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  #26  
Old 04-15-2008, 04:21 PM
too_miles_away too_miles_away is offline
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Jill,
Thank you for the opportunity to open up on something I have held inside since 12:23am December 4, 2005. I hope I make it through this because I have not been able to share the complete story with anyone that I hope to talk to again in life.
The last time I saw my son face to face was in September 2005. My son had difficult time finding a job here at home and ended up landing a job with a company that provide rides at county fairs, carnivals and such. He seemed to enjoy the traveling but he especially loved being self-sufficient. In the colder months this company settles in Florida. Work got a little sparse and he decided to get a regular job and I helped him out when I could. His job was at a fast food place and of course that draws lots of teenagers. My son would call home and from time to time mention this girl or that girl and before I could ask he’d always answer, ‘yeah mom, she’s legal’ – as my son at the time was 21. Several months down the road my son found out his father (read ‘sperm donor’ – sorry if that’s not allowed but it is what it is) was diagnosed with stomach cancer and scheduled for surgery; my son wanted to come home and asked me to help; well at the time I really couldn’t afford an airline ticket (oh how I wish I’d have found a way)… so I sent him money for Greyhound ticket which had a 7 day waiting period. The night before he was scheduled to come home, he was calling home several times (collect) so when the phone initially rang around 12:20am December 4th I felt as if he was just calling one more time to chitchat – after the 3rd attempt at calling, my mother’s intuition kicked in and I answered the phone. I can still hear the panic in his voice “Mom, they arrested me and said they’re going to charge me with rape!” My heart pretty much sank just now as it did that night. I tried asking him questions and all he kept saying to me is ‘she lied about her age’ --- not much else was said except I was able to tell my son I loved him.
Thank God for the Internet! I performed various types of searches and happened upon the county website where he was located. He had a public defender who seemed ready to go to bat for my son after receiving all the facts and after nearly two years of postponements and depositions, she handed the case off to someone else. My son kept calling telling me this new p/d only came to see him once and told him go to trial, get sentenced and then appeal it!!! My son was looking at 25 years to life – get sentenced and then what?!?!?!? My son wrote a letter to the head of the p/d’s office complaining about this guy and what do you know, he was visiting my son, discussing his case and my son ended up with a plea agreement of 15 years (minus the 2 plus years in county).
As mothers we try to instill in our children a sense of right and wrong --- so you know I don’t condone my son’s actions. He is paying for his actions with his loss of freedom and all that it entails. I, too am paying with a loss of hugs from a very loving son (my gentle giant – 6’4”), movie time together and just watching him become a man. I pray daily for strength that each of us makes it through to the end.
Thank you again for providing a place I can open up and not be afraid of being judged. Love to you all.
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  #27  
Old 04-15-2008, 04:32 PM
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(((hugs))) toomanymiles.............I hate to read of stories such as your son's. So unfair. I will keep you and he in my prayers. Also, you are right, there is no judgement to be found here. You are safe, loved, and supported. God Bless.
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  #28  
Old 04-15-2008, 04:35 PM
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Ladies please know it was not my heart or intentions to cause pain to any of you.

I really felt and do feel that only those that were ready to heal would post.

I know this time last year I could not even talk about my son's last day, much less write about it. I wasn"t there. I wasn't ready for that part of my healing.

This has been a long long ride for me. There have been many bumps, highs and very lows. Like its been said a rollarcoaster ride.

At no time did I write this to inflict pain on anyone. If I did I am truly sorry and ask that you please forgive me.

Thank you Reggie for the gentle and loving suggestion. I have been in the past all day. I have replayed over and over again. It hurt so bad.

I am now ready to move back into the present and look towards the future.

Thank you for your love!

In Love,
Jill
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Old 04-15-2008, 04:39 PM
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Dear too miles away..... Oh my heart is broken for you. I am so glad that God used my fingers to start this post. I am however, very mad that your son received such a long sentence.

I know that God is healing you. I read it without you saying it. Please, please come here often. We need you!

We will love you through this lost. Thank you for having the courage to write your story.. You are right you are safe here and will never be judged.

