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Loving a Violent Offender Discuss the issues of having a violent offender as part of your life. Please keep in mind that some of us are married to violent offenders. Please remember that these offenders are human, and as such, can change... just like anyone else.

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Old 09-25-2019, 01:01 PM
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Default Violent Write-Ups While Locked Up

Some of our loved ones are truly violent and some had a moment of violence which landed them were they currently are.

Are you aware of any jailhouse violence / write ups / confinement as punishment for violence? If so, does it cause you to question them, to trust their judgement or their future... do their violent write ups go beyond disappointment, If so - how so?

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Old 09-29-2019, 12:21 PM
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I like the question, but I find it very hard to unpack, reason being that violence is a very complex issue. Some violence is necessary for survivial -- it all depends on context. Life in a penitentiary is its own world, with its own internal set of rules (besides the official ones) and I don't think it's fair or realistic to apply our social world's norms to that of the prison. This means that violence and write-ups which occur in prison must be evaluated within their situational context. It may be that an act of violence in prison was a necessary act. It may even mean it was a noble act. (Example: a prisoner interrupts a violence being inflicted on a helpless prisoner, such as someone very young or very old or very sick). But that's not a hard and fast rule. On the flip side, it may mean a continued pattern of violent behavior which was also present when the prisoner was free. If a prisoner was a generally violent person, especially prone to violence against loved ones who were physically weaker than him (usually the women and children in his life), then writeups and stints in the hole in prison may simply mean that he is continuing along the same rotten trajectory he'd always been on.
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Old 09-29-2019, 01:27 PM
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Yes he had lots of them in his twenties prisons are a violent environment. By the time I met him he was doing a five year bid at almost 40. He said he retired and let the youngsters do the fighting. The system contributed to him being violent he started at 13 years old in it. At that time lock them up was the answer. At 18 they sent him to the max prison to do COUNTY TIME put him in a cell with a 30 year old doing life. His cellie was the first one he had to fight right away. He has never lifted a finger towards me or anyone in his family. I see him as a big teddy bear. I don’t fear him one bit but I do know he will still handle business out here in there or anywhere he thinks he needs to that’s just his nature. I worry but we also have a separate savings for legal counsel if ever needed. Public defenders will not be representing him if he ever needs it. He assures me he has aged out and won’t be going back.
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Old 09-29-2019, 01:41 PM
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Sometimes the end result of a write up is what you look for in terms of what the real truth is to do with a bad attitude vs. doing what you have to under the circumstances. I've had somewhere around 12 knock down drag out fist to the face encounters in there, but I never went to medium custody, close custody or solitary for fighting without a weapon. I went there once for threatening a guard when he peppered sprayed me in the face, but that was a unique and very strange matter.
When your custody level changes and they re assign you to a more restricted area because of your behavior, that's a sign of something to consider.....or it can be.
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Old 09-29-2019, 10:43 PM
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Mine is in for a violent crime but never had a "violent" write up. In the beginning of his sentence there was one fight but other than that he had only non-violent write-ups - 12 to be exact over almost 26 years.
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Old 09-30-2019, 12:41 AM
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Mine had some quite violent doings during his first few months into his time about 12 years ago (two of his own doing, one set up) and his level never changed. He almost got charged with other crimes but they were all dropped. Since then, nothing. And won't be anything either. He goes to class (takes like 3 classes), group (as many as they'll let him attend), watches TV, whatever. He doesn't associate himself with that particular group anymore.
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Old 09-30-2019, 11:26 PM
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Great answers / food for thought. I use to think an inmates behavior while in prison could reveal a true character of who they'll be when they're out... silly gal!
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Old 09-30-2019, 11:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Firebrand View Post
When your custody level changes and they re assign you to a more restricted area because of your behavior, that's a sign of something to consider.....or it can be.
Great point!
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Old 10-01-2019, 12:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 408MoonGem View Post
Some of our loved ones are truly violent and some had a moment of violence which landed them were they currently are.

Are you aware of any jailhouse violence / write ups / confinement as punishment for violence? If so, does it cause you to question them, to trust their judgement or their future... do their violent write ups go beyond disappointment, If so - how so?

Mine was violent before prison and inside. He denounced his gang affiliation and hasn't had a physical altercation since (2011). It doesn't cause me to question anything about him. It shows me that he made a life-altering decision and has stuck with it.

But that's because of his choice to refrain from the lifestyle. If he were to go back to that, it would be a deal breaker. Namely because he has worked so hard to build his skills and break down his walls that it would take something extreme to get him back there. And that 'thing', whatever it might be, would have more of his attention than our relationship. I'm not up for that ride.
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Old 10-01-2019, 07:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miamac View Post
Mine was violent before prison and inside. He denounced his gang affiliation and hasn't had a physical altercation since (2011). It doesn't cause me to question anything about him. It shows me that he made a life-altering decision and has stuck with it.

But that's because of his choice to refrain from the lifestyle. If he were to go back to that, it would be a deal breaker. Namely because he has worked so hard to build his skills and break down his walls that it would take something extreme to get him back there. And that 'thing', whatever it might be, would have more of his attention than our relationship. I'm not up for that ride.
Mine did the same thing. He was all just because I was involved doesn't mean I believed in what they did or did it myself. I'm away from that life. It was me,it's not me.
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