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Loving a Lifer For those whose loved one is serving a life sentence.

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Old 10-31-2016, 09:05 PM
LadyRed39 LadyRed39 is offline
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Default In the fading light of hope...

Thanks to some, very candid and honest answers to questions I'm quickly losing all hope of a successful appeal. What do you do when all hope is lost? When you realize there's nothing you can do to win the freedom of the one you love? What do you do when you realize that appeals are really just a waste of time? That no matter what, he's gonna die an innocent man in prison?
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Old 10-31-2016, 10:48 PM
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Originally Posted by LadyRed39 View Post
Thanks to some, very candid and honest answers to questions I'm quickly losing all hope of a successful appeal. What do you do when all hope is lost? When you realize there's nothing you can do to win the freedom of the one you love? What do you do when you realize that appeals are really just a waste of time? That no matter what, he's gonna die an innocent man in prison?
Nobody has told you that an appeal is doomed. What you have been told is to relax as your understanding of the appeal process is limited. There is no way for any of us to know whether or not an appeal will work. We don't know the issues. We don't know how clean of a trial he received.
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Old 10-31-2016, 11:12 PM
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This isn't the only place I've looked for information. I've lived and breathed this for the last couple weeks. I'm not as stupid as people would have me, I know when my knowledge is limited so I educate myself. In the dozens of cases I've read, some from several years ago and some as recent as last month, only 1 was reversed and another sent back for resentencing. If I could readily afford $10K for a better attorney I wouldn't be so eager to learn. I'm not trying to do this appeal for him, I'm trying to find the answers to the many questions I have and the questions he has. I can't even talk to him at this point. I'm trying to understand the process there. I worked for an attorney in TN, but TN law and Ohio law are vastly different. Neither of us is exactly young with a full life ahead, we don't have 30 years to wait for clemency. He made up his mind before he left county to let them kill him if this appeal doesn't go through. He won't wait for parole in 10 years, he's already been told it will likely be denied. Yes, I am enrolling in an online program. I'm 40 and a waitress in a town full of 20 year old waitresses. I gotta do something with my life. If I can use that something to help him then heck yeah! I wanted to be a lawyer when I was 17 and applying for college and was told I'm not smart enough. Most things I've been told I couldn't do, I've done. Not only have I proven the naysayers wrong but I proved to myself I can make things happen. I do not know how to give up.
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Old 10-31-2016, 11:34 PM
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Originally Posted by LadyRed39 View Post
Thanks to some, very candid and honest answers to questions I'm quickly losing all hope of a successful appeal. What do you do when all hope is lost? When you realize there's nothing you can do to win the freedom of the one you love? What do you do when you realize that appeals are really just a waste of time? That no matter what, he's gonna die an innocent man in prison?
While it's true that only a small number of appeals succeed, it's not fruitless.

If there was an issue with the trial, it's worth having it examined (that's why attorneys raise objections on the record, every single objection creates a potentially appealable issue, though obviously, not every objection actually gets into an appeal.)

And of course, if there is ever exonerating evidence that comes to light after the fact, some form of writ can be filed later.

I understand how defeating this process is.....and my LO's almost home. We've been through our share of situations that, frankly, have twisted my view of the justice system. At the same time, there have been a few instances where I've been inspired and believe that despite the flaws the justice system has, there are also some very good people who have dedicated their lives and careers to it. Judges, Prosecutors and Defense Attorneys. Yes, that's right, all three.....so my view is twisted from what it once was, but I don't feel that justice is a lost cause, either.

All you and your LO can do is offer each other love and support. If ever there is a legal precedent that makes it so he can come home, or new evidence, or any hope.....take that as it comes.

Hope doesn't come in many places, this is true. But you can't give up on it, either.

If nothing else I hope you will find support here.

