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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

View Poll Results: How many got left, after sticking by him?
me. i did, and forgave him. 85 15.95%
no my man would never leave me. 168 31.52%
me, and i will never forgive him, its over. 168 31.52%
no, my man got out, and did what he promised. 112 21.01%
Voters: 533. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 12-28-2006, 09:46 AM
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Default Have you waited on him just to find he left you?

How many women have waited on a inmate there man/hubby, for a very LONG time , just to find out he would come home, be him again, and leave you , and cheat on, and do all the things he promised not too? and was it forgivable?
or will it never be? to me that has to be terrible , and i wonder how many experience this?
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Old 12-28-2006, 01:10 PM
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Hasn't happened to me but I wouldn't live with him if it did. I'm happy in my relationship so if it doesn't work out after he comes home, it doesn't work out. That won't change how I feel and the good things about the relationship. I'll be sad and mad that it's over but I won't regret how I handled myself or what we shared up to that point.
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  #3  
Old 12-28-2006, 01:30 PM
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Angry I experienced it

like I told you in the other post not even 2 weeks when I was in hospital getting surgery done he cheats on me with some man/woman thing. She was supposedly waiting on a guy in prison too when my man came home but Jeremy said she dumped him to be with him(my guy) she is a whore and I hate her and him for what they did to me. It isn't even fair I Loved him so much and gave him the world and he just ripped it away for nothing. He wanted to remain friends too but I can't do it plus I am not going to make the effort, I did my part and I am done now.
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Old 12-28-2006, 04:40 PM
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My ex did this - professed that he wanted to get back together and all these nice words and promises and then went back to his old shit and I haven't heard from him since release.
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Old 12-29-2006, 12:28 PM
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wow thats sad, does it seem like the polls are higher that the relationships split b4 thay make it?
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Old 12-29-2006, 06:14 PM
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3 months after mine came home he left me.I waited 2 years while he was in prison ..... he and I were off and on 16 years! Wasted half my life on him
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Old 01-02-2007, 01:29 PM
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wow are you still sticking it out with him, have you tried again?????
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Old 01-02-2007, 01:33 PM
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We're still together 2 bids down (the first was MWI) and possibly gonna take on another. I love him he loves me, it's all good.

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Old 01-02-2007, 01:39 PM
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Its All In The Person, And How You 2 Connect With Each Other, And On The On The Outside World!!!
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Old 01-02-2007, 01:53 PM
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it's happend to me.. I was 7 months prego with our daughter.. I waited for 30 days while he was in treatment, i understand it wasnt that long but it wasnt easy doing everything on my own while on bed rest. 3 days after returning home he went and got high, and then tol dme to leave he was done and that he didnt love me anymore.. It took along time to forgive him, as he went on with his life i stayed at home with our newborn, just waiting and praying he would be sent to the doc. i knew it would take that to get him clean and away from the whore... here we are 10 months after being sent back to prison we are back together and happier then ever.. my babys comin home.... i've waited atotal of 18 months thus far.. no other man just him and though i'll never forget what he did nor will i ever forget the pain he caused with being with another women or getting her name tated on him i forgive him and we will make it past this
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Old 01-02-2007, 01:53 PM
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For those of you that replied that this has happened to you.....just seek comfort in knowing that PAYBACK IS A BI_ _ _!!!!!!!!! So don't sweat it, he/she will definitely get their's in due time!!!!!
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  #12  
Old 01-02-2007, 06:43 PM
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this happen to me with my ex after being with him for 3 weeks he cheated and moved on after that I couldn't trust anyone that was in prison but then I met Will and I looked passed it.
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Old 01-03-2007, 06:19 AM
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well, I was only with my guy ( ex-guy now I guess ) for about 6 weeks before he went in. He was in for about 10 months.We became what I thought was very close. He talked about us getting married,(which I told him I would never do again,I was in a bad marrage for 20 yrs) Told me all the wonderful things I guess I wanted to hear, while I sent money,paid crazy phone bills,worried about him, ect...ect..Feel in love with him.

