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  #1  
Old 06-05-2017, 10:50 PM
prison_daughter prison_daughter is offline
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Default Dad going to prison

Hello

I recently found out my father will be going to federal prison. We are awaiting sentencing but it could be anywhere from 5-15 years. I feel in a total state of shock right now. The tiail alone was so hard to go through and now this. My heart breaks for him and the idea of him going to prison. Our judicial system is flawed in so many ways and I can't help but be angry for what is happening. He is going in for a crime that he did not commit, just because the prosecution needed someone to pin it on.

I am 29 years old and I wonder of all the things he will miss out on. My dad is 68 years old and probably won't be around for my wedding or the birth of my first child. I can't imagine ever feeling happy again, although I hear that time will pass and we as humans can adjust to almost anything. But I worry about him. I worry about the health care he will receive in there. I worry about his safety. I'm feeling very overwhelmed right now and incredibly sad.

Glad to find a support group out there that makes me feel understood. It's been hard to relate to my friends and family lately. Everything they talk about seems so trivial compared to this. Any advice you have to offer is greatly appreciated.
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  #2  
Old 06-05-2017, 11:50 PM
Izzy00 Izzy00 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by prison_daughter View Post
Hello

I recently found out my father will be going to federal prison. We are awaiting sentencing but it could be anywhere from 5-15 years. I feel in a total state of shock right now. The tiail alone was so hard to go through and now this. My heart breaks for him and the idea of him going to prison. Our judicial system is flawed in so many ways and I can't help but be angry for what is happening. He is going in for a crime that he did not commit, just because the prosecution needed someone to pin it on.

I am 29 years old and I wonder of all the things he will miss out on. My dad is 68 years old and probably won't be around for my wedding or the birth of my first child. I can't imagine ever feeling happy again, although I hear that time will pass and we as humans can adjust to almost anything. But I worry about him. I worry about the health care he will receive in there. I worry about his safety. I'm feeling very overwhelmed right now and incredibly sad.

Glad to find a support group out there that makes me feel understood. It's been hard to relate to my friends and family lately. Everything they talk about seems so trivial compared to this. Any advice you have to offer is greatly appreciated.
My dad went in when I was a freshman in high school. I'm now 36 and he's still in there. I feel you. I'm here if you need to talk
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Old 06-06-2017, 04:37 AM
fbopnomore fbopnomore is offline
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Be sure to take care of yourself. Your Dad will need your love and support now more than ever.
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Old 06-06-2017, 12:38 PM
priceam priceam is online now
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I remember feeling a lot of these feelings two years ago. I am so sorry you are in the situation you are in.
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Old 06-06-2017, 03:40 PM
LadyWeird LadyWeird is offline
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I feel your pain. My dad is 69 and on his way to prison for the next 8 years. My mom is also on her way to prison for the next 12 years. It's very hard to deal with. Find strength some where.
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Old 06-07-2017, 06:21 AM
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You're in the absolute worst part of this journey right now. This is the hardest part of the entire thing.

Yes, you're worried. You should be. It's not a rational thing though, it's an emotional thing. You have fear of the unknown, which is the absolute greatest fear human's experience. And you've had it for months during the trial etc.

Try not to project too far into the future. Worrying about things that are too far out will only make things work. The best you can do is worry about things happening Right Now. Your dad will most likely be fine. Will he walk you down the aisle? It's possible. You could get married legally and hold off the "big wedding" until his release. Nothing says you have to have the "big wedding" at the same time as you sign the legal marriage papers.

Right now, take care of yourself as best you can. Right now, spend some time learning the Texas prison system (or FBoP, if it was a federal charge). Right now, stop and breathe.

Things will work out. Humans are very adaptable creatures. You will adapt. Your father will adapt. I know it doesn't feel that way right now, and that's because there's still so much unknown. But I promise you will find a new normal and things will level out for you emotionally.

Meanwhile, reach out to those who have been where you are. We can help. We can tell you what to expect. We can give you tips and pointers for hanging onto your sanity. Because you will be of no use at all to him if you can't keep your own sanity. And he will need you, even if he can't admit it initially.

Talk to us, check out the Texas state forum. Talk to them. Have a nice nervous breakdown - we'll listen and we'll sympathize.

Breathe.
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Old 06-18-2017, 12:55 PM
prison_daughter prison_daughter is offline
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Thank you for everything that you said. I believe I am going to find great comfort in connecting with people on this forum, who have gone through or are going through a similar situation.

"fear of the unknown" - that is very true. Maybe after some time I will start to adapt to my new normal. It is especially hard on a day like today, Father's Day, being surrounded by friends who have their father's present in their lives. I know my father is still alive, but sometimes this feels worse than death.

There's a rollercoaster of emotions in all of this. Some days I feel everything so deeply, and other days I disconnect however I can.
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Old 06-18-2017, 12:57 PM
prison_daughter prison_daughter is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyWeird View Post
I feel your pain. My dad is 69 and on his way to prison for the next 8 years. My mom is also on her way to prison for the next 12 years. It's very hard to deal with. Find strength some where.
Every day I try to find new strength. They say it gets easier with time. I'm here if you want to talk. I have a similar situation to yours... dad and stepmom going to prison.
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Old 06-18-2017, 07:41 PM
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Quote:
Maybe after some time I will start to adapt to my new normal. It is especially hard on a day like today, Father's Day, being surrounded by friends who have their father's present in their lives.
Developing a 'new normal' is not a fast process. The key is to allow yourself to experience whatever it is you're going through emotionally. Don't be hard on yourself for having 'down' days (even if, initially, that is pretty much every day). Don't berate yourself for feeling like your world is out of control.

You world IS out of control right now. Yes, it gets easier, but generally speaking, it doesn't really start getting easier until they're actually sentenced and in their home institution. Only then does it start getting easier. Until then you're in the worst of it all, having been blindsided, then whacked with a reality bat, then grieving, then the utter chaos of not knowing what's going to happen next, then learning the bureaucracy.

It really is its own special hell that you're living through. While you can look at us and think "Well, Ginger doesn't seem to be completely insane," what you didn't/aren't seeing is what I was like when I was where you are now. I was most definitely insane then - insane with grief, insane with guilt ("I should have known"), insane with fear, insane with my own loss of friends, insane with anger, insane with not knowing what to expect next. I was a total basket case.

It will get better, but until it starts getting better, you've got a pretty awful path to walk. But it definitely does get better eventually. Humans are highly adaptable. You will adapt. Not all at once, not even within a week or a few weeks, but you will adapt.

There is strength to be found in simply knowing you survived another day without losing your mind completely. Grace under pressure doesn't mean you don't feel like you've lost your mind, it simply means you find it again intermittently.
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  #10  
Old 06-19-2017, 09:45 PM
prison_daughter prison_daughter is offline
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Thank you so much for your reply. It helped me so much yesterday. I've read such uplifting comments that I'm starting to develop a sense of, this sucks 100%, but we're going to be ok.

Thank you again.
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