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Letters & Stories from Inmates & X-Cons Post all letters, stories and information from inmates and ex-convicts here. Share their perspective with the rest of us who have not been on the inside.

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  #26  
Old 09-02-2013, 01:20 PM
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"You better be taking all this in because I'm giving you a bunch of game that isn't supposed to be disclosed. This is privileged information...prison code. And I'm breaking it for you".
After reading this again it sounds like this guy is trying to manipulate you with his words, to set you up so to speak. You are so special that all of a sudden he is going to break prison code and give you the "real" scoop? Not hardly. Frankly, it sounds like a bunch of BS to me.

There is no secret "prison code" among inmates. Men have been doing this since the beginning of time. Just because they are inmates doesn't make it a secret game. Games are games. People play them inside and outside. I put little credibility to this so called disclosure. If they guy is a scumbag he will be a scumbag whether he's inside or not. If a woman is going to be used she will be used whether it's from a man on the inside or on the outside. That is simply called life. Nothing secret about it.
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  #27  
Old 09-03-2013, 01:59 AM
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what I don't understand is why everyone jumps to the "it could happen on the outside, too" card. like, really? I don't know why people are so quck to justify their actions. if you feel the need to justify something by saying something like that, you probably know where your relationship is headed. just saying. although I somewhat agree to that, I also don't. half the time, you would not meet these kind of people on the streets. let's face it, they're criminals. they're not in jail because the were prancing through the meadows with bunnies picking flowers. so, yes, it could happen on the outside too, IF YOU ALLOW IT. but, it is much more common to happen in prison. but go ahead and continue to defend your relationship by saying stuff like that. I'll be damned if I ever let a man use me. yes, my boyfriend is in jail but when he was out, he worked and he held it down for me and our daughters. now it's my turn to hold it down. at the same time, he's not going to get whatever he wants. he knows that. I'll shut that down real quick. the moral of my story: you only get used if you allow yourself to get used. not trying to hurt anyone's feelings but I'm just sick of hearing that lame excuse every girl uses. find a new one.
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  #28  
Old 09-03-2013, 05:34 AM
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what I don't understand is why everyone jumps to the "it could happen on the outside, too" card. like, really? I don't know why people are so quck to justify their actions. if you feel the need to justify something by saying something like that, you probably know where your relationship is headed. just saying. although I somewhat agree to that, I also don't. half the time, you would not meet these kind of people on the streets. let's face it, they're criminals. they're not in jail because the were prancing through the meadows with bunnies picking flowers. so, yes, it could happen on the outside too, IF YOU ALLOW IT. but, it is much more common to happen in prison. but go ahead and continue to defend your relationship by saying stuff like that. I'll be damned if I ever let a man use me. yes, my boyfriend is in jail but when he was out, he worked and he held it down for me and our daughters. now it's my turn to hold it down. at the same time, he's not going to get whatever he wants. he knows that. I'll shut that down real quick. the moral of my story: you only get used if you allow yourself to get used. not trying to hurt anyone's feelings but I'm just sick of hearing that lame excuse every girl uses. find a new one.
Where did you meet your boyfriend, who btw is in prison? He obviously wasn't holding it down very well when he was free or he wouldn't be where he is now. I'm not sure what your point is. Personally I wouldn't be holding anything down for a man that wasn't responsible enough to keep himself out of trouble when he has a 2 month old baby and a 2 year at home but that's me. You are right about one thing though. You only get used if you allow yourself to get used.
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  #29  
Old 12-16-2013, 11:48 AM
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I like his insight and I have seen it with my brothers when they go in. They are full of promises and such but man when their feet hit the ground they are off in running. You can't trust everyone you meet and that is just not when it comes to inmates but the real world to. I have heard this countless times and he was being honest.
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  #30  
Old 12-20-2013, 01:32 AM
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what I don't understand is why everyone jumps to the "it could happen on the outside, too" card. like, really? I don't know why people are so quck to justify their actions. if you feel the need to justify something by saying something like that, you probably know where your relationship is headed. just saying. although I somewhat agree to that, I also don't. half the time, you would not meet these kind of people on the streets. let's face it, they're criminals. they're not in jail because the were prancing through the meadows with bunnies picking flowers. so, yes, it could happen on the outside too, IF YOU ALLOW IT. but, it is much more common to happen in prison. but go ahead and continue to defend your relationship by saying stuff like that. I'll be damned if I ever let a man use me. yes, my boyfriend is in jail but when he was out, he worked and he held it down for me and our daughters. now it's my turn to hold it down. at the same time, he's not going to get whatever he wants. he knows that. I'll shut that down real quick. the moral of my story: you only get used if you allow yourself to get used. not trying to hurt anyone's feelings but I'm just sick of hearing that lame excuse every girl uses. find a new one.
actually half the time you do meet those people in the streets. just about half is give or take correct so good guess! my hubs is an honorable discharged military veteran w/no criminal history before this from a really stable family. his best friend has a doctorate in behavioral psychology and he was never in trouble before either. he's a felon too I could keep going? Sure criminal stuff is done to people by criminals and jail is an environment full of them. But not all of us are being used and not all of them are in jail for prancing through meadows or whatever you said? The ones in jail are innocent until convicted by a jury of their peers. That's important to remember. The ones who were convicted some of them are convicted under party law in our state..all that means is that they were present during a crime. Some of them are in prison because they had no idea how to handle gettingout of the military and slowly lost their minds. some of them are mean and sick. some are not. I think that's the point these ladies are trying to make. I see what the OP is saying and my hubbs tells me about it all the time. But the minute you start looking at them like they're all not human anymore it's a slippery slope too words like yours are not too far from that ! you start to become a monster more than a lot of them are. Think about that and Merry Christmas!

