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Raising Children with Parents in Prison For the Parent left behind with children AND for the Children that have a parent inside. Discussion of unique challenges facing this group!

View Poll Results: Was ur babys daddy locked up when his baby was born?
yes 389 80.87%
no 53 11.02%
shortly after the birth 39 8.11%
Voters: 481. You may not vote on this poll

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  #126  
Old 02-02-2012, 01:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aaakr12
I was 5 months pregnant when he went in - I'm due in 6 days. I know it kills him that he won't be there, but I'm so angry about doing this alone at this point that I can't sympathize.
We're in Utah, which is subject to indeterminate sentencing. He's on a 0-5 with a matrix of 39 months, his Board hearing is in March...so when our daughter is a month old we'll find out if he'll be released within the next couple of months, or if he'll be serving the usual 50% of matrix (about 19 months), or somehow more than that.
I feel angry, and cheated of the family that I wanted, the things that he promised. I feel like this is something that I won't be able to forgive, even though I've forgiven the reason that he's in prison.
Maybe I'm just hormonal.
I'm sorry I know how u feel except my baby's dad went in when I was 2months but he only got 13months n gets out aug. I'm due in 5days. When's ur due date? Yea the only support I have is my family his dont give a fuck it seems like. :/
Oh well
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  #127  
Old 02-03-2012, 04:55 PM
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my son was born in july and my fiance got locked up in june, he tells me everyday how sorry he is for not being there for me and the baby, he not only let me down but he let a beautiful baby boy down & now he is going to miss the first most important years of his life. my son had 2 blockages in his intestines and endured 2 surgerys to correct the problems and stayed in the hospital for a few months until he was able to come home & is still not on target. I am diasapointed in my boyfriend for letting me down by doing something stupid when he knew i was pregnant, but at the same time he was always there for me way before i ever got pregnant and i cant see myself turning my back on his just because we cant be together, he is the love of my life and always will be and i cant see myself being with another man other than my sons father. he is now serving time in a county jail and is awaiting his sentencing date in late february and is facing 3-5 years. Im not quite sure how to go about telling my son when he is of age where his daddy is.. i hate the idea lying to my son, but at the same time i dont want him to follow in his fathers foot steps,, any ideas on how to break the news?
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  #128  
Old 02-03-2012, 08:33 PM
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I'm going to have a baby Febuary 20th and my babys father is in prison and I hate the thought of having to go through that alone. Its a scary thought but I know that's its something I can do and get through. I just wish he was home!
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  #129  
Old 02-05-2012, 10:59 PM
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my man decided to quit home confinement and go back to jail to parole out when i was 10 weeks pregnant. i was alone during my entire pregnancy with our son. i had a bad delivery and he made me feel like i was nothing to him because i was induced 3 weeks early due to complications. he seen the parole board on jan 25th and made parole but he wont be out for a few weeks due to his home plan. our little boy is almost 3 weeks old and i left jamie for many reasons i cant keep being walked all over i have my son to think about now
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  #130  
Old 02-06-2012, 03:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by krista51510
my son was born in july and my fiance got locked up in june, he tells me everyday how sorry he is for not being there for me and the baby, he not only let me down but he let a beautiful baby boy down & now he is going to miss the first most important years of his life. my son had 2 blockages in his intestines and endured 2 surgerys to correct the problems and stayed in the hospital for a few months until he was able to come home & is still not on target. I am diasapointed in my boyfriend for letting me down by doing something stupid when he knew i was pregnant, but at the same time he was always there for me way before i ever got pregnant and i cant see myself turning my back on his just because we cant be together, he is the love of my life and always will be and i cant see myself being with another man other than my sons father. he is now serving time in a county jail and is awaiting his sentencing date in late february and is facing 3-5 years. Im not quite sure how to go about telling my son when he is of age where his daddy is.. i hate the idea lying to my son, but at the same time i dont want him to follow in his fathers foot steps,, any ideas on how to break the news?
I personally would keep it simple. Say daddy is away for a while. He loves you and even if you visit him id just keep it simple and say this is where daddy has to stay for right now but he will be home as soon as he can. My son is six he understands my bf is in jail And my bf was "bad" n got there but i keep it simple with him. He doesn't ask too many questions and they're not hard to answer with a simple response.
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  #131  
Old 02-11-2012, 11:46 PM
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I am 31 weeks pregnant and having a c section on april 18th... I know I will be fine and can do it alone, but do not want to! The fact that my husband wont be there hurts so bad. I know that it hurts him as well. He will be in worse shape than me though because he will know what is going on and he will not be a part of it. That in itself is punishment... How could I be angry at him when he is angry enough at himself for the both of us. It just makes me so sad. But I will do what I can to make sure that his son knows who he is so that when he is released, they are as bonded as possible. I want my son to know who daddy is before he comes home...
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  #132  
Old 02-22-2012, 12:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ssks
I am 31 weeks pregnant and having a c section on april 18th... I know I will be fine and can do it alone, but do not want to! The fact that my husband wont be there hurts so bad. I know that it hurts him as well. He will be in worse shape than me though because he will know what is going on and he will not be a part of it. That in itself is punishment... How could I be angry at him when he is angry enough at himself for the both of us. It just makes me so sad. But I will do what I can to make sure that his son knows who he is so that when he is released, they are as bonded as possible. I want my son to know who daddy is before he comes home...
I had my baby girl n her dad was locked up she's barley 2 and 1/2 wks old it hurts looking back on it but I had my mom n sister n 4 friends in the room for moral support. N that helped a lot on thinking about the fact he wasn't there.
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  #133  
Old 02-27-2012, 09:36 AM
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I don't even tell my 4 year old that daddy is in prison. When she asks where he is I tell her he's staying with grandma for awhile or something else. I don't want her going to school and making an announcement that daddy is in prison, or telling everybody and their brother. When my girls are older I will tell them where he was. I want them to learn from his mistakes. I also don't take my older two daughters to see him. He's only been gone for two years, and I don't want my older girls to remember him in there. He understands. I also worry about the other kind of people that are in the visitation room at the same time as us. Almost every time we're up there my husband points out the pedophiles in the room. I know that if one of them even took a glance at any of the girls my husband would go crazy and probably catch another charge.