God bless you.
Jill
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  #30  
Old 04-15-2008, 04:42 PM
too_miles_away too_miles_away is offline
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Jill,
I responded to this because it helped ease my pain, so I don't see a need to apologize. We all come here for something, we take what we need and leave the rest. I have carried this weight for over 2 years, I am thankful to have been able to get my story out whether written or verbal, it is out and I feel so much better. Yes, I shed a few tears while writing it but they were cleansing tears. Thank you again.
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  #31  
Old 04-15-2008, 04:44 PM
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Jill, I do not think that you have caused anyone pain...not in the bad sense at least, you created a place that we can release that pain that we have held locked tight inside, and perhaps would not have shared in another place because it was "inappropiate", here you created a special place for it, and we can let it out.
Thank you for creating it, and being the first to share.
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  #32  
Old 04-15-2008, 05:12 PM
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..just so ya know, my son has been with many under age women. He knows dang well he shouldnt and he has also several times purchased liquor for them, and then drove their cars while drunk...that happened in two of his DUIs.

He knew what he was doing. I didn't.

We always remind ourselves that is not the way we raised them and we would have stopped them if we could have.

MotherJ- many young men are in gangs, in and out of prison. Again, the parents cannot help it. Sometimes parents have no clue what is going on and if they DO know, they cannot stop it.
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  #33  
Old 04-15-2008, 06:02 PM
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I've found that the process of healing is not traveled on a straight, even road. It's a road full of hills and valleys, pot holes and detours. Sometimes we have to go in reverse and deal with past issues before we can go forward again. I have worked hard at going forward, not looking back, trying to stay on an even path, but even though I might've hinted at things involved with my sons case there has been a lot of fear. First it was the fear of personal safety for my loved ones and myself. Then it became the fear of people making a judgement who didn't know my son. I still am concerned for my sons safety now that he's made changes in his life. I have faith and trust in the Lord. What more do I need to say?
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  #34  
Old 04-15-2008, 06:38 PM
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I have read and re-read all of these posts I don't want to remember the day my son was arrested It still makes me heart sick---I'm not ready to go there just yet I will say ths, I am happy my son is where he is---if he weren't there I would probably be visiting him in a grave yard--he wasn't my son when he got arrested--he was a different, mean, terrible person. NOW he is thinking like a human--he knows he was out of control, so I will re-visit this thread when I can. I am glad this thread was started, it's where we can all see WHY we need to support each other. I hope I haven't said anything to hurt any of you. I am just not able to share that day just yet---I will get there. It has been almost two years since my son has been gone, and I have two more to get it together. God Bless all of you, and our children.
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  #35  
Old 04-15-2008, 08:12 PM
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In reading all your posts, my heart breaks for all of us...how fresh the pain is still after all this time.

I had my whole clan over for dinner - not planned - but they just showed up - you know, our kids when they are hungry ...

The cops came to the door telling me they had a felony warrant for my son...Im like "what???" Then I see a whole string of cop cars coming down the street. I about lost it then...the police officer had to help me sit down, I was seeing dots and my ears were buzzing. Then to top it all off...my dog was trying to eat the cops . To make a long story short - it was a big blown up affair with cops lined down the street. Of course, I recovered by that time and was giving them the 20 questions. Not one officer could give me an exact charge - they kept looking at each other trying to figure out what the exact charge was. My son did not resist but they made sure they had their guns pulled. On one hand, I dont blame them - they dont know what they are gonna be facing - but as his mother - it tore my heart out. I still remember him sitting in the cop car watching us as they pulled away. He had such a look of dread on his face. I could not afford the bond, so he sat 4 months waiting for sentencing. That day came and I could barely get out of the car...I was frozen. I have severe anxiety and the dang medicine didnt even touch it that day. I remember sitting there on the bench in the courtroom trying to find some oxygen in the room - it was like my lungs were shut down.