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  #31  
Old 12-20-2013, 10:58 AM
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actually half the time you do meet those people in the streets. just about half is give or take correct so good guess! my hubs is an honorable discharged military veteran w/no criminal history before this from a really stable family. his best friend has a doctorate in behavioral psychology and he was never in trouble before either. he's a felon too I could keep going? Sure criminal stuff is done to people by criminals and jail is an environment full of them. But not all of us are being used and not all of them are in jail for prancing through meadows or whatever you said? The ones in jail are innocent until convicted by a jury of their peers. That's important to remember. The ones who were convicted some of them are convicted under party law in our state..all that means is that they were present during a crime. Some of them are in prison because they had no idea how to handle gettingout of the military and slowly lost their minds. some of them are mean and sick. some are not. I think that's the point these ladies are trying to make. I see what the OP is saying and my hubbs tells me about it all the time. But the minute you start looking at them like they're all not human anymore it's a slippery slope too words like yours are not too far from that ! you start to become a monster more than a lot of them are. Think about that and Merry Christmas!
I find this entire thread fascinating ..I have never had a mwi relationship and my boyfriend (whom I have lived with for 2 years and dealt with the good and the bad ..and believe me there is plenty of both ) is currently incarcerated for a short time (60 days)..I have to agree with the above writer when she says there are many reasons these men and women are in prison ..some of them for things many of us may have done but never gotten caught ..many of them due to the disease of addiction which leads otherwise good people down dark paths..I do believe there is danger in lumping everyone together and saying they're all using women and they all have bad intentions ..that being said I do believe the risk involved in becoming emotionally involved with someone you meet while incarcerated ..where there are severe controls on what he can do and who he has access to is considerably higher than the risk related with someone you meet on the outside.. that being said I am certain there are people who are genuine but I would just say be careful with your heart and your bankbook. Also I agree with the writer that it diminishes us as human beings if we dehumanize these persons who are incarcerated...sadly they already get enough of that from the prison staff and the system that put them inside . To finish I also found the original posters letter very enlightening ..so thanks for that post .
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  #32  
Old 12-22-2013, 06:26 AM
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I agree to disagree as my MWI only wants me to write him I have offered him money help he wont take it he says he is just blessed that I write him and thankfull
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  #33  
Old 01-03-2014, 03:25 PM
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I feel as though what the OP was said was accurate, albeit poignant.

From a psychological standpoint, inmates require much more than money or financial gains to sustain them. Emotional support is just as, if not more, valuable than any type of financial support.

I believe that people who have a significant other that they MWI have a hard time believing that their "relationship" could be affected or a product of what the OP (pen pal) is talking about.

The fact of the matter is that when you're incarcerated, you behave and act in the most pragmatic of ways because that is what benefits you the most. It is instinctual. Believing that you're an exemption to the rule is foolish.

On the same hand, I don't think that those incarcerated are unable to form attachments to others, I just think that their circumstance alters how those attachments are formed. Once circumstances change, so does the relationship... period. Sometimes for the good, often times not.
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  #34  
Old 01-05-2014, 01:37 AM
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I feel as though what the OP was said was accurate, albeit poignant.

From a psychological standpoint, inmates require much more than money or financial gains to sustain them. Emotional support is just as, if not more, valuable than any type of financial support.

I believe that people who have a significant other that they MWI have a hard time believing that their "relationship" could be affected or a product of what the OP (pen pal) is talking about.

The fact of the matter is that when you're incarcerated, you behave and act in the most pragmatic of ways because that is what benefits you the most. It is instinctual. Believing that you're an exemption to the rule is foolish.

