You Think He'll be Different with You...

[nimuay]

Congratulations, pebbles! Keep thinking that way!

[Sirokese]

"The Case of The X" - awesome, very well writen. Very though inspiring. Thank you

[LeBeau]

What a great piece!

[sokiegirl]

Since the letter from his new girlfriend has arrived it is eating at me. It upsets me that she doesn't know what she will face when the time arrives and she wholeheartedly believes he will be different with her. No one can make him happy, no one can satisfy him, no one will ever change him.

[yzz aka Flygirlaa alias]

Originally Posted by pebbles_05

i was scared for my life when he held the gun to my head...i love him to death

And that is pretty much where this will end....with your death. It could even drag out of decades where you will have children involved and they will be abused and possibly killed as well.

He isnt healthy. And a couple of years in the jail or pen isnt going to make him healthy, he will come out worse.

You are going to have to love YOU more than you love him.

[BrandNewGirl]

Originally Posted by sokiegirl

Since the letter from his new girlfriend has arrived it is eating at me. It upsets me that she doesn't know what she will face when the time arrives and she wholeheartedly believes he will be different with her. No one can make him happy, no one can satisfy him, no one will ever change him.

Aww, I hate hearing that. I was the "new girlfriend" once upon a time. My (now) ex husband's ex-wife TRIED like heck to warn me..but no, I was so convinced he'd be different with me. Oh how I wish I could go back in time and listen to her. She and I are friends now...I asked her what she thought the first time she met me...she said all she could think was "poor, poor silly girl". And she was right..dead on right.

Nance

[LovinMeNow]

Originally Posted by BrandNewGirl

Aww, I hate hearing that. I was the "new girlfriend" once upon a time. My (now) ex husband's ex-wife TRIED like heck to warn me..but no, I was so convinced he'd be different with me. Oh how I wish I could go back in time and listen to her. She and I are friends now...I asked her what she thought the first time she met me...she said all she could think was "poor, poor silly girl". And she was right..dead on right.

Nance

I was the "new girlfriend" too, and when I met my ex's ex-wife, she hugged me real tight when I was leaving, and said in a whisper, "take care of yourself". I had no clue at that time what she could possibly have meant by that! It did make me wonder though! Later, after I got to know her, she wanted to warn me so bad, but didn't, for fear of retaliation from HIM! In a sense, all those years later, he still had some control over her too! Not surprising! She is one of the sweetest, kindest people that I know, and nothing like the person that he made her out to be! Would I have listened to her warning? Probably not! At that time he was wonderful to me and I was so in love! It took several months for the demon to submerge, which seemed to happen suddenly and overnight! When the abuse began, he convinced me that he was having some problems, but that isn't how he wanted to be. He said he had changed! My love for him had made him change the way he felt inside! He said that I was the only person that loved him and understood him! He needed me! What he needed me for was money and a punching bag! He changed alright!

[smallngood]

To Pebbles-05
Long time ago, I knew this woman, 5'1, about 100 pounds had a married boyfriend. They were together for three years, first year was wonderful- -even when he was still married. He left his first wife, saying it was because how much he loved her. This woman thought he was really the only one in her life.
He started saying she took to long at the store, said she had to many friends, then- -the beatings. The boyfriend was 6'1 and about 298 pounds, solid muscle. The girlfrined always thought he would change- -oh, she had two small son sof her own, by previous marriage.
One night, because she ran out of gas coming home from the store,cusiong her to get home late- -with the food and boys with her. He took a cast iron siklet and beat her to almost dead- -her oldest son ran to the landlord, police came- -she was completely knocked out, blood every where and her two sons standing there seeing this. Ribs broken, both eyes swollen shut, broken leg, and broken arm.
At the hosiptal, when she came to- -her mother was standing right there and said, EITHER YOU LEAVE HIM, OR i'LL TAKE YOU SONS, she knew the mom meant this- -so she packed up her car, (when she got out of the hosiptal), left all the furniture, her mom gave her what money she could and the woman left the state- -left it all. The boyfriend was charge for disturbing, this wasYEARS ago, and paid a fine.
The woman, went to a new state, got a new job, it wasn't easy, but she did it. She loved her sons and never wanted to loose them.
About a year or so later, the mom sent her a newspaper saying where this same boyfrined killed another lady- -beat her to death in front of her kids.
Point- -LOTS of women have gone through this- -but you NEED help, professional help- -or get the hell "out of Dodge" and NEVER, EVER go back, Never!
Men like that, are so damn insecure, that the only way they think they are a "man" is to beat they "compeditor"- which is you. They are jealious of you because they KNOW you are smarter than them. They KNOW you are stronger- -mentlaly, then them.
They are flat chicken sh-ts! that's why they "down" you- -because they don't know how to improve themslves, understand?
Forget him unless you want to die, very simple situation.Leave, if you have to, call the warden, hell,put signs out if you want, but do NOT EVER go back with him.BLOCK your phone, refuse his mail.
I know first hand.
BTW- -the woman ended up opening up her own business and is doing very well- - so are her sons.

