job of providing medical help of any sort including psychiatric to anyone. He was no different.

He became paranoid, delusional, with hallucinations, accusations and some very controlling behaviors. I did all that I could to weather the storm. I waited for psych evals only to be disappointed in the lack of care provided.

Then came the lies. Then came the denial. Then came the fact that he actually believed his own lies. I don't know what happened exactly after that. I just know that he was no longer the same person. Nothing about him was even similar and although I stuck around for a long time, waiting for him to get better and somehow miraculously return to the person he was, that never happened. He went from bad to worse, and I could not cope with it.

He is still incarcerated. In fact, today, he was in court again. Another postponement according to the internet. No reason given. I suspect it is due to the lawyer not being about to "work" with him. This has happened before.

I had to take care of myself and the only way to do that was for me to leave him. Was it easy? No way! You do not pull the plug on 35 years without a great deal of pain. Is it permanent? Yes. Because if I can't reach him, no one can! And I can not even get him to realize what day it is!

Prison broke this man! Not everyone gets a positive outcome. Not everyone learns a valuable lesson in prison. Not everyone gets saved in prison. Being in jail for something he did not do, destroyed him! Then it destroyed us! If there was a crime, or an addiction, or a negative behavior that was so horrible that lock up was necessary to correct that behavior, I would say it. But the truth is: He was set up! No, it was not drugs, not alcohol. It was a set up though, and had he snitched, I would not be writing this. But he did not snitch. Instead, he snapped.
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  #38  
Old 03-11-2010, 03:39 PM
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MBI and dang it if I didn't know better than to trust him...again. After 2 other times of being involved with him only to have him leave me for stupid excuses, this time, I saw the issues and beat him to it.
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  #39  
Old 03-11-2010, 06:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by only1love View Post
Not everyone gets a positive outcome. Not everyone learns a valuable lesson in prison. Not everyone gets saved in prison.
True enough- 68% go back. Many of them end up doing life on the installment plan- habitual criminal. Like the poster above (NY) pointed out, the more times a person does something the more it solidifies in the personality. Anyone who thinks and practices "getting it over" on other people will very likely find him or her self at the end of that trail. I cant count the number of times I've seen lonely, detached people that were once players, but they ran out of people who would believe the lies. No one stays young forever- and growing older is hard enough without being alienated from others and yourself.
Sad for us now, but that is hardly the end of the story.
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  #40  
Old 03-11-2010, 09:45 PM
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Not only players, but badboys too because my ex wasn't a player but he is a badboy. And, it's only a matter of time before he goes back because what you said in your post is true about the getting over mentality.

He don't really want to do drugs, no addict does but because addicts do drugs, he relapses and it doesn't help that he lives a street lifestyle and does not want to work on his issues. He lost his marriage like many addicts do and he's getting by on that very getting over mentality you mentioned. The downside to the goodtimes he's now having by working that attitude and avoiding the slammer is one day when you don't expect it, it catches up to you.

I'm glad I ended it when I did because had I stayed and then he gets arrested and goes back to jail, it could turn into a bit of a mess trying to get out because yall know once the cuffs go on they're not trying to let us go. They will say anything to make sure we stay. Out here in the streets, it's different, he made no fuss when I told him we'd go our separate ways after the divorce.

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  #41  
Old 04-30-2010, 03:42 PM
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We were MWI and things were so good until he got home and couldn't cope with the pressures of life outside.But I saw things going down hill 3 months before we split .He choose to ignore it when I was on his case trying to make things better .Now I've lost him forever ,love hurts more than it makes you feel good.
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  #42  
Old 04-30-2010, 11:31 PM
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Quote:
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We were MWI and things were so good until he got home and couldn't cope with the pressures of life outside.But I saw things going down hill 3 months before we split .He choose to ignore it when I was on his case trying to make things better .Now I've lost him forever ,love hurts more than it makes you feel good.
You did NOT lose him. Ok? He tried to KILL YOU and when it didn't work, get OTHERS TO KILL YOU... he's BEHIND BARS LIKE HE DESERVES! It wasn't so much the outside pressure that made him do this.

Many men released go through a BIG transition phase! But it doesn't lead them to try and kill the one who loves them unless they have it IN them to be evil!!

I know it hurts...but thank GOD you're ok, he does NOT deserve you in his life, he tried to take YOURS!!
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  #43  
Old 05-08-2010, 01:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by only1love View Post
We were MBI and together for many, many, years. The relationship was very good and not just by my evaluation. My family, his family, all our friends, pastors,neighbors and co-workers felt that our relationship was one of the most loving, committed and devoted that they had ever seen. We were together for 35 years! So did I know him? Yes! Better than anyone really knows.

