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Prison & Jail Wedding Information Central Everything about getting married in prison or jail. Notices, pictures, questions, stories, what to expect.

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Old 02-07-2018, 06:15 PM
skaran skaran is offline
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Default I am overwhelmed and just want to talk to people who have been through it

Oh my god, you guys. It has been an absolutely crazy few weeks and my life is a mess and I'm trying to get it together but I have so much to do and not enough time. I just want to vent to somebody who knows what it's like and figured this might be the place. Feel free to remove or tell me to tone it down haha. But for real. Let me tell y'all what's going on with me.

I'm in the Army. My fiance is incarcerated in Ohio. I'm stationed several states away. He is scheduled to get out in August, unless he gets a judicial release, which we applied for.

My unit has been talking about deploying. We don't know when, we just know it's coming up fast. It's been a year since we've been together, and if I deploy when he's about to get out it'll be pushing 2 and a half years before we can see each other again. Obviously, I know people have been through worse, but that would suck (I'm not sure if swearing is allowed on here...imagine it) and we really want to spend a little time together before I have to go. So obviously we're hoping this judicial release works out.

If I do deploy before he gets out, we want to be legally married first. This way the Army will pay for my spouse's housing, and he will have a place to live and not have to worry about that.

So we've been working on figuring out how to get married in prison. This has been further complicated by the fact I live so far away and can't just run around and get all the paperwork done in a week. So over the past month I have figured out all sorts of necessary information--if my husband is in prison will the Army still pay a housing allowance, will his record affect my security clearance, will he be allowed to come on base, etc. (His offense is a sex offense which makes it harder to find places to live. He can't even live with his mom because it's too close to a school. No matter that his charge had nothing to do with kids. So we're kind of relying on having a place to live here.)

We also want to be married before his release so that when he talks to the parole board, he can give them an address and show that he has a legal reason to live in my state, and they can immediately put him with a parole officer here, instead of having to go through the whole interstate transfer process (by which time, again, I could be deployed.)

Then about a week ago I get an email. His request for judicial release has been filed and they want to have a hearing on February 28th. They'll have to move him from Noble back to county jail to await it. I don't know when they'll move him, but I'm guessing closer to that date. If he gets it (which would be amazing) he'll be out right then. So suddenly, I'm on a huge time crunch. I need this done by the end of the month.

Thankfully, I already got the marriage license about two weeks ago. I had to hire a lawyer to do my fiance's part, take leave off work, get plane tickets up there, do my part, etc. I found an officiant who is licensed to do weddings and willing to travel and do a prison wedding. I waited for a copy of his license to marry people. I finally got it yesterday.

All this right smack in the middle of some crazy stuff at work--we're doing an emergency training exercise, later this week we'll be driving military vehicles between states and out overnight, they were talking about putting us on lockdown and taking our phones and cars, so obviously I'm freaking out that I won't even be able to fax documents and call people and arrange a ceremony in time. So I got all my stuff together and pretty much last minute made a bunch of panicked phone calls and got it all done. Yesterday. I sent copies of this stuff to Noble Correctional, got a hold of their chaplain, and finally got a time arranged for a ceremony, next week. We have a time scheduled that Noble will let us do it, and arranged it with the officiant, who has a limited schedule (early Friday morning or Thursday next week). Noble's chaplain was really nice and arranged for me to have an all day visit after the ceremony. I stayed late yesterday to put in for leave from work at the last minute. Thankfully my leadership knows my situation and is trying to help. Problem solved right?

Then I get a message this morning. He's been moved today. He's back at Cuyahoga County. I'm gonna be gone on this exercise starting tomorrow and been busy with prep all this week. All that work I put in to arrange a time at Noble is out the window. I already have plane tickets and put in for leave (which technically has to be done 2 weeks early, and I only did it a week in advance). I found a number for the county jail and asked to be put in touch with the chaplain today, and called twice, still wasn't able to get a hold of him. I left a message. I'm going to be at work starting 6:30 tomorrow morning and we'll be on the move a few hours later. I'll be pretty much unreachable for the rest of the week, most likely. And the time I have to get married is next Thursday, or early Friday morning. That's it, that's all the availability I have, and it's at the very last minute that I have to arrange this.