On the same hand, I don't think that those incarcerated are unable to form attachments to others, I just think that their circumstance alters how those attachments are formed. Once circumstances change, so does the relationship... period. Sometimes for the good, often times not.
There are exceptions to every rule! We can beat the argument to death but the point is clear: MWI relationships are a hell of a dynamic with many odds stacked against them that non-mwi relationships don't struggle with. Military relationships share issues with MWI's because of problems with deployments and being away from home so much.

Believing that you're an exemption to the rule is only foolish if you aren't an exemption to the rule. Because exemptions do exist. Lots of them. And who made the rule anyway? Is that your rule or the OP's rule or....? Survival is instinctual our body does everything it can to maintain homeostasis but that doesn't mean that exploiting people the way the OP is talking about is instinctual. Because that's not an instinct it's a behavioral disorder

At the bottom of it all, this guy who wrote this letter doesn't personally know any of us or our relationships and we don't know his perspective either. A man with an experience won't ever let themselves be at the mercy of a man with an argument.

I met my husband for a very short time once before he went to prison and we didn't have a relationship again until after he was convicted. But he saved my life monetarily and emotionally and in every way he possibly could to show me that there was some good left in the world! And he has a pretty big support system and never agreed that prison marriages were healthy if they started after someone was locked up. He wouldn't write to any females at all until his mama told him what happened to me and he told her he wanted to help me. Of course relating to other people is gratifying for all of us! It's mutual gratification in relating to and with other people! But just because they get emotional satisfaction from an MWI relationship doesn't mean that they're being exploitative. It wasn't pragmatism that caused my husband to reach out to me out of concern all those years ago.

You can say these relationships are 99.9999999999999999999 percent going to fail and your belief is "A" o.k.! But the loudest voices sharing their experiences don't equate to the whole with beautiful stories that none of us will ever hear. Food for thought

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  #35  
Old 01-13-2014, 12:16 PM
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[quote=Enjay;7174722]Let me say one thing. When my husband and I first got together he just smoked weed once in awhile. Then he started using heroin and meth. Yes, this is inside. He quit when I threatened to divorce him. He stayed cleaned for 6 years inside and 2 years out while on parole. When he got off parole and we moved to AZ he was back in his old stomping grounds and running into old "friends." He started using telling me he wasn't but the signs were there. It got worse and worse. THEN he left. So, in my case, my husband relapsed and went back to his old ways. Did he use me or did he love me? So sorry it didn't work out for you Enjay and that you had to go through all that pain and sorrow. But having said that, addiction makes people lose themselves. They change into selfish, very self-centered people who live and breathe for the next drink, line, fix, pipe or whatever. They forget everyone around them including themselves and become just a shell with no soul. Until they can surrender to their addiction, get help and stay clear of trouble they should be shut out. Should have put "I" all those places instead of they. My family did me the biggest favour ever and the greatest acknowledgement of love when they shut me out of their lives. It really forced me to make the right decision to change directions and make a good life for myself on a daily basis. I wouldn't dare look more than 24 hours ahead, but I'm sure, with God's help and hard work, I can live like that onwards......... My loved one is also clean and sober - if he doesn't stay that way when he gets released and we live together, I will have to leave him to save myself...... My clean-time and sobriety is the most important thing in my life next to God.... Hope you find a good man - they're out there, also the ones that stay clean and sober....
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  #36  
Old 01-18-2014, 03:23 PM
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The horse has spoken....
This is a big 'secret' only known to inmates?So surely meeting a man/woman on the street is a sure fire way that you wont be used or abused or cheated on. Really? No way a man or woman you meet in a bar wouldnt be a gold digger cause that really doesnt happen ever.
MWI or not there are women and men who allow themselves to be used because they are living in a fantasy world. If in reality your man/woman wouldnt give you a second glance in a bar or on the street sober chances are its not going to end in glitter and unicorn piss. Thats as true for the girls going out tonight as it is for those sitting writing a letter to some far away prison tonight.
People use other people it has always been thus for what ever reason money,sex or ego boost. Its no more likely to happen with an inmate than it is with some on the outside IF you are grounded in reality.
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  #37  
Old 01-18-2014, 06:22 PM
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If in reality your man/woman wouldnt give you a second glance in a bar or on the street sober chances are its not going to end in glitter and unicorn piss.
This