But something bad happened and he got set up, then arrested! Federal incarceration followed and due to many unspoken circumstances, he spent the entire sentence in SHU which was horrible. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a fool in la-la land. Being in the SHU will make the strongest of persons crack, and he cracked! Then he cracked up! And of course the prison system does a horrible job of providing medical help of any sort including psychiatric to anyone. He was no different.

He became paranoid, delusional, with hallucinations, accusations and some very controlling behaviors. I did all that I could to weather the storm. I waited for psych evals only to be disappointed in the lack of care provided.

Then came the lies. Then came the denial. Then came the fact that he actually believed his own lies. I don't know what happened exactly after that. I just know that he was no longer the same person. Nothing about him was even similar and although I stuck around for a long time, waiting for him to get better and somehow miraculously return to the person he was, that never happened. He went from bad to worse, and I could not cope with it.

He is still incarcerated. In fact, today, he was in court again. Another postponement according to the internet. No reason given. I suspect it is due to the lawyer not being about to "work" with him. This has happened before.

I had to take care of myself and the only way to do that was for me to leave him. Was it easy? No way! You do not pull the plug on 35 years without a great deal of pain. Is it permanent? Yes. Because if I can't reach him, no one can! And I can not even get him to realize what day it is!

Prison broke this man! Not everyone gets a positive outcome. Not everyone learns a valuable lesson in prison. Not everyone gets saved in prison. Being in jail for something he did not do, destroyed him! Then it destroyed us! If there was a crime, or an addiction, or a negative behavior that was so horrible that lock up was necessary to correct that behavior, I would say it. But the truth is: He was set up! No, it was not drugs, not alcohol. It was a set up though, and had he snitched, I would not be writing this. But he did not snitch. Instead, he snapped.
WOW...I'm so sorry you both went through that..
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  #44  
Old 05-17-2010, 02:01 PM
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my ex and i are mbi..

Last edited by tnm8; 05-17-2010 at 02:20 PM..
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  #45  
Old 05-20-2010, 07:10 PM
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I didnt see the warning signs then but now as I look back, I shouldve known. But I was in school and working. Bills have to be paid so I couldnt go and visit or write like I was in the past but he shouldve known that. Oh well in my opinion everything happens for a reason. So it wasnt meant for us to be together. My family know his family very well, hes years older than me and we met up again while he's incarated. It's a long story but it was all good in the beginning but after 7 months that's when things took a turn for the worst. I'm not even bitter about it, I'm thanking god that it happened so I can move on with my life.
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  #46  
Old 12-27-2010, 07:31 PM
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  #47  
Old 12-28-2010, 01:07 PM
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MBI. He was a douchebag before he went in. I couldn't stand him. Lol! His mom was a dear friend. He and his girlfriend babysat my kids. Then, he went in. His mom convinced me to write because everyone but her and his uncle had abandoned him. So, in a way, I kind of feel like a MWI because that's when I really got to know him. I thought. God, I was so stupid. I let myself believe in a fairytale that never existed. I believe he tried to do right when he got out, but that just isn't who he is. Leopards rarely change their spots. I thought by sheer will and love that I could help him change into a better person; then I ignored all the warning signs, so I have no one to blame for my broken heart but me. Sure, he lied, cheated, manipulated, etc. But, I allowed myself to be taken in. He went in a douchebag; he came out a douchebag.
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  #48  
Old 01-18-2011, 09:29 AM
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We're MBI. We're still strong!!!! Ladies, get a grip. regardless, of where u r in life & who u r with, u will go down. The key is to get back up, put on ur helmet & ride again. Eventually, you'll get it right!!!-----Blessings!!!
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  #49  
Old 03-21-2011, 06:51 PM
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We were MWI. We actually never met face to face when he broke up with me- wow just last night. I think it was just my past issues and insecurities that caused us to split up because I would pick fights a lot and accuse him of things even though nothing provoked it. I was in 2 abusive relationships before I met him so I think that had something to do with it. He said he could no longer compete with the ghosts of my past. Right now its still so fresh, I'm just trying to wrap my mind around the fact that this time we really are over. He even wrote an e mail today basically repeating his reasons why he's moving on. So I'm just trying to get on with life and raise my 2 children. But I miss him a lot, and I've been crying off and on all day and last night. I can't wait until it doesn't hurt so much anymore....
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Old 04-06-2011, 08:55 PM
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I met my ex before he was incarcerated. Im afraid we both still love each other. He was sentenced 48yrs and I waited for him for five yrs before he told me that I needed to go on with life and stop waiting because he didnt want me to suffer for his actions. I started dating and just got married in Aug. It was one of the hardest things I have ever been through, I still have such conflict within myself because I love my husband soo very much but also still love my Brandon.
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