Then he gets released to a HWH.first 2 weeks are great ( I thought) but now I haven't talked to him in over 3 weeks and He hasn't even called in over 2 1/2 weeks.no.. it's over, no.. I'm moving on, no ..I'd didn't really love you just needed someone to be there for me...NOTHING. Guess that's the part that is driving me crazy.He was there loving me one minute and then was just Gone. No argument, no nothing ,just GONE.
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Old 01-03-2007, 12:14 PM
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Well it has happened to me we MWI but once he came home he was like a loose cannon I kind of feel as if he had unfinished business with an ex and I should have known better to put my whole heart into him at that time but we worked through that! He is locked back up and I must say our relationship is better than it ever was yes we have had our share of ups and downs but we both have realized something brought us together in the first place and that will keep us together! We are getting married soon just waiting on a date Love isn't always easy!!!
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Old 01-03-2007, 12:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by terrell's lady
well, I was only with my guy ( ex-guy now I guess ) for about 6 weeks before he went in. He was in for about 10 months.We became what I thought was very close. He talked about us getting married,(which I told him I would never do again,I was in a bad marrage for 20 yrs) Told me all the wonderful things I guess I wanted to hear, while I sent money,paid crazy phone bills,worried about him, ect...ect..Feel in love with him.

Then he gets released to a HWH.first 2 weeks are great ( I thought) but now I haven't talked to him in over 3 weeks and He hasn't even called in over 2 1/2 weeks.no.. it's over, no.. I'm moving on, no ..I'd didn't really love you just needed someone to be there for me...NOTHING. Guess that's the part that is driving me crazy.He was there loving me one minute and then was just Gone. No argument, no nothing ,just GONE.
wow i never seen that coming. sorry to hear such a horrible thing....so sorry!!!
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Old 01-09-2007, 07:35 PM
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Default ~~~Long but true~~~Sorry in advance.....

Hello all. This is my first time posting but I have been a regular visitor for many, many years. This post really caught my eye b/c of what my ex did to me. I met XXX. after he was in for about 1 month. We hit it off right away & I fell for him BIG time. Within 9 months we were engaged to be married & referring to each other as husband & wife. I was on top of the world. He was sentenced in July of 02 and released in April of 05. I was done for his ENTIRE bid. He never went without. I visited every weekend, both days. Drove 65 miles each way!!! Had phone bills that exceeded $1G just about every month. I know, I was a fool. We wrote several times a week as well. He sent me packages/gifts galore..all of course with my $$$!!! ....as I later on found out! There were lots of red flags but I always talked myself out of them. Friends & family cautioned me but I had his back 110%+ Thought he had mine too. Boy was I in for a RUDE awakening. Anyways, flash forward to his release date. Life was grand or so I thought. Within 24 hours I had regretted it ALL! The man I thought was the LOVE of MY LIFE turned out to be the devil in disguise. I barely recognized him. All he wanted to do was go out with friends and family who NEVER EVER visited him or sent $$$ or cared for him 1 iota! Didn't want anything to do with me......was downright cruel to me. Began using drugs quite heavily w/in 3 days of his release...ALL DAY LONG! Never looked for a job, not once. Mooched continuously off of me. Did NOTHING around the house while I went to work. Had odd calls coming in all day & night. Took his cell phone w/ him everywhere. Would not let me have set of keys to car I gave him! Yet got jealous when new co-workers & I went to lunch! Told me how to dress, wear my hair, etc. Questioned what I bought with MY MONEY when he was NOT working! SPENT money recklessly yet would not answer MY questions on what or whom! Fast forward about 3 1/2 wks and I ended up losing my job, my car, my home and the respect of friends and family!!! If not for family, I would have been HOMELESS!! 6 weeks and 3 days after he came home he JUST DISAPPEARED ON ME!! I have never EVER heard from him again. He just vanished so to speak. Promised he would always be there for me & take care of me. When in hindsight he couldn't take care of a DEAD plant let alone himself, me or anyone or anything else. Lied about EVERYTHING under the sun. Left me alone in an apartment after I had had back surgery less then 2 yrs ago with no money, broken car other car, no job, NOTHING!!! I had to beg for help! Had to move back in w/ family & I am no spring chick!LOL.Flash forward over the course of the next 6 months.... he had the nerve to have associates of his drive by my family's home day & night & call but never FACE ME himself!!! Last I heard he was mooching off of his son's mother. They both ended up back in Court..her for bad checks & him for child support violations! His own family told me what did I expect???!!! Yet while I was down with him for his bid, they praised me to my face constantly about how much good I was for him and whatnot. All the while dissing me behind my back in letters to him I found after he came home! Along w/ the letters from the OTHER females! Which of course he lied to me to my face about even as I held letter to his face!!! I ended up being diagnosed with IBS & FM, both of which my Dr. feels were brought on by this! My older dog has now been tentatively diagnosed with potentially terminal breast cancer (yes dogs can get this..) which I feel is directly related to the stress she saw me go thru. Had to take a job that was NOT at all in my area just to get back on track. Moved into a small apartment. Just going thru day by day. He on the other hand still is mooching, lying, using drugs, in trouble with court, hasn;t paid his court fines and costs and still has the car!! Actually, he can keep it! I bought a WAY WAY BETTER ONE! Car of my dreams as a matter of fact! Got new job, new place to live & should be CLOSING on my FIRST house within a few weeks! NONE of which would have EVER EVER EVER been possible with him! It has taken me over 18 months to rebuild my life...and I am not even done yet! Still have some way to go. But I know I will make it! Of that I am200% sure! I have never never ever loved anyone like I loved XXX....often doubt I will. Don't think I or my soul would allow it. Guess the bottom line is I feel COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BETRAYED, HURT and HUMILIATED! I would never ever want him back, as there is NO love there for him. And yet I still WANT closure............even after coming up on 2 yrs!!! But I doubt I will ever get that. So I just continue to rebuild my life as best as I can. And take it day by day. Had anyone told me back in March of 02 that he would wreck such havoc on my life, I never ever would have believed it. But it is all sad but oh so true. Not really sure why I wrote all this...maybe just needed to bear my soul. Thanks for reading. I wish all of you a blessed and joyful 2007.

