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Friends & Families of Addicts Information for coping, dealing & living with a loved one's addictive behavior.

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Old 08-19-2009, 12:35 PM
gagirl770 gagirl770 is offline
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Default Mentally preparing myself

Just an update on my situation for those of you who are familar with it:

My STB-ex gets released next week. Divorce papers are filed but not final yet, he is not paroling to my house, I think we have an understanding...however, he has asked for me to pick him up so that we can have the "closure" talk. My friends and family think that it is only a way for him to try and manipulate himself back into my life. I tell them that I have to learn to do this on my own and not fall for those sweet words and false promises that never seem to materalize.

I've been somewhat falling back into a co-dependent mindset from time to time and then realizing what I am doing and getting a handle on my emotions. Why in the heck do I worry about how he is going to get his truck fixed, his driver's license re-instated, his speeding tickets paid....this is what I did for so many years every time he was released!!!! It is almost comical in a sad way that my brain gravitates to what I can DO to make his life easier! DAMN! He has made my life hell and I should be thinking of all the stuff I need him to do for our son to help me out raising him and paying me back for all the stuff I took care of for our son while he was locked up.
That is the codie in me, it is a huge part of who I am, the compassionate and caring person that I want to be, but it is also the doormat that I can become when I feel my needs are not important.

But I will say for the first time EVER, I'm not stressing over him possibly relapsing....it is NOT my problem! If he stays clean for himself, good for him, but if he doesnt, well then it's his life and if he wants to live it like that there is nothing I can do. I only can set my boundaries with myself and our son and the rest is up to him! He is the only one who can save himself!

Thanks for letting me vent
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bettyjflame (08-26-2009), SpicaRigel (08-19-2009)
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Old 08-19-2009, 01:03 PM
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SpicaRigel SpicaRigel is offline
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Thank You Gagirl!
"The caring and compassionate" person that YOU ARE is wonderful, and I, like YOU, are REALIZING that being "caring and compassionate" means allowing that person to go thru what they have to without interceeding and participating in FIXING them!
You CAN do it baby!
Thank you for sharing this! So many of us here need to see that loving and caring about someone means we dont have to reach into our wallets to make everything okay for them! You are my Hero!
xo
Dana
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Old 08-21-2009, 02:43 PM
gagirl770 gagirl770 is offline
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Thank you so much, that was sweet of you!
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