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Met While Incarcerated Were you introduced by a friend or family member after he/she was incarcerated? Did you meet as Pen Pals? This Forum is for you!

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  #1  
Old 02-09-2018, 04:47 PM
SNOOZLING26 SNOOZLING26 is offline
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Default Was MWI slow to open up?

Hi
I met my love about 16 years ago when i was on holiday in the states, a 3 week romance when i came home we lost touch then a few years ago when he got sent down LWOP he contacted me again and we have reconnected again slowly i love this man so much , but he comes across as being stand offish a lot of the time, and i thought i had done something wrong or it was me Well tonight i got a few emails from him saying he was sorry for the way he was,he knows he is distant with me ,ignoring my questions but that life is very stressful he really opened up to me telling me bits of whats happening with him in there, that his brother is in a fed prison but helps him out That he is very grateful for helping him out when i can ( the odd $20 to let him by music and games on his tablet} He also has a job but worried I will leave him if he tells me to much of what he is going through Has anyone else LO or pen pal took a couple of years to open up to them? even thou we knew each other a longtime ago it feels like I am just getting to know the real person now I'm not going anywhere and trying to sort out for him to call me It will be great to hear his voice after 15 years ))
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Old 02-10-2018, 06:23 AM
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First of all I am glad that you guys reunited after such a long time

How slow or fast anyone opens up is very personal, in my opinion. You say you had a three week romance with him 15 years ago and now have been communicating with him for the past few (how many?) years...so it would only make sense that you are getting to know him now, through your current communication.

Being LWOP must bring its own unique challenges into your friendship/relationship...and he must have feelings of guilt and shame, maybe unworthiness (judging by his comments on being worried that you might leave if he tells you everything he's going through) - so even though you will have to do what you see best, I wouldn't push him to share things that he is not ready to share yet. On the other hand, if after years and years of communication you feel he is not open enough for your liking, you of course have the right to express this to him and make a decision for yourself: you have certain needs for your significant other, and if they are not met, you're the one to decide whether it is a deal breaker.

I'm not with a lifer myself, but with my LO I've known him for little over three years, and I would say I am still getting to know him and vice versa...and I am fine with that...I've seen him open up more gradually... and I guess I've done the same with him; you build a certain kind of trust over time, and how long that time is, depends on the two of you. I don't personally even think that you can ever know someone inside & out, and I am fine with that too. Of course we are all different, and you may have different expectations for how open you want your partner to be...so you'll have to go along with that. But, as a general rule, I would say people will open up when they feel comfortable opening up...and it all depends on the person.
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Old 02-10-2018, 02:44 PM
SNOOZLING26 SNOOZLING26 is offline
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Thankyou for your kind words I have been with him now a little over 2 years, I was so shocked when his first letter came for me, but i was in the same house as i was when we were together, We both say thank god we at least had them 3 weeks to think back on, he is on a down on a 3 strikes law,2 were done when he was in his late teens now 20 years later and a stupid mistake has led him here he is in Washington and i am in the UK I know what you are saying I just need to be patient
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Old 02-10-2018, 11:44 PM
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My love took about 3 years to open up to me. We met on prisontalk thru Elsa's card exchange. I sent him an Easter card and he sent me a thank you card. We started corresponding thru corrlinks and at the time, back in 2011, he was always busy with work and his studies so we didnt communication but maybe once a week. He indicated that he didn't want to start up a friendship/relationship while he was locked up. I think at the time, I was feeling him more than he was feeling me. I say this because his actions showed that he was caring, respectfull, and grateful to be receiving the mail that he was. He didnt hesitate to send me money to open a PO box. I asked him all kinds of questions and he took his time answering them. He finally, after months, slowly started to open up and after 3 years...told me that he loved me. I am planning a trip to meet him face to face for the first time and I can't wait.
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Old 02-11-2018, 07:02 AM
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Hi there, some people are far more open than others , but for most people trust can take time.
Also remember in prison inmates learn its best to keep your self to yourself and not open up and make yourself vulnerable. It can be hard to step out of that mind set.
It sounds like you are happy in your relationship with him so enjoy and look forward to your first visit.
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Old 02-11-2018, 10:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maytayah View Post
Hi there, some people are far more open than others , but for most people trust can take time.
Also remember in prison inmates learn its best to keep your self to yourself and not open up and make yourself vulnerable. It can be hard to step out of that mind set.
It sounds like you are happy in your relationship with him so enjoy and look forward to your first visit.
Thank you...yes he did have trust issues because of someone who had hurt him in the past and he indicated this to me early on. We broke up a few time because of this and that is one of the reasons that the visit never happened. I basically had to go through a lot to prove to him that I would never let him down. I know that saying it and showing it are two different things. Yes, we are now at that happy place where we fully believe in and trust each other and I am very much looking forward to my first visit!
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Old 02-11-2018, 01:49 PM
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The guy I love and my best friends have both been in prison for 12+ years when I met them and it took quite a while for them to open up. Sometimes they're still cautious and wary but that's natural. Especially for my crush because it was trusting the wrong person what got him to commit his crime in the first place. My friend is a very sensitive person by nature and has great trust and abandonment issues. Not easy to win their trust for good.
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