-E
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Old 11-01-2016, 08:08 AM
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My daughter reminded me of something, something she says I taught her. To never give up hope.
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Old 11-01-2016, 09:00 AM
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My daughter reminded me of something, something she says I taught her. To never give up hope.
And sometimes that's all we have...just keep hoping! If you believe, PRAY! : ) also doesn't hurt to look at what possible changes to the law could be supported that might end up in his favor... Can feel so hopeless, but keep believing and keep hoping...
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Old 11-01-2016, 10:24 AM
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You know what lady red my husband has been in 36 years an innocent man himself. I will never give up on him there are days when I feel that its hopeless then I shake it off knowing God is in control. My husband will come home. I have learned so much about the justice system and what I thought to be fair its not . pray and know that thing's are changing.
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Old 11-03-2016, 05:05 PM
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What do you do when you realize that appeals are really just a waste of time? That no matter what, he's gonna die an innocent man in prison?
You cry and scream in an empty house for a while, then you do the sentence with him a day at a time, making every phone call, letter and minute together special.
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Old 11-03-2016, 11:00 PM
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I know that what you're faced with is overwhelming....I feel your pain. At some point in all this and what you consider each day, you would do well to realize that you only have this day and this moment. Don't put so much on yourself emotionally that you stress out or burn out. Try not to think so much about the things that seem impossible. There's only one you.
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Old 11-04-2016, 09:10 AM
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How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. That's how I handle it. I'm pretty well past beating my head against the wall, numbness, emptiness, grieving and anger. I mostly concentrate on what we still have and the infinitesimal chance that somehow she'll be freed.
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Old 11-04-2016, 10:24 AM
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I have to pull myself together, I be been living in a daze and the business end of life has suffered. When faced with heartache and difficulty I've always poured myself into work. I'm heading out this afternoon to look at a second job.
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Old 11-04-2016, 12:34 PM
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I have to pull myself together, I be been living in a daze and the business end of life has suffered. When faced with heartache and difficulty I've always poured myself into work. I'm heading out this afternoon to look at a second job.
Compartmentalizing helps me cope and keeps my head clear. Work is in one. My regular day-to-day private life's in another. The little place where my wife's life and mine overlap (visits, phone calls, mail) is in a third. When I'm "in" a compartment, I do my best to ignore the others. You only have so many "cycles." Maximize how you use them.
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Old 11-04-2016, 12:53 PM
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I allow myself a certain amount of time to grieve, to be sad, to feel what I don't want to feel. I must put my affairs in order, I'm no good to anyone if I'm a wreck, if I continue to fall apart.
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Old 04-20-2017, 10:15 AM
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I allow myself a certain amount of time to grieve, to be sad, to feel what I don't want to feel. I must put my affairs in order, I'm no good to anyone if I'm a wreck, if I continue to fall apart.
How are you doing LadyRed?
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Old 04-21-2017, 11:53 AM
LadyRed39 LadyRed39 is offline
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The attorney filed the brief this week. Im too afraid to hope, it seems that everything I dare to hope for is denied me. I have had it pretty rough, Ive lost 2 jobs in 2 months becuase of my knee. My car died and is being repossessed because I dont have the money to fix it or pay for it. No one helps put money on his books but they will put money on his jpay. His sister lives an hour from the prison and wont fill out the paperwork to visit, even if she did fill it out she still wouldnt visit. We were turned down by the Bluhm clinic, now we await the decision from the appeals court. Overall, my life is down the crapper and someone finally handed me a plunger. I got a job today, not much pay or hours but its money.
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Old 04-21-2017, 02:53 PM
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My daughter reminded me of something, something she says I taught her. To never give up hope.
It's your turn to listen to a wise woman.
[my son does the same thing to me. ]
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Old 05-15-2017, 04:30 PM
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Thinking about you and hoping things finally take a turn for the better for your and your LO. Keep hanging in there!
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Old 05-21-2017, 01:14 PM
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One day at a time..... sometimes I have to take a step back and regroup. This life isn't easy. Lean on God, and each other. Sending love and prayers your way. ❤❤❤
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