Quote:
Originally Posted by krista51510 View Post
my son was born in july and my fiance got locked up in june, he tells me everyday how sorry he is for not being there for me and the baby, he not only let me down but he let a beautiful baby boy down & now he is going to miss the first most important years of his life. my son had 2 blockages in his intestines and endured 2 surgerys to correct the problems and stayed in the hospital for a few months until he was able to come home & is still not on target. I am diasapointed in my boyfriend for letting me down by doing something stupid when he knew i was pregnant, but at the same time he was always there for me way before i ever got pregnant and i cant see myself turning my back on his just because we cant be together, he is the love of my life and always will be and i cant see myself being with another man other than my sons father. he is now serving time in a county jail and is awaiting his sentencing date in late february and is facing 3-5 years. Im not quite sure how to go about telling my son when he is of age where his daddy is.. i hate the idea lying to my son, but at the same time i dont want him to follow in his fathers foot steps,, any ideas on how to break the news?
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  #134  
Old 02-27-2012, 09:44 AM
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I found out I was pregnant with my youngest daughter the day after my husband was arrested. He's been locked up ever since, and she's 15 months old now. I wish he would have been able to experience the pregnancy and birth, newborn stage, and all of her milestones. Scarlette is his first biological daughter, my older two girls are his stepdaughters. Its sad because Scarlette is 100% without a doubt, mama's girl. She won't let anyone else touch her or even look at her. I know she'll be the same way with him, he's only seen her 4 times since she's been born. It's been even harder without him since she has severe lung disease and I've been told she may have leukemia (which she ended up not having, thank God), and cystic fibrosis (which we're still in the process of testing for and is an incurable terminal illness.) I'm going through all of that alone. She's been hospitalized a ton and she's sick every two weeks, and I've got to deal with that and raise a 3 and 4 year old all by myself.
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  #135  
Old 02-28-2012, 11:06 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrs.marks
I found out I was pregnant with my youngest daughter the day after my husband was arrested. He's been locked up ever since, and she's 15 months old now. I wish he would have been able to experience the pregnancy and birth, newborn stage, and all of her milestones. Scarlette is his first biological daughter, my older two girls are his stepdaughters. Its sad because Scarlette is 100% without a doubt, mama's girl. She won't let anyone else touch her or even look at her. I know she'll be the same way with him, he's only seen her 4 times since she's been born. It's been even harder without him since she has severe lung disease and I've been told she may have leukemia (which she ended up not having, thank God), and cystic fibrosis (which we're still in the process of testing for and is an incurable terminal illness.) I'm going through all of that alone. She's been hospitalized a ton and she's sick every two weeks, and I've got to deal with that and raise a 3 and 4 year old all by myself.
I'm sorry to hear that when does he get out?
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  #136  
Old 02-28-2012, 11:58 AM
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My Hubby was locked up when I was 3 months prego and the day before I graduated High School. We were both 17 years old. I went through my entire pregnancy by myself without any real emotional support. My Hubby and my mom (she tried her best at least) were the only ones that where there for me. I had a c-section and when my daughter was 3 days old we were up at the jail house visiting her daddy for the first time. The hardest part is that my daughter is almost 2 in a month and he still is not home. He always talks about how he should be home and that he wants to be with us. He is a good father and just hasn't had the chance to prove it. I went to every doctors visit by my self except for when I found out she wAs a girl. He was there for that and it was amazing. I have been waiting for him for 2 years and 4 months. )
