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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

View Poll Results: How many got left, after sticking by him?
me. i did, and forgave him. 85 15.95%
no my man would never leave me. 168 31.52%
me, and i will never forgive him, its over. 168 31.52%
no, my man got out, and did what he promised. 112 21.01%
Voters: 533. You may not vote on this poll

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  #101  
Old 10-17-2007, 11:07 AM
PenPal2007 PenPal2007 is offline
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Connie (in my opinion) it sounds like it might take some time but you should totally dump this guy. There are so many reasons you should get rid of him..I mean, who else is he sleeping with? You've got your health an your baby to think about...quite obviously he has no respect for you or your baby...

This is just my opinion.
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  #102  
Old 10-19-2007, 07:08 PM
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Unhappy It happened to me

When I met my man we aorked together and he was like an angel coming to save me. I had just left my husband of 7 years and we atarted out as friends, we could talk about anything. After about 5 months we finally slept together and it made things so much stronger between us, so when he got locked up of course I was there for him. Send him money, packages, went to visit, phone calls. I have a box of 100+ letters he sent me while he was down for 9 months. We talked about marriage, kids, I life wasn't gonna be easy, but I knew we would always be together and we could make it, then a week before he got released I get an email from this chick that had been writing to him the whole time wondering if I was really out of da picture like he said I was. I was shocked. I confronted him about it and he said it was just jail talk, he was lonely and she was someone to write to... Well I picked him up the day of his release and we spent the whole day together, checked him in at parole, and out to eat, getting tattoos... all kinds of fun and just being together again. The next day I had to go to work. He got up before me shower got dressed and I say where you going? He says oh did I forget to tell you I parolled to my moms so I gotta go. He walked me to my car, gave me a kiss goodbye and said "Baby dont worry I just dont want nothing to happen to you, I love you and I will call you later ok! This dont change nothing" I drove off as he was walking to the bus stop and I never got a call... I called him a day later and he says I'm busy I'll call you later, nothing... I went to his moms house, where I was allowed to park in the driveway, but stay in your car!? He came out and we talked for a little bit. He says he wants to just be single and do his own thing, but of course mentioned how the other chick has been over everyday... he claims he just doesn't know what to do, but he feels like he needs to avoid me right now... WoW... never saw it coming!
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  #103  
Old 10-20-2007, 08:14 PM
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Sky Hun,,He just was not the one for you,,,be glad he did not parole to your house with his mess!
Try to do something special for you,,there are plenty of men that would love to have a good woman on thier side,,beleive me
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  #104  
Old 10-21-2007, 12:41 AM
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I love my boyfriend very much.... but I do find myself thinking and thinkng and thinking about what will happen when he comes out..... Before he went in we were on and off for over a year, but never did I cheat on him, I was the MOST FAITHFUL girl you could have ever met, and I had many guys everyday that would want to get with me ( i guess you can say I am a very attractive girl and have a very attractive body) but never once did I cheat on him, i was faithful even when we werent together, he was with other girls when we werent together....... Now he has been senteced to around 7 years,.. he seems like he has changed and tells me that he regrets taking me for granted before he got locked up and that he is glad he got a wake up call before he really lost me and tells me all these plans for our future and all these nice things.. even his sister tells me that I mean so much to him, and they want me to move in with his mom and his sister.... I am still being faithful up to this date, you see he has been my FIRST AND ONLY. But I do find myself wondering at times, "Will it be worth it at the end? or will I just be played like a fool again by the same guy?" 7 years is a long time, and even though I believe that I can wait for him, I wonder and wonder and wonder about my future....
....... Well right now I am very young (19 years old)... But am an intelligent youg lady... and I take advantage of my young years by working as a leasing agent at many apartment properties and going to college... I am on my way to becoming a nurse, that way in case something goes wrong when he comes out (which I hope nothing goes wrong), I wont be like all these other girls that have pretty much nothing if their man leaves them or decides he isnt going to get his life straight. I will have a good career and I will most likely be a successful 26 yr old lady. I will wait for him but I WILL NOT BE THE ONE THEY SHOW PITY FOR in case our future doesnt go as planned. but i hope so much that he is that guy that I visit and talk to on the phone and write letters too. Thats the man I am in love with.
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  #105  
Old 11-22-2007, 11:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by outlawsmate
Don't wait, live your life. If any of you are "penpal" wives, run for your life unless you want heartache. I waited 4 years, married in prison, brought the man home to my family and he still found the time to kick my ass, not work and find a slut to call "his own".
Yeah, I'm bitter. I'm middle aged and really thought that this was going to be the one that I could sit in the rocking chair next to. Ha. Still good friends with his mama. I call every month for a michael bashing session.
BEWARE!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't fall for the crap! They lie! They are locked up and want phone calls, money on the books, maybe an escape route for parole or just an address to go to.
I learned the hard way. Maybe y'all will, too.
Good God, I think I've met my internet twin sister. I could have typed this verbatim myself.

