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Coming Home Dedicated to discussions about our loved ones that are coming home soon. Discussions here should not fit any other category.

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  #1  
Old 04-19-2004, 08:30 AM
Mikes_angel Mikes_angel is offline
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Default worried and scared

hi their ladies i am getting really scared and worrie dfor mike he gets home in 10 days and i am so scared for him i want him to stay out of trouble but i am not all that sure if he will be able to he says that he has't gotten anything out of this experience and i don't don't know what to do to help him get better i am trying to support him but it is hard if he doesn't know what he wants out of life.

i want the best thing for him and i don't want him doing drugs but i don't think that he knows anything other than drugs and being locked up it really does suck i think iam running out of things to do. he needs help and he knows that but he has been in and out of jail since he was 15 and in juve since he was 13 so he doesn't know anything else than the jail troubelsome life as he is already 29 he will be 30 in june.

i don't want to give up on him but i feel like i do so much and i don't want him bak in their i need help to keep him out i need someone to help me please i need all the advice i can take now.

amanda
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  #2  
Old 04-19-2004, 08:58 AM
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Only thing i can say is to keep doing the best you can. HE has to do this (for the most part) himself. Try not to worry so much and enjoy his homecoming.

7 more days girlfriend. - 7 more days
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Old 04-19-2004, 09:01 AM
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First of all calm down and be happy he is coming home.....You need to know that there is nothing you can do to keep him away from drugs and out of prison. He will do what he wants to do. Hopefully he has learned, but just try to enjoy your time with him and don't worry yourself to death. Everything happens for a reason. Congrats on his homecoming!!!!
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Old 04-19-2004, 11:09 AM
vikki vikki is offline
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I do know what you are going through mikes angel and I have come to realize that the responses you got are so true It will take him to do his part, and one day he will have to see the need to change his life style in order not to be locked up and till he sees that need to change all you can do is try to encourage him to do the best he can and help him when you can, but just remember one thing you can't help people who don't want to help themselves. I do know that this sounds harsh, but I have a son who just turned 20 and I have been though the several county jails since 2001, and this last incaratation of 11 months and 8 days total and it has driven me nuts, but all I can do is to continue to pray from him that he will change when he gets out in two days and move on to better things in life, but someone told me once that we all learn from are mistakes and I just hope that it's sooner than later. I wish you and him the best of luck.
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Just remember, you're not alone, and you never will be. (Linda Lee Elrod)
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Old 04-22-2004, 11:07 AM
RAMSgirl RAMSgirl is offline
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Mikes Angel, I am new to this site, so please bare with me. My husband got out October 2003. He did 26 months on a Parole Violation. Of course, I went and visited every weekend, financially supported him, sent letters, cards, books, everything. I am definitely a giver! My husband sounds like he has traveled a similar path as yours. He was introduced into the system in California at the age of 14. In and out of group homes, foster homes, his birth mother gave him up at the age of 6, and his adopted mother gave up on him at 14. Nothing changed when he hit adulthood. Just continued to be in and out of the system. San Quentin, Chino, and then skipped to Colorado while on Parole in Cali. Was at numerous prisons here in Colorado. We got married when he was incarcerated here in Colorado.
When he got out we immediately went on our honeymoon in the mountains, then from there we went to California to visit his daughter. All was great, until "real" life set in. I had to go back to work (I work at a local PD as a Victim Advocate) and he stayed home with our 2 year old. Things spiraled down hill quickly. He would make excuses of why he wanted to drink this "one" beer, or smoking a joint really calmed him down. He suffered anxiety attacks. He became verbally abusive and accusatory towards me. Accusing me of having affairs, etc. He left 3 times, running to friend's houses. Then he would call me, telling me he loved me and wanted to come back. Or, one night he called and told me he was going to sleep with this lady he just met at a bar unless I drove 3 hours to pick him up. He was suffering from depression and added alcohol and drugs to it. It was horrible.
I don't mean to scare you, but prison really messed him up emotionally! there was nothing I could do. He wouldn't listen. Until one night he came home very intoxicated saying he wanted to die and I had better take him to a hospital. On the way there, he lunged at my 12 year old son in the back seat. Long story short, I called the cops and they admitted him into a hospital. The psych guy called me and told me I could come pick up my husband. I said "hell no". I didn't want him back home. He wasn't well, hell, to be honest, he wasn't even sober at that time!
Because I stuck to my guns, my husband did something to try and get his life back together. He is on meds, in counseling, staying away from alcohol and drugs and not associating with the people who encouraged him to have behaviors that would send him back to prison.
Things aren't perfect, but we are trying. I let him come back home a couple of weeks ago. He is staying true to his word (so far). I am pregnant (due in November) and I think that is a motivator to him. I am still having trust issues, he really hurt me....but time and GOD will heal.
I learned that as long as I "babied" him and did everything for him, he wasn't going to do anything to help himself. I know his time in prison (his whole life!) really messed him up inside. He was treating every situation out here as though he was still locked up. It is going to take time for your honey to adjust to the outside, but know that if it is inside of HIS heart to succeed....he will. YOU can't do it for him. Love doesn't mean you have to hurt. Sometimes you gotta be strong and say enough is enough, but your heart is still there. You just need to nudge them to take the reins of life. And that can be scary sometimes.
GOOD LUCK. Enjoy the time with him. And be patient, but firm.

GOD BLESS....hope this helps
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