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  #137  
Old 02-28-2012, 05:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommy2Aubrie
My Hubby was locked up when I was 3 months prego and the day before I graduated High School. We were both 17 years old. I went through my entire pregnancy by myself without any real emotional support. My Hubby and my mom (she tried her best at least) were the only ones that where there for me. I had a c-section and when my daughter was 3 days old we were up at the jail house visiting her daddy for the first time. The hardest part is that my daughter is almost 2 in a month and he still is not home. He always talks about how he should be home and that he wants to be with us. He is a good father and just hasn't had the chance to prove it. I went to every doctors visit by my self except for when I found out she wAs a girl. He was there for that and it was amazing. I have been waiting for him for 2 years and 4 months. )
Omg u are a strong woman that's so long I can't even handle 18months a little after I found out I was Prego he got locked up.. N will be out when my baby's 6months. She will barley be a month next week
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  #138  
Old 02-28-2012, 08:00 PM
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I am always so amazed at the strength of all of you mama's. You go thru pregnacies alone, births alone, bringing the new babies home, alone! Some of you are raising them alone and doing a great job ! You have no time to sit and feel sorry for yourselves. You have too much to do! You are all great, strong, focused people and I applaud you!
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  #139  
Old 02-28-2012, 11:12 PM
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I am always so amazed at the strength of all of you mama's. You go thru pregnacies alone, births alone, bringing the new babies home, alone! Some of you are raising them alone and doing a great job ! You have no time to sit and feel sorry for yourselves. You have too much to do! You are all great, strong, focused people and I applaud you!
Amen!!! Thank you
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  #140  
Old 03-16-2012, 04:23 PM
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Was just curious as to how many women have had to go through childbirth without their baby daddys? I did and it was scary ,lonely and very stressfull. I am sure that there are more than just me to share this expierence. What did he think or how did he feel?
My sons dad went to jail the night before I went into labor. He went in on Friday night, I went into labor Saturday morning.. I know he was upset because he couldn't be there.. As far as me, I was livid to say the least.
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  #141  
Old 03-21-2012, 07:13 PM
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Missin him <3...
Thank you hun. It's not to bad though. It's honestly all I know so it's not to bad.
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  #142  
Old 03-24-2012, 10:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by krista51510 View Post
my son was born in july and my fiance got locked up in june, he tells me everyday how sorry he is for not being there for me and the baby, he not only let me down but he let a beautiful baby boy down & now he is going to miss the first most important years of his life. my son had 2 blockages in his intestines and endured 2 surgerys to correct the problems and stayed in the hospital for a few months until he was able to come home & is still not on target. I am diasapointed in my boyfriend for letting me down by doing something stupid when he knew i was pregnant, but at the same time he was always there for me way before i ever got pregnant and i cant see myself turning my back on his just because we cant be together, he is the love of my life and always will be and i cant see myself being with another man other than my sons father. he is now serving time in a county jail and is awaiting his sentencing date in late february and is facing 3-5 years. Im not quite sure how to go about telling my son when he is of age where his daddy is.. i hate the idea lying to my son, but at the same time i dont want him to follow in his fathers foot steps,, any ideas on how to break the news?