I'm freaking out. I've called my poor mom and she's trying to help but now it's evening and there's nothing I can do and I'm just stressing so bad right now.

I just need to know if we can still have the ceremony at the same time, and the jail will let us do it. I would really like to visit after. I mean we're getting married for christ's sake. But according to the county jail website visits are a max of 15 minutes, 30 for special visits. I don't even know if they'll let us touch. Let alone if we'll even be able to do this ceremony which we need done.

I am just so overwhelmed you guys anything would help whether you have advice or just some kind words. I don't know what to do. If you've even read this far thank you, I know it's long.
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Old 02-07-2018, 06:54 PM
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Default I am overwhelmed and just want to talk to people who have been through it

Woah! You have a lot going on.
From my knowledge with interstate compact, I feel that you may have some information wrong. Though, Im unfamiliar with the military process, no inmate can just be given a parole officer in a different state for any reason (even married, housing etc) . Its typically mandatory to do interstate compact. (If Im wrong, maybe someone on here can educate me better). Ive done a lot of research on it because my husband is in CO and Im in FL. We MUST do interstate compact in all 50 states (meaning no matter what state were in) because the receiving state must agree to take the inmate...


Thank you for serving!

Ps: Words of encouragement / Youre obviously a responsible and caring person! This man is lucky to have you!!! You got this!!! Just remember one day this will simply be a memory!
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Old 02-07-2018, 07:45 PM
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Oh wow that is good to know about the interstate compact! I don't know much about the transfer process. Where did you find out more information? I know there's a website for it but it all looks super complicated.

And thank you so much! I just got to talk to him, he just now finally got to his pod after all the inprocessing and I feel so much better just having been able to talk. I know I'm going to work this out somehow. Like he always says I'm really stubbornly hopeful and I get shit done. As long as I somehow work this out before the end of the month, hopefully one day I can look back and laugh at how stressful this all was.

And good luck to you and your husband! Distance sucks.
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Old 02-07-2018, 09:14 PM
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I read it all, I have no words to help, but you've got it all set and ready, you are amazing. He is sooooo darn lucky to have a lady like you!!!!
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Old 02-07-2018, 11:15 PM
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I read it all too and to add to what sprits said, he is lucky to have you, but then again, most of our men are lucky to have us! And to the male spouses/LO's with incarcerated wives, they are lucky to have you too.

My husband is in Federal, so I know nothing about any of the stuff you are talking about, so all I can do is give some moral support to just say hang in there, take a deep breath and while it can be very overwhelming at times, it will get better. I hope it works out before you are deployed.

Thank you for serving!
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Old 02-08-2018, 02:17 AM
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Here's everything you need to know about Interstate Compact, right HERE. (And you thought your life was complicated before!)
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Old 02-10-2018, 03:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skaran View Post
Oh wow that is good to know about the interstate compact! I don't know much about the transfer process. Where did you find out more information? I know there's a website for it but it all looks super complicated.

And thank you so much! I just got to talk to him, he just now finally got to his pod after all the inprocessing and I feel so much better just having been able to talk. I know I'm going to work this out somehow. Like he always says I'm really stubbornly hopeful and I get shit done. As long as I somehow work this out before the end of the month, hopefully one day I can look back and laugh at how stressful this all was.

And good luck to you and your husband! Distance sucks.


Hopefully the website someone above gave you can help.
I can let you know that Interstate Compact takes much longer than one month. :-/
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Old 02-10-2018, 05:02 PM
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Whew!! I know the stress and frustration of everything with getting married inside andddd you have so much more going on. Congratulations on everything and keep on pressing! I am sure it will be worth it in the end.


Quote:
Originally Posted by skaran View Post
Oh my god, you guys. It has been an absolutely crazy few weeks and my life is a mess and I'm trying to get it together but I have so much to do and not enough time. I just want to vent to somebody who knows what it's like and figured this might be the place. Feel free to remove or tell me to tone it down haha. But for real. Let me tell y'all what's going on with me.

I'm in the Army. My fiance is incarcerated in Ohio. I'm stationed several states away. He is scheduled to get out in August, unless he gets a judicial release, which we applied for.

