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  #1  
Old 08-10-2007, 12:03 AM
psnvyd psnvyd is offline
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Question Need Some Advice From Recovering Addicts....

I have a question for the recovering addicts my husband has been clean off of drugs and alchohal for a year and 3 months already he used to use pot,cocaine,angel dust acid and extasy, I was just wondering what are his chances of keeping up the good work and staying clean VS his chances of having a relapse?? and what can I do as his wife to ensure that he doesnt relapse??
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Old 08-10-2007, 08:51 AM
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stay positive, focus on yourself not him, go to al-anon meetings they are really helpful for spouses. be encouraging, be yourself, just relax and stay as wonderful as you are.... wendi
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Old 08-10-2007, 11:05 AM
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What is HE doing to stay on a good path? Is he involved in a program? If he is, then ask him if he would like you to go with him to the open meetings (Some meetings are open to all interested parties, others are for addicts only). If he says no, don't be hurt... everyone feels differently on that subject, but make the offer.

Tell him, in actual words, how proud you are of his recovery... not constantly, but once in a while.
Help him to avoid "high risk" environments- if there are old friends that still have the same old patterns, don't nag him not to see these people but do suggest that he meet them for coffee or lunch or whatever in public rather than visiting them at home.
Go to musical performances that are outdoors and in daylight rather than at nightclubs, find out what exists in your community for grown up recreation that does not include alcohol being served.

It should go without saying that your home should be totally free of drugs and booze, but I've seen a lot of non-addict partners make the mistake of believing that their continuing to have a drink with dinner or to smoke a little on the weekend does not cause a problem... for an addict, especially a relative newcomer to being clean & sober, temptation is pretty much everywhere but their home should be a safe environment.

Ask HIM what you can do to support his efforts and if anything you do triggers old urges... if he answers that last question, try to listen with an open mind- the answer may very well be painful to hear but it may be the doorway to deeper, more open communication.
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Old 08-10-2007, 11:28 AM
barbie16118 barbie16118 is offline
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im a recovering addict and the way that i help keep myself clean is by staying away from the "old" places and faces. i know my limits and i know my cravings. my husband is a recovering addict (we never used together), i cant keep him clean only he can do that. i thought once he gets home that id have to hold some things in as to not upset him , im afraid he'd get high again under pressure (especially from me) but i cant live like that. we talked about this , what ever you do keep it real with him dont tip toe around anything due to fear of him slipping. if you see things getting to be to much for him get him out of that situation, move, go on a vacation for a while. its hard but it can be done. i wish you both all the luck in the world. let him know his worth and that you love, need, want and appreciate him every day ,even at the times when your not liking him to much.
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Old 08-10-2007, 12:08 PM
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There's a big difference between not using and being sober. If he's just not using, you don't have much of a chance of him staying straight. If he's in a program, working his steps, then as long as he keeps it up on the outside he can make it. As soon as you see him deciding not to go to a meeting tonight, you'll know things are heading down the long slide.
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Old 08-11-2007, 12:12 AM
psnvyd psnvyd is offline
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Well one thing i can say was that he completed the drug programs that were mandated but he also made me proud of him when he decided to take it upon himself to go to N/A meetings in there on his own free will and not to mention he has also been attending bible study in there twice a week which he was never big on religeon until he became clean....He oftan tells me that he feels much better now than he has in years he says he likes how he feels "sober" much more than he liked how he felt when he was using he often gets angry with me if i should make certin dishes at home that require wine or vodka for example being put in the food which i told him the alchohal cooks off when you cook it but he said he did NOT care because if i make those dishes when he comes home he would not be eating it not for all the tea in china so i guess he might be making progress as for friends he doesnt really assosiate with his old friends he severed all ties to them a long time ago once he got locked up and made it very clear to them that if he sees them in the streets when he gets out to cross the other side of the street my only fear is with his older brother he is an I.V drug user (heroin) and I keep in contact with his older brother trying to help him get clean or at least talk sense into his head but my husband tells me to cut all ties to his brother as well.
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Old 08-11-2007, 07:22 AM
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A lot of dishes that call for red wine turn out surprisingly well when the wine is replaced with strong black coffee (I buy good whole bean decaf especially for cooking).
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Old 08-11-2007, 08:33 AM
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LeBeau, thats good to know! im a poet and dont even know it!
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Old 08-11-2007, 01:30 PM
SaraTony2005 SaraTony2005 is offline
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as a recovering addict with a husband that is locked up he would send me congrats notes for every little date. 1 week, 2 weeks, 3 weeks, 1 month, 1 month 1week....You get the picture. But that really helped. Not only that but he would tell me on those days when he called how proud he was, how much he loved me. He just encouraged me. And it made me want to do better & get clean. Still to this day on the 13th of each month he tells me you have been clean for 3 years-8 months. Good job baby, i'm so proud of you.
Just be there if he needs to talk, listen & don't judge.
I wish you & your husband the best of luck in his recovery!!!
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