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  #1  
Old 02-13-2018, 04:11 PM
amyramiro amyramiro is offline
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Default How do you know if an inmate is running a con on you?

warning signs that an inmate is running a con on you, HAVE U BEEN CON BEFORE AN HOW U DEAL WITH
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Old 02-13-2018, 05:32 PM
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It's a chance you take when your dealing with anyone not just an inmate in prison.
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Old 02-13-2018, 05:39 PM
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If they seem to be more interested in money than in you, that's one definite red flag.
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Old 02-13-2018, 05:55 PM
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Don't send any money. Get to know the person first. It's a risk you take with any One. Just don't send money and see if the person sticks around.
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Old 02-13-2018, 06:46 PM
rockchalk1 rockchalk1 is offline
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Not just with an inmate or prison, but in life, don't offer information about yourself that you don't need to offer!

Be careful who you trust.

You never know who is watching you, or making you a target.

With my hubby in prison, I have told him to be very careful about what he offers and shares with his roommates. Of course, he has pictures, so that makes it easier for people to make assumptions and/or gain an opening into start showing an interest in him and/or the kids and our family, so he just has to be a little on the defensive to see where things are headed. Someone recently asked him how much my plane ticket cost to see him because they think it's strange I fly, not drive. He should've answered he didn't know. That would've made things so much easier.

Also, if only wondering about prisons, be careful in visiting rooms with how you dress, what you wear etc. I think I've mentioned this previously, but I dress pretty casually in general, but I never wear a lot of makeup, and I don't wear my wedding band or engagement ring or other nice jewelry. Just never know who's casing me in the VR because casing me, means they're casing him too. Unfortunately, he can't hid the fact that he is on email and the phone so people know he has $ sent in, but he can be discreet about other things, but like I said, be suspicious of everything, because a good con, will con you. We recently heard of one of the prisoners be conned of $5k. Ouch! and Embarrassing!

Bottom line, have your guard up, do your research on the person, so you know what you can about them before they know about you!
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Old 02-13-2018, 08:53 PM
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You need to define con. Someone one on the inside might become a good friend and accept your help (financial, property, etc.) and then decide when they get out that you are not the one they want to have a free world physical relationship with. I don't think this a con job, as long as the person is not promising to live happily ever after with you. Just because an inmate takes your help does not make them your indentured servant when they return to the free world.

Maybe the biggest warning sign of a con-artist is if they are talking up an outside relationship when they get out. If an inmate is real with you they are going to be open with you about their uncertainty and concerns.
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Old 02-13-2018, 11:27 PM
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For what it's worth, I think if you're feeling it-- you probably are. It seems like a lot of the post-relationship (or friendship) stories that end in "they conned me" involved numerous red flags before the game was called. People choose to ignore them or justify them because of incarceration/immaturity/"but I really loved him". If this was a relationship outside and your gut was telling you something was off, what would you do? Do that. That's the best tool you've got.
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Old 02-14-2018, 06:30 AM
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Never let your relationship slip out of balance. There should be no feelings of obligation on either side. If you want to send money, send it with the understanding that he owes you nothing for your generosity. Send it with the understanding that once given, it is no longer yours and you no longer have the right to dictate what how it gets spent. If you start to feel he is indebted to you, it’s time to stop. If you can send money and the only compensation you need is the good feeling you get from helping someone, then go for it.
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Old 02-14-2018, 06:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marseille View Post
Never let your relationship slip out of balance. There should be no feelings of obligation on either side. If you want to send money, send it with the understanding that he owes you nothing for your generosity. Send it with the understanding that once given, it is no longer yours and you no longer have the right to dictate what how it gets spent. If you start to feel he is indebted to you, it’s time to stop. If you can send money and the only compensation you need is the good feeling you get from helping someone, then go for it.
This is a good way to put it if you’re asked for money. To add to that just look it at is a donation. Then you’re done and you have no expectations of course when they start asking you for it over and over then you can decide what to do.
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Old 02-14-2018, 12:29 PM
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Since the OP didn't specify-- there are more ways than sending money that people consider being conned.