My unit has been talking about deploying. We don't know when, we just know it's coming up fast. It's been a year since we've been together, and if I deploy when he's about to get out it'll be pushing 2 and a half years before we can see each other again. Obviously, I know people have been through worse, but that would suck (I'm not sure if swearing is allowed on here...imagine it) and we really want to spend a little time together before I have to go. So obviously we're hoping this judicial release works out.

If I do deploy before he gets out, we want to be legally married first. This way the Army will pay for my spouse's housing, and he will have a place to live and not have to worry about that.

So we've been working on figuring out how to get married in prison. This has been further complicated by the fact I live so far away and can't just run around and get all the paperwork done in a week. So over the past month I have figured out all sorts of necessary information--if my husband is in prison will the Army still pay a housing allowance, will his record affect my security clearance, will he be allowed to come on base, etc. (His offense is a sex offense which makes it harder to find places to live. He can't even live with his mom because it's too close to a school. No matter that his charge had nothing to do with kids. So we're kind of relying on having a place to live here.)

We also want to be married before his release so that when he talks to the parole board, he can give them an address and show that he has a legal reason to live in my state, and they can immediately put him with a parole officer here, instead of having to go through the whole interstate transfer process (by which time, again, I could be deployed.)

Then about a week ago I get an email. His request for judicial release has been filed and they want to have a hearing on February 28th. They'll have to move him from Noble back to county jail to await it. I don't know when they'll move him, but I'm guessing closer to that date. If he gets it (which would be amazing) he'll be out right then. So suddenly, I'm on a huge time crunch. I need this done by the end of the month.

Thankfully, I already got the marriage license about two weeks ago. I had to hire a lawyer to do my fiance's part, take leave off work, get plane tickets up there, do my part, etc. I found an officiant who is licensed to do weddings and willing to travel and do a prison wedding. I waited for a copy of his license to marry people. I finally got it yesterday.

All this right smack in the middle of some crazy stuff at work--we're doing an emergency training exercise, later this week we'll be driving military vehicles between states and out overnight, they were talking about putting us on lockdown and taking our phones and cars, so obviously I'm freaking out that I won't even be able to fax documents and call people and arrange a ceremony in time. So I got all my stuff together and pretty much last minute made a bunch of panicked phone calls and got it all done. Yesterday. I sent copies of this stuff to Noble Correctional, got a hold of their chaplain, and finally got a time arranged for a ceremony, next week. We have a time scheduled that Noble will let us do it, and arranged it with the officiant, who has a limited schedule (early Friday morning or Thursday next week). Noble's chaplain was really nice and arranged for me to have an all day visit after the ceremony. I stayed late yesterday to put in for leave from work at the last minute. Thankfully my leadership knows my situation and is trying to help. Problem solved right?

Then I get a message this morning. He's been moved today. He's back at Cuyahoga County. I'm gonna be gone on this exercise starting tomorrow and been busy with prep all this week. All that work I put in to arrange a time at Noble is out the window. I already have plane tickets and put in for leave (which technically has to be done 2 weeks early, and I only did it a week in advance). I found a number for the county jail and asked to be put in touch with the chaplain today, and called twice, still wasn't able to get a hold of him. I left a message. I'm going to be at work starting 6:30 tomorrow morning and we'll be on the move a few hours later. I'll be pretty much unreachable for the rest of the week, most likely. And the time I have to get married is next Thursday, or early Friday morning. That's it, that's all the availability I have, and it's at the very last minute that I have to arrange this.

I'm freaking out. I've called my poor mom and she's trying to help but now it's evening and there's nothing I can do and I'm just stressing so bad right now.

I just need to know if we can still have the ceremony at the same time, and the jail will let us do it. I would really like to visit after. I mean we're getting married for christ's sake. But according to the county jail website visits are a max of 15 minutes, 30 for special visits. I don't even know if they'll let us touch. Let alone if we'll even be able to do this ceremony which we need done.