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  #106  
Old 12-19-2007, 10:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by honeyg
Hasn't happened to me but I wouldn't live with him if it did. I'm happy in my relationship so if it doesn't work out after he comes home, it doesn't work out. That won't change how I feel and the good things about the relationship. I'll be sad and mad that it's over but I won't regret how I handled myself or what we shared up to that point.
I have to totally agree with you, I will never regret what I have been through with my husband no matter how long I wait and if it doesnt work out in the end then I had some great years with him.
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  #107  
Old 12-23-2007, 12:24 AM
ThatOneChick ThatOneChick is offline
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I know alot of these posts are so old, but i'm curious to know how long these men were locked up for? I wonder if theres a diff between longer and shorter sentences served...just curious. I worry about this, my mans done 5 1/2 years and still has a few to go...
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  #108  
Old 12-23-2007, 02:02 AM
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Yeah it happened to me...actually my son's father was locked up for a year, we was together a year prior to him getting locked up...He came home to me and 3 months later and 5 weeks pregnant, he decide to started cheating on me. Than he went on to tell me he didnt want to be with me anymore. WOW was all I could say. The pain was like being punched in the face. I was deeply hurt. When our son turned 8 months old he got locked up on some major crap and the girl he left me for and him got married. A year later his "wife" left him, now he want to make amends and start over again. He even sent me papers to serve his wife with divorce papers but as of now...I dont want anyone's sloppy seconds, I remain cool with him because of our son, he asked will I marry him, HELL to the Naw was my reply and it's because I dont trust him with my heart anymore. I was a fool once I am not trying to be a fool twice. His bid was 11 years, he have 8 years to go and as of now his son is all he have left of our relationship.
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  #109  
Old 01-02-2008, 09:22 PM
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Unhappy my worse nightmare

My worse nightmare has happened. me and my husband broke up. we have been together 9 years in july. we met in 98 and he went to jail in 2000. he came home in 2005 i thought things would be great. and for like the first 8 months they were. we did every thing together. he reconnected with his son we would get him everyother weekend, my friends even through us a party. i had an operation on my foot and he was there for me day and night like the perfect husband. next thing i found out he cheating on me. i tried to forgive him. i asked him did he want to be single he said he had made a mistake and wanted to save the marriage. 6 months later i found out he cheated again this time with more than one person. i am a realistic person i understand that people cheat and for various reasons. but what hurt me the most is that he wasnt willing to stop. we tried to go to counseling but by then it was too late. i move out and found out that he was seeing several people. plus someone out of state that he had been talking to every single day. now i'm out and he is going on with life as if i never existed. it hurts because we have so much history how could he leave me the one person he knew would be there for him. and of course all the people who didnt send him one penny is all up in his face. we had been doing so well. he got a car, we was buying a house and life should have been happy for us. i feel like he totally messed both of our lives up. i dont know if he was lying to me all the years he was in prison or did he just meet someone he loved more. i am feeling like our relationship meant nothing to him. he even got my name tatooed on his arm. i figured he would cheat but i didnt expect him to leave.he still claims to love me but he is still seeing this girl from out of state. and many other girls. i know that i am better off without him but who wants to waiste 9 years of their life. people tell me im still young and can move on but its so hard. so many times i could have left him and i never did. i dont know what advice to tell women. but i do feel like men in jail cant be trusted. maybe they have good intentions but something happens when they get outside. i know a big problem he has was the fact that i made more money than him. i tried so hard to make him feel better. what could i do. he says its a problem he has to resolve within himself. in his mind he thinks that we may get back together. why would i wait on him again? we already lost 5 years why would i lose another year? somedays i feel like i will never get over this pain. 9 years of having this person a part of my life and they can just move on so quick. not to mention now he doesnt even talk to his son any more. the baby mama and i talk (not to much i never really cared for her) and i dont know what to tell her. he wont even answer her calls. his son is so angry with him. my husband still calls me and still tries to see me. he wants us to be "friends" but how can you be a friend to a person who should be your husband. i think he avoids his son out of guilt. i try to talk to him about it but he never wants to listen. i feel like he's going through something he says he felt like i was controlling him. but i really wasnt that's how he had all the time to meet other females. i keep trying to end the friendship with him but its hard. but today i met with an attorney to get a divorce. i'm serious about making our break up official in 2008. sorry for such a long msg but i've just had so much to deal with. i seem to cry more than i smile lately.
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  #110  
Old 01-05-2008, 11:47 AM
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My estranged hubby and MWI in December 2004. We got married in May 2006, he came home June 2007 and left August 2007. I stuck by his side the entire time. I lost my job, then ended up working 2 jobs so we could visit every weekend, and pay high prices for those prepackaged meals in the vending machine, put money on his books, pay those huge MCI phone bills..have a nice home for him to come to when he got out. Now, I am left in debt with +1200 mortgage, +$2900 cell phone bill, and other numeroous bills. He got out and was just as sweet and caring as he was while he was locked up and in a matter of a few weeks it all changed. I never thought he would do anything of this magnitude, but he did.