..and the unicorn piss line cracked me up.
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Old 02-03-2014, 04:43 PM
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So there you have it ladies. Right out of the horses mouth. Pay attention. If you are co-dependent, grossly overweight, or other problems, work on yourself first. Don't go looking for someone else to make you feel better about yourself. It doesn't last.
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So maybe I am using him to just have that connection that I can't get from men in the outside because I am flawed. To feel special to someone.
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Old 02-15-2014, 03:13 PM
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Even with this coming out of one horse's mouth it will fall on many deaf ears. He made some valued points but how do you know if you found a rotten one or a good one if you don't give it a try. I will agree that women need to understand that they can not lose themselves in these types of relationships and if you never found yourself first then please don't think a man rather he is locked up or not is going to be able to find you, for you. In life most of us don't see the train wreck coming. We swear we are different and it won't happen to us. The truth is anything is possible. I read threads like this and I take the memories from it and leave the rest. Cause one thing about horses is their is plenty of them and they live many lifestyles. Some are on a farm with a caregiver that know little about raising a horse, so they are slowing dying, some are being trained to race, some are show horses, etc. so you just have to be your own person or shall I say your own horse. On here we have seen many failed relationships and we have seen many inspiring relationships. What do they all have in common, someone gave it a try.
Not to offend anyone that met their LO while he/she was incarcerated but I have to agree. I do think woman is flawed if she gravitated towards a man that was already in prison. Before I came on here I didn't even know women actually chose to meet man while they're locked up, and honestly had I not been with my boyfriend two years before this happened I would have walked away.
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Old 02-15-2014, 03:59 PM
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Not to offend anyone that met their LO while he/she was incarcerated but I have to agree. I do think woman is flawed if she gravitated towards a man that was already in prison. Before I came on here I didn't even know women actually chose to meet man while they're locked up, and honestly had I not been with my boyfriend two years before this happened I would have walked away.
Most of us do not "gravitate" toward incarcerated men, I met Sebastian via a misdialed phone call and we are together now (he's at home with me) almost 11 years. But we are a rare breed, nonjudgmental types who never say never and for some of us it has worked out well. Of course there are exceptions to every rule and I think the stereotypes that run rampant involve such incidents.
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Old 02-16-2014, 02:30 PM
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Not to offend anyone that met their LO while he/she was incarcerated but I have to agree. I do think woman is flawed if she gravitated towards a man that was already in prison. Before I came on here I didn't even know women actually chose to meet man while they're locked up, and honestly had I not been with my boyfriend two years before this happened I would have walked away.
Here's where I differ. I met R as a pen pal. He was already locked up when I met him so we don't have that "history" together. If he had been on the outside when we met and got sent to jail I would have walked away immediately because that would have shown me that he didn't care enough about us to stay out of trouble. Even though he is wrongly convicted of what he is incarcerated for he isn't innocent of everything and I think that this sentence has shown him that and has encouraged him to change. MWI only matters at the time you say "hi, nice to meet you" and then we all become the same. You get the same letters, visits and phone calls that I do. I'm going through this the same as you so I am not sure how that makes me flawed. Yes, I could find someone out here to date and have a life with but so could you. Neither of us do though because we love them. Be careful when you put stereotypes on people especially when they are in the exact same position as you are.
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Old 02-16-2014, 02:50 PM
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MWI only matters at the time you say "hi, nice to meet you" and then we all become the same.
^^Exactly.
I've heard people say that incarcerated men will take "any port in a storm" and that for MWI's if he wouldn't have looked at you on the street he's probably not loving you now. I have no doubt that may be true for some men, but those men were dogs on the street and they're dogs in prison.

No, my guy wouldn't have looked twice at me on the outside and frankly, I wouldn't have given him the time of day in return. He was using, he was gang banging and I'm pretty sure his ability to act out of respect towards women was low. But sometimes we have to be torn down before we can rebuild ourselves into something amazing. And that's who my man is now...loving, honest and working his program so hard some days it begs for mercy. We speak openly about how we would have been wrong for each other before his incarceration and that God blessed us through this tragedy.
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Old 03-10-2014, 01:52 PM
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Not to offend anyone that met their LO while he/she was incarcerated but I have to agree. I do think woman is flawed if she gravitated towards a man that was already in prison. Before I came on here I didn't even know women actually chose to meet man while they're locked up, and honestly had I not been with my boyfriend two years before this happened I would have walked away.
Sorry to drop this one on you but we are all 'flawed'
You were with a guy for two years before he was sent to prison....that makes you a perfect human being in the perfect relationship?
I fell in love with a man in prison he fell in love with me it would have happened if we had met in a bar or bumped into each other walking down the street....but...I saw his ad and was instantly attracted and just like I would have done in a bar or club or on the street I approached him the prison had nothing to do with it and still has nothing to do with it. We are two people who are physically,mentally and sexually attracted to each other just like you and your boyfriend were nothing flawed or weird about it really.
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Old 03-26-2014, 06:58 PM
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Not to offend anyone that met their LO while he/she was incarcerated but I have to agree. I do think woman is flawed if she gravitated towards a man that was already in prison. Before I came on here I didn't even know women actually chose to meet man while they're locked up, and honestly had I not been with my boyfriend two years before this happened I would have walked away.
yup. same here. For me if it wasn't for my vows I would have walked away.