~*Phoenix*~
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Old 01-09-2007, 08:47 PM
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um, wow, that had to hurt. Maybe he didn't want to hurt you?
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Old 01-09-2007, 08:59 PM
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Default Hurt is an understatement...

Hello. Hurt is the understatement of the century............and then some. I have no idea whether he meant it or not...but the fact remains that he ABANDONED me when I never ever would have done him like that....not even when I saw how he was once he came home. I would have ended the relationship for lack of a better work as AN ADULT.....something he did not. I stayed by him for nearly 3 yrs.....3 yrs. Turned down other men, never strayed, never questioned, always a soldier down for him. And him? Well, he ran like a BABY the 1st chance he had. And never ever looked back and face me LIKE A TRUE MAN! I have often told friends that the only way I feel I can make anyone sense the pain & loss & anguish I felt is to imagine that you are a dog tied to the side of a road in a strange town, all alone, with no one there and being told your beloved master will come back for you but yet he never ever does. And all you do is wait, wait & pace in a strange place, alone, scared, and completely bewildered. I gave him my all and would have been happy w/ 1/10th of that in return. Instead, I got negative and then some. If you were to know XXX & see him in action & hear as an outsider people talk of him, I would venture to guess that you would believe he meant it. And that is what hurts MOST of all...b/c I never ever did anything to him to deserve it.

But time goes on & supposedly heals all wounds.....I will survive, as the famous song goes. I know I have so far & will continue to do so.

As for XXX, I can only hold fast in the adage that what comes around goes around..................

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Old 01-10-2007, 10:17 AM
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wow thats sad, but thats my point you never no what will happen and it is all in the risk you take throughout life and what you expect may never happen. "sometimes the things you think will neve happen ,HAPPEN just like that" and i am so sorry to hear that, and i am starting to hear more of this as i get involved in this thread and others like it!
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Old 01-10-2007, 10:43 AM
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Default Life has no guarantees...

Thanks. Life has no guarantees unfortunately and I was not expecting any anyways. But on the flipside, two parties in ANY relationship should treat each other with HONESTY, DIGNITY AND RESPECT. That XXX never ever offered me. Instead, I feel I was USED, ABUSED & UTTERLY DISRESPECTED. But again, life offers no guarantees. All I can do is carry on as best as I have done. I am in no way, shape or form implying or outright stating that any other inmate is as XXX was. I am just simply telling my story. Each reader is free to take from it what they will. Nothing more, nothing less.