I hate I wasted all that money and all the time and effort that went into the relationship. I can't get any of it back! So, here I am on the verge of turning 39 & waiting for income tax so I can file for divorce from a man I had planned to spend the rest of my life with.

I could have probably handled it beter had there been warning signs, but he was wonderful...too good to be true I always said...I was right and didn't even know it!

I realize I can't spend the rest of life wondering why he did this to me and wishing I could turn back the hands of time. 'Cause I can't! What I can do is hold my head high because I did no wrong and I can refuse to let the hurt this man inflicted upon my heart cause me to carry the burden of hate and mistrust in my heart and mind robbing me of any future blessing that God may bestow upon me. All people are held accountable for the wrong doing they commit, so I have faith in what goes around comes around...he will get his in the end!

Good luck to those of you still struggling with the pain..it does get better...trust me!

Sorry I went on and on~Peace to all!

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  #111  
Old 01-10-2008, 07:25 AM
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Ya'll don't think i'm loony tunes or unbalanced...but me? Personally? I believe i'd kill him. And i don't mean whack him with a frying pan in the fat forehead. uh uh. I mean make him stop breathing, permanently.

after all the words, sorrow, isolation, pain...to learn it was a hustle...? A man i'm married to and suffer my parents disappointment at all times since he was locked up over 3 yrs ago? Uh...yeah. right! No way he lives...no way...i'll go make wicker baskets and beaded bracelets at big springs...(TX state mental hospital.)

Yep. Give me "kill him" for $500 Alex....

Might even be a daily double...
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  #112  
Old 01-10-2008, 09:27 AM
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This has happened to me before, but it was alittle different.

When Vasco my MWI, got transferred to another facility, I got an anonymous brown envelope in the mail. Besides legal papers in there, I didn't know his REAL crime (he lied), there was a list of 10 women he was writing.

I was SO mad, that I wrote to each of them and let them know EXACTLY what he was doing and what his crime was.
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  #113  
Old 01-13-2008, 12:35 AM
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this is so hard cause its like well should i talk to other guys on the side, its messed up when you give them your all and they stabb you in the back when you been turning other guys down cause you think he loves you when they are really using you.Its hard trusting them cause they play a lot of mind games.
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  #114  
Old 01-14-2008, 03:05 PM
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Wow, I wish I hadn't read this.

I know some of these situations end like this. I've seen it happen to my closest friend, and a couple others. It's so hard not to doubt. But reading this.....
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  #115  
Old 01-14-2008, 04:24 PM
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Girl I am sooooo with you on this!!!



Quote:
Originally Posted by lsustaita
Ya'll don't think i'm loony tunes or unbalanced...but me? Personally? I believe i'd kill him. And i don't mean whack him with a frying pan in the fat forehead. uh uh. I mean make him stop breathing, permanently.

after all the words, sorrow, isolation, pain...to learn it was a hustle...? A man i'm married to and suffer my parents disappointment at all times since he was locked up over 3 yrs ago? Uh...yeah. right! No way he lives...no way...i'll go make wicker baskets and beaded bracelets at big springs...(TX state mental hospital.)

Yep. Give me "kill him" for $500 Alex....