ladies don't want to hear this because the truth hurts, but it is what it is.
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Old 03-26-2014, 08:47 PM
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yup. same here. For me if it wasn't for my vows I would have walked away.

ladies don't want to hear this because the truth hurts, but it is what it is.
I guess I find it interesting that it's better, or at least OK, to stick with a guy who basically blew off those vows he made to you when he made a decision that landed him in prison but it's not OK for me to be in love with someone who hasn't broken a vow to me.

If my LO and I had been together and he landed charges I would be furious-- because he acted selfishly. Which is where we are now: he knows, without a doubt, that if he makes a decision that affects our ability to be together, I'm out. I love him with my whole heart, but I need to know I'm as much of a priority to him as he is to me or this isn't working.
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Old 03-26-2014, 09:10 PM
Wendy1918 Wendy1918 is offline
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I guess I find it interesting that it's better, or at least OK, to stick with a guy who basically blew off those vows he made to you when he made a decision that landed him in prison but it's not OK for me to be in love with someone who hasn't broken a vow to me.

If my LO and I had been together and he landed charges I would be furious-- because he acted selfishly. Which is where we are now.
wow. excuse you to project your definitions of vows onto me. rude and disrespectful.

what's true for you is true for you and that's cool. I can see how in your situation catching charges means he broke a vow to you, but that's not the way it is for everyone.

my situation is not yours.
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Old 03-26-2014, 10:30 PM
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You're right, I did project my ideas of vows onto your situation. I apologize. But to say that the 'truth' is that only flawed women choose to be in an MWI relationship is equally as assumptive. It sounds like you wouldn't do what I've done and I wouldn't do what you've done.
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Old 03-28-2014, 12:40 PM
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I have to admit, I have heard things like this before and even though I knew my Anthony (as friends) before he was locked up, things like this still make me nervous. I know Anthony is an amazing guy and does truly care for me but how deep does that run? Are the other feelings he has admitted, true? No one knows but him. This is exactly why, as much as I care for him and have true feelings for him, I keep myself at a bit of a distance and am cautious. Have to protect myself first.
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Old 03-28-2014, 01:56 PM
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Going tit for tat against each other really makes no sense because someone who has never been with a man or women in prison would look all of us as flawed because we are standing by a "criminal" ,we are loving,and supporting a "criminal" in their eyes. We have all heard the assumptions about what happens to our loved ones in there.Not all MWI relationships are the same and neither are having met him on the outside first. I got two brothers who were with women when they went in and shit didn't work out when they got out. So regardless of how the intial meeting happen the man or women can screw you over and the people judging you from the outside will still think you are everything but smart for loving someone that didn't conform to the laws of the land regardless of their situation. At the end of the day you would not want someone who doesn't know your circumstances to judge you. So why be so easy to judge another?
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yup. same here. For me if it wasn't for my vows I would have walked away.

ladies don't want to hear this because the truth hurts, but it is what it is.
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Old 04-01-2014, 06:42 PM
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"Post letters and stories...etc".

I don't think there is enough bandwidth. ;-)

No. To tell you the truth, I would if I thought it would help the situation, but I really think that the only thing that can help people change their perspective is to experience it. I worked as a nurse in the system. When I started out...I didn't even vote yet, but had a sort "far right mentality", I guess you would say. I worked for five years...wrote up so many people it wasn't even funny, saw more more injustice, heard more stories of heartache and things could have been well prevented if not due to the gross mismanagements and outright injustices in the system, I saw the majority of people working in the system had NO respect for the divine spark in others, and even little to no respect for themselves!

To put it simply....I was horrified. It changed me on a deep deep level, and as destiny had it, led me towards the spiritual journey of my life. That was over 20 years ago. Today, my entire core belief system is changed. Things I once thought to be bad...now, in some circumstances can be good. What I once thought was "good"...in many cases is not so good, and I curse the blindfolds that held me from seeing truth.

I don't really give a ff what people think. I care about being true to my own soul and purpose. I care about sleeping when my head hits the pillow after a week of overtime. I care about giving back for the years the blinders covered my eyes....and the years our children will pay for the blinders still covering others'.

What others' "think" is none of my business.

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