I am just so overwhelmed you guys anything would help whether you have advice or just some kind words. I don't know what to do. If you've even read this far thank you, I know it's long.
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Old 02-10-2018, 07:23 PM
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WOW... In case anyone has told you today you are a STRONG woman! I am also fighting for the Love of my life and I can understand the emotions of being strong and the stress of not knowing whats going to strike next. I can only imagine leaving right when he returns. But you will get through all this stress and it will make you both stronger and worth it in the end! Keep your chin up it will all be worth it in the end Dont over work your self and just take one step at a time. God will grant you the strength to get through it. And you both will have the most rewarding relationship and strong bond that not many can contain. You got this girl
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Old 02-11-2018, 09:09 AM
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Wow!! That is alot I know your doing your best to get things done he better really appreciate you.(lol) Take a deep breath and take one step at a time. Dont overwhelm yourself you cant do nothing thats out of your control pray and ask GOD to give you both strength and bring it all together. I know the feeling my guy is locked up and we are also doing a interstate to get him swithched to NC he's NJ so it can be frustrating the wait is tareing me up ��but you have everything together and planned which is so Awesome everything dosent always go according to our plan and is perfect but it goes according to GOD plan and its with perfection...hold on a lil longer everything will work out for you guys stay strong. GOD got this sis...Wish you guys nothing but the best❤������

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Old 02-11-2018, 07:26 PM
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Thank you so much you guys for all the help and support. I managed to get a hold of his lawyer and the county jail pastor and figured out what we need to do...they require us to file a motion with the judge for approval to marry, and according to the pastor there's usually a quick turn around time so we filed on Friday and I'm just crossing my fingers and praying he gets it. If he gets approved by Wednesdayish hopefully I can still go up and do the ceremony this week! I feel so much better knowing we have done all we can and there's a chance it will all work out.

For the interstate transfer...I still don't know how exactly it's going to work, his lawyer said there's a difference between parole and post-release control (which is what he would be under) and he is going to find out how a transfer would work. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed because I know it will be hard for him to find a place to live if he's not allowed to come down here. But we are both willing to do whatever it takes to get it all worked out. If he has to stay at a shelter while they do the transfer paperwork it will suck but he has even said he is willing to go through that.

I feel bad for putting him through the stress of telling him all my worries when there is nothing he can do about it. It makes him get to the point that he wants to say f*** trying to get out early, just so it doesn't put me through all this, and I want to say no, please just don't worry about shit you can't fix and let me take care of this. I just want him to have hope because I know that's all you can really have in there.

And I have to have faith it will work out in the end! I can't wait for all this stress to be nothing but a memory that we can look back and laugh at.
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Old 02-11-2018, 10:25 PM
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Man! I was exhausted just reading all that you've done. Your faith will carry you through this. I'm praying it all works out for you. Take good care of yourself while you're taking care of everyone else i.e, your country and your BF. Keep us posted. We're all rooting for you!
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Old 02-16-2018, 08:06 AM
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Well guess what y’all all that persistence paid off and we got it done! It’s happened. As of February 15th 2018 we are officially married. We got the motion approved Tuesday, I was literally still making phone calls to arrange it until the previous afternoon, and I only finished writing out the little ceremony Tuesday night, and I picked up my dress Tuesday afternoon, and my flight was delayed, but in the end I made it and I was pretty on my wedding day and the ceremony was a beautiful little heartfelt thing and we got to visit for 15 minutes afterward. That was the most me and him have been allowed to touch since he got put away. It was amazing. I’ll never forget it and I’m so happy.

So I just wanted to share this as an example of how sometimes it can work out! Now we just got one more thing to wait on, his hearing, nothing we can do now but hope for the best and make sure he’s got a good statement (which I think he does). I even found a place to live if they do let him come down here.
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Old 02-16-2018, 12:01 PM
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Old 02-17-2018, 08:06 PM
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I married my husband over a year ago in SUP Hazelton, we had made the decision to get married over 2 years ago bit things fell through ( prison bull crap), but we finally did it and I will say this is my 3rd marriage and I love this man more than I have loved any other man in my life. Sometimes because of the situations they are (prison), the system will do whatever it will to tear a family apart. But hang in there and things will be alright. With God all things are possible. Best wishes for you.
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Old 02-18-2018, 09:15 PM
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Congratulations! Your hard work paid off.
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