Might even be a daily double...
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  #116  
Old 01-14-2008, 06:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jordans_mommy
I know alot of these posts are so old, but i'm curious to know how long these men were locked up for? I wonder if theres a diff between longer and shorter sentences served...just curious. I worry about this, my mans done 5 1/2 years and still has a few to go...
These posts are still very interesting and I think this type of thing happens more than it really is given publicity on. I went through this too, back in 1991 and it was very painful. 17 years later, I still feel the hurt and the depression and just plain pain of it all. Reading them has helped me though, I know I'm not alone. I don't know if it makes a difference but my man was in 4 years and I was there the entire time, married, and got suckered big time. This time around he is doing longer, I would hope that if a person is doing a longer term that they would have dropped all the games and found themselves and changed. I could only hope that to be true.
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  #117  
Old 01-14-2008, 07:02 PM
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I feel for everyone on here and had the same thing happen to me. Although it's been years, 17 to be exact, I still feel the pain, it's like a part of me got taken away, not his part, my own soul. I have to believe it will get better.
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  #118  
Old 01-14-2008, 07:14 PM
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I am sorry to hear about all the ladies that gave their all and then he got out and left them. wow!!! I wish I hadn't just read this entire thread. well sort of wished I hadn't. Now I'm sitting here wondering if my guy is writing to penpals or other ladies from his past. I've never been insecure in a relationship and have been the one to leave 2 bad marriages but I guess I had better realize that getting dumped after he gets out is a possibility.
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  #119  
Old 01-18-2008, 08:25 PM
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I

Last edited by Angel.l; 01-18-2008 at 08:51 PM..
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  #120  
Old 01-18-2008, 10:31 PM
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Do you all remember the movie "Misery" that starred Kathy Bates where she kidnapped the famous writer? 'member the scene where she figured out he was trying to run away so she put a cinder block between his ankles...took a sledge hammer and whacked those feet and ankles damn near off???!!! That'd be me!
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  #121  
Old 01-31-2008, 07:55 PM
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I STRUGGLE WITH IT EVERDAY...
sometimes everything seems so right..
a little too good to be true at times....

i wonder if he'll leave me when he gets out or how long we'll last before we decide we cant get along, again...
before my man got locked up we werent on very good terms for almost a year we were on and off.. playing games
he says he doesnt want to go back to that..
but im scared we'll eventually get tired of "trying"
he says its just me being paranoid..

either way, i tell him its hard to trust but i love him..
ill wait for him becasue in my heart it seems right
and if when he gets out, we're on "different pages" its okay to go our seperate ways.. ill have no regrets..
i chose to be here by his side... he didnt force me to.. i chose to invest money/time
and i know, he'll always be my best friend...

im hoping for the best and at the same time preparing for the worst
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  #122  
Old 02-02-2008, 04:09 PM
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my man aint got a chance of getting out, but if he did i'd be scared that he'd leave me, do something bad to me (hurt me,beat me) or cheat on me. I trust him right now but stuff like that niggles me! xx
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  #123  
Old 02-02-2008, 04:10 PM
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Oops i wrote this in the wrong thread. But i'm like you! scared of everything
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  #124  
Old 02-02-2008, 11:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenixrising
Thanks. Life has no guarantees unfortunately and I was not expecting any anyways. But on the flipside, two parties in ANY relationship should treat each other with HONESTY, DIGNITY AND RESPECT. That XXX never ever offered me. Instead, I feel I was USED, ABUSED & UTTERLY DISRESPECTED. But again, life offers no guarantees. All I can do is carry on as best as I have done. I am in no way, shape or form implying or outright stating that any other inmate is as XXX was. I am just simply telling my story. Each reader is free to take from it what they will. Nothing more, nothing less.

~*Phoenix*~
Naturally people's first thoughts are to feel for you, yet my first thoughts are to congratulate you on the things in which you've accomplished and able to keep your sanity and able to see things for what they were and except that fact that you live and let learn, and didn't look back and place blame where it didn't belong. It's defiantly been a rough and painful road of experience for you I can understand that, yet you didn't give up on your happiness and you worked hard to get where you are today. That's something to smile about I think!! You go girl Keep reaching for those dreams, and stay strong, and always remember 'You are somebody'!!!
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  #125  
Old 02-19-2008, 08:20 AM
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Well... I left him! He got married to another chick while in jail and still writes how he loves me and wants his family and she means nothing but commissary... but I no longer buy it and won't waste another day of my life.

If he comes home to me... and I'm free... and still in love with him. But I'll let her let herself be used. She's 'saving me time and money!

But damn I can't lie... I miss that man. But I was missing ME more and now I'm getting ME back.
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