Girl,

I so relate with you. My man was locked up on our daughter's 2 month birthday. It was absoltely DEVESTATING. Even now. It's so hard not having him here and having him miss all the important "firsts". We had it all before he got locked up. We were jst about to get our own house everything. Then it got ripped away.

And this is probably gonna sound HORRIBLE, and I really don't mean for it to, but it gets me so down and depressed thinking how we got jipped fom the family I had thought we would be. He missed his daughter's ears pierced, her first word (dada), her first crawl, walk, first time eatting food, everything. My sister-in-law has a kid and has been wit her baby dad for bout 5 years now. They have had a MESSED up relationship. He cheated on her mad times, he got locked up on a possession of mad coke and his lawyer miraculously got him off with only 6 months. My fiance had smae lawyer and should have only gotten 12-18 months and got slammed with 2 1/2 to 5 years . Now this is gonna sound like the horrible part. I look and i see them together and their family in their new house and her man being there for everything. I saw them celebrate their son's 1st birthday in Feb and honestly, it got me so depressed and upset and hugely jealous. That makes me feel like such a schmuck, because I def am happy for them that they are happy and their family is good, but at the same time it makes me so sad and angry like "man this was how our life and our baby's life was supposed to be... how is this fair" It's so so so frustrating
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  #143  
Old 04-13-2012, 05:21 AM
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I did , we were both freaked out because I was barley past 37 weeks , I was scared at first , but he luckily he was in a jail in town and the guard who was working was a friend of his dads and he let him call every hour to see what was happening from the office phone (because he could not call the hospital collect) , so that made it a lot easier . I could tell he was upset but he was trying to act like he wasn't so I wouldn't be . His mom was in the room with me so literally as soon as I had her she took pictures , went and printed them off , and took them to the visit , and the guard let him have them if the guards weren't as accommodating as they were it would of been so much worse .
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  #144  
Old 04-13-2012, 02:22 PM
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my daughter's father got locked up when i was 7 months pregnant. after she was born, he was in county and visiting was through glass. he just got sentenced in march, but he is in federal prison and all the way in OKC, my daughter is 9 months old and still hasn't met her father...
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  #145  
Old 04-15-2012, 10:56 PM
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I was in the ER when I couldn't get a hold of him, I discovered he had been locked up 48 hours prior. I was 35 weeks to the day. I'm now 36 1/2 weeks. In more and more pain each day, can't wait for this baby to come out. It hurts that the one person I want by my side won't be. His next court date is my due date and we can't afford bail. Hopefully I'll give birth before then and plan to ask the judge to possibly let him meet his son.
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  #146  
Old 04-15-2012, 11:26 PM
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My son was born by c section our first baby I was so scared were only both 19 it was sad his mom was in operating room with me /: he's only seen him thru glass never in person
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Old 04-24-2012, 12:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by missingmitchsr View Post
Was just curious as to how many women have had to go through childbirth without their baby daddys? I did and it was scary ,lonely and very stressfull. I am sure that there are more than just me to share this expierence. What did he think or how did he feel?
My husband got locked up when I was 2 months pregnant. She was his first child and my second,,, He begged me to have a baby with him. Then when I was 2 months pregnant we had a huge argument that lasted for days so finally I left him. A week later a mutual friend told me he was in jail.. Honestly I thought he wouldnt be in there long... He got 15 years of which he has to do 11... It is hard but I do it because I love my girls and I need to maintain our family for them and for him. And I know he is an amazing man and he loves our children.. He and our girls are worth it..
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Old 04-26-2012, 05:44 PM
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My bf will miss the first year n a half of our sons life. It's both our first and its a boy, witch he really wanted.
It sux becuz he got locked up when i was 3months pregnant and we had broken up a week b4 he got arrested. He's my world n my everything. Our son will knw his daddy. I got pix on my wall, videos and also his music.
Im being induced on Sunday n i hope he calls when im pushing lol so he can hear the first crys of our son. I knw im goin to b a mess . Thank God for family tho!

( this isnt his first time being locked up, but hopefully his last)
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  #149  
Old 04-30-2012, 01:32 AM
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My man got locked up 7 DAYS!!
just 7 days before i had Jr.
:/
and he has life now and wont be home until 2044
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Old 05-11-2012, 11:57 PM
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My man got locked up when I barley found out I was Prego he got to go to one appt with me which was the one they confirm that your really Prego. After that we ended up going our different ways he treated me like shit. N up until he got locked up n seen I was his ride or die girl. Now my daughter is 3months he won't be out until she's 6months it hurts so much because he went to the hole 2months before I had our baby so he couldn't even call while I was in the hospital. N he's still in the hole it sucks that they can never make up for lost time. But it's gonna be a beautiful moment when they first their babies for the first time(:
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