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Old 01-10-2007, 12:14 PM
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yes, it is by far my worst Fear thst that would happen, it really is......i hope and think bout it every day thats why i created this thread to see the odd's . get stories and to hear how people feel mostly. i always hope thats never me but then again i will never no. and i find you to be brave for sticking it with ni gaurantee then you just learned a lesson that wasent that far away. but i see how hard it is being there for a inmate, and i think you were brave and you did only what your heart desired and thats admirable!!
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Old 01-10-2007, 01:16 PM
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Default Life goes on....

Life goes on.....such is the way the world has always been & always will be. I have not been in any type of relationship since then...not in the serious sense anyway. But that has been by my own choosing. Do not feel I would be ready for it..even after over 18 months post XXX. Hopefully 1 day I will as I very much would like to have children. I truly wish you all the best with your relationship. Take care & be well.

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Old 01-10-2007, 03:26 PM
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girl girl girl.. let me tell u im on here to find resources for my friend but i have also been on here for support when i had a relationship with a man who happened to be locked up .. for two and 1/2 years i waited... man o man.. if was good the first few months then guess what he went back in the streets.. guess what.. he cheated.. guess what he only managed to stay out for 5 months.. yup sad but true..

yes u waited on him.. yes u may have dedicated yourself to him..yes u r upset.. angry ..hurt..
but girl u need to move on... as hard as it may seem do ur self a favor please...
ni i did not go back to this man.. if you read my past posts from years ago u will see how in love i was with this man...

here this is for you.. pass it on.. stay strong babygirl




Let it go for 2007... By T. D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you
And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you:
let them walkI don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you,
loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying
attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away
from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made
manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt
they would have continued with us.
People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not
joined to you, you can't make them stay
Let them go
And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their
part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in
your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead
You've got to know when it's dead
You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got
the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in
good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know
whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes
too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was
never intended for your life, then you need to......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains
LET IT GO!!!
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth.....
LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you........
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction.....
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or
talents.
LET IT GO!!!
If you have a bad attitude.......
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......
LET IT GO!!!
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level
in Him......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.......
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help
themselves......
LET IT GO!!!
If you're feeling depressed and stressed .......
LET IT GO!!!
If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling
yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need
to......
LET IT GO!!!
Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new
thing for 2007!!!
LET IT GO!!!
Get Right or Get Left. think about it, and then....
LET IT GO!!!
"The Battle is the Lord's!"
During the next 60 seconds, Stop whatever you are doing, and take this
opportunity. (Literally it is only ONE minute!)
All you have to do is the following:
You simply say "The Lords Prayer" for the person that sent you this
message:
The Lords Prayer
Our Father, who are in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name, Thy Kingdom Come,
Thy Will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day, our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we
forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into
temptation but deliver us from evil. For Thine is the Kingdom, and the
Power, and the Glory, forever. Amen.
Next, send this message to everyone you know. In a while, more people
will have prayed for you and you would have obtained a lot of people
praying for others!
Next, stop and think and appreciate God's power in your life, for doing
what you know is pleasing to Him.
Jesus said, If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before My
Father"
If you are not ashamed, send this message... only if you believe.
"Yes, I love my God. He is my fountain of Life and My Savior.
He keeps me going day and night.
Without Him, I am no one.
But with Him, I can do everything, Christ is my strength."
__________________
No longa wifey
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  #24  
Old 01-10-2007, 03:33 PM
phoenixrising phoenixrising is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: ga, usa
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Thanks................but I have moved on. Not sure if that was clear in my posts. The hurt will remain no matter what. As the old saying goes, forgive but never forget. That I will not do...b/c it will never allow me to put myself in such a predictment. I am doing for myself now... have been doing so for over a yr. now. I also have another friend who just got locked up & before he did I told him I will not visit nor send money or any of that. And he understands & respects that. I love him as a person a great deal....and hurt for him right now. But yet I will not be put in same situation. But then again, this man is completely different from XXX & not a moocher nor wanna be playa 2 bit hustler. Be well.

~*Phoenix*~
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  #25  
Old 01-10-2007, 05:07 PM
Alwayz_Nunu Alwayz_Nunu is offline
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 83
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ok thats good I hope a year from now i can be as confident as you r.

very nice!!
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