That day will always stick in my memory. I didnt expect this to happen. My son was doing good - staying out of trouble and helping out at home. This charge snuck up from his past to say hello. Even tho he was doing good - hearing him talk now is totally different. Maybe this IS God's way of waking him up - cuz now he's actually talking about himself and his actions the way I have felt about them for years. Theres no more self pity and poor me - he has finally realized he made his path and cant blame anyone but himself. Thats a miracle in itself.
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  #36  
Old 04-15-2008, 08:40 PM
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My son was involved with a gang too. It's so hard to admit. I hate it.
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  #37  
Old 04-15-2008, 09:30 PM
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My sons last day of freedom, I will go from the original arrest. Due to the fact that he is now a sex offender and that is not freedom. January 2, 2007 my son and I both started working at the State Hospital. I was very happy, graduated from RN school, and back to work where I love working. My son was going to be a mental health aide, which is what I did before. Everyone loved him and he was in a group with all females starting. He was hanging out with some high school kids, he was 19. I kept telling him not to hang out with the high school kids, I figured these guys would convince him to buy them chew or cigarettes, to young to buy alcohol. No way anyone would think he was 21 (look at that face). So his birthday is the 18th of January. Since he was a very young boy my parents have taken him to the movie and out to eat for his birthday. It is some presidents day or something and school is always out. So we get to work on the 18th of January and he is dressed in dress clothes to go with Grandma and Grandpa after work to the movie and out to eat. He gets a call (we are in the same area) and when he came back I asked what they wanted "nothing mom" so I being me continue to bug him "who, come on tell me, who" he will not tell me. So we go to seperate rooms and I get a call from my mother. The detective was at their house looking for Daniel and they told him that he was at work. So then it is lunch time and I see him to go to lunch for his birthday (just the canteen) and I asked what the police wanted. He said that they wanted to question him about some high school kid that ran away. I am furious, "I told you to quit running around with those high school kids (boys I am thinking) you are gonna end up in jail and I will not bail you out." So we are eating lunch and he looks pretty nervous and all us ladies are teasing him about his baby face and how young he looks he is 20 now it is his birthday. In come the lady from Human resources and asks Daniel to come to the office after lunch. Well he does and I go on to my unit. When I got off at 4:30 his Jeep is still in the parking lot, I wanted to puke I just had a sick mother feeling in the pit of my stomach. I leave work and when I get home my father calls and said that the police had called him and they wanted to search his empty house (they had to move when mom had an ascending and decending aortic disection at the end of October). He said the cop said if he did not let him in he would break in. I called the police station and asked what they were holding Daniel for (I am thinking he did some idiot thing with these boys like drinking or something) "RAPE" what no way, this kid is so gentle and loving NOWAY!!!! So I get in the car and head over to meet dad and the police (4 blocks away). They want the sheets off the only bed left in the whole 4 bedroom house. The cop tells me "Daniel had sex with a 14 year old girl and she says she loves him." I am in a panic I had to call my director of nursing to tell her Daniel would not be in for work. She had been through a similar thing and has know Daniel since he was a baby, she was very understanding. The next day I called the doctors office and got some Xanax (Jill it took me one year to use 30 pills). He did not call for 4 days and when he did call it is over the stupid recorded phone so I really couldn't get the entire story. He had confessed on tape. The detective had gone to the State hospital and asked to talk to him, drove him to the PD no cuffs at that time, and when he got done asking about a kid that ran away they said "oh, and we want to ask about ______ _______" He confessed on tape he was in love. They are both still in love one year and three months later. She cries herself to sleep at night because she feels guilty for all the trouble he got in. I had always told him, stay away from drugs, no stealing, no damaging others property. DON'T LIE, well he told the truth and so now he sits in prison. I never thought to warn him away from girls, it never entered my mind.
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  #38  
Old 04-15-2008, 09:51 PM
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My son spent his last day of freedom at his nephews first birthday party . It was a small gathering, just immediate family at a park. There was a black cloud over the party because we all knew he was going for his sentencing the next afternoon. We were not too concerned because everyone involved in his arrest had told him that since he had never been in trouble before (in his 30's) he was almost certain to get probation and deferred adjudication. The arresting detectives, the bail bondsman, the probation office and his PD all reassured him that if agreed to a plea this is what was most likely to happen. We never even considered hiring a private attorney since we knew he would not be doing any time. I did not even go to his sentencing, just told him to come to my work after he got out and let me know what happened. When his GF walked in my office, I knew the worst had happened. How could it go from probation to four years. We all know too well that sick sick feeling that consumes you when you hear the news. I never even gave him a hug or a kiss when he left the birthday party. I knew I would see him the next day. It was five months before I was able to give him that hug and kiss. He was in county for two months and had to wait three months for a contact visit. We don't have the luxury of phone calls in Texas so we have to rely on our once a month visits and letters. I have told no one but my boss about his arrest. No one outside of my immediate family know. Not even my best friend. I could use their support, but I know when he gets out he would be treated differently by family and friends if they knew where he is now. So that is why PTO is a godsend to me. Here I can tell my story and not be judged or have him judged.
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  #39  
Old 04-15-2008, 10:25 PM
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Vilco I am so glad you found PTO. You will need someone to share with during these times. I cannot believe they do not have phone calls that is horrible. If you ever need to talk come here or pm me and I will listen. Glad you found us.
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Old 04-15-2008, 11:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DanialJohnsMom View Post
I have read and re-read all of these posts I don't want to remember the day my son was arrested It still makes me heart sick---I'm not ready to go there just yet I will say ths, I am happy my son is where he is---if he weren't there I would probably be visiting him in a grave yard--he wasn't my son when he got arrested--he was a different, mean, terrible person. NOW he is thinking like a human--he knows he was out of control, so I will re-visit this thread when I can. I am glad this thread was started, it's where we can all see WHY we need to support each other. I hope I haven't said anything to hurt any of you. I am just not able to share that day just yet---I will get there. It has been almost two years since my son has been gone, and I have two more to get it together. God Bless all of you, and our children.
DanialJohnsMom, I can certainly relate, its been almost 9 years and it still tears my heart up to think of that day.
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Old 04-15-2008, 11:14 PM
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Sentencing day...I cannot talk about sentencing day. 40 years, first offence, never in trouble with the law prior. Our lawyer a pd told us he would get a light sentence....40 years *sigh* just too hard to remember
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Old 04-15-2008, 11:15 PM
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Hugs, hon. That's some serious heartbreak.
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Old 04-15-2008, 11:19 PM
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Perque I don't know why they have to hammer the first offenders like they do. What good is that doing anyone. I am so sorry for you having to go through all of this. God bless you and your family.
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Old 04-15-2008, 11:22 PM
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Thank you nimuay, and jeffsue...my son was 17 at the time, hes 26 now, we are coping...we'll be coping for a long time.
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Old 04-15-2008, 11:46 PM
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i have to leave from here now,thank you moms for opening your hearts,i admire the strength,and later,much later tonight,when my youngest son and my hubby cant hear me,i will write my story,thank you for starting this thread,we need it for a healing purpose,and PLEASE,dont any mother or father here ever feel like we judge each other,,,that would be a very sad day,and we stick together,,,,,,,,,
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  #46  
Old 04-16-2008, 04:43 AM
davidsmominva davidsmominva is offline
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As Jancy said, silently we sit at our computer, miles apart but hearts entwined, hushed silence as each goes around the circle softly telling her story..knowing the teller will be accepted with love and compassionate understanding.