-they have other relationships they didn't disclose to you
-they've been dishonest about their crime/sentence
-they omit information that may have influenced your decision making about a relationship or offer of assistance

Emotional cons are just as hard to recover from as financial, maybe more so depending on the level. I go back to the same advice: if it feels off, or too good to be true, it probably is.
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Old 02-14-2018, 01:24 PM
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Like others said, the key is your definition of "con".

You should stop and consider why any two people would have a relationship, free world or inmates.

If you are family, you may feel obligated to maintain a relationship. Extended family can be beneficial, and it is worth it to keep family ties. Sometimes that relationship is mutually beneficial. Sometimes you come out ahead. But we all have that sibling/cousin that just takes.

You will have friends. Some of these will be good friends, and then there are the ones that are there when they need you.

You may have someone that you have a romantic relationship with. Ideally, this relationship works both ways, but in all too many cases it can become one sided. Would you consider your partner to be conning you in that situation?

If you have a relationship with an inmate all the above applies. You will both be in that relationship for some reason. If you both weren't getting anything out of it then it wouldn't be worth the time to communicate. If you can, ask yourself why you are in the relationship? What are you getting from it? Then ask yourself what the other person is getting from it.

In a perfect world the answer will be friendship. Just having someone to talk to. The emotional support. But you should take the rose colored glasses off and consider other possibilities. They might be in the relationship because it is financially beneficial to them. That is no different than the friend on the outside who mooches off you or expects you to help them move but is never available when you need them.

Are either of them conning you? Maybe. Is that really such a bad thing? The reality is that many people are running some sort of con, even it is against themselves. Consider that the value of relationship is measured on how well it meets the needs of the participants. You know that mooching friend is using you, but you can live with that. You can tolerate the sibling that is always borrowing money because keeping your family ties is more important. You can continue the relationship with the inmate you are writing too because doing so makes YOU feel good. Just try to protect yourself for when it eventually goes bad.

R. Mc.
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Old 02-14-2018, 04:40 PM
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Listen to your gut - if your gut is telling you there is something wrong, there is generally something wrong. If you feel pushed into something you don't want to do, or feel that there is an expressed attachment that doesn't feel genuine, then it's time to get out or set limits. Is he running a con? Dunno. What is important is that you don't feel pushed into something you are not willing to do or are not prepared for.
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Old 02-14-2018, 05:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miamac View Post
Since the OP didn't specify-- there are more ways than sending money that people consider being conned.

-they have other relationships they didn't disclose to you
-they've been dishonest about their crime/sentence
-they omit information that may have influenced your decision making about a relationship or offer of assistance

Emotional cons are just as hard to recover from as financial, maybe more so depending on the level. I go back to the same advice: if it feels off, or too good to be true, it probably is.
All excellent points!
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Old 02-19-2018, 07:21 PM
Fredslady5 Fredslady5 is offline
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They are called cons for a reason!!
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Old 02-19-2018, 10:30 PM
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What about the big time televangelist he/she isn't pulling a con job ?. Yet people swallow their lines hook line and sinker all the way until their bank account is drained. I do not need someone to go on TV Tell me who is going to hell and who isn't , The ones that give to them will be saved crap either. Anyone that profits by the Bible for their own good . Will have to answer some day. All kinds of "con jobs" out there you just have to play your gut feelings and use your brain.
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Old 02-20-2018, 04:13 AM
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Stop sending money and see how they react but I always say go with your gut. You can be used on the streets as well it's not just inmates
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Old 02-21-2018, 07:14 PM
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Like this one quote I had seen on Facebook a while ago said:

Quote:
If a person always leaves you with mixed feelings
uncertainty and an unsettles mind
you don't need to place your energy there.
- Reyna Biddy
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