[Future Mrs]

PEBBLES...you need to seek help, you're a victim of domestic violence. Honey, if you continue, he will likely come home to do it all over again. And guess what? You may not live through it the next time. Love yourself enough to know that you deserve to be loved, cared for and respected. A man that hits his lady isnt a man, doesnt love himself, and definitely doesnt love his lady. Granted, he obviously has a big problem that is past him doing some time. If you dont get out while you have the chance your time will come to an end as well.. Be safe...God bless...Never love someone more than you love yourself..unless its your child..or God...

[orchidia_168]

pebbles,i was treated the same way, it get worse and worse the longer you stay. he will not change.it does not matter if you do your best to help him,if you handle his sceaming,do not expect any regonition.
i was not the first one, not the second one but miss number 3. my predecesors(sp?)ran off. i was told stories about miss number 1,that she was hysterical,jealouse etc,never met her.i wish i had met her! miss number 2 was used to bring him stuff and do stuff for him,i saw letters she wrote,we were already married alas,in her letters she wrote to him she was describing situations,the same ones to A t than what he was doing to me.
these guys do not change,they get worse.miss number 1,as he claimed,he was practising.
here is a detail,horrible and scary detail.before his arrest he had met someone,she was comform o what he was looking for,he wanted to dump miss number one for this woman and, HERE ARE THE EXACT WORDS HE TOLD ME :start to TRAIN this woman!
of course,none was said at the begining but torse the end of our marriage,it was like a trophee,the trophee of a trail of pains.
yet i loved him,felt in love,i felt in love with the image he wanted me to see at the begining,till we got married.
someone is in danger now,miss number 4,because despite his offer of yesterday,i'm sure that someone else is in the picture.

[ladyelise]

Wow, you are very brave for posting such a private matter. I would suggest you get away and stay away! You can't afford to be wrong, no one should EVER put their hands on you. I don't care what the situation is. The fact that he still thinks he is entitled to you in some way should be a warning sign for you. There are a lot of support groups out there that should be able to steer you in the right direction, best of luck to you.

[lilithinwaiting]

Many victims of abuse find it difficult to break away. You may be doubting your perceptions. You may be embarrassed by what you have already endured. You may feel like you can't survive on your own. Please understand that abusers are very good at twisting your mind and making you question your own good judgment. The abuser is probably telling you that the abuse is your own fault. This is nothing but classic manipulation.
There is never a valid excuse for domestic violence.

[sokiegirl]

Originally Posted by sokiegirl

Since the letter from his new girlfriend has arrived it is eating at me. It upsets me that she doesn't know what she will face when the time arrives and she wholeheartedly believes he will be different with her. No one can make him happy, no one can satisfy him, no one will ever change him.

Isn't it funny how a persons feelings can change? Not long ago I felt I needed to warn her, to try to defend her and try to let her see what she was going to face. I can honestly say now that I am glad I did not react or go out of my way. Somewhere today I read about beating a dead horse and I believe that is what I would have been facing.

[sylvia glenn]

Originally Posted by locdwnluv4meNu2

Ladies, we often hear "The Case of The X" , in some instances, we'll hear of X's... Nevertheless, there are hidden clues in the case file(s). It gives us a glimpse into the soul of the "new man" in our lives. It can mean the difference between A Healthy Relationship vs. An Unhealthy Relationship. Often, it's not the X that tells the story--it's our man.

You Think He'll be Different with You

(In memory of the all the other women who came before (and will come after), and once thought THEY were special too...)

... it won't happen to you. He'll be different with you.

You two have a "connection," a rapport that he didn't have with his ex. You have more things in common, similar personalities. He's pointed out all the ways that you two are so alike - it's just uncanny. You are so lucky to have met him at this point in your life. He says that he really appreciates you for who you are - and he's the first person to really do that, isn't he? Sure, he said the same things to *her* when he got together with her (and then grew to hate so many things about her), but it's different with you. He couldn't possibly be operating from scripts anymore. And it's so nice to finally have someone YOU can lean on, isn't it? It's hard being on your own, building a career, managing a household, and doing it all yourself. All of a sudden, here's this guy offering to help in ways that no one ever did. Knowing all the things you have been longing for and wanting in a partner. He couldn't possibly be hooking into your heart-felt desires and hurt places and pretending to be the answer, because he knows that's where you are vulnerable. He couldn't be pretending to like the things you like, and want the things you want, and be the person you have been looking for, because it's part of his patterns. Just because he did that with the women that came before you, doesn't mean he's doing that with you. He's really sincere this time.

Written by Annesthesia - Read the entire piece HERE.

Abuse--whether it's physical abuse, emotional abuse, mental abuse, and/or verbal abuse it's...all abusive behavior.

Edited by Admin to conform with PTO's Copyright Rules

I love tis so true and real very well said

[nygirl17]

I'm sorry but any woman who thinks this is out of her mind. Your not going to be any different then the woman before you. If he beats on other women he will you to. Get out now

[Fredslady5]

He will never change!! As Tina Turner would say "whats love go to do with it??!!"