I am just waking up and reading these stories. Seriously, I have not had a full cup of coffee and my eyes are not working yet. I feel so compeled to write that my head is going faster than my fingers.

I know God is all powerful. When I started this post yesterday I knew it was Him. What I didn't know is the enormous healing that would take place.

For this I am grateful.

Nowhere else can someone share such sorrow and shame and not be judged. Nowhere else can someone lay it all out there and feel enormous love!

There is healing power in this site. I don't know who you women are. Yet my heart is entwined with yours.

When one of us hurt we are all hurt.
When one of us is sad we are all sad.
When one laughs we all laugh.

How powerful is unconditional love. I am blown away by the ABSOLUTE POWER OF GOD!

Yes, he brought us all here. He has not finished the work he has started.

Ladies, please know no matter where I go in this world, no matter what I face in years to come. I will always cling to my time at this site.

When I feel like I can't take another step, I will remember how you carried me.

What a priviledge to have know all of you strong and courageous women.

Write on...... healing is here.
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  #47  
Old 04-16-2008, 05:26 AM
d'gal d'gal is offline
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I feel after reading thus far all these testimonies, that we all could use a little lift.




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  #48  
Old 04-16-2008, 08:32 AM
Della Della is offline
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30 days later....

The day my son was arrested was also
the day his GF was arrested for aideing
and abetting. She had my 3 year old
granddaughter with her. CPS stepped in and took her and refused to let me have her since I was the Mother of a
murder suspect. I begged and
pleaded and wept. She went into
foster care and I had to go thru all
the avenues to get her. Criminal
background check, fingerprinting,
home inspection. Another 30 days
went by and I was approved. I raised her for the next year and she just recently went back with her Mom who completed
a drug program.
That was what broke my heart in all
this mess.

Last edited by Della; 04-16-2008 at 08:39 AM..
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  #49  
Old 04-16-2008, 08:47 AM
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MotherJ MotherJ is offline
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I hear what you are saying Della. It isn't so simple as our children messing up their lives and they pay the price. What we see over and over in our stories is parents, siblings, and the children of our incarcerated children suffering. It is very complicated and the threads of pain and struggle branch out and touch so many. We haven't even touched on the pain that victims suffer. I am helping to raise my sons child. I share him with his mother who is too young and self centered to do the job and her family who receives all the financial benifits and calls all the shots. However, I thank God continually for the opportunity to be in my grandsons life. He is such a blessing.

Last edited by MotherJ; 04-16-2008 at 08:50 AM..
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  #50  
Old 04-16-2008, 09:15 AM
Della Della is offline
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I feel the same way MotherJ.

Last edited by Della; 04-16-2008 at 09:29 AM..
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