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  #1  
Old 06-15-2017, 07:14 AM
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Default Sad News Times Two

I was re-reading the post about the Mom giving her son bad news.

On 5/6 and then again on 6/6 I had to tell my son that one of his grandparents died. First his father's Mom who he was close to. She was supporting him and sending him money regularly. Then my step-father who he didn't get to see much, but they had a good relationship.

It's the one thing that he knew that he had to come to terms with when he received his sentence - that he may never see his grandparents again. I wish I could visit and give him a huge hug but I live too far away.

I feel a little guilty writing / posting this. I haven't been good at supporting everyone else on here. It's just that every time I go on here, it depresses me more. Writing gives me a big relief. I hope I don't offend anyone - I don't want to look like I'm asking for sympathy and not giving any in return. I was hoping to feel differently after a few years - but - I guess this is going to take longer than I thought.

He has 17 more years, I'll be here for awhile.
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  #2  
Old 06-15-2017, 10:39 AM
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Hi Cynhop I get it. Coming to the parent form can be uplifting at times and very draining at other times. I use to post quite a bit back in the day but now I'm mainly a peeping Tom.
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Old 06-15-2017, 01:47 PM
Lackingthepower Lackingthepower is offline
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Death of a loved one is never easy but having to tell your child while they are incarcerated is excruciating. My mom died unexpectedly before my son's trial. He was in jail at the time. I still can't go back to the day I had to tell him over the phone. My heart goes out to you.
As for not giving support, I have only begun to process the 20 years my son was given. The first thought I had before coming to this forum today was, " Why should I. It won't help, I'll just feel bad for everyone". But something I learned a long time ago is that other's experiences in life is how we relate and can be used to help so the next person doesn't feel alone in their thoughts and feelings.

Thank you for sharing your experience.
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Old 06-15-2017, 04:08 PM
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Sending support to all you moms...i think this place is mostly without judgement..post when you need to..lurk when you need to..there will always be a sympathetic/ empathetic ear!
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Old 06-15-2017, 08:12 PM
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I'm sorry for your loss. Dealing with your own grief is hard enough. I had to tell my son that his favorite Great Aunt had passed away. He had just written her hoping she would get the letter in time & that she would recover. Sadly, neither thing happened. It broke my heart to have to tell him over the phone. Luckily, he was in a detention center where the guys were compassionate. They prayed with him & tried to keep his spirits up. There are some punishments that go beyond losing your freedom for a period of time. This is one of them.

This is a day by day journey. Sometimes the days will be easier than others. Just take each one as it comes & try not to look too far down the road. Take care of yourself & know that people are here when you feel like stopping by,
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Old 06-15-2017, 08:25 PM
onparoleinTO onparoleinTO is offline
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CynHop - one of the (many) good things about this site is that folks give when they can and receive when they need. No need to feel guilty about that. Many of us have been where you are and can now feel grateful that we're in a position to do a little more - let's hope you will get there too! As you say, you're on a long road. But I hope you never feel bad about asking for/receiving help on this site.
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Old 06-17-2017, 11:55 AM
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I am truly sorry for your loss and will pray for you, your son, & entire family & friends! We went through this same thing last year! It's not easy just having a loved one incarcerated, much less having to be the barer of SAD news! I am truly thankful for this forum!!! Everyone is so helpful and understanding! Just do what is good for you... but you will find that even if you don't post, it is healing to see how others cope with this! God bless you & all the ones on here making a little more room in their heart for others!
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Old 06-19-2017, 10:05 PM
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Cynhop,

Don't ever feel bad for posting when you need to. I think what another poster said is correct, we are a very non-judgmental and forgiving bunch.

I'm sorry you had to break sad news to your son within such a short period of time, and on the phone. Its hard when they are far away. I wanted to tell my son sad news in person, but ended up sending it in e-mail, as that is the fastest way I can send news to him.

It is a cruel reality of imprisonment that they don't get to be there to say goodbye to loved ones, and comfort the ones left. I believe God gives them peace. Grief is difficult in any place, and even surrounded by loved ones, it can be overwhelming as one can still feel completely alone.

I pray that you and your son will be lifted up and the pain you feel now will turn to joy when you are reunited with your loved ones.

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